Finding a body

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Kill All the White People
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I second the recommendation to talk to someone. All the highly successful people I count as friends talk to a professional regularly in order to work through childhood trauma and generally improve themselves. More than half are men. We have to take care of ourselves guys.

Yeah, and I'm not saying to get on some antidepressants and shit. Not saying that shit at all...fuck chemicals, fuck chemical dependency. But you gotta talk thru your problems
. There's always another solution.
 

Gavinmad

Mr. Poopybutthole
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Well, let's bump this one more time so I can write this shit down and not forget the details in my old age.

There was basically nothing left when they found him, after a month in the heat in the woods. Scavengers and nature took their course pretty quick. The medical examiner initially refused to rule it a suicide (weird, how do the Clintons manage to get them all ruled like that?) because they didn't have enough to go off of. They literally fucking proposed that he could have been shot by someone on the trail off to his side. Uh huh. Yeah, totally reasonable. The only reason the fucker relented is because his hoodie was still in good enough shape that it had detectable powder burns on it, meaning it was close range. They found the shell casing, couldn't find the bullet. Bullet passed clean thru the skull from right to left. They didn't even have enough brain tissue to analyze, so there really wasn't much of anything left of him by this point.

He was in a spot just north of Afton Alps, in a ravine, and the gal that was leading the search team caught a whiff of something when she was closer to the trail, let the dog off the leash, and the dog went down and found him. It was surrounded by rock faces 5-6 feet high, and she actually broke her leg getting down to him. So it's not like I was going down there with my bum knee anyway.

The cops are real hung up on the fact that he had 10 rounds in one mag, 13 in the other, and the spent casing, making 24 out of the 25 rounds in the box. I thought about it for a minute and realized...oh, Hornady Critical Defense? Silver casing? "Yeah." There is no 25th round. I bought that box, determined Critical Defense groups worse than Critical Duty in my gun, and since he didn't have any defensive ammo, I gave it to him. That 25th round probably went into my range pile after being chambered and unloaded a dozen times in my carry gun before I made the swap.

So, now I gotta live with the fact that I gave my buddy the round that killed him. That's sweet, totally not gonna bounce around in my brain for the rest of my life. Cool beans. I mean, I guess on the bright side, we always wondered if that Hornady stuff was any good, turns out, pretty good penetration, and an obvious result. Reckon I'll keep using it in mine.

He never had a girlfriend. His dad said he was extremely modest and would need to be pursued extremely hard for him to have any interest in a woman. So yeah, exactly what clown world has wrought. Some self esteem issues coupled with no driving force to keep going, and just had nothing to live for and felt like he had no one to talk to. Didn't talk to his parents, wasn't talking to us, had no one else to talk to. So, another bright side is that there's absolutely nothing that any of us could have done to stop this. Can't help someone who doesn't want help...someone who's too ashamed or too embarrassed to talk about his problems to anyone. We as men don't do a good enough job stressing that you've gotta talk to SOMEONE about shit. It doesn't always have to be your partner, but you do need to talk some shit out so it doesn't end up eating you up.

So, that's about it. He bought smokes at 1030am. Smoked 2 of them in the parking lot of the gas station. His last text to me was a meme of the fucking pope playing basketball that I didn't understand at 1130, and they found him with a couple bottles of vodka, a couple bottles of coke, and 18 smokes. So he probably was dead 12 hours after that picture at the gas station.

View attachment 480008

That's it? That's your last word? No note, no nothing. Just peace out on a Pope Francis meme that ain't even that funny.

I guess go out with a question mark instead of a period.
What a trainwreck. Now I'm doubly glad I didn't drag my ass out there cause I can't shake the feeling that I would have found him so fast those keystone cops would have decided I was a suspect. Or broken my neck shimmying down into that ravine but at least then you'd have the satisfaction of having rid the world of a terrible evil to try and counterbalance the grief over losing your friend.
 
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Burren

Ahn'Qiraj Raider
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Yeah, and I'm not saying to get on some antidepressants and shit. Not saying that shit at all...fuck chemicals, fuck chemical dependency. But you gotta talk thru your problems
. There's always another solution.

Agreed, drugs are not the answer. Acknowledging problems and then working on them consistently is what it takes.
 
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Cutlery

Kill All the White People
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What a trainwreck. Now I'm doubly glad I didn't drag my ass out there cause I can't shake the feeling that I would have found him so fast those keystone cops would have decided I was a suspect. Or broken my neck shimmying down into that ravine but at least then you'd have the satisfaction of having rid the world of a terrible evil to try and counterbalance the grief over losing your friend.

Nah man. Anyone offering to help me with this ain't evil. I know you would have if I asked, so you ain't.

