Overused phrases that you use

"Dumber than a stupid mother fucker"
"oh ok"
"tighter than a dicks hat band"
"fuck off"

"I'm higher than giraffe pussy."

"That makes about as much sense as a soup sandwich."

"Face like a bag of smashed clams"
"You have GOT to be shitting me"
"That blows goats"

"What the fuck do you want now?"
"I dunno"
Ending any question with "...er what?"
"Fucking whatever"

explosive flatulence... it's very rare that a fart can be considered explosive, and yet, I use the term fairly regularly

"Hitler did nothing wrong" to women at bars, completely serious. Majority of women are like WTF?lol okay?, some recoil in horror, but one out of twenty nods with me in agreement.

"Jesus tapdancing/tittyfucking Christ"
"Fuck it, dude. Let's go bowling."
"Sweating like a whore in church"

And a couple intentional almost Ricky-isms that very few people pick up on (generally indicating how fucking absurd the subject is):
"Half of one, a dozen of the other"
"State of the onion"

"Yep yep"
"Kill blue Square" - In a zombie voice
"Sweet Mary, mother of biscuits" - When kids are around
"Fuck you too!.... I love america!"
"Kids and dogs like me, I must not be all bad"
As a reply to how you doing, "Better than some, worse than others."
Going to bed/offline in vent. "Well I am off to tank a pillow"

"Y'all are seriously some faggots" -just once, in this thread

"Can't complain, but probably will anyway" or "Cant complain, but that won't stop me" when someone asks how are you as smalltalk
"Well fuck me in the goat ass" when something is proper fucked. Not that I say it very often, but I'm thinking it's the type of thing that you probably shouldn't say at all.

Almost forgot this one and I have no idea where I picked it up but when I'm in a situation where busting out the f-bomb is frowned upon I normally blurt out "jumpin Jesus on a pogo stick."

When describing a place I hate, old nerd standby: "I will go through the Mine of Moria with a disposable lighter before I walk through that shit hole again"

Also "6 levels". "We are 6 levels of fucked right now" "You are 6 levels of stupid"

"also"

As in, "The Wolverine was flawed, yet enjoyable. Also, your mother needs to wash her cunt once and a fucking while or I swear to God I'll only fuck her face from now on..."