Extreme Lack of Motivation

Froyo3652 · Dec 9, 2017

Hey guys,

I was hoping anyone here could offer advice on a situation I've had going on in my life for as long as I can remember. I can't seem to motivate myself to do things that will greatly improve my quality of life, despite having multiple reasons to do so.

--I only leave my house for something social twice a year for Thanksgiving and Christmas with the family. And even then, I have skipped out entire years.

--While at home I almost never do anything productive. I listen to garbage let's plays on Youtube in the background while playing games or surfing a handful of websites.

--While playing said games I seem to have A.D.D. I end up playing for a small chunk of time before pausing to browse the handful of websites mentioned above.

--Even while browsing the small handful of websites I will close a tab and return to the same website, despite there being nothing new to see.

--I only brush my teeth a few times a month.

--When showering I only wash my body a few times a month despite having a physical job where I get sweaty.

--I eat very unhealthily. It's literally only frozen food, fast food, and snacks. Over the past month or so I have started to feel a tightness in my left arm and occasionally my chest but I still can't find the energy to cook healthy meals.

--I live a very sedentary lifestyle. The only exercise I get is lifting boxes/walking around at work and it rarely elevates my heart rate for any meaningful cardio.

--I'm planning to move abroad to teach English next year but instead of doing useful things like studying all the things I should be prepared for or studying the damn language...I just do my garbage Youtube routine mentioned above.

--On the topic of moving abroad to teach, I am a high school drop out with zero college experience. So when I correct my foreign friends' English on Skype, I can tell them when they make a mistake but I struggle greatly to tell them why my correction is right. The thing I should do is remain in the USA and attend school so I can actually make enough money abroad to stay afloat but I am choosing to dive in head first anyway.

With that in mind, I fully expect new students I tutor abroad to see me as a terrible teacher and go elsewhere. I anticipate burning through all my savings over the course of a few months or a year before I am forced to return to the USA. At the very least, I am storing my car and some vital things at my sister's house so I have something to come back to.

So all of that said, is there anybody here as messed up in the head as I am when it comes to having tons of reasons to improve their life but not doing it?

Please advise.

Poster · Dec 9, 2017

Is this a troll thread?

Caliane · Dec 9, 2017

Depression

Rime · Dec 9, 2017

Have to break the cycle. Take some vitamin C and force yourself to exercise. Weights or even just a few laps around the block will help you out of the pit, so to speak. If you find yourself bored with regular things, take breaks, explore something new. As hard as it can be, if you are depressed, the only thing you can do for yourself without outside help (therapy, medicine, etc) is to force yourself out of it.

Froyo3652 · Dec 9, 2017

Caliane said:
Depression

I'm not depressed though. I'm really only unhappy a few times a month.

Rime said:
Have to break the cycle. Take some vitamin C and force yourself to exercise. Weights or even just a few laps around the block will help you out of the pit, so to speak. If you find yourself bored with regular things, take breaks, explore something new. As hard as it can be, if you are depressed, the only thing you can do for yourself without outside help (therapy, medicine, etc) is to force yourself out of it.

For sure, 100%. I want to break the cycle but I don't want to actually do it...does that make sense?

I think it's a self fulfilling prophecy for me. I eat unhealthily so I have less energy, I have less energy so I don't want to cook healthy food, I don't want to get in shape because I have no energy, etc. etc.

Rime · Dec 9, 2017

At the end of the day, you are the only person responsible for you. Small steps and all of that shit. If you start getting a little bit of exercise, you will find it easier to eat better - or barring that, you can still eat like trash and still be overall 'healthier' than you were. Plus, dopamine will help lift your spirits and make you want to do more things.

Fogel · Dec 9, 2017

The biggest word to remove from your vocabulary is "tomorrow". You probably say you'll do something tomorrow, why not, you'll have time than. Then tomorrow comes and it becomes today and the cycle repeats. If you want to do something, don't say later or the end of the day, or tomorrow. Start doing it right then and there.

Pops · Dec 9, 2017

Call 1-800-273-8255

BrutulTM · Dec 9, 2017

You're apparently holding down a job so you do get things done that you don't think of as optional. It sounds like you need someone to hold you accountable in your personal life the way your boss does at work. That's hard to find as a single guy. I also live alone and I know how easy it is to just turn into a blob when no one is looking at you.

