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Obligatory "They don't make one big enough for me" post.

Target acquired.

The perfect sperm landing zone.

Yep.

How many is too many?

It's a young adult book and he said that he toned things down a little. Looking forward to the US release.

Use your nose. It's just cartilage.

I'd rather eat these girls burgers

I took a video from my iPhone and put it into iMovie on my Mac. I then just had to turn the volume setting for the video all the way down and then convert it to whatever I wanted. There's got to be a similar way to do it on a PC.

Sheeeeit, I'm all about that fuckin' Payless buy one get one fuckin' half off. Know what I'm sayin', mang?

Don't care. I'd go all Old McDonald on her and plow that field and plant my seed in that.

Nice jugs

A hunter and a priest are walking through the woods. Suddenly they see a cute bunny rabbit. The hunter reaches for his rifle, aims, and shoots. "God dammit, missed again!" he shouts. The priest replies: "Please don't swear, God will punish you." The hunter just shrugs and walks on. Later...

After a month of being pregnant my girlfriend asked me what I hoped it was going to be. "A joke" probably wasn't the best answer.

The married woman I'm seeing gets pissed when I text her a night because her husband might see them.

T-mobile just announced that you can try an iPhone 5s on their network for free for 7 days. Also, music streaming no longer counts against your data cap.

Sock or towel?