Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Xarpolis said:

I'm not going back to PA. Hawaii is now my home. There's no way I'm cutting my daughter and soon to be son out of my life. My daughter is everything to me, and I can only imagine the son will also be.
....blah..blah..blah.

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I think were being a little hard on you but you do come off as a bit naive in your posts. Since your wife is pregnant she might be a bit hormonal right now
so it gives you both an out on reconciling later. Your wife's position is completely reasonable though, she has two children she has to take care of and mama don't have time to take care of some man child. Either be an amazing stay at home dad and/or be a great provider.

This is what I would say to your wife, something like " I know I haven't been as supportive as I could have been in the past but I will get myself in a place
where I can be a great provider for you and the kids."

Look at it this way she is already financially strapped. Every dime she spends feeding you is one less dime that she has to take care of the kids.

You listed out some job opportunities, all I can say is be open to anything, go where the money takes you, even if that means you have to move away.
Skype exists, if you are still on good terms with your wife she should be able to help keep you stay connected. I agree with TFD that you should look at this as an opportunity not that you should look at this as some way that you can drop your responsibility. Single guys have the luxury of being picky about what they do, guys with a young child and another on the way do whatever job it takes to take care of their family and work on weekends if that is what the boss wants.

You might ask your parents for some support to take night classes or day classes to get a certification or associates degree. Also the advice to talk to a lawyer about your divorce is sound, but good luck finding a lawyer that doesn't ask for a bare minimum 500 dollar retainer that isn't retarded. If you don't have a job I would be surprised if you have two nickels to rub together.

Last, you hit one of my pet peeves, people who say they cant cook means they're either lazy and just don't feel like cooking, stupid cause they can't read and follow instructions or have the attention span of a hamster. Which one is it? Ask your wife what she wants for super and cook her a dam amazing meal and it couldn't hurt to offer to give her a back/ foot rub as well.

I was thinking the other day how i wish my wife was more durable.

Omi43221 said:

Last, you hit one of my pet peeves, people who say they cant cook means they're either lazy and just don't feel like cooking, stupid cause they can't read and follow instructions or have the attention span of a hamster. Which one is it? Ask your wife what she wants for super and cook her a dam amazing meal

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I get this feel. I don't understand people who say this. It's like they tried once and used olive oil to fry and was like "never again".

Cutlery said:

Not salaried. When I started, it was 4/10s, at least that's what the job description said. It was in actuality 4/16's with the possibility of a 5th day. Day 5 and 6 are over time and day 7 is always double time, so even when it did happen it's not the end of the world. I've pulled a few 10-14 day runs, but it isn't normal by any means.

The point is that the job is worth keeping for the benefits..not only the health insurance, but you know..for more basic reasons like food on the table. I'm not telling them to fuck off on OT days because I don't wanna come in. I'm coming in because I still want to be employed come Monday.

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Seven sixteen hour days in a row? That's absolutely fucking ridiculous. Like that is just completely beyond the pale, neither I or anyone I know would ever put up with being expected to work 112-hour weeks.

How is it even legal for you to only get double time for the last day? This has to be a technically salaried job that they're just choosing to pay overtime for.

I wouldn't do that. I don't hate on anyone who chooses to, but I wouldn't. Last year I went through a period where I was working 6 days a week 12+ hours a day, and fuck all that. The money was ok, just regular time no time+ anything, but it surely wasn't healthy.

Cutlery said:

You're the socialist, look at the labor laws. They're not even required to pay double time. It's also double time after 14 hours on a 4/10, and 12 hours if you're on 5/8s.

It's a union gig, so I guarantee you it's not salary. As for why we put up with it, it's only that busy a few months out of the year, and only THAT busy for about 5 weeks. We put up with it because we have stellar health insurance and make a fuckload of money for something you could technically train a monkey to do.

Some people aren't afraid of working hard to take care of their family. I put my wife thru school doing this, and my only regret is that I didn't start when I was 18.

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If you're not OT-exempt you're required to start getting overtime after 40 hours. That means the middle of the third day if you're working 16-hour days, not the start of the fifth. If you're not getting that either they're breaking the law or you're on salary.

Tarrant said:

Well technically he mentioned double time. Standard OT is time and 1/2 usually. It also doesn't apply to a 1099 position.

So maybe either of those come into play here, I dunno.

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I was assuming a union job wasn't a self-employed contract gig.

Not to distract from Xarp.

But my job is EXTREMELY demanding time wise. To the point the 2.5 hour drive home is not doable when I leave the office most days (*as a general rule, when I leave after 7, getting home at 9:30 to get up 5 to be in the office by 8 isn't sustainable, it'll keel my producitivity, and that's when I don't travel)

I have a place to stay close to work, but my family isn't there. This is the kind of life her Dad lead when she was young, so she says she finds it admirable.

When I AM home (generally weekends) I cook, I help clean, I play with the kids and I do a fatherly thing. From everything I can tell my family understands what I go through to provide the (very luxurious now a days) life I do for them. They seem thankful, and based on the sex my wife finds a hard working man sexy. So this isn't a post of "how do I keep my family????"...Its "How do I deal with not seeing my family??"

The idea is we buy a place close by. And we are looking...But we're looking for some specific things (mutually agree'd upon) that is taking some time to find the right property.

This shit is killing me..