It sounds like you need relationships with people who care enough to hold you accountable. Maybe start with someone you can pay. If not a therapist then maybe a personal trainer/nutritionist but tell them from the start that you want them to hold you accountable. Exercise will give you more energy but it doesn't work right away. You have to do it for a month or two consistently which is fucking hard but after a certain point it becomes something you look forward to.

alavaz · Dec 9, 2017

You know what to do. You just need to do it. I've gone through periods of stagnation like this where I'm sitting around waiting for some magic motivation but it won't come. Start exercising, start going to bed at the same time every night, getting up at the same time in the morning, brushing your damn teeth etc. Create a routine and stick to it. Motivation will follow.

Noodleface · Dec 9, 2017

Couple of questions

Why aren't you cleaning yourself? I can barely go a day without a shower so that's really tough for me to grasp. Just do it, you'll feel better about yourself. Same with brushing your teeth it takes all of two minutes. That's a sign of depression for me, at least, despite you saying it isn't.

As for eating, plenty of people eat the way you do - it's convenience. I don't love cooking, but I can definitely tell the difference between home cooked food and frozen/fast food. It's a barrier that took me getting type 2 diabetes before i finally knocked it down. I'd start with one of those mail kits where they mail you a meal with instructions to cook it. It'll at least open up your range a bit.

As for family functions id probably skip them all if I could myself.

Clean yourself up man, you probably smell awful

Froyo3652 · Dec 9, 2017

Rime said:
dopamine will help lift your spirits and make you want to do more things.

Yeah, I actually went walking for about an hour after my last reply. I do feel a bit better now.

I'm gonna try to make a habit of going for a ~1 hour walk each day and see if I can get into a healthier routine. It just sucks that it's the time of year where the temperature is below 30. My face was frozen until I got the blood pumping.

BrutulTM said:
It sounds like you need relationships with people who care enough to hold you accountable.

I'm definitely more motivated when I am accountable for something. Paying for a trainer has always been on my mind when I'm in an especially unhappy funk.

Noodleface said:
Why aren't you cleaning yourself? I can barely go a day without a shower so that's really tough for me to grasp. Just do it, you'll feel better about yourself. Same with brushing your teeth it takes all of two minutes. That's a sign of depression for me, at least, despite you saying it isn't.

Haha, I should clarify. I wash my hair and face in the shower every day. I think I skip the body wash routine because it takes "too much time" in what are already decently long showers (~10 minutes). I have some coworkers that are not shy and they would tell me if I ever stunk.

I usually skip brushing my teeth because I hate feeling like I can't eat anything until the mint flavor goes away. I should also add that I'm not dangerously overweight because I'm eating every hour of every day (5'10", 175lbs). I just think "Well, I may eat something soon so screw it."

pharmakos · Dec 9, 2017

Froyo3652 said:
--While playing said games I seem to have A.D.D. I end up playing for a small chunk of time before pausing to browse the handful of websites mentioned above.

try meditating sometimes. i don't necessarily mean getting all "ommmm" and buddhist, just practice sitting there and being alone with your thoughts (without fidgeting!). probably will be really uncomfortable at first. do it for progressively longer periods of time, tho, and it will help break the ADD habits.

some of the other problems you've mentioned i very much struggle with myself, tho, so don't have much else to add.

edit -- just read your last reply. walking counts as meditation time if you do it without headphones or your phone. walking helps me a lot, unfortunately where i live it is currently 25 degrees F outside.

Lambourne · Dec 9, 2017

I recognize some of your habits from my own past and you're a prime candidate for some Jordan Peterson "sort yourself out" videos.

You already know you want to improve your eating habits so after watching this video, spend 10 minutes doing something to improve your eating habits for today. It doesn't need to be something grand, even just going down to the store and buying pre-cut veggies and making yourself some pasta or a stir-fry tonight will do fine. I guarantee you'll feel better about yourself afterwards than if you had another frozen pizza.

You can't wait for motivation, you need to do things that you know you have to and they will give you a sense of accomplishment afterwards. That's how you build yourself up, one brick at a time. Motivation (or discipline) will follow from this in due time.

Watch the whole thing, don't go skipping through it.

