Awesome Random Surprises For Your Significant Other

Noodleface_sl said:

The real solution is you never trust a bitch with birth control unless you see it. Heard way too many stories like that.

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Uh, it takes two to tango, man. Don't stick your dick in anything without a condom if you don't want kids.

Izo_sl said:

Uh, it takes two to tango, man. Don't stick your dick in anything without a condom if you don't want kids.

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Obviously I should've stated this as "never trust a bitch, wear a condom"

pemulis_sl said:

or "don't want STDs, wear a condom"

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Some STI's are transmittable throughother ports than your dick.

Onoes_sl said:

I did the tv sitcom standard of roses and chocolates for the girl I'm seeing last night. I set them up on her patio, then texted and said "Hey, I think maybe I dropped my flash drive when I took my keys out of my pocket the other night, would you mind checking your front porch to see if its right there? Sorry to bother!"

She liked it.

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So is your EX still being reasonable? does she know about the new girl? I would anticipate all reasonableness is about to come to an end. Get a helmet.

Telling your ex your banging a hot piece of ass already can only end two ways:

1) She flips shit and goes on a crazy vendetta to ruin your life and turn your kids against you
2) She flips shit and goes on a crazy depression streak. Apologizing, begging for you back, taking anti-depressants and then going on a crazy vendetta to ruin your life and turn your kids against you

I mean, I think anyway. I've never been married.

Khane_sl said:

Haha yeah, some 20 year old broad just happened to get fertility tests done at such a young age. She was trying to have children before college but "God's plan" must have been for her to educate herself instead. Now, I can't really fault your friend, college Khane wasn't too bright either, but shit... that's really, really putting the blinders on.

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She basically was like "Yeah I've got this endocrine thing that makes me not have periods as often" and he some how translated that into guy speak as "I was born without ovaries and I have no fallopian tubes or uterus please deposit your seed in me risk free"

Thinking with the wrong head.

I do random things for my gf that play off our own inside jokes. It's also a semi-long distance relationship, so once when I was away for awhile, I mailed her a pillowcase and told her to sleep on it for a few days and mail it back so I could "have her scent with me". To give a more broadly accessible one, she took an artsy picture of us that she really liked and so I cleaned it up in photoshop and put it in a fancy frame. She's a sucker for that stuff, and it doesn't cost much. Some people go with roses, new clothes, jewelry, or whatever, but it's lazy and the cost for most girls is somewhat orthogonal to how much meaning it has to them.

Kedwyn_sl said:

Fraternity brother was ploughing some chick that was "sterile". Figured he could nut in her without any issue and she didn't seem to mind. I think his daughter is 15 now?

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The same thing happened to a friend of mine at the bar. She said she couldn't have kids because of some medical condition and a year later guess what happened. She thought it was a gift from god or some shit and refused to coat hanger it. Long story short. Unless the bitch has been scooped, stick it in her poop........er.

Wuyley_sl said:

The same thing happened to a friend of mine at the bar. She said she couldn't have kids because of some medical condition and a year later guess what happened. She thought it was a gift from god or some shit and refused to coat hanger it. Long story short. Unless the bitch has been scooped, stick it in her poop........er.

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This happened to me, girl said she had some cysts or some medical condition that made her infertile. So as we started dating longer and longer, condoms got used less and less, then just gave up on them. I always made maps of hawaii just incase but she claims that she had a miscarriage(She was a raging alcoholic and very crazy) after we broke up.

I learned my lesson on that one.

My friends wife was diagnosed with ovarian cysts, and they didn't think she would be able to get pregnant, and were very sad. Semen are persistent, that's for sure. Their daughter is 3 now.

Oh, make your own Chocolate covered strawberries (not for shipping overseas, obviously, sorry OP). Bitches love chocolate and you did it yourself so it's thoughtful.

My awesome random surprise for her was posting her in thetitsthread. She was a little weirded out at first, especially the pregnant vag picture, but thought it was kind of sexy afterwards random dudes checking out her stuff.

marrior_sl said:

My awesome random surprise for her was posting her in thetitsthread. She was a little weirded out at first, especially the pregnant vag picture, but thought it was kind of sexy afterwards random dudes checking out her stuff.

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Instructions for divorce 99 out of 100 attempts.

Haha right? As Indiana jones would say...

Maybe....but not today!

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Not only is neem oil an effective spermicide , it will put some glide in your ride. A little essential oil in the neem like lemongrass makes it more clam slammer friendly.

Some days when I need little lift or chuckle , rummage around in an old briefcase and laugh at the court summons for paternity tests , all 40 of them which found me to not be the responsible party.

Whenever I'm feeling artsy or crafty I usually channel that into something for my wife. Paper flowers, a small sculpture of something she likes, a painting or whatever else I've got the stuff on hand for. Sometimes I just want to channel some creativity into something, I get to relax and my wife gets a gift. Win win.

Most romantic thing any man can do for his woman his show her that he listens to her and thinks about her. Pick some completely mundane thing and write it down. Then 6 months later buy it for her. If she makes an off comment about thinking Mark Paul gossalar is funny, go buy dead man on campus. Doesn't matter if its stupid, it matters that she knows you listen to her.