The Writing Thread - Post Shit You've Written (And Criticize What's Posted)

Xarpolis

Life's a Dream
14,093
15,593
I previously wrote this:


Fortunately I always carry a small flashlight for those "just in case" situations. This turned out to be one of them. The tunnel seemed to go on for about a mile, before coming to a metal ladder about 10 feet tall that goes up to a manhole cover. Even though it's heavy, I was able to slide the cover out of the way and climb out of the hole. From up here, It's still daylight, so I can see again. I'm inside of the walled area, and the institute is in front of me. After doing a quick walk around the building, none of the doors are unlocked. Fortunately, when I climbed up the ladder, behind me was the wall, but was more of a hallway than a wall. It just looked that way from the outside, but it was easily 6 to 8 feet across. And at the base of the wall are windows without that you can get inside of the wall with. So It was time to try that method.




I'm going to change it a little bit from exiting the manhole cover.




Now that I'm up here, my first goal is to walk the perimeter of the institute and check all the doors and windows to see if anythings open. That'll help me get access into the building. Unfortunately, after quickly walking around the building and trying all the various doors, they were all locked tight. Unfortunately, the ground floor windows all had steel bars covering over them to also prevent access. That said, all of the windows were broken. I'm sure someone had thrown rocks threw them at some point, but there was no way for me to enter the building from there.


The next goal is to try to find another way in. I circled the building once more, and realized that the wall around the edge wasn't really a wall after all. It had an opening, recessed right into the ground, as if there was a basement under it. Honestly, there should have been a window covering it, and it might have in the past, but not now. It was hard to even see the opening due to how tall the grass had grown. I guess I just got lucky finding it. Next up, I lowered myself into the open space, and the floor was only around 8 feet down. After that, I was easily able to stand inside of the wall. With my penlight turned back on, I realize this isn't a wall after all. It was a large underground hallway. Due to the height, it was the shape of a perfect square. There was water where I dropped down. I guess rain has drained into this hallway since there wasn't a window. It was dirty in the hallway. And dusty. It wasn't vandalized, but there were a lot of floating things in the air that you could see thanks to the penlight. I don't think it's anything to worry about. Just dust from not being used for a while. Also, under the dust, there's a typical speckled white and gray linoleum floor. Now that I think about it, this really makes me think of being in a hospital. I bet the institute might have really been a secret hospital after all, and not a school. Now I understand why there is a dagger hidden here.


So this hallway seems to run under the wall. With my back against the wall I climbed down to get into it, I could go left or right. For no reason at all, I decided to walk to the left. Walking through the large hallway, it has random downward ramps. Very minor drops though each lowers you down maybe a single step. After walking a couple of minutes, I went down quite a few of those downward ramps, and the hallway made a T with a sharp turn to the left. It feels like if I walk straight, I would stay under the wall, but if I turn left, it'll take me towards the institute. I guess they had underground access for security or whatever. Obviously I turned left and ran towards the institute/hospital.


After running a little bit, I encountered a metal door blocking the way. It was a typical "fire door" that would prevent a fire from spreading beyond it. The door had a typical metal door knob, but fortunately it wasn't locked. I guess they never expected someone to walk in through here. After the door, the hallway continued for another 10-15 feet, and then a second door. Strange. Fortunately, this one was also unlocked. When I went inside of it, I was in a large room with trash all over the floor. I say trash because it didn't look like anything of value, but it "might" be something people would use. On the far side of the room was another door with a window. I walked through the scattered papers and trash to get to the door, and through the window, saw stairs going up.



-------------------


I kept meaning to write more, but I kind of stopped. There's always an excuse to stop IRL. I'd love to be able to write even close to as well as some of the lit RPG shit I've read, but I don't know If I have that ability. Especially when it comes to action. I've read some fantastic fight sequences, but couldn't even imagine creating something like that. Hmm....
 

Ukerric

Bearded Ape
<Silver Donator>
7,893
9,485
At the risk of self-doxxing myself a bit (as I don't use a pseudonym when writing), I've been writing on RR for a while now, all in the LitRPG genre.

The Infinite Labyrinth | Royal Road is the fiction that I have complete (four books, 1752 pages estimated by RR. Book 1 is draft 2, all the others are still in draft 1 phase)

It is the 19th century, and war smoulders between England and France.

Any hope for a quick end to Napoleon's rampage across Europe ended when the Great Gates opened in 1800. For a fortunate few, the strange world of the Infinite Labyrinth offers opportunities, strange descriptors popping in their minds, informing them of growth, and status beyond that of a mere mortal. The materials and power crystal they bring back foster a new age, both military and civilian. Aether-powered Skyships prowl the skies, as all the great nations blessed by the Gates try to turn the blessings of the Labyrinth into immediate advantages.

But for Jonas, an apprentice leatherworker, his friend Ira, and so many Londoners, the fabled ones that walk the Labyrinth are distant heroes, seen from afar. They fell short when their Potential was measured, and they fill their mundane lives with distant dreams.

One man wants to break the stalemate. The Tyrant of the Dominion of France, Napoleon Bonaparte, has a plan. Eighteen years after the world changed, he will force it to change again. And when civilians are caught in the fallout, the unthinkable happens.

Six people, unqualified, forbidden to ever enter the Labyrinth, find themselves stranded in a distant zone, forcefully turned into Professionals. They know little of what that means, but they have to figure out the rules that are now their lot, for they have little hope to escape their predicament otherwise. They need to understand what the descriptors in their minds mean, what each of the strange piece of gear waiting in treasure chests behind terrible guardians can bring them. They have to become Professionals on their own and rejoin the Empire. They will figure out their new lives one way or another.

But will there be an Empire waiting for them when the Gates re-open? Caught in a clash of empires and high tiers, they will do what little they can. They will step up and do their best.

One way or another.

There is also a trilogy, on hiatus as I figure out how to structure properly the last book: Ancient Books: The Changed Ones book 2 complete (Post-Post Apocalypse LitRPG trilogy) | Royal Road

Is it truly an RPG Apocalypse... if no one can see the RPG?

Generations after the Fall, Mankind has achieved a balance in a world it is no longer the master of. But your prospects in this Malthusian world are limited. Johanna Milton and her friends have an answer: delve into Ancient ruins, avoid Changed beasts and mana pockets, and salvage Ancient materials, collectibles, and trinkets to sell. It pays well if you avoid the perils of the Ancient world.

But when they find the skeleton of an Ancient, their lives take a strange turn. Suddenly, Talents straight out of fantasy novels become theirs. While they try to make sense of what happens, eyes turn to them, to the four who seem to break all rules.

Or are they merely following them? Because, in the Beyond where he's spent 150 years waiting, one dead Ancient knows the truth. Douglas Moore has played those games often enough when he was alive to make sense of the System that rules the Changed world. He can no longer act on his own, but he has access to the Interface. And four people for which he can bring whatever it takes to face the world.

Change is coming.

As well as an ongoing book 2 of my first trilogy started 4 years ago: Silvergates: Navigator (Book 2) | Royal Road

Five years ago, the first Silvergate was found. At first, they called it a hoax. But since then, more and more people have entered the alternate dimension called Northworld, received their Interface, and going on to real adventures. As it gained momentum, they called it a problem. Now, they call it a crime. But for nearly half a million people, it's now their real home.

Yearning. Escape. Duty. The reasons to go are many. Despite the criminalization of Silvergating, people still seek out their ticket to Northworld.

But for new Gaters Jasper Hill, Erika Haglund, and Henry Esteban, Northworld has surprises in store. Not every rumor is false, not every conspiracy theory is stupid. When the veil lifts for them, showing truths about Northworld that no one suspected, they may have difficulty making themselves heard.

And being trusted may mean the difference between life or exile forever.
 
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Xarpolis

Life's a Dream
14,093
15,593
Awesome. I'll read your full post a little later, but how is the royal road thing going for you? Did you also set up a patreon, and how does that work?
Thanks, just curious.
 

Ukerric

Bearded Ape
<Silver Donator>
7,893
9,485
Awesome. I'll read your full post a little later, but how is the royal road thing going for you? Did you also set up a patreon, and how does that work?
Thanks, just curious.
No, I just write for the enjoyment of writing. If a publisher comes calling, I'll jump to Amazon, but it's a shitshow for independent writers, and I'd rather have professionals handle all of that.


I'm not doing Patreon, because the way I write is, shall we say, not conductive to serial writing. I write all over the place on a book. I'll start with the prologue AND epilogue, then write in the middle, then more scenes at the beginning, then another half-chapter somewhere, then something else, then I complete that half-chapter, and so on. If you need to churn out 10 advance chapters, that's close to impossible for me, because I'd need to write the entire book first, then refrain myself from pushing the chapters.

So, everything is free. If you want EPUBs for a reader rather than reading online, I can do that.
 
