Rajaah
Honorable Member
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Finally watched this movie. It was probably the single dumbest movie I've watched in years.
The 60's futuristic aesthetic was awesome. Felt like what a 50's comic would have viewed the future as being like, with the overwhelming optimism of the era. Flying cars, space travel, a "bubble" design around everything.
However the movie totally fell apart once Galactus gave them the incredibly generous out of letting him adopt their baby in exchange for sparing the entire world.
The F4 refuse, dooming the entire world to death (yes, including their baby). At least the people of the world called them out for their selfishness rather than the movie just glazing over it.
However...it was pretty much comical from that point onward, considering it wasn't intended to be a comedy. I LOL'd at how Sue Storm went out with the baby and "introduced New York to him" as if emotional manipulation with a cute baby would have any effect on anyone with actual logic. Of course, it being a modern Marvel movie made for infants, her appeal to emotion worked, and the crowd did the whole "begrudgingly see her point and begin to slow clap" thing.
So because of this selfish bitch refusing to give up her baby, the rest of the F4 bend over backwards to find another way to keep Earth from being obliterated, and decide the best thing to do is build PLANET-WIDE TELEPORTATION DEVICES that will TELEPORT EARTH TO ANOTHER STAR SYSTEM TO AVOID GALACTUS. What if Galactus...turns around and follows? Do they teleport again?
Anyway, this plan unsurprisingly fails. Was hilarious how they expected everyone on Earth to turn their lights off that day and not use any power, as if everyone on Earth would be able to comply with that request. The super-overpowered Silver Surfer comes down and destroys all the teleportation machines, the plan is ruined.
Next plan: Build a trap in the middle of Manhattan and use the baby to lure Galactus into the middle of the trap, then warp him away. Hey, wait a minute, we're in the middle of Manhattan, surrounded by apartment buildings, luring Galactus here will kill thousands of families. OOPS. So they quickly devise a plan to remigrate Manhattan's population into the underground lair of JD Vance and the Underground Mole Cult. Why not something simpler, like teleporting Manhattan island to Alpha Centauri or something?
Galactus arrives, outsmarts this bunch (not hard), then gets out-wrestled / pushed into the portal by Sue Storm which is so comical that it would have shattered all immersion if the movie still had any. Marvel still booking women like 1980's Hulk Hogan, to the detriment of even cosmic-level threats like Galactus. Didn't Kang the Conqueror lose a fight to Ant Man's daughter or some shit, too? Or maybe it was Wasp. Probably Wasp. I just remember Kang being the new debuting supposedly Thanos-level Big Bad and getting punked out by one of the women right out of the gate. Shang-Chi got the same treatment, both him and the bad guy lost fights to women early in the movie. Having a new hero, or a major villain, get punked out in a fight is idiotic booking to begin with, but Marvel has to make sure we know various women can beat up all of these guys, for some reason.
At least they didn't kill Galactus, he could still be an Avengers-level threat later on in the series once they're done with Doctor Doom (I guess Kang is done). Galactus is kind of neutered now that he got overpowered by this one woman with rainbow beam Mom Strength, though. Like I doubt I could take him seriously against the Avengers over a multi-movie arc in the future. They're probably better off having Knull be the final Big Bad after Doom. If they can get the rights to Knull, I think Sony has them. Knull is the only guy I can think of who might actually be able to recapture the threat level and menace that Thanos exuded.
Anyway, this movie was colossally stupid