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Buford T Justice

Trakanon Raider
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Pancreas

Vyemm Raider
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Probably one of these, but with 17 slices instead of 8.
Just do 8 cross cuts to make 16 slices (red lines in diagram) and then split one peice in half (blue line in diagram).

Give the skinny slices to the two fattest people at the event since they could use fewer calories.
 

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