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Neither do I. You're not winning.

Never happened before. I've got my eye on her now though...

Uh, you're not very smart. Okay.

Okay, big rustle. I was on my way to the basement with a couple bags of water softener salt, and my cat decided it had to be in my feet. Yeah. I fell down an entire flight of stairs. Spent a couple hours at an urgent care, I didn't break anything. I thought I had broken ribs, but I'm all good. I...

Not sure why you tagged me in this, but I do love that sort of stuff. Do it on my own property periodically.

Like I said, mad respect for you, and also for your parents. They did that right.

I have mad respect for you getting out of that. You seem like you've got your shit together, and your family is important. Good for you. Honestly.

Strange thing to lie about. Your fantasy life is quite fantastical.

You're doing just fine on your own.

After being at the rink from yesterday afternoon until late last night I came home to find my neighbour had cleared my entire (long) driveway with his snow blower. I do his sometimes if I get out first, and this is the first time he did it for me. I went over to say thanks, and he said it was...

This is real. You can't make this shit up.

What happens if he brings his kid again?

Jeeze dude, what a story. I like that he gave you a 5 year warranty, but what's to say he will be around for that long? And his phone number will be active? Did he give you physical location of his shop so you can go to him if need be? Putting in a used boiler is always risky. Why was it taken...

On the sole of certain shoes:

That's demonstrably false, but why would I spend effort on trying to convince a moron he's wrong?

Which part of "never sees the sun" did you not understand, you mongoloid?

I got it on my upper thigh, which never sees the sun. It's genetics. Fuck you for stating it like that though.