Vicodin, Cigarettes, and My Fake Tits - from the diary of the Megan Fox of Ohio

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Ravvenn_sl

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Disclaimer/Warning: This is going to be long and probably depressing as fuck. I'll add a TL;DR at the end, for those who plan to actually read this whole thing, go ahead and make a fresh pot of coffee before you get started. Furthermore, I have had about 4 hours of sleep in the past 3 days, so this post will likely be an unorganized clusterfuck of my jumbled thoughts (and woes).

I don't even know where to begin. I haven't slept, which happens more and more as time passes. I feel like a zombie, with the exception of wanting to eat people. I've actually been on a pretty solid Zebra Cake & Coffee Diet as of late.

About two or three weeks ago, I was in mIRC talking to the other RR Mods. I was on my laggy turd of a laptop, locked in my bedroom, listening to my brother in the other rooms of the house having a full-blown passive-aggressive conversation with himself in between the bangs, slams, and crashes from the things he was destroying. That happens a lot with him, sometimes it's just him mumbling rude things while he's on the couch, with a random object thrown here and there, and other times it's more extreme where he destroys the entire house. It got so bad the week mentioned above that I shamefully paid for his drugs because I was afraid of him, because I wanted one day where I wasn't walking on eggshells, one day where he'd be somewhat "normal" (or at the very least, not aggressive). I know it's bad, and I was terrified it would be the day he died from the drug abuse.

While I do love my mom, our relationship has never been good, and I'm going to take this time to come right out and say I'm going to throw her under the bus in this post. My brother is our family secret. Before the substance abuse started, it was anger (now it's both). I remember when I was 9 years old, she (mom) was at work and he beat the shit out of me -- again. My brother took sibling rivalry to the extreme, he hated me and made that very clear. He's split my head open with a 2x4, bruised my ribs, broke my wrist, broke several fingers (several times), left knots the size of golf balls on my back, killed my childhood pets (cat, kittens, and hamster); pulled guns, bows, and knives on me, too. That day I snapped and couldn't take anymore. I called her at work (which was something I did daily, sometimes multiple calls were made) begging her to come take him away, and/or threatening to call the cops on him. She said what she always did. She'd tell me that she would handle it when she got home, but only one time did she actually stand by her word/promise(s); he was gone for a little shy of 2 weeks (he went on VACATION to Florida with my paternal grandparents). My paternal grandmother has been my brother's biggest enabler, apologist, safety net, bank, and all other things you can think of. She treated him like the golden child since he was born, he's 36 years old and she still gives him money weekly.

What cracks me up about her, is how she will come to me for sympathy for him. Talking about his terrible childhood, as if I weren't there or something. Things I had to do on my own (first car, first place, college, etc.) she paid for him, numerous times for some things. He's gotten I believe 6 vehicles from her, one was from her friend who evidently claimed "The Lord told her to give him a car" - I guess the Lord didn't care about his DUI or suspended license!

My mom and I agreed that I would take over the house when I moved back to the Midwest. I even told her before I moved, that my brother cannot be here, she said he wasn't. Not only did she leave a huge mess and her two cats here for me, she left my brother here, too. He hasn't worked in over a decade, except an odd job for a few hours here and there. It put me in a position to provide for him, like I do my child, out of fear. He gets stoned and eats everything, including breaking into my bedroom (which I keep locked) and eating my sons lunch food and drinks. I buy groceries to make meals, and he splits them up. Opened my shells & cheese and used my fucking noodles as poker chips. As some of you know, I spent about 2 months hospitalized and have been pretty sick. I can barely support myself and my son, but supporting my older brother has made it even worse.

He knows I'm afraid of him and abuses it even more. I have to buy his cigarettes or he steals mine. I have to lock my valuables in my car, then put my key in my pocket or under my mattress when I sleep. If I don't, I'll get ripped off. He stole my bottle of pain pills and sleeping medication from my nightstand about 3' from where I was sleeping. When I finally do snap and confront him, he turns things around on me, and makes me second guess myself, or think maybe I did misplace whatever was missing. He will cry and say how much he's changed but since he fucked up in the past, now he's the first person everyone accuses of things, etc.. In my heart, I know it's a part of his manipulative personality, but it doesn't make things hurt any less in knowing that.

