Buy cayenne pepper in bulk, and spread it around the trees you are wanting to protect. Bears have an incredible sense of smell, and that will keep them off things.
Best weight-loss program ever: Chemo and radiation. I'm 6'2" and am currently weighing in at 160. But I'm starting to gain again now as my treatment has been over for a bit. I'm usually about 175.
How many fucking bears do you have around there? I know people who do homesteading in northern Ontario which is replete with bears, and they have none of the problems you have. Are you rubbing steak all over your trees or something?