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So I originally planned going into the divorce with a lawyer, but since I lost my job I can't afford that anymore. I'm trying to plan out what all I should be bringing into I guess the hearing or whatever meeting we have at the courtroom whenever that gets scheduled (he's out of town currently...

Was a lot packed into that little animation, heh.

Fuck me, I thought the pre-orders for the Steelbook started on the 5th, but that's release date. RIP, all sold out, I guess.

In Western MD, we have Sideling Hill. And not far from Sideling Hill we have…

Had my 6mo hematologist appointment and as the assistants were putting in my stats they had to confirm that I had planned weight loss since it was throwing a warning that I was over 10% of my body weight lower than the previous visit. Felt pretty good.

Parents are up again this weekend. Had another long talk with them. Seems pretty much a given now that I’ll be moving in with them once the divorce is settled. I feel like a colossal failure. I often think to myself if it would have been better to just let things be; I should have just been...

Been curious about them as well. Mostly want something for these goddamn lantern flies. Beating them with a broom is exhausting and they’re jumpy as fuck when I try to stomp them. Shooting them sounds like it’d be fun as fuck, though.

No new miniatures, but I did get some more backlog of shame in the mail today. I’ll get to them eventually.

IDK, I can't stand biting into those harder loaves and there's just an absolute explosion of crust going fucking everywhere and making a huge mess. The crust on mine is solid enough without crumbling and it's nice and soft inside. Can't complain.

Well, my therapy homework this week was to make some bread, so I can work on trying new things without hating myself when I can’t do them perfectly the first try. Grabbed the Julia Child basic bitch white sandwich bread recipe to try. Bread happened, I guess. I think it turned out alright...

Had ordered 2 sets of the Ori and the Blind Forest/Will of the Wisps vinyls a bit back and literally watched as the USPS man dropped a wide open, empty box right on my doorstep and they didn't even bother to mark it damage/opened for when I went to complain to the post office. My salt level was...

I swear we saw Sutekh post somewhat recently (past few months?).

Alright, I finally stopped dragging my feet, got off my ass and filed the papers. We've had some more chats lately and yeah, he still wants to take Bruce and he wants his cut of the house equity. Boo. Not that there's much equity anyway, but I wonder if I could ask for $20k of it to get...

Yeahhh, already nailed a little hook next to it to do just that.

Come home from the gym to being told "that thing in the basement is beeping." Go downstairs and there's a nice big puddle under the water heater and some water has run down the power cord and into the outlet and shorted a bunch of shit. I can totally afford some more home repair shit right now.

Goddamn, I want those.

Losing all that custom stuff sounds like aids. RIP.

Already got him.

What the fuck.

Did end up going for a couple days to Ocean City with the family. Told myself I was just going to have a good time and focus on positive things and I think I held up pretty well. Didn’t get into the funk of thinking about being the fifth wheel, etc. Did some beach time, went fishing for the...

Oh fuck, bagel chips now, too? Fuuuuuuuuuuck.

It's not that I want it, but sad to say it still feels bad when you hear about damn near every female on the internet having the problem of creepers or weirdos, etc. and I'm over here and it's completely crickets having never had this issue ever. Like, what the fuck is so wrong with me that not...

I like how people attribute the lack of my DMs blowing up when my marriage ended to board atrophy or increased maturity or whatever, when I'm pretty sure it's just because I'm just that fucked up and worthless.

Yesterday was bad. I always feel like shit on holidays when I'm alone. Started off at the grocery store watching nothing but families buying stuff for get-togethers and cook-outs while I went home with a couple of pre-made salads and cat food. Went back home to play EQ with some friends since...

Hell, I figured that'd looked pretty clean for a workspace.

Car won’t start this morning. Throwing a million errors with the brakes. I just spent $550 in maintenance two weeks ago on it. Had to wake up the husband to take me to my consult with the divorce lawyer, lol. Fucking kill me.

That sounds like it'd be a straight depressing and sad experience, personally. Paying someone to pretend to like me for a bit just sounds pathetic.

Random hook-ups don't sound the least bit appealing to me. Maybe just cope since it's not like I've ever been presented with one, but the thought of just banging a stranger sounds awful. Even if it were just for fun, the people I was with couldn't even be bothered to make sure I had a good...

Who do you think is going to fuck me if I could barely even get my own husband to do it? Sure, I can go advertise myself up on the incel forums and go be a piece of meat for a bit, but when all I really have left is my rapidly dwindling dignity do you really think that's going to make me feel...

This helps it make more sense. Thanks.

Sorry, feel like this is turning into my personal journal or some shit, so if it's too much just yell at me. The feeling better didn't last long and last few days have been back to feeling like shit. Trying to stay positive about things is so incredibly exhausting and I'm already so damn tired...

Yeah, I'm sure it is. Obviously just wasn't something I considered when I got it originally, and TBH even if it was written in big ass bold letters and told to me over and over, it's not like it would have changed my original plans because I needed down payment money and that's what I had...

Not quite sure where to put this, but anyway, when I bought my house a few years ago I had taken a loan on my 401k to help with my down payment. Thought this was a normal thing, but maybe I was dumb? Talked with Fidelity the other day just to go over options of what to do with my 401k and also I...

What kind of sick bitch takes the ice cube trays out of the freezer?

Was trying to take a nap, but just felt uncomfortable for some reason. Turn around and…

Saw they were advertising engineering positions, so figured I'd at least look since I lost my job. $40-60k range for software engineers in fucking San Diego, lol. Get the fuck out of here.

Yeah, I'm super leery of selling the house, just because I don't want to lose that interest rate, lol. But all that of course depends on if I even get to keep the house or I get forced to split it, or whatever. We'll see. If renting it out is a thing, that'd be nice to just hold onto. This...

They know some folks who work at the Oak Ridge laboratory and will throw my resume around there. Probably not 100% similar work, but maybe will get lucky. Wouldn’t call it affordable there, but I’m sure there’s some other areas around Knoxville I could find, just hopefully not one too jogger-y.

Barely any land, and their backyard is the tee box for the 10th hole. Basically I’d get a bedroom maybe 1/3 the size of my current one and a corner cleared out of the entertainment room upstairs for me to put my desk. Also one small window that doesn’t even have a sill for the cats to look out...