I had to call the cops. He swung at me to scare me, but he swung with all he had, and it would have probably damn near killed me if he did get me. He said he was going to cut my face up. He threw and broke some of my things. He set my only winter coat on fire. He's done more things than I care to list off here. The cops didn't do anything. I guess he has to try to kill me before they will help. They acted like it was just some family spat, despite myself and my son being terrified and hysterical. He even has a Felony Warrant, which is over Child Support. It is in Indiana, and we are in Kentucky. So I guess they don't want to drive him or something...they didn't say why they wouldn't arrest him for his warrant.

That night he then guilted me, telling me that when I came back he'd be dead, and was going to hang himself. Something he's done numerous times before (threaten to kill himself, that is, he's never once tried). I'm so ashamed to say it, because that day when he said it, though I stayed home to make sure he didn't harm himself...I thought about it. I'm terrible for saying it, but when I thought about it, imagining if he did do it...I felt a little bit of relief. I can't believe I thought it, or even admit to it now. I am ashamed of myself for both. I just want it to stop, but I know it never will. Even if he is drug free, he is still an angry person and flies off the handle so easily. I never worried years ago that he'd kill me. Now? I honestly think he would if things were bad, especially if he's going through symptoms when he is out of dope.

I've found a new place to go. If I kick him out, my family will blame me. I keep being told to help him, to talk to him; as if it's that easy. I've tried to get him help for over 10 years. He doesn't want help. He has a free home, free food, free drugs, and free everything...why would he want to change? He has it made. I don't even know why I'm posting. I know what needs to be done, I know I can't fix this. I just want to survive it long enough to get the heck out of here and never look back. I've given him so many chances, and get burnt every single time. I'm saving money up as I am able to for the new place, but I am saving to get my and my sons shit out of pawn, too (oh yeah, he did that also).

It would be nice if I had support from my family instead of guilt and pressure. Their burden was dumped on me at the worst possible time. I should post the texts I sent to my mom. I begged her to please come get him, she asked me to 'tough it out' for the weekend, because she and her boyfriend had plans with their friends (a dinner date...). My other favorite one was when she was too busy to listen to me because she only has like 8 more months to plan her wedding and was putting pictures on Pinterest. I say I'm afraid he's going to kill me, she tells me to look at the fucking cake stand she just linked on Facebook.

I'm so tired. I want to sleep, but I can't. I guess it's stress or just being paranoid/afraid, so I can't stay asleep. I wake up every 10-20 minutes because I hear a noise and can't go back to bed. When I'm not away from home, I am locked in my bedroom. I listen for him to be snoring and my son and I grab what we need from the kitchen while he sleeps. If he's out of dope and we wake him, words cannot express how scary he is.

If any of you have one of these people in your family, you're not alone!

If anyone has been in this position and happen to know of something I can do for at least his anger, please let me know.

Well, he's asleep so I'm going to take a bath now (if he has to pee when I'm using the shower, he will break something).

Thanks for reading/letting me vent.



TL;DR: My brother is a drug addict and kind of psychotic, I don't know what I'm hoping to accomplish and know no-one can help, so I guess I'm venting or something.


Edit: Forgot I didn't change the font back (I couldn't see the default on my tablet)
 

Chysamere

<WoW Guild Officer>
2,605
1,606
28d 10h 20m
Call the Indiana State Police and let them know you have one of their fugitives living with you.
I'm biting my tongue for what I really want to say, so I will simply say this.

Stop worrying about your family, mother, brother, grandmother and whoever else is involved in this, and think about yourself and your child only. Whatever is best for you, do it, and fuck anyone who tells you otherwise or who tries to make you feel guilty.