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Bodhy

Karen
<Banned>
497
-4,291
I jokingly wrote this back at BB.com to make fun of a poster's deranged obsession with Yours Truly:

At last, DDSF1, eminent anthropologist and adventurer, emerged from the steaming jungle to a clearing in a misty valley, a verdant expanse stretching to the horizon. He wiped sweat off his brow, and took a moment to gather himself. He was exhausted, and starving, and was running dangerously low on bagels. He had braved the terrors of the jungle on this foreign continent to make it this far: Huge thorned serpents which camouflaged themselves amongst the trees and could paralyze a man in a single bite. Disease-ridden buzzing insects, the size of birds, who could infect one with the hideous blight known as Jungle Rot. Massive ape-like hominids who could tear a man limb from limb. Horrid winged dog-bat hybrids which emitted deafening shrieks, and more.

His retinue had succumbed to starvation, dehydration, mutiny, or simply swallowed up by the jungle. DDSF1 didn't care now, he had come too far and could see the object of his journey in the valley. He couldn't believe his eyes, it was real. Something prior to now which was the stuff of fables, myths and lore. Here it was, in the hidden valley: The Temple of Bodhy.

"I don't believe it", DDSF1 bewilderingly exclaimed. The Temple of Bodhy, a magnificent structure which towered high above the misty valley, built by the ancient Myssa culture eons ago, made in Bodhy's likeness. DDSF1 was a world renowned academic on Bodhy lore and mythology. He had travelled the world delivering lectures on Bodhy, publishing work on Bodhy, and held a high esteem as the world's pre-eminent expert on Bodhy lore. He had an undying passion to learn everything possible about this figure and his voluminous library at home was overstuffed with tomes, scriptures, parchments and artifacts relating to Bodhy.

But this wasn't enough. He had to find the Temple, enshrouded in legend, and see it for himself, and tell the world. The last decades of his life were consumed by this quest, even times his relationships threatened to break down due to what some perceived as an unhealthy obsession. There were even those who suspected he be homosexually attracted to this figure.

All of it a distant memory now as he approached the temple. He deftly crept about the foliage, as he knew there were a fierce tribe of warrior women called the Tranys, who possessed male genitalia, and fiercely guarded their idol. Should he, a foreigner, be captured trespassing on their hallowed ground, he knew they subject him to a terrible demise by gaping his virgin ass-hole.

As DDSF1 made it inside, he was awed by the interior architecture. The walls and columns were crafted with intricate, highly mathematical fractal designs with exquisite filigrees, a fascinating insight into ancient Myssa architecture.

DDSF1 had come prepared with nose-plugs, as rumours abounded the walls might be covered with doody, but was relieved to find this simply myth that had crept into the stories over the years, something his own academic work has debunked as apocryphal.

He saw two doors before him, which lead to two individual chambers. "Yes, this is it" he said, "The test of faith", as every item of lore he had diligently studied was unveiling as a reality before his eyes. Behind one door was the ultimate object of his quest and the focal point of all Bodhy mythology. It was the fabled artifact known as The Transcript, inscribed onto ancient parchment atop a pedestal within the chamber which would illuminate with radiant sunlight once he reached the centre. The artifact that decisively proved that Bodhy was once a mortal man and walked amongst us, and had made great contributions to the edifice of humanity's knowledge.

DDSF1 knew, that if he procured it, he would become rich beyond his wildest dreams. But such a incredible reward was offset by a terrible danger. Behind the second door was an empty chamber. If he were to choose incorrectly, and enter this chamber, the door would grind shut behind him and the chamber would flood with Zyklon B, a poisonous gas that was toxic to his people.

DDSF1 stood before both doors and knew only a genuine leap of faith could guide him to his prize. He once again wiped sweat off of his brow, and with fear and trepidation, stepped forward and opened one of the doors....


Just to do a bit of creative writing practice before I move onto more serious projects, like my planned fantasy novel.
 
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Brahma

Obi-Bro Kenobi-X
11,915
41,908
1st 50 pages or so. Beat it up people! Ignore the "editing" and let me know what you think of the story, style, flow etc. The names are just family members, so ignore that also.

I REALLY want the FOH honest opinions here, since you will clearly be my demographic. If you guys say it's worth it to keep writing I probably will.

I'm also aware that I used some words waaaay too many times. I will pull out the thesaurus later. I'm not even remotely a writer. Just wanted to give it a shot.

“Do you really think he’s in there?” asked Dana.

“I do. Plus, The Church sent twenty Paladins. He’s either in there, or this is one of the deepest Mound’s ever. For The Church to commit so many Paladins’ outside of a full-blown war is unheard of.” replied Janay, as she slightly adjusted the bow on her back.

“Are we positive word got back to Him that she’s in The Mound?” Dana asking a second question.

Janay nodded. “Positive. His Gunlance and Shield are missing from The Bunker.”

Dana closed his eyes and let out a long sigh. As he opened them, he clearly had a look of not wanting to deal with the immediate future.

“Let’s get to it then.” Dana said. He took a couple steps towards The Mound as he unsheathed his swords from his back. “Signal the rest of the party please. Enough time has passed. Too much time actually, greater chance to be discovered the longer we wait. Let’s hope they have found all the exits.” He shaded his eyes from the sun.

Dana’s swords, one gold, and one silver, hummed with a low pitch rhythm. As he walked forward with the tips pointed downward, he twisted his wrists a couple times and the swords flowed with a gold and silver after images respectively. The after images could stop projectiles if timed correctly. He had long ago mastered that technique. He was pretty much untouchable with arrows and bullets, and he was considered certain death once in mele range. Spells were a little bit trickier for the master swordsman, but he dealt with that just fine when the need arose.

The long, straight blades of both weapons flowed into the handles, then into the pommels seamlessly as one piece. The pommels, finally changing color to the opposite weapon. The gold blade to silver pommel. The silver blade to gold pommel.

The nameless weapons had small and intricate writing along the flats of the blades. Not the names of the weapons, for neither sword had given him any indication on what they would like to be called.

Loosely translated, the writing, in ancient Backra said “Death to all I face.” On the gold sword.

“Souls will be collected.” On the silver weapon.

At least that was what he was told by those who supposedly knew such things. However, he doubted very much that’s what the writing translated to. He knew the weapons were much older than the Backran empire itself, and he was positive the weapons were not from the same continent as the empire. Plus, the style was much too militaristic as opposed to a more stylish look the Backran favored in their time.

To stay loose, Dana bounced on the balls of his feet as he rolled his shoulders, and swung his swords in circles and strikes, going through the practice motions.

He had already checked his light armor on the way to The Mound. The black-on-black leather and chainmail was in pristine condition. He took pride in his look, even prior or during battles.

The leather breast plate continued up his neck, stopping just below his chin. The hard leather flaring outward as to not touch his light beard. Whoever designed the armor thought of comfort as well as protection.

Repair on the hard leather was a bit complicated to work on, thus expensive, even if it wasn’t magical or enchanted. The many layered interlockings were tricky to work on or around, without disassembling every piece. Which was what most armor smiths decided to do in the end. The assembly being just as complicated as the dis-assembly that was very time consuming for any smith, which was the main reason for the high cost.

Under the armor his heart was covered with a small metal plate. Nothing that could stop a full sword thrust, but enough to stop a rapier if he was ever so clumsy. Maybe a stray arrow if he was unlucky. Every little bit mattered when it came to his life.

Janay nodded at Dana’s request and unslung her bow. Her weapon was just as much a piece of art as much a weapon.

Her bow was not as flashy as Dana’s swords, but just as impressive in a different way.

Unlike Dana’s swords her bow made no noise. Had no writing. No fancy flowing colors. It was simply polished white bone. The bone had so much detail carved into it, that the images appeared to move. The carvings were those of angels and demons fighting up and down the limbs and riser of her weapon. When the bow was drawn, the images slightly moved with the bending of the bow, and looked to engage in whatever battle they were in. Whether it be a sword fight, or of course a bow being drawn. It was mesmerizing to see in action.

Equally, if not more amazing was the companion quiver and accompanied arrows. Both having the same exquisite carvings as the bow.

Both quiver and arrows were made of the same bone. There were twelve arrows total. Each arrow returned to the quiver after about ten seconds, regardless where the arrows wound up. Skull or sky, the arrows would return to the quiver in due time. Janay had also perfected her technique and a rhythm so that she was always with at least one arrow in the quiver.

No one knew what creature the bone had originated from. Most appraisers thought the weapon was made from some sort of demon. The weight and density were right, but the coloring was wrong. Demon corpses were very rare, since spells were the most effective way to eventually kill a demon. But spells rarely left demon corpses. The very few that were dissected had black or red impurities throughout their skeletal system. If it was from a demon, it would have had to have been massive. So massive that you found a portion of bone to carve an entire four-foot-tall bow from, with no black or red imbedded within.

Some people also went so far to whisper the bow was made from the bones of an angel. Janay herself believed this. Most people did not want to even consider a bow that was carved from an angel. Who wanted the eyes of The Church peering at them, trying to prove that a hero was walking around with an angel’s skeleton as a weapon. At best The Church accused you of blasphemy and labeled you some sort of heretic. More than likely you quietly disappeared.

