Star Wars: Episode IX (2019)

Haus

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Well I figure at this point they'd have to parody the new set of movies, so we'd have Barf's disaffected stoner son who doesn't really give a shit except that he's getting paid to give genetic credence to the search for more money.
 

Chukzombi

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this is supposed to be leaked ep IX images. take it with a grain of salt. click at your own peril. some of you might be disappointed.
 

Jive Turkey

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this is supposed to be leaked ep IX images. take it with a grain of salt. click at your own peril. some of you might be disappointed.
at least JJ was like "nah, fuck you Rian. Kylo gets his helmet back". Maybe he'll undo some of the other garbage
 

Chukzombi

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at least JJ was like "nah, fuck you Rian. Kylo gets his helmet back". Maybe he'll undo some of the other garbage
he simply has to. there was nowhere left to go the way RJ left it. i cant believe him and KK still have jobs.
 

Muligan

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If JJ goes all out fan service, which I think he'll try, I think it will at least pour water on the fire. Bad thing is, Star Wars will forever be a building with several floors charred and destroyed. Let's just hope we at least get the fires out and if they add any other floors or buildings, they don't wind up in flames.
 

Valderen

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The most important for Episode IX is to restore a measure of goodwill toward the Star Wars IP.

JJ has to take the mess The Last Jedi left him with and bring it to a point where people are satisfied with Star Wars again. It doesn't necessarily need to have a huge at the box office opening, because it will have a hard time after the last 2 movies, but at least have legs because of good word of mouth.

Then scrap this trilogy and characters, move forward 100 years into the future and have new conflict with new characters.

It's a big order to be honest, and I wouldn't want to be in JJ's shoes.
 

Fucker

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this is supposed to be leaked ep IX images. take it with a grain of salt. click at your own peril. some of you might be disappointed.
Kylo's Sith Jr helmet still cracks me up. It looks like the base of a lamp from the 1920's.
 

Blakkheim

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This movie is going to be such garbage.
 

Gavinmad

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JJ was the one who took his helmet off in the first place.

This is not the savior you're looking for.
 

Mudcrush Durtfeet

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Rename it to the "blue note" as the Smurfs warp in in their Mushroom Ships and vaporize everyone except Finn and Rey. The Chimaera tractors the Millennial Falcon into its bay and Thrawn villain dialogues his plan to Make the Empire Great Again before tossing the heroes into the brig. Rey and Finn racially harmonize their force powers and convince Ben to help them topple the Patriarchy. They break out of the holding cells, freeing a diverse array of aliens and misfits who form a caravan and help them battle their way to Thrawn's command deck. The penultimate battle begins. Thrawn erects a super shield (wall) to prevent them from taking the ship's controls and escapes into the executive chambers. Cut back and forth between action scenes and Thrawn running past the Patriarchal Guard (Imperial Guards in blue armor) to kneel at the foot of steps leading up to a throne. Thrawn tells his master about the assault on the bridge and begs his master to flee while he still can. Back on the command deck Rey and Finn hold hands and various Force shenanigans happen, letting them jump over the wall and give chase to Thrawn. The Patriarchal Guards are cut down and they approach the throne. The camera pans back as the throne turns around to reveal Papa Smurf with a combover. Thrawn stands to defend him. Using his superior tactics he forces them back as Papa Smurf cackles maliciously. In a desperate move Rey and Finn merge into a brown and white striped unicorn with a lightsaber instead of a horn. Shooting rainbows out of its ass like a rocket they zoom past Thrawn. He looks stunned as he falls into two pieces. Papa Smurf snarls and shoots lightning from his fingertips, blasting Finn and Rey apart. As Papa Smurf raises his hands to finish them off Ben appears behind him, stabbing him through the chest with a red lightsaber. The two stumble behind the throne as lightning flashes. With a Michael Bay inspired explosion Ben and Papa Smurf are blown away from each other, charred and smoking. Rey stirs, and after waking Finn up they see Papa Smurf and Ben on the floor. They rush to Ben's side to see if he is still alive. Ben gets a monologue about realizing how he was part of the Patriarchy too, and he knew he had to die with Papa Smurf, then his body disappears, leaving Rey holding an empty robe. As a door whooshes closed they turn to see Papa Smurf gone. As they are about to give chase a self destruct warning starts to go off. They set out to get to the landing bay to try and get to their ship before the Chimaera explodes. Cut to Papa Smurf limping towards an Imperial shuttle. He starts to cross over a narrow walkway when an injured random Resistance member from the battle at the command deck limps in from the side. With a heroic last shot she fires a bazooka at the shuttle. The blast knocks Papa Smurf down a shaft that leads to the power core. As the Chimaera detonates Finn and Rey zoom out of the flames. Luke and Ben appear as Force ghosts to Rey and Finn, teaching them how to dismantle the Empire and the Resistance and rebuild as a galactic commune where peace and love will reign for a million years. Roll credits.

GREAT WALL OF TEXT! YOU CAN SEE IT FROM SPACE!!!
 

Namon

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Personally at this point. Cancel episode IX, let TLJ be the ending to the series, and then sit on it for a couple years and then start over way into the future with a whole new story line involving the force with new characters and what not. Someone else mirrored my sentiments. I actually liked (loved even) TFA. However, most of it's legs were dependent on how everything they set up played out, because of the fact that the foundation was A New Hope reskinned. I liked Rey's character. I liked Finn. I liked Poe. All of them were great with the exception of Kylo being an annoying twat.

I was excited to see who Rey really was, and how she fit into all of this. I wanted to see Finn develop into a hybrid of Lando and Han. I wanted to see Poe be the grounding elder to both of them. I was hoping that whole "Knights of Ren" and Snoke would take a different form since the military aspect of the new order was basically destroyed. Also I really wanted to see what Luke actually did that he felt he fucked over the entire galaxy, and what actually happened between him and Kylo. But nope at every turn TLJ basically disregarded where the story actually left off and went bonkers. And outside of just up and saying "Just kidding, TLJ was a fever dream" and starting all the way over with a new episode 8, there is no salvaging the mess Johansan and Kennedy left.

I just don't see how they recoup their investement into even making an episode IX. Even if it's packed to the brim with fan service with absolutely no bearing to the actual story. I just don't.
 

Rhanyn

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This is our last chance at getting a Mark Hamill Luke, hate it or not, they had to make 9 for that reason only. I don't expect much, I really don't expect them to finish using Hamill as well as they should, but maybe something can be salvaged from what TLJ left us. Otherwise, it would be really nice to see them move away from where they've taken it, can't wait to see what they do with the live action shows that are making it to roster, as that will allow me to make a permanent decision on whether I can write the franchise off all together.
 

Chukzombi

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they wasted any chance for a Han+Leaia+Luke reunion in TFA. you think TFA was great? it was boring and had a lot of bad writing like TLJ. they kept Luke in the sidelines because he would have cleaned up Kylo in five minutes. the only difference being is that JJ wasnt as severe with his retardation as RJ. both are retarded though.
 

lower case g

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I think the best thing they could do is have the movie start out with Finn waking up in a bacta tank, crawling out, and saying "I just had the dumbest dream!".
 

Fight

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If there is even the slightest fucking hint of Rian Johnson's cuckery on this movie, I am skipping it. Actually, I am probably skipping it regardless.

RIP Star Wars.
 
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