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Guys, this is not the conversation I needed to wake up to.

Get ahold of some Viagra. You don"t wanna disappoint. And when you"re in the midst of some awesome kinky shit, there"s a really good chance you"ll disappoint in spite of your best efforts.

What the fuck kinda bullshit is this? Your grandparents aren"t allowed to give you some money for a house? What do they think you did, robbed a fucking bank, and then deposited a whole pile of small unmarked bills into your bank? Tell em to piss off and stop being douchebags. Just take it all...

I really fail to see how self respect plays into getting a bitch who you"re done wasting time on out of the way as easily as possible. There"s no reason to be civil or morally right with someone who would leave you while you"re at work, after she kissed you goodbye, and take the fucking ice cube...

Yeah, right. Do the bitches right, because they"ll do the same for you. Whatever. Women have no moral code. They"re not gonna do the right thing if there"s an easy way out. They"ll do their shit the cowardly bullshit way, every single one of them, so why the fuck waste the time worrying about...

Why? Chicks won"t do it. My HS girlfriend moved to colorado after my senior year. I spent all summer busting my ass, bought a plane ticket to come see her and 3 days before I"m ready to go, she fuckin calls me and tells me it"s over and hangs up. What? Fuckin really? 12 years later, I...

Meh, it"s all good. We lowballed the shit out of a foreclosure that was in bad, bad shape, and they took another apparent offer after similar circumstances. We were the only ones in the house all weekend, and when we talked to the neighbors, they said most people walk in and turn around and walk...

I fucked a super model too. I"m not gonna tell you her name and I don"t feel the need to prove it to you, but I did it.

I guess my question was more of a general thing. Like schmucks doing some menial office job somewhere talking down to my friends who work in the grocery business full time. Okay, office job schmuck -- 32k a year. Receiver/ON manager at a grocery store - 50k a year. Kinda like me too...yeah, I do...

What"s this chick"s deal that she"s so stuck up and snooty about shit when she works at a fucking car dealership? I guess I don"t understand why everyone takes themselves so fucking seriously nowadays. I mean hell, I know my job is a pile of ass, but at least I don"t walk around like I"m king of...

I know I can"t get anything that"s within 30 miles of a freeway or bigger than my bathroom for 20% of my income. Housing market still hasn"t gone much of anywhere here. People can"t sell their houses for less than they owe on them, so the same houses have been sitting on the market, empty...

That sucks man. She had a sweet ass. On the bright side, now you can move back up in the world again.

Well, either that, or women feel the need to have something they can"t. Not showing interest in them while they"re pining over you is the surest way to drive a chick completely fucking crazy with lust. I met my wife online a couple days after valentines day. She was dating a douchebag at the...

Guy young, girl old isn"t really any different. When I was 18, I dated a 22 year old for awhile, but it was just a major culture clash. She had a job and responsibilities and shit and a mortgage to pay, and i had a job I didn"t give a shit about and I fucked off a lot. It"s like we were living...

He has a fetish for sabotaging shit before it even gets going.

Yeah, and then give them a webcam link to your ass.

Stop thinking with your dick, and think about your son. Everyone told you that a year ago, and it looks like you still haven"t learned. She"s your EX wife. She doesn"t have to put out. But YOU need to remain civil to make sure that your son doesn"t get fucked out of having a decent role model in...

My wife"s older sister had a kid in high school. Apparantly she was really bad with birth control. She got married to a different guy shortly after my wife and I did almost 10 years ago now, and the husband adopted the kid after the father turned douchebag drug addict and gave up his rights...

Not only will he be able to give him good advice, he might even know thenamesof the flowers.

Oh, I"m completely sure it goes both ways. But at least I don"t repeat myself constantly, and at least try to stay informed on current events I also make it a point of note not to discuss nerd shit with women. They don"t wanna hear about Warcraft or about the latest particle physics discovery...

It"s goddamned near fucking impossible. There are basically 2 women in my life my age...my wife, and a chick I see at work. The chick at work is racist, and that pisses me off. Her hatred for mexicans would be funny if she was a bit older, but it"s just kinda irritating in this day and age...

It"s not broken, the reason why is even in the window.

That"d be cool. If it was funny.

I have a buddy that just tells chicks that his dick isn"t small, their pussy is just huge.

Great, now we"re gonna start seeing Adderall commercials for natural male enhancement.

Also sucks when you have one of the chicks that is only capable of orgasms with penetration and you"re having an off day. Blow too soon and you"re not left with any solutions that don"t involve 35 minutes of carpal tunnel. Not that I"m complaining..it"s saved me tons of time in the last 8...

I believe it was Adam Corolla who standardized penis measurement. It"s the distance from your anus to just past the tip of the penis.