Janay’s armor was equally impressive as her weapon. Blue and white steel plates integrated with chain mail connecting the joints as opposed to a layered build. This allowed for a smoother draw of her weapon, and more flexibility while providing good protection. If in a pinch she needed to pull out her small daggers that were secured to her forearms, it was also pretty quick and easy.

Her battle dress would have weighed well over a hundred pounds if not for the enchantments on a couple levels.

The most obvious enchantment brought the weight down to a manageable weight even for Janay’s tiny frame. Usually, this sort of an enchantment made the armor not as strong, losing a large percentage of its effectiveness.

This was off-set with the second enchantment that strengthened the armor to about double its original protections. Negating the first enchantments negative effect.

The third and most impressive enchantment were the plates on the low hem of the battle dress that covered to her ankles, almost scraping the ground. There were three colored plates, knee high in the front, that her arrows could touch as they were drawn from the quiver on her hip. The arrow would pick up the enchantment of the colored plate she touched. Red plate, for fire. Blue plate, for ice. Green plate, a deadly poison.

Janay’s bow, armor and plates all drew from essence. Since she wasn’t really a spell caster, that suited her just fine. The bow, arrows and quiver pulled what it needed from her essence for the return of the arrows. The further the arrows flew, the more essence it pulled from her source. Her armor constantly pulling from her essence also for the colored plates. Both were negligible, unless used nonstop in long drawn-out battles.

Her total essence capacity was pretty small, but she didn’t really care. She had her self-heal like everyone did, and that was pretty much it. Her strengths were her accuracy, dexterity and speed. Not much room to wiggle your fingers and cast a spell, when they were occupied with a bow string and you were concentrating on a target.

She removed an arrow from her quiver, and touched the red plate on the front of her armor. The head of the arrow instantly came alive with the red flame. She drew back her bow and let the arrow fly up in the air.

After about five seconds, the arrow let off a small fireworks display. She felt when the arrow returned to her quiver. A tiny drain on her essence pool being the indication that the arrow had returned.

Both her and Dana waited patiently for an answering flaming arrow. It took about thirty seconds, but the answer did come. The others were in position. She turned around and looked at the soldiers behind her. More than one hundred in total. She spoke just loud enough for the men to hear her.

“Remember. Nothing leaves this entrance. If anything attempts to leave. Kill it. Even if its human.” Janay stated. “No matter what you hear, do not go into The Mound. You will die. Whether by orc, ogre…or Him.”

“What about yourself and Dana ma’am?” a soldier asked. “How will you survive in there, and how will we know not to fire upon you if you come back out?”

Another soldier, clearly an archer, immediately followed up with another question “Why are we killing humans coming out of The Mound. Is this not a rescue mission?”

Dana turned to face the soldiers and answer their queries. He held in a chuckle.

“First you will need more than what’s gathered here to kill us.” Dana attempted to answer the second question.

“Secondly those will not be humans coming out of The Mound, but orc shaman with a glamour attempting to escape the slaughter that…”

Dana was interrupted by the ground slightly trembling, along with the sound of what could only be described as something along the lines of a stampede. Following that, came the high-pitched screams and guttural yells that let him know that orcs were on the way out The Mound. The ground trembled further, signaling there must be at least an ogre or two coming also. Neither the screams nor movement of the earth concerned Dana. He was more annoyed that he didn’t get to finish his explanation. He pulled down on his leather tunic at the bottoms, along with his sleeves. A habit of his. He gave his orders to the soldiers.

“Bows out! Take out every orc you see from a distance.” Ordered Dana. “The Bone Archer and I will take care of the Ogre’s. Only get within mele range if absolutely necessary.” Dana continued.

Well trained and disciplined soldiers placed arrows in the ground, putting bows in hand. Ranks were quickly formed, and they waited. Heavy shielded Paladin’s were placed about twenty feet in front of the archers. Just in case. No archer pulled back arrows until they saw the first inhabitant of the mound make an appearance out of the dark hole that would begin an hours long slaughter.

Both Dana and Janay turned to face The Mound. It was a large lifeless hill covering maybe half a square mile, with a dark entrance that would be followed by underground tunnels. Usually, a Mound would go about three times deep as what you saw above the ground. Maze-like tunnels to confuse invaders was usually the layout. There would be many dead ends, well-hidden murder holes and doorways. It was always best to keep a fire mage in your rear as you progressed. Setting fire to everything as you traveled downward into an orc lair was always a prudent move.

A lite mist covered the hill along with hundreds of sharpened wooden spikes that were probably ten feet tall, were spread around and on top of the entire rise. Spaced maybe ten feet apart at most, the stakes gave the impression of a giant pin cushion from a distance. A very grisly pin cushion. Most of the spikes contained some sort of a corpse. And most of those bodies were human, but some were local predators like a bear or a grave boar.

The bulk of the corpses were rotting flesh, with exposed bones at this point. All of the human corpses wore armor and were impaled from their split up to their mouths. The tips of the spikes, a few times having rotting guts here and there, with some having so much exposed organs and excrement, that it was on the faces of the corpses. Adventurers that thought their party was the one that could best The Mound. Dana prayed that these people were dead prior to placement. But he knew that chances were they were alive when impaled. Ogres would consider it fun to see the bodies still squirming when placed.

The very top of The Mound was what Dana and Janay were concentrating on. On the very top of The Mound was placed a giant wooden “X” stained a dark crimson now from decades of use, with a body hammered to it by nails every few inches. What was left of the skin and flesh was stretched across most of the two crossing stakes.

From the distance the two were standing, it was impossible to tell if the body was man or woman, but it was clear that it was placed there with enough time having passed, that the rotting of the corpse was complete. The duo were pretty much looking at an exposed ribcage, with some skin still nailed to the stained and rotting wood.

This immediately explained why they were here. The Mound needed a new body to fuel the mist and any other minor spells.

Unfortunately for this Mound, the orcs had taken the wrong person for a sacrifice. Hell, the orcs probably screwed the whole area because they took the wrong person to nail to that damn “X’.

Dana had a quick thought as he looked on at would be a days’ worth of bloodshed. His mind drifting slightly away from the here and now.

His thoughts were on how there would be good and bad news for the locals.

The good news was this Mound would soon be an afterthought. No more people would disappear. No more mutilated livestock. Even the hill would be razed flat probably.

The bad news was the cost to the local residents of the surrounding towns and villages. Five hundred soldiers, Paladins, and a couple heroes did not come cheap. Granted, himself and Janay were the bulk of that cost, since every lord kept at least a garrison worth of soldiers on standby anyway for road patrols and chasing away bandits or robbers. The Paladin’s must have been pricey also.

No lord could afford to keep heroes on retainer though. They petitioned the local adventures guild or The Church when they were needed. Hoping your request was granted in a timely manner.

The local lord could, out of the kindness of his heart eat the cost of this endeavor if he wanted. But that was a pie in the sky thought. This would be an excuse to raise taxes higher than they should be for this small of an undertaking. Once it was paid for, he doubted the local lord would lower the taxes to their original state.

“I guess he could make Him pay for it.” Dana murmured aloud.

“Huh? What are you talking about?” asked Janay. As she kept an eye on the entrance.

“Nothing. Thinking out loud.” Replied Dana.

“Stay focused please.” Said Janay. “Here they come.”

No sooner than Janay had spoken, the first orc showed its scrawny body. It was hairless with brownish green skin. Its limbs were bony, with feet and hands that were a bit too large. A slight hunch to its back. The head, like it’s hands and feet, looked largely out of proportion for the rest of its body. It had an extra wide mouth full of teeth made for ripping and tearing into flesh.

It wore nothing but a soiled, tattered loin cloth and carried a crude, but functional spear made of wood and what looked like sharpened stone as a blade.

The thing had no nose. Just two slits in the middle of its face for breathing. The unevenly placed eyes were round and of normal size.

This was something that stuck out for most people. When you first faced orcs, you expected to be fighting some unhinged little monsters. That was far from the truth. The eyes were the first sign of this. In the eyes, you first saw the intelligence these creatures had. It was then that you realized you were in for much more than you bargained for.

The height of an orc was always under stated also. They were not as tall as humans for the most part, but they were taller than expected. Their long limbs giving them an equal reach with any weapons that they wielded. Since they favored a spear, orcs usually had a reach advantage.

Fortunately, orcs were extremely poor at using weapons. Relying more on numbers than skill. But a spear jabbing at you, still had to be avoided.

The first orc was running out of The Mound with its forearm shading its eyes from the sun. It was carrying a spear in the other hand.

No arrows were released until the orc put its arm down. Immediately three arrows imbedded in the creatures’ skull. Each arrow snapping the creatures head back further as they landed. It was dead instantly on the first arrow imbedding in its skull, but the next two shots entering the skull as the body slumped to the ground making sure.

The number of arrows used to kill the orc were less than what either Dana or Janay expected. Well disciplined, and great shots were both their thoughts about the troops behind them. Janay raised an approving eyebrow, nodding slightly.

