Pornhub PREMIUM!!!

When I was in junior high one of my cousins figured out what day every month that the local gas station threw out their old magazines and he would go rescue the porn from the dumpster. He was pretty much responsible for beginning my porn addiction. He also found a swinger's magazine under an overpass once while we were on a bike ride with my Mom and managed to hide it in his sock all day. It was totally nasty with all kinds of photo classified ads of fat people with jizz on their face. We really should have been more concerned with sanitation on our dumpster/overpass porn but beggars can't be choosers.

Shortly after that my grandparents got a satellite dish (the old 8 foot diameter one) and got an illegal descrambler so they got *all* the channels. When they were gone to Arizona for the winter they wouldn't keep the descrambler up to date so a lot of the scrambled channels would have no sound but that didn't stop me from sneaking out of my house, hiking the quarter mile through the snow and sneaking in to their house to stick a tape in the VCR and record 6 hours of the Playboy or Spice channel with no sound and then sneaking back up there the next night to retrieve the tape and move the satellite back to whatever channel they left it on before they went south. The Playboy channel was even worse then than it is now. Sometimes you would have to sit through 20 minutes of some shitty travel show just to see a couple chicks walking topless in a field or something. Spice was better but even they didn't show any penetration.

Kids these days, I'm tellin ya, they don't know how good they have it.