Sutekh
Blackwing Lair Raider
- 7,489
- 106
That's the point bro, that she's a normal parent and not some fucking loser.
The Girls Who Broke Your Heart Thread
- Thread starter Wintermute
- Start date
Big Phoenix
Pronouns: zie/zhem/zer
- 44,797
- 93,654
Khane
Got something right about marriage
- 19,875
- 13,393
You're contradicting yourself here. It isn't work if it's a good relationship and you are even saying so yourself. No relationship is perfect and everything has it's share of ups and downs, but if you look at your relationship and say "this is hard" that's not a good sign. Also, get the fuck out of here with that "Father knows best" bullshit. Congratulations on your marriage, that's great, but don't think that automatically makes you smarter than me just because I am not married. Sometimes it takes a while to find the person you are really, truly compatible with. I am not going to trap myself in a relationship I know is doomed just because I don't want to be alone.
Beagle, I think that's the first time you explained more than just the problem you're having though I haven't read every single response obviously. I was just making a broad generalization about things that I find intolerable because of my personality.
If I hear someone tell me a story like that my first thought goes to a deeper psychological issue. Why is this kid still sleeping in bed with her? Does she avoid confrontation at all costs? Does she run away from adversity and take the easy way out in everything she does? I thought she was 25 because of the comment you made when I called her a loser. Obviously not the case. It's just the way my thoughts progress.
I have a hang up about this because I need to feel that the woman I am with is my equal. If not I fall into this perpetuating habit of constantly patronizing her without even realizing I'm doing it. But that is just who I am, and there is nothing wrong with it. That's why I look for certain qualities in a woman.
I think his point was she isn't just some ho or whatever. IMO she sounds like a good snag but just needs some help. I've not heard Beagle have any problems with her outside of the sleeping thing. Frankly if she doesn't see that it's wrong vs, know it's wrong but just difficult to get through, well that would be a bit more telling.
Also, if you take advice from folks here that don't have kids or don't work within the child care areas (e.g. they have no fucking idea other than what they've read), I'd be a bit cautious as well. It's funny to see a pediatrician work with my kids, when they have none, vs our new pediatrician who has kids. Living that life, a parent, vs "being educated", 2 different worlds.
Also, if you take advice from folks here that don't have kids or don't work within the child care areas (e.g. they have no fucking idea other than what they've read), I'd be a bit cautious as well. It's funny to see a pediatrician work with my kids, when they have none, vs our new pediatrician who has kids. Living that life, a parent, vs "being educated", 2 different worlds.
Khane
Got something right about marriage
- 19,875
- 13,393
Ahh so you're one of those people that as soon as your wife pops out a kid within the first 2 weeks of being a parent you are suddenly so much more educated than your pediatrician because they don't have any kids. Got it.
You don't need to have kids to be good with kids. There is no magical switch in the brain that flips on the second your wife gets pregnant.
You don't need to have kids to be good with kids. There is no magical switch in the brain that flips on the second your wife gets pregnant.
Kirun
Buzzfeed Editor
- 18,740
- 34,932
That'sexactlywhat you're doing. Like I described in another thread, it's literally a self-fulfilling prophecy by process of elimination. Taken to its logical conclusion, you're shooting an arrow, painting the target around it, and calling it a bullseye. After which you'll self-congratulate for having held to a(misguided)conviction. Even though she's a clinical neurotic with massive child issues, she still has "other redeeming qualities" that make her worth the effort. The problem with that idealization is that you want to force fit a woman who most closely resembles your ideals into that fantasy role. It becomes a feedback loop ? connect with an "ideal" girl, discover her flaws, issues, personal conditions, and the decisions she made that resulted in them, then(after attempts at rationalizing them yourself)disqualify her from the "ideal" woman designation. The cycle will come full circle when your disqualification of her as an "ideal" woman will set the table for finding that next "diamond" in the rough.
Genuine desire is non-negotiable. It happens or it doesn't. Desire is a spontaneous, chemical response, not a preconceived contract. By placing preconditions on what will or will not qualify for each others' intimacy, you've essentially ruled out any chance for genuine, organic desire.
Your self-doubt about your "worthiness" of a woman's intimacy stems from a preconditioned idea that women of a certain type are now "out of your league". The optimist idea of "if you think you can?t, you?re right" is true. To address the source of this self-defeating idea, it's more important to ask yourselfwhyyou've been taught to think you can't. The danger isn't in aiming too high and failing, it's in aiming too low and succeeding.