The thoughtful praise lasted only a few seconds. The earth shaking grew more pronounced, the sounds louder as more orcs came running out of The Mound. The arrow volley that followed was as skillful as the first. Since most of the orcs running out of the mound were attempting to cover their eyes in an effort to get used to the light, the soldiers took aim at the orc’s center mass. It took as little as two shots to kill the emerging orcs, and as many as ten. One pitiful orc looked like The Mound he was trying to escape from in a way, as he probably had more arrows in his body than either hero could count before it blended with the rest of the peppered orcs.

This ranged slaughter would go on for about thirty seconds at most, but this was clearly just the beginning.

The last of the wave of orcs, and the immediate peppering of arrows ended. For about ten seconds there was nothing but a patient silence.

The ground rumbled, and a deep roar that forced some to cover their ears broke the silence. The ogres had started to emerge from The Mound.

Ducking out of the entrance, massive hands were grabbing for purchase on the side walls to pull itself through the entrance. Following was a massive body that dwarfed any human there.

Ogres were shockingly huge. Some as tall as twenty feet. Unlike the spindly orcs, ogres were all muscle and thick bone. Their skin as hard as stone, almost impenetrable with standard weapons.

They were pale for the most part, since they mostly dwelled in caves or Mounds. Some volcanic ogres were pitch black in color it was said. The product of living in and around volcanoes was the running theory. The ash buildup, like miners slowly turning them the color of the environment.

Their weapon of choice was either a tree trunk or a roughly carved club, which they wielded in one hand. Occasionally they were given a shield if they found a large enough piece of metal. But that was rare.

Ogres were of lower intelligence but could be given a small order and follow it. Most were just unleashed on a battlefield and told to smash the humans, and the orc shaman that controlled them just hoped they didn’t kill as many of their kind as humans.

Worst of all, was that ogres fought until killed. And they were extremely hard to kill. The most effective method to kill an ogre was a pit filled with water. Ogres cannot swim, and their sheer size and weight make them poor climbers. Almost as effective were ice spells in slowing them down, followed up with a steel tipped ballista or three.

Magic and enchanted weapons were weapons of choice when fighting the enormous monsters up close, but magic weapons were extremely rare. Spear teams were the usual tactic. This took a long time and usually a few lives to take the beasts down.

The bad luck this particular mound was having bordered on divine comedy. There happened to be four magical weapons in the immediate area. Three were right in this particular ogre’s path. The fourth magical set of weapons probably was inside in The Mound causing as much havoc and death as possible.

Dana waited until the ogre fully emerged from the entrance before he stepped in its path. Weapons fully drawn; Dana spit once to the side, then ran towards the beast in full speed.

The ogre immediately spotted Dana, but the monster was still blinking pretty hard from adjusting to the sunlight. Each blink the ogre made, Dana used that blinded moment to move slightly out of the ogre’s line of sight, until the ogre fully lost track of him.
 
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Brahma

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The ogre spun around immediately expecting him to pop up from behind. Spinning and smashing the ground with the club in one motion. Debris and dust flying in a frontal cone as the club smashed hard enough to crack the stone in front of the entrance, and the debris chipping away at the walls.

The ogre would have been correct on his location, but Dana had moved to the opposite side that the ogre had initially drawn his club from when he went to turn, and was now actually behind the ogre. The ogre was quick though, and swept the huge club back around. Dana side stepped once again, easily avoiding the fast but clumsy swing, staying behind the monster.

He then moved a few steps, bringing him almost under the beast. Dana proceeded to take the gold sword and slice the ogres hamstring. The weapon went through skin, sinew and bone with very little resistance. The ogre’s leg would have been cut clean through if it wasn’t so large. Consequently, the weapon made it about halfway through the limb before Dana pulled the sword back out, twisting his blade as much as he could before the weapon was totally free.

The sword, so sharp, the cut so clean, that the ogre did not know what had happened, as it still attempted to use that leg as if all was normal. As soon as the ogre went to put full weight down on its foot in an effort to turn its body, the ogre went down on one knee, and had to use the club to prop himself up to not fall completely to the ground. The effect of having the tendons severed.

The ogre was clearly wondering why his leg would not do what he told it to, as he looked at his knee and leaned into the club. A look of confusion on the beast’s face. This second of confusion cost the ogre its life.

Dana was now right in front of the ogre, and was already bringing the silver sword in a cross stroke. Cutting the club the ogre was leaning on in half. The ogre caught himself from toppling over with the hand that was once holding the club but his upper body was now in Dana’s reach.

The ogres massive head slowly developed a thin red line from chin to brow, with a second red line flowing across one eye and down and out the cheek where the silver sword sliced a neat but bloody path.

The ogre howled in pain this time, but Dana kept his blades moving. He brought both weapons across each other. The weapons silhouetted auras starting to buzz from being this close to one another. Like two magnets repelling one another, it seems that Dana’s swords did not care for each other’s company. But Dana knew from years of experience that the weapons when drawn this close together enhanced the effect and sharpness of the swords even more when used in this fashion. He slid the weapons across each other and into the arm the ogre was using for support, cutting the ogres limb clean in half. The ogre proceeded to fall forward, his split chin hitting the ground.

Dana jumped into the air, spinning both weapons as he leaped, and came down with the silver and gold pair into the ogre’s skull. Piercing the monster’s brain and thus ending its life.

Everything and everyone stopped. The soldiers. Janay. The Orcs. They all were looking at the toppled corpse in confusion and in fear. But in Janay’s case, jealousy. The only one moving was Dana, as he cracked his neck side to side as he once again tried to stay loose. An ogre’s skull would slow down even his weapons slightly. You didn’t want to get too tight on these big kills after all or tweak a muscle.

As Dana snapped his weapons to remove the blood and brain, he turned to face Janay. Knowing full well what the expression on her face would look like. In most situations like this, one would expect anything from awe to amazement. Janay was blinking without anything else to show for facial expressions. This meant annoyance. Exactly as he expected.

“I do apologize,” said Dana. “I did not expect it to be so predictable.” As he gave an apologetic bow.

Between his height and her lack thereof, Janay even standing only about eight feet away had to look up to her counterpart once he came out of his bow. She looked at him flatly. Her countenance gave nothing away. Her manicured black braids were as still as could be. Even the slight wind did nothing to move her hair.

Is she using magic or something for that effect? wondered Dana.

The tiny silver bells Janay had woven at the ends of her hair, didn’t so much as tinkle. Her earrings made from the same silver as the bells didn’t so much as shift an inch. Dana would have easily been able to see if the earrings moved, he thought. The silver against her skin that was even darker than Dana’s, he would have easily noticed if the earrings moved. They did not. Janay’s brown eyes didn’t betray what she did next. Outside of himself, Dana doubted anyone here could follow what she did next. He opened his eyes wide letting all the sunshine in.

In one fluid motion Janay had removed three arrows, tapped all three to the green plate on her dress and fired the trio all at once!

Is she going to kill me for taking an ogre down? Dana alarmed to himself. He didn’t even have time to duck as she released the arrows from the bow.

The arrows somehow missed Dana within less than an inch above his head. All three entering the darkened entrance of The Mound. Dana quickly turned to see what she had fired at, but there was nothing there. The entrance was still pitch black with the usual mist escaping. But all three arrows clearly hit something. You heard the three distinct thunks as they entered whatever Janay had aimed for. Then the deep nightmare inducing screams started.

Out of the black and misty entrance came clawing out, another ogre. This one even larger than the one Dana had just killed. First you saw the meaty hands and dirty nails scraping and scratching against the walls of The Mound, as the ogre tried to pull itself outside. Then, once its head emerged, you could see where the arrows had landed. One in each of the ogre’s eyes, and one in its mouth. The green poison was melting the ogres whole face at this point, not just where the arrows had landed. The monsters’ eyes were already gone completely. The ogre was frothing black and green spittle from its mouth. It could still scream, although it was more of a deep gurgle at this point.

The beast clawed at its face with its nails in an attempt to peel off its skin and flesh. The poison…no, the acid, was now eating away at the monster’s skull, and you could now see what Dana assumed was exposed brain. He winced.

The large beast just fell flat to the ground and died. The acid now clearly eating away at the back of its skull.

Dana whipped back around to face Janay. His demeanor a little agitated but calm as always. “You shot those things mere inches…”

“Less than an inch.” Interjected Janay.

“You shot those things less than an inch from my head. Three acidic arrows at a target you could not have possibly seen.” said Dana. “Was there any regard for my wellbeing?” he asked

“Of course.” Replied Janay.

“Of course.” Dana repeated. He just continued to blink waiting for more information. None came.

Immediately after the fall of the second ogre, all the chaos continued as the two just stood there, blinking at one other. Janay with an innocent look now on her face. A very tiny smile, knowing she had annoyed the cultured yet odd sword master.

Both ogres dead, the waves of orcs resumed. Though once the creatures realized that there was zero chance of them killing these filthy heroes, did their best to escape.

Those thoughts turned to wishes as they quickly realized running was probably the worst of the two options, with volley after volley of arrows from the soldiers taking them out in mass. The orcs all at once, like a school of fish, changed haphazard directions, ran into a straight shot towards the soldiers.

