Need help overcoming a weird obsession

kegkilla

kegkilla

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alright it's taken a lot for me to come forward with this, but this is something that has been haunting me for years.

when i was younger, probably around 14, i developed what some might describe as a "bizarre" obsession with Michelle Branch. i was going through that angsty teenage phase and for some reason her music really resonated with me and made me feel at peace. after school i would come home and browse through my Michelle Branch picture collection. i would imagine us walking together holding hands, singing to each other, even tickling each other. eventually i would put on her CD then lay down on my bed, close my eyes and masturbate until my parents came home. it was a much different experience than when i masturbated to porn though. it was much more...spiritual, which makes a lot of sense because her album was called "The Spirit Room". anyway, this happened pretty regularly for a while. i had at one point wrote her a letter telling her how great she is and how i wish i had her rather than my lame girlfriend at the time. i even included some pics of myself. she never wrote back, but when her second album "Hotel Paper" came out i was completely convinced that she had written the song "Breathe" for me.

eventually, i decided i was acting really fucking weird and just avoided anything to do with Michelle Branch for a long time. then some time in college, i was driving somewhere and one of her songs came on the radio. i thought nothing of it and let it play. almost immediately i became really light headed and disoriented. i had to pull my car over to the side of the road because i was so overcome by this rush of emotion. fast forward to a few weeks ago, i was in bed with my (now ex) watching TV and she put on American Pie 2. the song "Everywhere" came on and all these feelings came rushing back to me. i immediately felt dizzy and almost kind of sick. my girlfriend asked me what was wrong and i roared "NOTHING" then went downstairs and sat in the dark for probably a half hour trying to calm myself down.

anyway, is there anything i can do to help me cope with this shit? i'm worried it's seriously going to fuck up my life.
 
iannis

iannis

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Get back with your ex, but only on the condition that she allows you to call her Michelle. Whatever she did to you that forced you to kick her ass to the curb can be righted with the fufillment of this need.
 
OneofOne

OneofOne

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Thank you for proving the absurdity of this whole thing better than I could.
 
kegkilla

kegkilla

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maybe you didn't notice, Iannis, but this is the Grown Up forum. no trolling allowed.
 
D

Desidero

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Grand Inquisitor Kegkilla_sl said:
alright it's taken a lot for me to come forward with this, but this is something that has been haunting me for years.

when i was younger, probably around 14, i developed what some might describe as a "bizarre" obsession with Michelle Branch. i was going through that angsty teenage phase and for some reason her music really resonated with me and made me feel at peace. after school i would come home and browse through my Michelle Branch picture collection. i would imagine us walking together holding hands, singing to each other, even tickling each other. eventually i would put on her CD then lay down on my bed, close my eyes and masturbate until my parents came home. it was a much different experience than when i masturbated to porn though. it was much more...spiritual, which makes a lot of sense because her album was called "The Spirit Room". anyway, this happened pretty regularly for a while. i had at one point wrote her a letter telling her how great she is and how i wish i had her rather than my lame girlfriend at the time. i even included some pics of myself. she never wrote back, but when her second album "Hotel Paper" came out i was completely convinced that she had written the song "Breathe" for me.

eventually, i decided i was acting really fucking weird and just avoided anything to do with Michelle Branch for a long time. then some time in college, i was driving somewhere and one of her songs came on the radio. i thought nothing of it and let it play. almost immediately i became really light headed and disoriented. i had to pull my car over to the side of the road because i was so overcome by this rush of emotion. fast forward to a few weeks ago, i was in bed with my (now ex) watching TV and she put on American Pie 2. the song "Everywhere" came on and all these feelings came rushing back to me. i immediately felt dizzy and almost kind of sick. my girlfriend asked me what was wrong and i roared "NOTHING" then went downstairs and sat in the dark for probably a half hour trying to calm myself down.

anyway, is there anything i can do to help me cope with this shit? i'm worried it's seriously going to fuck up my life.
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Merely coping with these powerful feelings is not the answer. It's obvious that there's something to them - you need real answers. The best course of action is to stalk Michelle and confront her with your feelings. You should probably do it in a restaurant since it's harder for her to get away when she's stuck in a booth.

If she doesn't believe you were meant for each other right away, you can try holding her hands while singing to her and maybe even throw in some playful tickling. Odds are good that it will awaken feelings deep inside her that she buried long ago. Since she was an adult back then, she might've had more luck suppressing her mysterious longing for you, so it could take a lot of tickling to make her remember. Some forehead kisses could help - they stir up a lot of powerful emotions in women.

If the dizziness comes back in the middle of your song or she starts struggling to get away (doubtful, but you never know), you'll have to use your most powerful memory to make her realize you're the one she used to dream about: Lay down on the table and masturbate like you did as a teen. Try to do everything exactly like you did back then - there's a better chance that it'll bring back her old memories that way. Since she'll probably be at a nice restaurant, odds are good that there will be tablecloths available for use as makeshift pillows and blankets. It'll probably be good to have those ready before going in - you can wear them as a cape and nobody will notice.

If none of that works, you can always kill her and eat her. As your body digests and absorbs her, you'll be connected by an incredibly intimate and unbreakable bond. Nobody can ever take that away from you.

I hope this helps!
 
Phazael

Phazael

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If you are being serious keg, you can handle this in one of two ways. Artistic obsessions are like any other, so one approach is to fervently take up interest in another musician and associate it with the emotions Branch brings out in you now. The other is to overdose on it for a while until you get sick or bored with it.
 
TheBeagle

TheBeagle

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This same story happened to me except it was Lita Ford and I would go home and listen to "Kiss me Deadly" over and over again on cassette. Rewinding sucks.
 
Haast

Haast

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A+ would read again.

Just in case Keg is serious, did your parents catch you jacking to Michelle Branch songs? Because that would explain the panic attacks when you hear the music.
 
F

Fyro

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Haast_sl said:
A+ would read again.

Just in case Keg is serious, did your parents catch you jacking to Michelle Branch songs? Because that would explain the panic attacks when you hear the music.
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Seriously?

You know Keg, why don't you try to broaden your horizons to a new singer, maybe Michelle is like a bad ex, what you need is a new light to brighten your eyes, that will make you forever forget the pain that never having Michelle has brought you.

Try listening to that hit song "Baby"- whomever sings that song has the voice of a goddess. I am sure you could then jerk it with no remorse, no dizziness, and no hard feelings to cope with.
 
Oblio

Oblio

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Didn't I read in the rules that troll threads would have heir day in the sun and then shawed?

Going on two days now ...

TO THE SHAW!
 
Pops

Pops

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The body's hormones rage in the teenage years. You are in the twilight zone, not an adult, but yet still a child.
 
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