I also know you've had your problems, but that don't make you evil. Just makes you normal, and just doing the best you can to get by. Just like the rest of us.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Even tongue-in-cheek
 

Gavinmad

Mr. Poopybutthole
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Nah man. Anyone offering to help me with this ain't evil. I know you would have if I asked, so you ain't.

I also know you've had your problems, but that don't make you evil. Just makes you normal, and just doing the best you can to get by. Just like the rest of us.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Even tongue-in-cheek
lol that was goofiness just to lighten the tone, and to distract myself from the urge to launch an entirely unhelpful rant about your friend. I spent a lot of time in some very dark places mentally but these days it's nothing but the cold comfortable gray emptiness of mental purgatory instead of mental hell.
 
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Cutlery

Kill All the White People
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lol that was goofiness just to lighten the tone, and to distract myself from the urge to launch an entirely unhelpful rant about your friend. I spent a lot of time in some very dark places mentally but these days it's nothing but the cold comfortable gray emptiness of mental purgatory instead of mental hell.

Meh, go ahead and rant. That's kinda why I made this thread. I dunno what to do, gotta talk to someone. And you guys have been plenty helpful to me.

It sucks, but I'm getting thru it. I just wish there was less bullshit along the way.
 
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moonarchia

The Scientific Shitlord
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It's not your fault. He was an adult and chose to end it. That's all there is to it. You can't know all the details that led him down that path, so don't beat yourself up too much trying.
 
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Kill All the White People
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Where would he ever have gotten a bullet on his own?

Well....

Back before I owned any firearms, my ex wife and I were in the death throes of our marriage. She ended up getting an order for protection against me which was granted by the judge based solely upon her answer to this question.

"Does he have access to firearms?"

And she answered yes.

When that OFP expired, I asked her straight up "why in the everliving fuck did you lie on that form?"

"Well, it's true. You could have just gone to the store and bought one."

What the fuck, lady. That's not what that question means.
 

Lurkus Maximus

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Man, so sorry for your loss. I just wanted to throw this out there, and I know this is a highly unlikely scenario. But is there any chance he just went out there to clear his head, stumbled around and got lost because of the vodka, and then accidentally fell down into that ravine and broke his leg just like the rescue woman? No offense meant at all, but she was probably in better shape and more familiar with the area and it still kicked her ass. Then maybe a day or two later he knew he had no chance, scavengers were closing in, etc, and that's when he decided to end it? If that's the case, your bullet would have been a blessing to him.

I know it doesn't seem likely with a lot of the details, but the no note, no warning, sending a stupid meme that I don't get either like it's a normal day...maybe it's a possibility. I apologize if I'm overstepping, just trying to look at it from a different perspective and see if there could be any alternative explanations.
 

Cutlery

Kill All the White People
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Man, so sorry for your loss. I just wanted to throw this out there, and I know this is a highly unlikely scenario. But is there any chance he just went out there to clear his head, stumbled around and got lost because of the vodka, and then accidentally fell down into that ravine and broke his leg just like the rescue woman? No offense meant at all, but she was probably in better shape and more familiar with the area and it still kicked her ass. Then maybe a day or two later he knew he had no chance, scavengers were closing in, etc, and that's when he decided to end it? If that's the case, your bullet would have been a blessing to him.

I know it doesn't seem likely with a lot of the details, but the no note, no warning, sending a stupid meme that I don't get either like it's a normal day...maybe it's a possibility. I apologize if I'm overstepping, just trying to look at it from a different perspective and see if there could be any alternative explanations.

Pretty sure the ME wouldda picked that up if he had some broken bones. Didn't hear anything about that.