Both heroes were directly in the path of the orcs…and were totally ignored by the orcs. They may as well have not even existed. If one had a bird’s eye view it would have looked like two boulders in a river with the orc current flowing around them.

Now that the ogres were out of The Mound and not slowing down the flow of orcs coming out the hills mouth, it was wave after wave now attempting to overrun the soldiers. With Dana and Janay breaking the orcs flow.

The orcs gave the two more than a ten-foot-wide berth as they ran by them. Never coming close enough to be struck down. Too close for Janay to even bother to use her bow.

“Well, that’s new.” Janay said.

“Agreed.” Dana concurred. “Smart actually. Too smart. I expect shaman will be coming out soon.”

“I will go back to the soldiers. Shall you take the entrance and the incoming shaman?” asked Janay.

“That will work. Though I think you’d better hurry. By the looks it seems they haven’t reached the Heavy Paladins. Once they do, it won’t take but a moment for them to realize that the shield line is quickly flanked to get to the bowman.” said Dana. “I will slow this rush down. Be safe.” He bowed and walked toward The Monds entrance.

Janay nodded, and sped off toward the soldiers. Now that the orcs had ran past her, and she was situated behind them, and clearly not noticed, she used this chance to practice with her daggers. She was a tad rusty in their use, and this was a great opportunity as any to shake off some of that rust.

She attached her bow to her back via the armor. There was a small enchantment that allowed the bow to stay in place once enough of the weapon was touching the armors rear plates. Very convenient. Worth the few extra gold, she had paid for it. Though most adventurers would see it as being a bit bourgeoisie. Which Janay had to admit, it was. But it was damn handy.

Her bow now out of the way, Janay pulled the daggers off her forearms. The daggers stayed in place the same as the bow did to her back. Her daggers were mundane weapons, and used as a last resort in most cases. They were of high quality to be sure, but had no spells or enchantments. They were just sharp.

Janay ran by orc after orc, slicing the back of necks and kneecaps. Stabbing a heart or two from behind. All while being ignored and always being given a wide berth once discovered.

She didn’t need to run far before she got to the front of the orc rush. The deadly arrows from the soldiers were drawing a very clear line of demarcation ten yards or so in front of the Paladins. The heavy armored soldiers still had pikes standing straight up. The orcs still too far away for the pikes to be pointed at the creatures.

As she was clearing the orcs position, the ground grew increasingly worse for footing. The black blood, excrement, and churning of feet made it a slippery mess. She was no rogue with absolute footing, but she was better than most. She hop scotched her way past the orcs and was finally in front of the orcs when she realized she probably should have had her bow in hand by this point.

From the soldier’s perspective it looked like she was leading an orc charge. She knew that every arrow wasn’t pointed at her, since the orcs were falling by the dozens around her. But it sure felt like it. She sucked her teeth, putting her daggers away, and pulled her bow off her back. She dodged most of the arrows as they came. Knocking down others with her bow in hand when needed.

She turned back, and ducked behind one orc and used him as a shield as it was soon lit up with arrows. She held the disgusting creature up with her forearms. “For the love of all gods, do these things bathe?” she said out loud, pushing the orc forward as she went. Without yelling she was able to make her voice be heard over the sound of the flinging arrows and dying orcs, she raised her voice at the soldiers.

“I know I told you to kill anything coming out of The Mound! But please stop shooting at me if you would!” She was summarily ignored and the arrows kept coming.

Damn them for actually listening to me. She thought.

Janay ducked behind some more of the orcs for cover. They continued to avoid her at any cost. She then drew, tapped, and shot another flaming arrow in the air, which this time she shot right above the Paladin line. The arrow doing the same beautiful fireworks display. The arrow volley paused, then resumed, but there was a clear path that the archers did not saturate with projectiles. She once again ran, starting to make her way to the front of the orc death line.

She had to step over a dozens of corpses, but once there, three heavy soldiers who had broken from the line and pushed forward were engaging orcs with their hooked pikes made their way to her position.

One soldier saw her and calmly spoke. “This way ma’am if you please.” As if he were escorting her to a table in a fine dining establishment.

“Such manners. You’re quite the gentleman,” said Janay, as she got behind the three massive shields. “Your name if I may ask, so that I may compliment your parents on raising such a polite man.” Inquired Janay.

“Kendrick ma’am” he replied, doing his best bow, while holding a shield taller than she was and weapon that could skewer a horse. The archers once again establishing a murder line that the orcs continued to run into as if had no cause for concern about their deaths.

Both Janay and Kendrick got a good chuckle from their banter and Kendricks subsequent bow, working their way back to the others.

All three soldiers had placed their shields on their backs the old-fashioned way. With loops and hooks which protruded through their cloaks from their armor. The four were proceeding to walk toward the other Paladins, when Janay for the first time noticed that the Paladins were all wearing a completely different uniform from the archers and swordsmen whom they were taking point for. Usually, The Church took the same manner of uniform that the local lord adopted, if for no other reason, it was what the local people expected to see.

The regular soldiers were wearing a white cloak clasped in the front. The archers and swordsmen were in a silver, light chainmail, from neck to toe. The very faint glow of that armor peeking from under the full covering of the cloak indicating at least one enchantment. The cloaks on the upper left chest had a silhouette of a fully antlered deer in a very dark purple against an light blue background. The local lords crest she assumed.

The twenty or so Paladins were wearing much heavier cloaks, black in color and underneath they wore the same color full plate armor. There was no chain mail that she could detect. Just overlapping plates at the joints. Not offering much in range of motion or flexibility was the first thought in Janay’s head.

I guess when your first job is to hold and secure a shield in the ground, and stab with a giant hook of death on a stick. You don’t need to be able to swing anything over your head, or sweep a leg. Janay thought to herself.

The plate mail armor which went halfway up their necks, barely allowed the soldiers to turn their heads. The helmets that only a few soldiers were wearing currently, looked to be attached via straps and a buckle under the chin.

The armor was exquisitely made. The quality, from the little she could see of it, was top notch. Painted black as she noted before, she noticed the red trim around each piece. The armor looked to interlock at only the joints. This made for very few weak points when or even if you did happen to land a blow on these men.

Where the archers and swordsmen cloaks were adorned with a purple deer, these soldiers crest was that of a white shield with two crossed pikes behind said shield. Almost going the full length of the cloak, they had that same shield and pike crest on the back.

They looked extremely intimidating just standing there waiting for the orcs to reach them. They must look like reapers in action once lined up and forming a shield wall.

Janay had to admit that these men here today continued to impress her. This group of Paladins looked to be some she could and probably would work with in the future.

“Excuse me. Kendrick it was, correct.” Stated Janay. “I just noticed the different uniforms soldiers are wearing. Is there a reason for this?” she asked?

“The soldiers behind us are from the local garrison. These are my men…well my fathers, he widely gestured with one hand toward the men near him. We are not local. Each of us is a Heavy Paladin.” Answered Kendrick.

“We are twenty in total here today. My father is the Bishop in Locksdale, and was petitioned by Lord Cantos to help with this endeavor. He donated handsomely to the Church along with the petition. So here we are. Father’s best” He finished.

“And that over there?” asked Janay as she pointed with her chin.

Kendrick looked in the direction she indicated.

Five Heavy Paladins were protecting more intensely than the soldiers they were supposed to keep the orcs clear of, a small fire, a table and chairs set for two, with a white tablecloth, along with a full porcelain tea set.

In the middle of a soon to be messy battlefield.

“That my lady is tea being brewed” answered Kendrick with a shrug. “Lord Dana requested tea be served once he returns from inside The Mound. We figured with the archers leaving us little to do, why not have a spot of tea.”

“Dana requested that tea be served on what will probably become a major battlefield?” asked Janay.

“Yes ma’am. Along with scones.” Replied Kendrick. “And the bistro set.”

“Tea, scones and a bistro set.” she repeated flatly.

Kenrick nodded.

Janay’s reputation throughout the decades of her roaming The Four Kingdoms, was that of an un-readable, emotionless, no-nonsense adventurer. If you asked for twenty dead orcs in some disgusting dank cave. You got twenty dead orcs. If there happen to be thirty orcs in that same cave, well you were told there were still ten orcs that needed to be killed in that cave.

Like everyone else, Kendrick could not read Janay. Well, everyone except Dana. He had learned the extremely small tells that could interpret what she was going through emotionally over the last ten years of them adventuring together. If Kendrick had counted how many times she blinked before she spoke her next words, he would have known what her measured, yet excessive blinking meant minor annoyance.

He would have also have seen the very slight lowering of her shoulders. Dana would have read the resignation in that slight movement.

Janay walked over to one of the many water barrels, and opened one of the lids. She cleaned off the blood and grime that was mostly on her hands and arms. The bottom of her battle dress would need to wait for now, since the plan was to head into the mound soon, and would be just as dirty, if not more so by days end. She headed back to where Kendrick waited patiently as she was washing her hands.

Janay sighed. “Do you have rose tea?” asked Janay.

