Funniest thing a girl has ever said to you in bed?
- Thread starter Evernothing
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Had one experience with a post coital cryer. I finish and she just starts bawling, I follow her into the bathroom, "Are you ok?" "I don't know!!" I later found out that she was a closet Jesus-freak, had been abused when she was younger, and had all sorts of stigmas associated to sex. When she was drunk, she'd just grab my dick. Sober, might as well have been a devout nun. "Bend me over in the closet while your friends are in the living room." Her drunk personality was way more fun.
The girl I lost my virginity to was one of the most chatty sexual experiences I've ever had. She liked it hard, like, "Squeeze the shit out of my tits," "bite my nipples," "slap my tits"... set a bad precedent.
Another girl liked to be fucked in the ass, but would say, "put it in my pussy before I come". I once also came in her ass. Recall her saying, "The next day, it had dried and when I went to take a shit, it was like my asshole was ripping apart from the inside." I kinna felt bad but couldn't help but laugh. Like, "Wait, you didn't clean out your butthole?"
The girl I lost my virginity to was one of the most chatty sexual experiences I've ever had. She liked it hard, like, "Squeeze the shit out of my tits," "bite my nipples," "slap my tits"... set a bad precedent.
Another girl liked to be fucked in the ass, but would say, "put it in my pussy before I come". I once also came in her ass. Recall her saying, "The next day, it had dried and when I went to take a shit, it was like my asshole was ripping apart from the inside." I kinna felt bad but couldn't help but laugh. Like, "Wait, you didn't clean out your butthole?"
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Dandai
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Poin Dexter
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Twenty years ago, I had a girlfriend that the first night we went out we came back to my place and went on a wild drunken fuckfest. She was loud and excited, and just as I was about to cum, she went "Oh!" in happy glee and popped a zit on my face.
Pull out failed at that moment from the utter shock of "what the fuck is wrong with her?" Stayed with her for three years before I realized she would forever be a drunk and in rehab. Great family though, her father kept giving me is Sunday Master's tickets.
Fifteen years ago, a fat girl that was in my circle of friends took advantage of my drunk ass by saying "Happy Birthday, can I been your present?" I finished my shot and said "What the hell." Craziest ride of my life. Best part was... I don't think it was my birthday. The 90's were a bit of a blur. Found out a few years later she lost a ton of weight and settled down. Oops.
Pull out failed at that moment from the utter shock of "what the fuck is wrong with her?" Stayed with her for three years before I realized she would forever be a drunk and in rehab. Great family though, her father kept giving me is Sunday Master's tickets.
Fifteen years ago, a fat girl that was in my circle of friends took advantage of my drunk ass by saying "Happy Birthday, can I been your present?" I finished my shot and said "What the hell." Craziest ride of my life. Best part was... I don't think it was my birthday. The 90's were a bit of a blur. Found out a few years later she lost a ton of weight and settled down. Oops.
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I have met a few girls that liked to pop zits on my back and stuff, but never while having sex.
Weirdest thing said to me was, "hurry up and cum before my dog wakes up". To this day, I don't remember her ever having a dog.
Weirdest thing said to me was, "hurry up and cum before my dog wakes up". To this day, I don't remember her ever having a dog.
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This wasn't actually said in bed, but it started there......
About 15 years ago I took a GF to Canada where my dad has a nice camper with a decent sized room added on to it. The night after we arrived, we went at it and then went to sleep. I wake up the next morning with her playing with my cock. Eventually, she gets all horned up and rolls on top of me for round 2. Just one problem..... I supplied the wood but her twat was bone fucking dry. I'm still half asleep and not really too concerned about it. After about 2 or 3 minutes of wiggling around and trying to get it in, she jumps off and just before she slams the bedroom door shut on her way out, she looks at me and yells "I'm not gonna be in a relationship without sex!" What......The......Fuck......
I knew right then and there that I was dealing with batshit crazy and I still chuckle a bit to this day when I think about it. Relationship only lasted a couple more months after that due to many more blowups over stupid shit on her part.
About 15 years ago I took a GF to Canada where my dad has a nice camper with a decent sized room added on to it. The night after we arrived, we went at it and then went to sleep. I wake up the next morning with her playing with my cock. Eventually, she gets all horned up and rolls on top of me for round 2. Just one problem..... I supplied the wood but her twat was bone fucking dry. I'm still half asleep and not really too concerned about it. After about 2 or 3 minutes of wiggling around and trying to get it in, she jumps off and just before she slams the bedroom door shut on her way out, she looks at me and yells "I'm not gonna be in a relationship without sex!" What......The......Fuck......
I knew right then and there that I was dealing with batshit crazy and I still chuckle a bit to this day when I think about it. Relationship only lasted a couple more months after that due to many more blowups over stupid shit on her part.
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Evernothing
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brekk
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Just saw this thread for the first time. Thought I would add something.
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