I'm not debating the legitimacy of the evaluative standards of the "dating world". It's usually a harsh, often cruel reality. What I'm really trying to do is open your eyes as to why you believe you're only "worth" a girl who has this much baggage and is a dime a dozen. Looks count for a lot, as does affluence, personality, talent, etc., but is your self-evaluation accurate, or are you a voluntary participant in your own self-devaluation?
Khane
Got something right about marriage
- 19,875
- 13,393
The fuck are you talking about Kirun? When the dust settles and the honeymoon phase is over desire gives way to compatibility in every reasonable human being on the planet. All he's doing right now is doubting himself about one very specific problem in his current relationship. Not doubting himself as a man in our "female dominated society". He's asking himself (and us) if this is a dealbreaker. What person in the history of earth hasn't asked themselves these things about their relationship?
TheBeagle
JunkiesNetwork Donor
- 8,524
- 29,344
Sutekh
Blackwing Lair Raider
- 7,489
- 106
Between the posts about tricking Korean women to help you with learning their language and fucking prostitutes, it's nice to get normal discussion in here.
You sound like you're getting defensive of this woman.
All we're trying to do is warn you.
A 9 year old sleeping in bed consistently with his mother is a giant red flag:
a) that he is going to have other behavioral/emotional issues over the next several YEARS because she has established a pattern of not setting boundaries. (ie: he may not throw temper tantrums in the supermarket or long car rides anymore, but how did she respond to them over the years)
b) she is not necessarily going to agree with your parenting decisions and that it will create friction in your relationship because she will go along with what you say to appease you, while slowly building up resentment that you're raising her child differently than how she would.
If you didn't think it was a warning sign, you wouldn't have asked for advice on this forum.
You've only dated for a few months, you're deciding on whether you want to invest more. I'd urge you to be cautious.
Khane, you're not getting it, no double talk. Not smarter, perhaps more wise, that doesn't mean we can't be equal though, shit doesn't even mean you can't be smarter.
You're taking work as a negative, I'm not. FFS, you have to "work" to be friends with your bros. If you didn't work at it, you'd be a hermit. Is that analogy better? Would I say to my bro, "Shit man, I don't want to stop and get a 6 pack of suds for you", no of course I'd get that 6 pack and probably not even ask for any cash. Is that "work". No not technically, but that is what I mean. We're probably splitting hairs here, I'll digress
As for my points around walking the walk vs talking about the walk, unless you've lived it, all you have is what you've observed, read, been told, etc, you've not lived it, so you don't know. I doubt many of us have been in the situation exact as Beagle but it's obvious we "all" have input
You're taking work as a negative, I'm not. FFS, you have to "work" to be friends with your bros. If you didn't work at it, you'd be a hermit. Is that analogy better? Would I say to my bro, "Shit man, I don't want to stop and get a 6 pack of suds for you", no of course I'd get that 6 pack and probably not even ask for any cash. Is that "work". No not technically, but that is what I mean. We're probably splitting hairs here, I'll digress
As for my points around walking the walk vs talking about the walk, unless you've lived it, all you have is what you've observed, read, been told, etc, you've not lived it, so you don't know. I doubt many of us have been in the situation exact as Beagle but it's obvious we "all" have input
Kirun
Buzzfeed Editor
- 18,740
- 34,932
No, he's given the chick an ultimatum. "Shit with your son needs to change, or I'm out of here!". That's a negotiation, one that she's only doing because of an obligated compliance. If she genuinely worried about what sleeping with mommy might be doing to her son's mental state, she wouldn't have waiting NINE fucking years to change the behavior. And she CERTAINLY wouldn't have waited until a guy who was "man enough" to be a father figure came around and did it "for her".
Would you fucking whiners quit being so butt mad? You're the dolts that are inflecting my posts with "FEMINISM IS THE DEVIL!". Nowhere in my post did I imply he's part of some big feminist agenda. He even said it himself...
Yeah, that bolded part just oozes confidence and a man who genuinely believes he can do better. No, the bolded reeks of somebody who is "settling", because this is the most recent girl who has reciprocated on his sexual interest. He keeps trying to justify her actions, because she has "other redeeming qualities!". You know, like her pussy! I mean other than that whole BPD-Bi-Polar mess, a nine year old who cuddles with mommy, and a girl who's just "too overworked" for all that parenting mumbo jumbo, she's fucking one of a kind...
Ridas
Pay to play forum
- 2,868
- 4,111
I think, you have to be biopolar to join the club. Buttcancer probably helps aswell.
Sutekh
Blackwing Lair Raider
- 7,489
- 106
Sutekh
Blackwing Lair Raider
- 7,489
- 106