“Along with peach.” Nodded Kendrick as he handed her a towel. “I shall prepare you a cup myself. Please be seated ma’am.”

Janay took a seat and took in the irrational view. As she waited to be served, she shook her head at the total absurdity of having tea, with dozens of orcs dying by the minute, just twenty yards away from her, as she sat at a little table awaiting tea and scones.

Between the Heavy Paladin’s shields, Janay caught peeks of an orc being riddled with arrows here and there. One had finally made it past the arrows it seemed, and was met with a quick and steady pike thrust to the throat.

She looked behind her, studying the sword and bowmen who were about twenty yards away also. She took note of their uniforms, armor and weapons. All were well made, along with being well kept. The methodical and regimented bowmen were spaced accordingly. Enough room between men so that the line behind them had a clear line of sight. There were no arrows raining down, every arrow was a straight shot as it left the bow, aimed for vital spots. Each bowman minus the last row, having arrows wiz by their heads. They didn’t even flinch. There was even space left between groups for runners to replenish arrow stock which was even further back behind the archer’s position. The young boys running hunched over as to not be a casualty. Janay nodded her approval.

Kendrick had finished preparing the tea and was walking over with the tray. Janay noted the tea set.

It was a white and pink porcelain set. The cups themselves being white, with the trim being pink. The handles on the pot as well as the cups were gold. The stylized “D” on the pot was in beautiful cursive writing, clearly indicated the owner of the tea set. She rolled her eyes.

Where on earth was he storing this on the way here? Janay wondered to herself. They had a certain circuit they traveled over the years, which incorporated small towns to major cities. All their stops were where they could re-supply often. This meant they could travel light as far as adventurers went. Both of their packs were usually packed tight and easily kept on their backs, with maybe two weeks of supplies at best. There was no room for a tea set, never mind a full set bistro table and chairs!

He must have a set in every damn town on the circuit. That would be so like him. She thought.

Kendrick put the tea pot on a woven straw mat that was already on the table. He then placed her cup and saucer in front of her along with a small plate. He then removed from a covered box that was also sitting on the table, a scone, that he put on the small plate.

Next, he held in one hand a steeple filled with loose rose tea from the look of it, over her tea cup, and poured the brewed tea over the steeple. The color as it poured into her cup was darker than what she was used to. Usually, the rose tea would be a pinkish color, but this was almost a true red rose.

The aroma that it emitted was also stronger than she was used to, but in a pleasant way. It brought a small smile to her lips. “Maybe he has something here.” She said aloud, as she lifted the cup closer to inhale the scent even more, bringing an even larger smile to her face.

“I believe he does.” Agreed Kendrick. “It brings a little civility to an uncivilized venture. Also, as you may have noticed, the orcs are fewer in number by quite a bit. They are much further from my men. Looks like Lord Dana has weeded out the shaman.”

Janay peeked around the man, and noticed he was correct. The orcs running to their deaths had pretty much come to a halt, and they were scrambling in all directions again. Although they were still being decimated by arrows, just not in a nice neat orderly line in front of the Heavy Paladins. She took a look behind her and noticed the swordmen that were once sitting idle, were now circling the archers. Most were on one knee waiting for an errant orc to run the wrong direction. A couple were removing an orc limb or two if they got too close. The archers were just methodically picking off orcs in every direction now.

Janay inhaled the tea once again, savoring the smell. She took a couple more sips and then gently placed down the cup with a sigh, and stood up.

“I guess I will make my way to Dana. Will you and some of your men be joining us as we go down into The Mound.” she hoped.

“Yes, myself and two others will be joining you. Lord Dana has already let us know that we would be accompanying the two of you on this “rescue mission.” Replied Kendrick. “He chose me for point. Jaden for rear, for his area of effect fire spell, and Catiana, my daughter, for her area healing.”

“Oh! Your daughter? There was a woman among you?” questioned Janay. “I had not noticed.”

Kendrick subtly pointed at one of the Heavy Paladins whom was wearing a helmet. “You would not have noticed her with her gear and helmet on.”

Even though she was told whom she was, Janay could not tell her to be female. She fit right in amongst these men. Some men were shorter and some slimmer than her. Plus, the armor hid everything else. So, unless she removed her helm, Janay took Kendricks’s word for it, that she was looking at his daughter. Not that it mattered. Not all woman adventurers were spell casters or pure healers. She had once in her youth even met a female Bezerker. A Heavy Paladin? Why not.

“I see. It will be an honor to meet your daughter.” Said Janay. “Shall we? Along with meeting the other Paladin Jaden?”

Janay turned to walk toward the group of Paladins, when Kendrick lightly touched her arm. She looked at him quizzingly.

“One moment if you please ma’am. There are a couple things about the boy you should know prior to meeting him. You in particular need to know this.” said Kendrick.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“The boy is…a zealot, for lack of a better word. He takes our beliefs, not just to his heart, but to his life and soul. He is in no uncertain terms a true believer.” Kendrick stated. “If my father told him to find a way into hell, rest assured, the boy would not only find his way into hell, but he would also drag The Devils corpse back as a present to my father. “

“Also, his Fire is not Holy Fire. It is True Fire. And he is adept to the point that if he were free of The Church, he would be recruited by the royal family themselves. He is that talented.”

Janay rose an eyebrow at both these statements. First, a Paladin with true affinity to any branch of magic was unheard of. All Holy Warriors as far as she knew, drew their powers from their faith. If you cast a fire spell, it was a Holy Fire spell. If you cast a Water spell, it was Holy Water. The spell pulling its magic from the user’s belief in their god, along with their innate talent to cast said spell. Their god providing them the bulk of essence needed to cast the spell.

A True Caster usually powered a spell using their own essence pool. A Holy Caster, since its essence was provided by a god, had an unlimited pool to pull from. The mental fatigue of the Holy Caster being the limiting factor.

A True Caster had one clear advantage. Their spells were usually more powerful because it wasn’t borrowed essence was the going theory. Janay had other thoughts on that, even though she wasn’t a Caster.

The underlying power of the Holy Spell was the belief in the god they worshipped. This in essence had two effects. First, a Paladin or any form of Holy Warrior could not use their spells to harm anyone of the same faith even in the slightest. Matter of fact if a Paladin was talented enough, he could literally bath a believer in Holy Fire, and heal injuries. The key here being of the same faith. Many Holy Wars were fought using Holy Spells against other religions over the centuries.

Holy magic went up to another level when facing demons. Against demons or any other evil creature, Holy magic was pure anathema. Lesser demons would have to be driven by whip or other cohesion to even approach a Paladin. Usually a few decapitations as examples.

A couple Paladins on a battlefield would add another level of strategy to any battle that both sides would have to plan around and account for. Which made her question twenty Heavy Paladin’s here today. You brought this many for an all-out war. The Mound, plus Him, she could see The Church committing five Heavy Paladins at most. Curious, she thought.

Janay had a few ideas about this Paladin Jaden, but a couple stood out to her. First, was that this boy wasn’t as true to his faith as any normal spellcaster would be. Spellcasters believed in their abilities and themselves. Oh, they believed in their gods also, it was just that they believed in themselves a hell of a lot more. This was why Janay thought True Casters spells were usually more powerful. Their belief in themselves trumped the Holy Casters belief in their god.

This thought was doubtful since Kendrick called the boy a zealot. His faith would be absolute. Also, Janay doubted very much The Church would allow the boy to remain among their ranks if this was the case. Never mind allowing him to go through the training to become a Paladin.

The second of her thoughts was probably closer to the truth. The boy was a True Caster in Holy Caster clothing. So powerful that The Church wouldn’t dare give him up, especially since his faith was so deep. Janay was sure if he requested essence from a god, that they would oblige. This brought her back to Kendrick, and something she knew must be true.

“The boy can cast multiple spells at once I assume?” Janay asked Kendrick.

Kendricks eyes narrowed a bit. “How could you know that?” he questioned.

She ignored his question and followed up with one of her own. “How many?”

Kendrick hesitated to answer. Janay just stood there waiting patiently for his reply. Just looking up to him with an expected answer. Finally, he spoke.

“He can cast four simultaneously, with absolute precision. The fifth spell starts to interfere with the other four.” He finished.

“Impossible.” Was Janay’s immediate response. “That would all but put him in line with…”

Kendrick quickly put his finger up to silence her response and finished whispering the sentence for her. “…with His Holiness. As a matter of fact, he would be above His Holiness in terms of power and talent. His Holiness can cast three Holy Spells with a fourth that is weak enough to not even matter. Jaden can cast four spells like I said with absolute precision. The fifth spell cast, though not as clean as the four, cannot be ignored. All of this with no Holy involvement or undertones, mind you. If he was to add any sort of Holy essence to his spells, I’m sure that he could wipe out an army of demons solo.”

Janay, in a very long time was taken aback. The elites of spell casting could cast two solid spells at once. A third spell could be cast, but usually was not attempted since to split your concentration that many times usually meant the first two would be weaker, or the third useless. Mostly though no one attempted three because you would probably burn out your ability to cast as you lost control of all the spells cast.

