Izo
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TLDR;
We're trying to ascertain if it's okay to yell at your mother for yelling at your child for peeing in the sofa while being of the age of potty training.
I say nay. What do you think, rerolled? Yay or nay?
Answer this hypothetical - yelling and potty training
- Thread starter Izo
- Start date
We're trying to ascertain if it's okay to yell at your mother for yelling at your child for peeing in the sofa while being of the age of potty training.
I say nay. What do you think, rerolled? Yay or nay?
Izo
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Interesting. You believe yelling is okay, as long as the kid supposedly does not witness this? What purpose does yelling serve between two adults? How do you rate it as a effective communication method? What is the harm in the kid witnessing your yelling? Would that not be you coming to her defense, and showing your kid this immediately, thus forming an association between the two events? Or is that somehow more damaging for the kid's psyche or well being? Potty training is hard enough already, I'm told.
Personally I don't believe yelling is very effective in the long run. I find it sort of Neanderthal'ish, a blue collar, rough work place jargon sort of communication. In the situation I'd intervene immediately, calmly say 'stop - let me handle this' or something similar. I'd hope this would influence the child to learn how to cope with agitated people in the future - keep calm and let it influence others. In the process, hopefully learn to behave accordingly. It's one of the tools I use daily, bringing those of high agitation en par with me, leveled. I'm a novice when it comes to practicing this with my own kid, she's not even 2 yo yet.
Do you find yelling effective with your kids, mkopec?
Izo
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Julian The Apostate
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Julian The Apostate
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Not right to yell at such a young kid for something accidental like that. IMO yelling at even your own kids should be saved for very rare circumstances. When parents yell at their kids constantly the kids get used to it. Then it's just the idiot parent yelling all the time and the kid not giving a fuck. My parents rarely ever yelled at us but when they did I knew shit was serious and I better shape up.
Don't have kid yet so what the fuck do I know.
Don't have kid yet so what the fuck do I know.
Izo
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Sounds en par with what I practice. I don't know how effective it'll be in the long run, but I'm hoping I can save the yelling for when and if it's necessary. It's easier said than done. Mrs. Izo is handling most of the day to day operations atm, and as our child is close to 2 yo, she's beginning to have firm opinions, tantrums and such. Dealing with this is demanding and requires patience for sure. I work on giving Mrs. Izo room to have patience.
No kids yet? You seem like a nice guy. Saddle up and find a good woman with a functioning womb, heh. Can't all be gold diggers and bitches, despite what the TGWBYHT tells us
Julian The Apostate
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Just finalizing a divorce right now. I hope kids happen someday. Looking forward to it when and if it does happen.Sounds en par with what I practice. I don't know how effective it'll be in the long run, but I'm hoping I can save the yelling for when and if it's necessary. It's easier said than done. Mrs. Izo is handling most of the day to day operations atm, and as our child is close to 2 yo, she's beginning to have firm opinions, tantrums and such. Dealing with this is demanding and requires patience for sure. I work on giving Mrs. Izo room to have patience.
No kids yet? You seem like a nice guy. Saddle up and find a good woman with a functioning womb, heh. Can't all be gold diggers and bitches, despite what the TGWBYHT tells us
This thread reminds me of a story my mom told me yesterday. My parents used to spank us when we were little. Nothing that was physically painful or left marks, just a light over the pants spank that was used more as a threat than anything. My grandma used to spank my mom and her sister when they were little but as she got older she changed and said spanking wasn't a good idea and told my parents that they shouldn't spank me and my brother. A couple of months later grandma was babysitting my brother and when my mom picked him up my grandma told her she had forgotten how difficult it was to look after kids and had spanked my brother lol.
Crone
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I do agree with both of you, hehe.
We are emotional creatures, and I think for most parents, we can get very emotional, very quickly, when it comes to our kids. Makes me think of the phrase, "in the heat of the moment". So in the heat of the moment, after witnessing a relative yelling at my child for something, I'd like to say I would keep my composure, and calmly handle the situation.
But to say for 100% certainty? That's impossible. Although, as long as it doesn't happen all the time, and yelling doesn't become common place in my household, or around my child, then I do not think it harms them really.
We are emotional creatures, and I think for most parents, we can get very emotional, very quickly, when it comes to our kids. Makes me think of the phrase, "in the heat of the moment". So in the heat of the moment, after witnessing a relative yelling at my child for something, I'd like to say I would keep my composure, and calmly handle the situation.
