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Zapatta

Krugman's Fax Machine
<Gold Donor>
76,225
396,373
I'm 40 and I've lost my house/car keys exactly 0 times in my entire life(and I abused drugs and drank myself into blackouts several times).

This, the mantra "wallet, keys, phone" should be a staple of anyone who likes to get a buzz on.
 
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Lanx

Oye Ve
<Prior Amod>
60,072
131,370
left pocket - phone only
right pocket - mints, pen clipped to the side, spare phone battery
right mini pocket - change
left back - keys
right back - wallet

when i'm wearing dress pants, i go w/o change and take off my multitool to feel less bulky.

I have no idea how the new trend is for bitches to put their phone in their back pocket, that is like the worse idea, ever.
 
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Soygen

The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
<Nazi Janitors>
28,311
43,092
I have a small wallet and keep both it and my keys in my front right pocket. Phone in my left pocket. I don't really carry anything else on me.
 
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Aldarion

Egg Nazi
8,815
24,055
WTF, how do you put a wallet in your front pocket? Thats like mayo on hot dogs. Does not compute.

Keys front right, phone front left, wallet back right.
 
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Soygen

The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
<Nazi Janitors>
28,311
43,092
Can't get pick-pocketed when it's in your front pocket! It's a very small wallet/bill fold. I don't have a George Costanza special.
 
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Soygen

The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
<Nazi Janitors>
28,311
43,092
Gotta' be street smart, so I can still shit-post with you first-world faggots.
 
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Aldarion

Egg Nazi
8,815
24,055
Jesus Christ what adult fucking carries a bottle opener? That shit is for Frat boys. Start with a lighter, once you master that you can open a bottle with anything handy, back of a spoon, side of a pocket knife, claw on a hammer, edge of a counter or the tab on your seat belt.

Fucking sad you guys have gone this far in life without mastering any useful Man skills.
Its true. Carrying a special tool to open a beer bottle is like carrying a special tool to unhitch that first sheet of toilet paper thats stuck in place when you start a new roll.

Bottle opener? Its called "the nearest flat edge or straight object".
 
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ZyyzYzzy

RIP USA
<Banned>
25,295
48,789
Its true. Carrying a special tool to open a beer bottle is like carrying a special tool to unhitch that first sheet of toilet paper thats stuck in place when you start a new roll.

Bottle opener? Its called "the nearest flat edge or straight object".
I'm not water trash and people I hang out with have nice furniture and outdoor fixtures and decks
 
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Aldarion

Egg Nazi
8,815
24,055
I recently discovered neither of my grad students can open beer bottles without some highly specialized tool either. These are some educated and well traveled people who can write code and do complex molecular biological lab procedures. But beer bottles, that shits advanced topics.

I told them I was gonna add this to my standard list of interview questions, and I'm not sure I'm joking. "Here is a bottle. Open it using only the tools you see in front of you".
 
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Joeboo

Molten Core Raider
8,157
140
Jesus Christ what adult fucking carries a bottle opener?

I use the bottle opener more than 5 of the 7 keys on my ring. Only my car key and office key get used more(both almost daily). I enter my house via garage door opener, and I use the keys to my parents houses maybe once every half decade.

Every beer in my home is in a bottle that requires an opener. And its easier to find my keys than it is a bottle opener in the goddamn kitchen utensil drawer of doom.
 
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Porkchop

Mr. Poopybutthole
<Bronze Donator>
1,212
1,006
you lose one, you lose both.

Also, never trust valets and car wash guys. If you leave your house key on the chain, they have the key to the house that is most likely on your registration in the glove compartment.
 
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Zapatta

Krugman's Fax Machine
<Gold Donor>
76,225
396,373
The next question is how many of you carry a pocket knife? If you don't WTF? Were you raised by a single mom?

KS1660.gif
 
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ZyyzYzzy

RIP USA
<Banned>
25,295
48,789
The next question is how many of you carry a pocket knife? If you don't WTF? Were you raised by a single mom?

Index
Can't being a goddamn knife into one of my work sites to eat my lunch. It is an annoyance to me more than anything.
 
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Aldarion

Egg Nazi
8,815
24,055
I dont carry a pocket knife. I have no good excuse. I experience a sincere moment of "I'm not a real man" every time someone pulls one out.
 
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Mures

Blackwing Lair Raider
4,014
511
I have one of those tiny swiss key chain pocket knives like someone posted, thing gets used quite a bit and its unobtrusive in the pocketses.
 
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