Do whatever you have to do to get out, get out fast, do not look back.

Edit: Quoted the wrong person, obviously that is addressed to the OP
 

Agenor

Ahn'Qiraj Raider
2,451
6,297
98d 8h 43m
Situation is a bit different, but went through a tough year last year but i think it still applies. Very long story, short version.

My uncle went through a situation with his oldest teenage son. There is something very off with him, serious anger issues ( spit in his moms face, hair and has been hitting her for YEARS.) The type of mother who allowed the children to write on walls for fear she would stifle their growth. Father, my uncle disagreed, but would always bow to her wishes.

Got to the point where my uncle would have to call the cops in, DYFS got involved, and the kid was kept for 4 days to be evaluated by a shrink. Mom caved felt bad, and yanked him out from the 30 day evaluation. from that point on has totally sheltered him from anymore probing.(Kid guilt ed her after that event) My uncle after awhile just stopped trying to get him help. He would call me to hear this kid raging in the back ground, and shit crashing.

Everything pretty much unraveled from there, his marriage, his health. I always throw Superbowl parties, he would always make the comment look how good my Nieces kids are etc. It destroyed him what went on in his family.

End result of this is he (My uncle) jumped off a bridge last may, after his son wished he was dead. Now there is no question my uncle should have not given up so easy, and should have put his foot down much earlier, and without question follow through on getting this kid help at all costs.

The family wanted to say something to the wife for years, but thought better of it for fear of the DON'T TELL ME HOW TO RAISE MY KIDS card. In this case and certainly yours, he needs to get evaluated by a professional to see if there is an underlying cause. Don't give in because someone will get hurt, or worse its just a matter of time.

I maybe a bit hyper-sensitive to this stuff right now, but its not worth losing someone over letting a problem fester. I wish i spoke up about what I saw, and helped do something about it. Get a doctor, get him checked out, and go from there. It's really all you can do. Your not doing your brother, or yourself any favors letting him run amok.

I wish you the best. Stay strong.
 

Zhaun_sl

shitlord
2,568
2
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Much love Rav, always carried a lot of respect for you, and I appreciate the need for ranting. You know what the solution looks like and it sucks, as your family is going to probably going have a fit and make you the bad guy. You aren't. Deep down you know you aren't, but they will still probably end up making you feel guilty about doing anything.

Your brother being out on the streets and especially in your house isn't helping anyone, especially him.

From my experience in the mental health area, it really sounds like your brother needs some time in a mental institution for them to sort out 30 years of mental disorders and dry him out from a decade or two of self medication. This is the best case scenario here. It will probably require several days or weeks of in-patient and then a while of out-patient. If I was you I'd ship him somewhere to where your parents or grandparents who like to pamper him are and have him put up there.

As for the more immediate problem, if you call up the cops and say "I am a homeowner. My vagrant brother is in my house and I fear for me and my young son's saftey and have been locked in my bedroom for several hours." They will show up and do somthing, especially if he is erratic and shit when they show up and has been breaking shit. Unfortunatley, how much they will do is based on local laws and how useful they feel like being.

They will certainly be enough of a distraction for you to pack up and take off if nothing else.

Stay safe though please, and let us know in the next few days if you make it Ok. *hugs*

edit: Your responsability is to the saftey and well being of you and your son. If you have to curbstomp everyone else in the family to ensure that, that is Ok in my book... whatever that is worth.
 

Sidian

Lord Nagafen Raider
1,279
10
15m
Take his keys to the house, throw some drugs outside to lure him out of the house, lock the door. Call the cops if he tries to break in. Boom, problem solved!

Seriously though if you've been taking care of him for 10 years and he hasn't done jack shit then just kick him out. Who gives a fuck if your mom gives you grief and tells you to tough it out. You've been toughing it out for 10 years and giving him free shit constantly. Hell, if you don't have the balls to do it for yourself, do it for your kid. You think your kid loves sitting around locked in your bedroom waiting til your brother falls asleep so he can go out to the kitchen to get some food?