But to say for 100% certainty? That's impossible. Although, as long as it doesn't happen all the time, and yelling doesn't become common place in my household, or around my child, then I do not think it harms them really.
Dyvim
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The OPs story reminds me of another story i (as a child) and my parents witnessed:
Some random boy i was going to kindergarten with was this one day a douche and mocked and slapped the other even younger kids in our group.
When his father was about to pick him up he found out about his boy and then proceeded and slapped him in front of the crowd while shouting at his boy:
You must not slap little kids!
My mom asked him if he truly believed in his words and if so how does that comply with what he just did.
Some random boy i was going to kindergarten with was this one day a douche and mocked and slapped the other even younger kids in our group.
When his father was about to pick him up he found out about his boy and then proceeded and slapped him in front of the crowd while shouting at his boy:
You must not slap little kids!
My mom asked him if he truly believed in his words and if so how does that comply with what he just did.
There are several behavioral studies done regarding what kids respond to. All of the ones that I have read or know of have the same conclusion, yelling or physical punishment on kids rarely works.
Kids lack the mental ability to derive "why" something is bad when confronted by something that usually scares them (loud voices and pain). Rarely is yelling something that is delivered in a constructive manner, so the point usually gets lost in volume.
Children when confronted with such methods usually end up associating the thing they are not to do with the person telling them not to do it. Meaning they will learn to not do the behavior in front of the person who yelled/hit them, however, they will not learn the behavior in itself is bad. If they do not understand, they will associate the "bad" part with the person, not the activity and can easily revert back to doing what they are not supposed to once the person who yelled/hit is gone.
Yelling at grown ups is a different thing entirely, as we have the mental capacity to understand why a behavior is bad, and volume can be an effective tool to keep the conversation on your end (hard to respond to someone who is yelling at you). However, it is certainly not the most effective method of communicating when you want to teach someone else your opinion on something, like differences in how to raise a kid.
Is it ok to yell at your mother for doing something to your children that you do not approve of? Sure. Seems rather pointless though, similarly to yelling at a kid. Little chance anything was learned by any party.
Kids lack the mental ability to derive "why" something is bad when confronted by something that usually scares them (loud voices and pain). Rarely is yelling something that is delivered in a constructive manner, so the point usually gets lost in volume.
Children when confronted with such methods usually end up associating the thing they are not to do with the person telling them not to do it. Meaning they will learn to not do the behavior in front of the person who yelled/hit them, however, they will not learn the behavior in itself is bad. If they do not understand, they will associate the "bad" part with the person, not the activity and can easily revert back to doing what they are not supposed to once the person who yelled/hit is gone.
Yelling at grown ups is a different thing entirely, as we have the mental capacity to understand why a behavior is bad, and volume can be an effective tool to keep the conversation on your end (hard to respond to someone who is yelling at you). However, it is certainly not the most effective method of communicating when you want to teach someone else your opinion on something, like differences in how to raise a kid.
Is it ok to yell at your mother for doing something to your children that you do not approve of? Sure. Seems rather pointless though, similarly to yelling at a kid. Little chance anything was learned by any party.
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Well, with my youngest, he was ready to be potty trained, he just wouldn't do it. It got to a ridiculous point, where he was just shitting himself because he was lazy. After one such event, he got a stern (and loud, I'm pretty sure I yelled) talking to, and a small spank. Just a little one. He was done potty training at that point, never had an accident again.
So, there it is, evidence that at some point the yell and spank worked. In this very limited, small, isolated case.
If my mother in law yelled at my kids, she'd never spend time alone with them again. She's a grandma. Sure, discipline has to happen when she's around, but if she's yelling for potty training, she's not being grandma. My mother in law is phsycho enough, and she knows I find her suspect, so she's good as gold when she wants to see the kids.
So, there it is, evidence that at some point the yell and spank worked. In this very limited, small, isolated case.
If my mother in law yelled at my kids, she'd never spend time alone with them again. She's a grandma. Sure, discipline has to happen when she's around, but if she's yelling for potty training, she's not being grandma. My mother in law is phsycho enough, and she knows I find her suspect, so she's good as gold when she wants to see the kids.
TrollfaceDeux
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