Most spell casters would stick to one line of spells. Usually, a particular element and that was it. You solidified that elemental until it was part of who you were. You were one with that element, so to speak. You weren’t a mage who cast fire. You were a Firemage through and through. Again, another reason True Casters were usually more powerful over their holy counterparts.

If you attempted to use another element, it went against who you were, to cast another element in your mind just didn’t work. At worst you burned out all ability to use your element, and even worse your essence pool in the process. It was like losing your soul she had heard. Some even died soon after.

A spellcaster that clearly had the innate ability to cast two spells was handled like royalty, and trained totally different. It took years to split your essence within you to cast two spells. Your mind and body needed to accept you weren’t just a Firemage, but also a Stonemage or Watermage. The training, she was told, basically taught them how to maintain their concentration on the two elements and their spells, not to become the elements, but to use them. A totally different line of thinking from a single caster. All the while not burning themselves out, and not dying in the process.

What made double casting so powerful was that it was hard to defend against two elements at once, since most elements had a total weakness against one of the others.

A single cast Firemage could not defeat a Watermage. A Watermage would lose out to an Airmage. An Airmage would be helpless against a Stonemage.

Elemental mages fighting their same class was usually a wash. A Firemage that fought another Firemage was pretty boring. The winner was the one with the larger essence pool or more experience.

But if you can double cast, all bets were off.

You could cover up your weakness with the other element. Double cast Firemage who has mastered Air? The Watermage is now totally at a disadvantage.

A Firemage fighting a double casting Firemage. That would be a pure slaughter. The double casting Firemage could master Water also, which the other Firemage had no defense against.

Things really got tricky when you introduced Lightmages, Darkmages and the rarest of all Voidmages. Voidmage being what He, was.

His Holiness of The Church, was the only known living person who could triple cast. And like Kendrick said, the fourth would be useless or interfere with the other three casts. No one knew his third element. It was known, he was trained in Fire, Lightning, and the third unknown element was assumed stone, since that would give him the most versatility.

Once you used Holy magic, Light magic was inaccessible for some reason she did not understand. More than likely the Gods deemed it a magic that stepped on their toes or something silly Janay thought.

Dark magic was forbidden to those of The Church, so that was out.

Void magic was in its own category. Void magic was strictly a defensive shield magic. No element could penetrate it. No element could get around it. Even trying to punch through it, or use a sword to puncture it was like trying to penetrate a soap bubble that could not be popped. It also required a huge essence pool to maintain a shield for any extended period of time, which most true casters did not have. This meant that Voidmages were also extremely rare. Plus, what was the fun in just protecting people with a big old soap bubble. No Voidmage could double cast except Him. The essence pool needed to maintain a shield and use another element would be unheard if really. Of course, He could doublecast. But then again, no other Voidmage could use Void magic the way he did. It just made him a monster.
 

Brahma

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This Heavy Paladin whom she was about to group up with, and delve into The Mound with, may well be the most powerful spellcaster in The Four Kingdoms. If what Kendrick said was true, there was no doubt he actually was. This may well put the boy on the same level as Him. Though no matter how many spells he could cast, it would be useless against a Voidmage of His skill and level. So that begged the question.

“Can he use Void magic?” she simply asked.

“Fortunately, no.” replied Kendrick.

Janay knew what he meant. If the boy was a…

What the hell would you call him? A quad caster? She wondered.

If the boy had access to Void magic along with the ability to quad cast, forget being the next Holliness of The Church. The Four Kingdoms would have a new Holy Emperor in the not-so-distant future.

That was neither here nor there for now. There were immediate matters at hand to be dealt with. Orcs, Ogres, The Mound…Trying to figure out where Dana hid a bistro set.

“You said there was something pertaining to me specifically?” inquired Janay.

“Yes. The boy seems to have a slight grudge against you.” Kendrick shyly said, as he ran his hand over his dark bald head. “Well slight might be an understatement. He hates you.”

“Me?” Janay was genuinely shocked. I’ve never spoken to him, nor met the boy. I didn’t know he even existed until a minute ago! She paused. “One second please.”

Janay took her bow off her back, and notched two of her arrows. She didn’t bother to touch the arrows to her battle dress. Kendrick looked around for what would be her target. He saw nothing in the immediate vicinity for someone of her skill to concern herself with.

Janay let the arrows fly toward what looked to be a small dead tree about 50 yards to the left of the entrance of The Mound. The arrows imbedded themselves about four feet off the ground into the tree’s trunk.

The tree started to bleed.

Then as if the tree had been chopped down somehow, it started to fall over. Right before it hit the ground, what was clearly an Orc Shaman fell to the ground dead. Two arrows protruding from its skull.

“How did you know?” asked Kendrick.

“The tree wasn’t there when we were at the entrance earlier.” she replied.

Kendrick nodded. “We missed something like a hole in the ground, or did it make its way there in the confusion?”

“More than likely a hidden hole. I have not seen even one wasted arrow. Nor have I seen one of these vile things get twenty feet from the entrance before being pierced.” Janay stated.

“I will ask the garrisons commander to have a couple soldiers sweep again for hidden exits.” Said Kendrick. He waved at a soldier, motioning for him to come over. He told the soldier the situation and gave his attention back to Janay.

Before he could speak, he noticed that her arrows had returned. He used this opportunity to point at the quiver on her hip. “And right there is the crux of the boys’ issue with you.” Kendrick stated.

“I don’t understand. He hates me because I am an Archer?” she asked.

“Not an Archer. The Bone Archer.” He replied.

“Ok. The Bone Archer. I didn’t give myself that name. It offends him? I would like to think my reputation as The Bone Archer is stellar. Is that not so?” Janay asked. “I do hope people say nothing but good things when I am discussed.” She finished.

Kendrick chuckled. “Your reputation with the masses is pristine, for that I can say with all of Gods honesty. Don’t ever worry there. The boys’ issue is with you is the desecration of the body of an angel.”

Janay just closed her eyes. Dana would have immediately known what her next words would be.

“So, the boy is stupid.” She said, through closed eyes. “You left out the part where the boy is stupid Kendrick.”

Kendrick smiled. “He’s far from stupid ma’am. He is fascinated with your bow once the rumors reached him a couple years ago about it possibly being carved from the bones of an Angel. You know, the part where I told you he is a zealot? This would fall right in line with his zealotry.” He continued. “He has done extensive research on your weapon, and thinks he has solid proof of those rumors being true. So, in his mind you’re nothing short of a heretic. A demon, and all-around evil slaying heretic, but a heretic none-the-less. We both know that the one thing a zealot will latch onto more than his faith, is the disposal of a heretic.”

Janay finally opened her eyes. “Take me to the boy. I would like to meet him, regardless of his warped opinion of me. But I do have a question. Does Dana know how powerful he is, and his disposition toward me?” she asked.

“No, he just asked for someone with fire spells to cover our rear as we descend into The Mound. I chose him to accompany us. This will be his first true test as a Heavy Paladin, and I couldn’t ask for a safer escort into danger than yourself, Dana and of course his direct superior, being myself of course.”

“Jaden and yourself would have eventually crossed paths, as I’m sure you know. A controlled environment, where we are soon to rely upon each other in battle, you must admit, is the perfect scenario for him to get a proper first impressions. For him to judge you fairly and test his mettle.”

“I have walked this earth for well over 90 years. Kings no longer summon me, never mind are they fit to judge me. I give about an orcs’ ass about this boys’ judgement.” Janay stated heatedly.

Kendrick held up both hands in apology. “I chose my words poorly. For that I do apologize. Judge is the wrong word. I just want him to see, regardless of his beliefs and whatever proof he has found about your weapon, that you ma’am, are what even we in The Church, should strive for. That the person and not the tools used define who we are.”

Kendricks words smothered any anger Janay just had previously. “OK, I must admit that your way with words could charm The Devil to hand out lemonade. Let’s meet the boy, and then head over to Dana, before he has a runner fetch him some cheese, chilled wine and a change clothes for lunch.”

“Ummm, I’m sure that’s what is in those containers over there.” Said Kendrick, as he pointed slightly past the small fire that had the tea kettle still going, where two small travel trunks were sitting on the ground. Both had a small spell laid on them that could be seen, with the shimmer of blue being on one, meaning whatever was inside was being kept cold.

Janay could only shake her head as they both walked over toward the Heavy Paladin’s for an introduction to whom very well could be the next Holiness of The Church.


Dana watched as Janay disappeared into the orc rush. The last that he saw of her, she was removing her daggers from her forearms, and she was gone.

She could use with a bit of up-close fighting. She may even lose one of those tiny bells woven in her hair. He thought.

Dana turned back to The Mound’s entrance. The orcs were still pouring out and running straight at the soldiers, avoiding him as if they would explode if they got to close. They may not explode, but it would be a quick and certain death.