As far as I understand, it was all set up - he had a couple bottles of vodka in front of him, couple bottles of coke, 18 smokes. His phone was on him too, and as far as I understand, it is still functional, he just turned it off before he went out there. So, yeah, not likely.

~~~~~

The big thing that's really killing me, is that when I was 19, my first outta high school job was working overnights at a Target. My boss was a dude named John who was 32 at the time, and got me into Everquest (So, that's why i'm here!) and he played DnD and was just generally an awesome dude. He was an absolute beast of a man - 6'1" 220 of solid muscle. Used to bounce at strip clubs, had a ton of fun stories, was one of the hardest working dudes I had ever met (even to this day), and was legitimately the best dad I've ever seen. He was the oak tree living with a jealous Peruvian woman and their 2 daughters and he was absolutely unshakable. Endured their bullshit, and made two unequivocally fantastic kids. He fucking hated it when I called him a father figure because he didn't wanna feel that old, so I called him an Uncle figure instead. We got together 6-10 times a year when we both could get outta the house and did shit like road trip to Vegas, or we saw Rammstein in Chicago, and he was the best friend a dude could have. I learned so much from that guy, and I felt inadequate next to him. He died in his sleep in March, stage 3 hodgkins that he didn't tell anyone but his immediate family about, because he didn't want anyone to worry.

Andrew was 12 years younger than me, worked where I worked, and I pick my work friends very carefully. I don't hang out with people from work unless we have outside interests together, because i fucking hate talking about work. Can't stand it. I don't even buy what we make because I fucking hate seeing work on the weekends. I spend so much time at work, I do not want to think about work when I go home. So I only interact with people I think are gonna be able to hang out without just talking about fucking work. He was into similar music, played some video games, easy going dude, told me a lot of stories about going with his dad to Oshkosh at the air show (shit, there's a few years there where we may have been there at the same time, because I did that stuff with my dad too), talked about building a boat with his dad (and my dad built airplanes in the garage), so we had a lot of similar experiences. I had a spot at the table at my Gloomhaven group, and he very quickly fell in love with it. He didn't have quite the powergamer attitude that a lot of us here have cultivated, but I could see he was really interested in getting there. Aside from that, he helped me process that Black Walnut I took down a couple years ago (check the woodworking thread), he helped me rip the whole fucking south face of my house off and redo the window and the rotten wall (check the home improvement thread), and he was literally there any time I asked for anything ever. He'd come over and feed my dog and take her out and play with her when I was outta town, he was a fucking great guy. I saw this relationship as me paying my relationship with Johnny forward - he was such a good influence on me, I figured I could do the same for Andrew and he could help me do a bunch of projects, gain a bunch of skills, learn a bunch of shit, and build a great lifelong friendship along the way.

I lost both of those in 2 months. It is absolutely heartbreaking. I couldda handled one or the other, but I don't know how to do both. I can barely see the screen thru the tears as I'm writing this.

Fuck it fucking sucks.
 
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Gavinmad

Mr. Poopybutthole
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Pretty sure the ME wouldda picked that up if he had some broken bones. Didn't hear anything about that.

As far as I understand, it was all set up - he had a couple bottles of vodka in front of him, couple bottles of coke, 18 smokes. His phone was on him too, and as far as I understand, it is still functional, he just turned it off before he went out there. So, yeah, not likely.

~~~~~

The big thing that's really killing me, is that when I was 19, my first outta high school job was working overnights at a Target. My boss was a dude named John who was 32 at the time, and got me into Everquest (So, that's why i'm here!) and he played DnD and was just generally an awesome dude. He was an absolute beast of a man - 6'1" 220 of solid muscle. Used to bounce at strip clubs, had a ton of fun stories, was one of the hardest working dudes I had ever met (even to this day), and was legitimately the best dad I've ever seen. He was the oak tree living with a jealous Peruvian woman and their 2 daughters and he was absolutely unshakable. Endured their bullshit, and made two unequivocally fantastic kids. He fucking hated it when I called him a father figure because he didn't wanna feel that old, so I called him an Uncle figure instead. We got together 6-10 times a year when we both could get outta the house and did shit like road trip to Vegas, or we saw Rammstein in Chicago, and he was the best friend a dude could have. I learned so much from that guy, and I felt inadequate next to him. He died in his sleep in March, stage 3 hodgkins that he didn't tell anyone but his immediate family about, because he didn't want anyone to worry.

Andrew was 12 years younger than me, worked where I worked, and I pick my work friends very carefully. I don't hang out with people from work unless we have outside interests together, because i fucking hate talking about work. Can't stand it. I don't even buy what we make because I fucking hate seeing work on the weekends. I spend so much time at work, I do not want to think about work when I go home. So I only interact with people I think are gonna be able to hang out without just talking about fucking work. He was into similar music, played some video games, easy going dude, told me a lot of stories about going with his dad to Oshkosh at the air show (shit, there's a few years there where we may have been there at the same time, because I did that stuff with my dad too), talked about building a boat with his dad (and my dad built airplanes in the garage), so we had a lot of similar experiences. I had a spot at the table at my Gloomhaven group, and he very quickly fell in love with it. He didn't have quite the powergamer attitude that a lot of us here have cultivated, but I could see he was really interested in getting there. Aside from that, he helped me process that Black Walnut I took down a couple years ago (check the woodworking thread), he helped me rip the whole fucking south face of my house off and redo the window and the rotten wall (check the home improvement thread), and he was literally there any time I asked for anything ever. He'd come over and feed my dog and take her out and play with her when I was outta town, he was a fucking great guy. I saw this relationship as me paying my relationship with Johnny forward - he was such a good influence on me, I figured I could do the same for Andrew and he could help me do a bunch of projects, gain a bunch of skills, learn a bunch of shit, and build a great lifelong friendship along the way.

I lost both of those in 2 months. It is absolutely heartbreaking. I couldda handled one or the other, but I don't know how to do both. I can barely see the screen thru the tears as I'm writing this.

Fuck it fucking sucks.
Oof.

Well at least you don't have to play Blood Bowl.
 
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