Search results

This was posted on Twitter.

Mine was done the old school way. Still have awesome eyesight.

Went to Chipotle today, and based on posts here, decided to try the carnitas. I got half chicken and carnitas. I can confirm that the carnitas meat is awesome. I like to get the bowl and get the tortilla on the side.

I needed a second (and cheap) laptop for the house, so I bought this Asus laptop from Amazon for $349. What makes this one stand out is that it has a 1080p screen. Most cheap laptops have shitty 1366x768 screens, which are a crime against humanity. It also ships with Windows 10, a Broadwell i3...

A man is walking by a fruit stand and sees a sign for "Peanut Butter and Jelly flavoured Apples" so out of curiosity he asks the fruit vendor for a sample. The man bites in to the Apple. "Wow that tastes just like peanut butter, but you said it tastes like peanut butter AND jelly." The vendor...

woof

Wendy's Asiago spicey chicken bacon ranch. Heavenly.

Now she's texting me all the (good) things she wants to do to my peepee. Yep, it's gonna be a roller coaster ride with this one.

Do you work for Comcast? I don't think I've ever seen or heard anyone utter those words before.

I never tried gelato until my girlfriend introduced it to me recently. The stuff is awesome. She brought over a container of Breyers tiramisu gelato that has lady finger cookies at the bottom of it. Amazing stuff.

"I hear you have a drink that is guaranteed to be as good as an orgasm in my mouth or my money back, I'll have one of those." The Barkeep mixes, stirs, shakes and pours and serves the young lady the drink. The yound lady takes a sip and spits the drink on the floor. "Ugh, this is horrible...

I got lasik done many years ago. It's the best $3000 I've ever spent in my entire life (it seems prices haven't gone down). I still have awesome eyesight. This may have no basis in fact, but I believe my result was so awesome was because I made a conscious effort to look at the red light and...

And now, after all this, she just sent me a text saying she wants me to spend Thanksgiving with her and her family.

My Google Fu tells me this happens to a lot of people. I basically just click on the email to delete it, but in doing so, marks me as active on their site. This is the first mega-reaction she's shown. What's odd is that she doesn't understand why I was so upset about her accusations.

Oh, I asked her why she was on there. Her response: "I just went on there to see if you were on there. Silly, I know."

True. She lets me do butt stuff.

She went off the deep end tonight. She sent me this 500 page text saying she went on Match.com to see if I had been on there and it said that I had been on there an hour ago. She goes on to ask how can I say I care about her when I'm out looking for other options, etc. The thing is, I wasn't...

What do you call a Mexican midget?

Tried a Culver's bacon double deluxe today. It was pretty good, but I rate 5 Guys better. I also tried the cheese curds. They are ok, but they seem like differently shaped mozzarella sticks to me. I keep wanting to dunk them in marinara sauce. The cement mixers are where it's at.

'Oooh!' she squealed, 'Yours is the biggest I've ever seen!' 'I know,' he grinned, 'And it comes with an iPencil and a detachable keyboard.'

Welp, she has started putting her shampoo and soaps in my shower. I'm doomed.

A guy works a new job on Thursday and Friday. On Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick." He works the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick." The boss asks the foreman about him, and the foreman says, "He's...

Which sex position produces the ugliest children?

I love this show. It was the most-watched show on A&E and they still canceled it. Super happy Netflix picked it up. Quality stuff.

Culver's has their pumpkin spice flavors available now.