Arden · Dec 9, 2017

1. You're living life for yourself. Try finding a reason to exist outside of yourself. Get a wife, kids, dog, gerbil - anything. Go die for a good cause. Give your life some meaning outside of simply existing.

2. Brush your teeth daily. This is not optional.

3. Get some exercise. Start small, but do it every day. Just walking a mile at first every day would make a difference. You can walk even when it's cold outside.

4. Consider talking to a doc about adderall and testosterone therapy.

Edit:

Also, if you don't already, make your bed every morning.

fris · Dec 9, 2017

the hardest part of making a change is just getting started. try the rule of 3s.

pick 1 thing you want to change. say going outside and walking around the block, eating 1 healthy mean, whtaever. and do it 3 days in a row. so say you eat 1 healthy meal a day, 3 days in a row. at the end of the 3 days, finish the week, just 4 more days. at that point, you've done 1 week, should be easy to do 2 more. same logic, finish out the month. then 2 more months. 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months. it's how you build healthy habits.

there's also been studies on habits. it takes 7 instances to make a habit, 21 to break? so to 'break' your habit of things you listed above, you have to 'undo' it 21 times in a row.

it's hard, but the the longest journey begins with a single step.

Picasso3 · Dec 10, 2017

Cut your internet off and you'll have to get pussy and that'll motivate you to fix everything else.

Ossoi · Dec 10, 2017

Froyo3652 said:
Hey guys,

I was hoping anyone here could offer advice on a situation I've had going on in my life for as long as I can remember. I can't seem to motivate myself to do things that will greatly improve my quality of life, despite having multiple reasons to do so.

--I only leave my house for something social twice a year for Thanksgiving and Christmas with the family. And even then, I have skipped out entire years.

--While at home I almost never do anything productive. I listen to garbage let's plays on Youtube in the background while playing games or surfing a handful of websites.

--While playing said games I seem to have A.D.D. I end up playing for a small chunk of time before pausing to browse the handful of websites mentioned above.

--Even while browsing the small handful of websites I will close a tab and return to the same website, despite there being nothing new to see.

--I only brush my teeth a few times a month.

--When showering I only wash my body a few times a month despite having a physical job where I get sweaty.

--I eat very unhealthily. It's literally only frozen food, fast food, and snacks. Over the past month or so I have started to feel a tightness in my left arm and occasionally my chest but I still can't find the energy to cook healthy meals.

--I live a very sedentary lifestyle. The only exercise I get is lifting boxes/walking around at work and it rarely elevates my heart rate for any meaningful cardio.

--I'm planning to move abroad to teach English next year but instead of doing useful things like studying all the things I should be prepared for or studying the damn language...I just do my garbage Youtube routine mentioned above.

--On the topic of moving abroad to teach, I am a high school drop out with zero college experience. So when I correct my foreign friends' English on Skype, I can tell them when they make a mistake but I struggle greatly to tell them why my correction is right. The thing I should do is remain in the USA and attend school so I can actually make enough money abroad to stay afloat but I am choosing to dive in head first anyway.

With that in mind, I fully expect new students I tutor abroad to see me as a terrible teacher and go elsewhere. I anticipate burning through all my savings over the course of a few months or a year before I am forced to return to the USA. At the very least, I am storing my car and some vital things at my sister's house so I have something to come back to.

So all of that said, is there anybody here as messed up in the head as I am when it comes to having tons of reasons to improve their life but not doing it?

Please advise.

Self Authoring - Plan a Better Life

Chris · Dec 10, 2017

Froyo3652 said:
Haha, I should clarify. I wash my hair and face in the shower every day. I think I skip the body wash routine because it takes "too much time" in what are already decently long showers (~10 minutes). I have some coworkers that are not shy and they would tell me if I ever stunk.

How does it take 10 minutes to wash your hair and face? Takes me 30 seconds? Does your body get wet or do you just stick your head in?

I've had some of the issues around closing and opening the same websites, it's actually coming back for me to be honest. Probably best to go cold turkey and disconnect your PC, you'll feel great at first but you need something else to fill it in - that'll be the exercise and some sort of physical hobby. I've done Warhamer or MTG in the past.

Khane · Dec 10, 2017

Chris said:
some sort of physical hobby. I've done Warhamer or MTG in the past.

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Extreme Lack of Motivation

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