It might sound terrible but maybe you're better off just ignoring your family completely. It doesn't seem your mom gives a shit, so why should you.
 

Sulrn

Deuces
2,159
360
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If this has been going on that long, you can't change it. Take your kid and get out. Nothing you do will fix it.
Ravvenn.

What future do you see for your son? Not knowing anything but the OP, I don't see a future at all for him if things don't change, as any possibility of happiness is less than an odd impulse away from all being taken away permanently.

Even if it means temporarily downgrading, leave. Don't tell anyone where you're going and re-establish yourself. Report your brother for drug abuse and psychotic tendencies, because the little help he'll get "in the system" is the only help he's likely to ever receive at this point.

You're a living, breathing individual. Your happiness is yours to create or be sought after. Your son's future is being written right now by you and your environment - neither of which appear to lean towards a happy ending.

Help yourself. Take control. Live your life. Set your son up for a successful life.
 

Erronius

Elder shitposter of R'lyeh
<Gold Donor>
13,073
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I said this when you were in IRC Ravv, and I'll say it again: get out. I'm disappointed that you'reSTILLthere.

My mom and I agreed that I would take over the house when I moved back to the Midwest.
Again, get out.

I had to call the cops.
The problem is that they prob won't do anything until you are actually hurt, which might be too late. Who is going to look after your little one if you get hospitalized, or worse?

His warrant won't mean dick. There's a good chance that they'll laugh at it, as seems to have already happened. And what I think could be worse is if you push the police angle. Imagine for a moment that they do arrest him and keep him for a few days. Think he'll be mad when he gets out? You bet he will, and maybe he'll follow through on his threats.

GET OUT

I've found a new place to go.
If you can go there, go there now. Not tomorrow, not Friday, not Saturday. Now. If you weren't like 3 states away I'd put you up out here. You have to get out of there, out of that situation. Seriously.

It would be nice if I had support from my family instead of guilt and pressure.
Stop wishing and hoping for something to change. It won't. It takes years for patterns of behavior to form and you can't change them short term, if ever. He will not change, probably cannot change, without outside help. And if your family isn't helping, it's likely that they won't. I'm sorry, but that's the truth. You're just going to get more lip service from family and crazy behavior from him. GET OUT.

If any of you have one of these people in your family, you're not alone!

If anyone has been in this position and happen to know of something I can do for at least his anger, please let me know.
YOU CAN'T SO ANYTHING FOR HIS ANGER. GTFO

Honestly? I am...was...one of those people. I've always had a horrible temper and at nearly 40, all I've ever been able to do is take the edge off or when there is a confrontation, I have to leave. I've had GFs taunt me with"Oh so now you're running away?"when I'm leaving so I don't snap and do something I regret. That's one reason I'm so incredibly picky when dating, as I have to be extra careful to avoid someone who is just going to be a bitch. And it has taken me DECADES to get to the point where I'm at least happy and not seething like your brother seems to be. And I can tell you this, he sounds worse than I ever was. He killed animals, pets, for joy? That's not just an anger problem, that's like industrial-grade mental issues. And again, for emphasis:

YOU CAN'T SO ANYTHING FOR HIS ANGER. GTFO



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Duppin_sl

shitlord
3,785
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Ern is right. There are some things you can do long-term, but your absolute first step has to be to get yourself and your kid out of that dangerous situation. Go to that other place you can go to. Like, right now.
 

splok_sl

shitlord
57
0
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Everyone is telling you what to do. It's hard to do it because if it were easy, you'd have done it years ago. People hate change especially when it comes to their families.

You CANNOT control someone else. Stop trying. You CAN control what you do though, and YOU need to make the change.

Stop expecting your brother or your to EVER be different than they are right now. They haven't changed in decades, they aren't going to.

GET OUT! YOU are putting your child in an unsafe situation. You don't need to "save up" for a nice place. Just throw whatever you can in the car and GO NOW! Go get a shithole apartment or even a room with someone.

