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Dude, that's just fantastic. You didn't just build a climbing wall, you found something your kid loves to do, and then made it possible. You're a freaking rock-star father. And good for you for just spending time with her while she's doing it. I hate to tell you, but you're an adult, and you're...

This read like poetry. You should write short stories. I also make my own bacon as @Kiroy does. It's awesome and cheap. But it does require labour.

Man, you have paid your dues on this one. You deserve to be in there Monday with a resplendent lawn. I hope everything goes smoothly for you this weekend! And throw your current landlord a gift card for dinner out or something. It's good of him to give you more days after you said you'd be out.

Would eagle burgers be the most American thing ever, or anti-American?

They're ridiculously good. But they can't seem to make it happen.

Montreal. WTF?

Deaf child in a Mexican restaurant. Awesome Mariachi band. Head on the instrument lets him feel it.

Taco holder.