Fuck your family, cut ties and move on. If you don't, you're seriously compromising the future of your kid.

Selectively quoting for emphasis:

Stop worrying about your family, mother, brother, grandmother and whoever else is involved in this, and think about yourself and your child only.
Do whatever you have to do to get out, get out fast, do not look back.
Your responsability is to the saftey and well being of you and your son.
you're better off just ignoring your family completely.
Your son's future is being written right now
GET OUT
GET OUT
GTFO
GTFO
get yourself and your kid out of that dangerous situation.
 
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Ravv all the stuff you are describing isabuse, exposing your kid to that does serious damage, you want your kid to perpetuate that cycle in their life? Pack the car and go. Find a room in a shelter if you have to, any place that is far the fuck away from that ticking bomb.
 

kitsune

Golden Knight of the Realm
623
33
1h 46m
I'm biting my tongue for what I really want to say, so I will simply say this.

Stop worrying about your family, mother, brother, grandmother and whoever else is involved in this, and think about yourself and your child only. Whatever is best for you, do it, and fuck anyone who tells you otherwise or who tries to make you feel guilty.

Do whatever you have to do to get out, get out fast, do not look back.

Edit: Quoted the wrong person, obviously that is addressed to the OP
I didn't read the whole op but I can agree with this sentiment fully. My parents worry sick of my big brother due to his inability to hold any money whatsoever (gambling addict) and I can just watch how the rest of the family wear them down. I decided from the get-go to put on my big boy pants and hold my own to the utmost of my posibility, which includes not fretting so much about the rest of my family.

It comes down to the fact that you have to prioritise your own life, especially if you have a child, so that you can create a safe home for your family. If your brother is not reliable in the sense that you don't feel safe with him or think he could be a threat to you, your child or well anyone, cut the ties. Remember, it's not your duty in life to be his keeper, that's his own job.

I've come to the point in life where I no longer think with the "blood thicker than water" mentality. To be my family, you actually have to earn it. It's not worth the emotional stress to carry other people's problems around, in the long run.

Hope it works out for you, sorry for the ramble.
 

OneofOne

Vyemm Raider
4,728
2,998
Ug should not have read this thread. Just pisses me off. I just spent almost 5 years working on my wife, getting her to realize that she needed to cut her mother out of her life like the cancerous tumor she is. Some people are beyond help, beyond fixing, and most importantly, beyond your responsibility. So I'll just say this - if you keep your kid around your brother, you are inflicting child abuse upon your son. I won't even say what you are doing to yourself, I doubt you'll care. But you are hurting your son in ways you won't fully realize for years and possibly decades to come. Get the fuck out, and tell yourself you are doing it for him.
 

Big Phoenix

Trump's Staff
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43,759
261d 15h 9m
36 years old? Dude is set in his ways and nothing you can do except remove yourself from his life and anyone who enables him as much as possible. Run far away and as fast as possible, that will be the only solution to this.

If anything it sounds like your brother is just the outcome of extremely bad parenting.
 

chaos

Buzzfeed Editor
17,324
4,830
Ravv, seriously, fuck the pawned shit, fuck everything, just leave. Anywhere is better than that shit, living in your car would be better than that. Leave now before you can't.
 

Duppin_sl

shitlord
3,785
3
0
Everyone is telling you what to do. It's hard to do it because if it were easy, you'd have done it years ago. People hate change especially when it comes to their families.
I don't think anyone's saying it's easy. What people are saying, in fact, is that it's NOT easy but it needs to be done anyway.
 

Famm

Trakanon Raider
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What the fuck is that font? I feel mentally ill trying to read it.
 

chthonic-anemos

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19,398
Your mom has a personality disorder. If you died or went into a coma, she and your brother would be trying to retain custody of your son so they could use him for government checks. Imagine becoming disabled, you and your son would be prisoners.

Defend your lives.
 
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