Dana was now mere feet from The Mounds’ entrance. He decided to just wait to the left of The Mond’s entrance not attempting to go inside. One of The Mound’s defenses was as that when you entered, immediately you were hit with an unnatural darkness that you needed a magical light source to penetrate. Even a pretty powerful light would only let you see about 20 feet ahead of you before the darkness resumed. Holy magic would dispel all darkness. Dana had no such magic, nor did he bring a magical item with a light source that could penetrate the defense. So, he would wait here, as the shaman inside would eventually come out The Mound, as they realized that inside it was Him that was coming for them.

No sooner than he had that thought, the first shaman appeared. It was disguised as a normal orc, except it was being way too cautious as it left The Mound. As it stepped from the darkness, it immediately shaded its eyes. It looked around, clearly getting an idea on what it was facing before it tried to make an escape. Also, it was moving much slower than the other orcs around it, was it carrying something? Was it injured? Dana just waited in place as the orcs rushed to escape The Mound, letting the shaman get further away from the entrance.

As soon the orc shaman looked in Dana’s direction, it knew it had been discovered. The monster immediately turned around, and attempted to go back inside. The on-rushing tide of disgusting creatures pretty much made that an impossible task, so it ran away from Dana instead.

Dana laughed silently. The shaman ran away in slow motion. Another dead giveaway. It was the glamour at work.

Dana was quickly behind the orc, and instead of just killing it, he took off a portion of its leg at what he assumed would be the creature knee. Surprisingly, the orc did not scream, but grunted slightly. The glamour immediately fell, revealing the shamans’ true form.

The Shaman now leaning heavily on a staff, was slightly shorter than the average orc, but not by much. It was heavier in weight along with better proportions with hands and feet not looking overly large. Where would have been a nose, was still the orc slits. Dana had no idea how orcs aged, but this one clearly looked young, and looked a bit odd for some reason.

Orcs normally had some sort of small sharp canines protruding from their mouths, this shaman had none. The teeth were still clearly sharpened in some places though, as Dana watched the shaman grit those same teeth as it dealt with the pain of losing a limb. The intelligence in its eyes showing nothing but pure hatred for Dana right now as it looked to try and use its staff to hold itself up.

Dana also took note of the things gear. Which surprisingly was clean and in good shape for the most part. It had a simple grey tunic under a tattered green cloak. The cloak looked to have patterns sewn in.

Maybe rune enchantments? Dana wondered.

The pants it wore were of the same color as the tunic. Its gear ending in simple, but decently made leather sandals.

It was holding the staff so tight Dana thought the wood might crack. The staff explained why the orc was running weird with the glamour on. It was trying to walk fast using the staff as it did so? Was it hurt before he had removed part of its leg? Too late now to wonder on such things.

The staff was carved wood that looked to be made out of oak. The staff had carvings up and down the length in the shape of leaves. The very top had a carving of large rose surrounded by wild flowers of some sort. From the bottom up was natural oak, then it started to fade green for most of the shaft, where it finally at the top, smoothly transitioned into red and other colors for the rose and flowers. Plain and simply it was a beautiful weapon.

Dana did what anyone admiring a nice weapon would do. Dana kicked the staff from out under the shaman. The orc immediately fell to the ground since he was using the staff in replace of his missing leg. But he didn’t let go of the piece of oak. He still held it tight.

Why is this thing so attached to that staff? Dana thought to himself.

He sat in silence for a second, and then had an idea on how to use this to get some information about The Mound out of the creature. If the thing could understand him. He knew that some orc shaman could understand common tongue somehow.

Dana stood over the orc, and stepped right on the sheared stump of his leg. This time the orc shaman let out what Dana assumed was a profanity laced tirade. Dana patiently waited until it was finished. Taking a look behind him, to make sure that the orcs rushing out the cave still had him on avoid and ignore.

“Now that we have each other’s attention, let’s see if you understand me.” Said Dana. “I am going to remove your other leg if I don’t like what I hear. That in itself probably doesn’t bother you. But know this. I will take your hands soon after. I will then take that staff from you and burn it until it’s just a pile of ash.”

This clearly got the shamans’ attention as fear entered its eyes for the very first time, and it was shaking its head no.

Dana continued. “Now that I know you can understand me, I am going to ask you a few questions. Wrong answers get parts of your body removed like I said. Too many wrong answers, and I will be using your little toy as kindle to heat my tea. I hope we have an understanding.”

The creature nodded profusely. Still holding onto the staff for dear life.

“Good. First question. How many other shamans are inside?” asked Dana. He was about to count off numbers but something shocked him. The thing spoke!”

“Two others.” The shaman said in near perfect Common.

“You can speak the common language!” Dana immediately responded, as he jerked and shook his head “How is this possible?” he continued to ask.

“Mother was human.” the shaman answered.

Dana quickly recovering from the thing speaking just shrugged. “Well, I hoped you enjoyed your walks in The Mound. I told you that any lies would cost you that other leg.” He pointed at the still attached leg with his gold sword. “Evil and good races cannot have offspring. This is known.” Dana brought the gold sword up about to remove the good leg.

“Staff belonged to my mother! I am her son! My mother is gone. Staff is now mine! All I have of mother!” the creature spat out hastily.

Dana brought the weapon down. Slowly. His eyes drilling into the all too human eyes of this orc on the ground in front of him. Dana’s eyes opened wide for the second time that day.

Helga’s bloody bosom, he’s telling the truth! How is this possible? Dana thought in disbelief.

He continued to examine the shaman. The arms, legs, feet and hands were all in proportion to a human. This was rare, but not unheard of. Then it dawned on him why he looked more human than orc.

He had some short hair on his head, and some on his arms also. Orcs were totally hairless. But it was this things eyes. His eyelids had eyelashes, giving him an all too human look.

“You have hair.” Said Dana. “Show me your fingers.”

The shaman, slightly confused, did as he was told and held his hand out to Dana. As Dana suspected, his fingers were truly fingers, and not tipped with claws. They also had no scars. Nor were they grimy from years of living under The Mound.

Helga’s knees, his hands are in better shape than mine. He said to himself. He’s more human than orc. If it weren’t for him missing a nose, he could pass for human.

Dana didn’t put away his sword, but he lowered the point to ground in a non-threatening manner. The orc visibly relaxed at this gesture, and sat up on the ground. It then started looking around for something.

Dana walked over to where the bottom half of its leg was lying on the ground and brought it over to…

“What is your name? Dana asked. He handed the leg to the orc and continued with another question. “Can you heal that?” pointing at the severed limb.

“Krosgimgchak.” He nodded. “I can heal if you hold in place”

Dana sighed, as he finally put his swords away. He bent down and held the leg to the stump. The orc grimaced but said nothing. It just cast a spell. Healing spells usually had a white and bluish light when cast. Orc healing had a blackish color. This was a pure green light. The only class that had natures healing was a Druid.

“Your mother was a Druid I assume. The staff, this form of healing. It makes sense. Well, it doesn’t make sense, in that you shouldn’t even exist, but you get what I am saying.” he said. “Is she alive? What is her name. Is she here?” Dana asking a round of questions. “Also, your name is too long to address you with in casual conversation. I will call you Kros.” Dana finished.

Kros, was still holding the upper portion of his leg, where the green was coming from his hands, down his leg, and working its way toward his foot. The flesh was sealing, and from experience, Dana knew that the bone would have already melded together. Along with the repair of all muscle and sinew. Once the healing was complete, Kros released his leg, and pointed to the top of The Mound.

Kros looked stern, but Dana could see the anger, then sadness creep into his expressions. He finally looked to where Kros was pointing. He was pointing to what was left of the body that was sacrificed at the top of The Mound.

That’s when everything clicked.

How many surprises does this day hold for me? he asked himself.

Dana realized all at once why The Mound was as powerful as it was in defenses and size. Why it rarely needed monthly sacrifices like the other mounds around the kingdoms. Why The Church sent twenty elite Paladins. Why Janay and himself were here. Why He was here. Why they took His daughter. These idiotic creatures took His daughter, for one reason. She was a druid. And a druid could last year’s up there on that “X” as long as the druid was touching the ground in some way.

Dana pinched his nose and put his head down. He felt a small headache approaching.

Kros looked at Dana asking a simple question. “Ok?” as he turned his head to the side.

Dana answered the young orc shaman. “Kros. Things are about to get very not OK. Very Very not OK.”


“Kros, I need you to answer some questions. I do not have time to play twenty questions with you. I do not have time to force the answers from you. I just need you to give me straight answers.” Stated Dana. “This will potentially save thousands of lives, if you do this. But first I am going to lay out very quickly our current scenario. Nod if you understand.” Dana finished.

Kros nodded, but still looked confused.

That was to be expected Dana thought. I can’t chop his leg off. Hand it back to him. Help him re-attach it. Hand him a doom’s day scenario, then ask him to answer some question, and not expect confusion. All things considered, this poor creature is handling this all pretty well. Better than most I know.

“Good.” Said Dana aloud. “First there are twenty Paladins here ready to go into The Mound.”

Dana didn’t get to finish laying out everything before Kros immediately scrambled to his feet. He was about to run back into The Mound, but Dana quickly snagged his cloak, preventing the shaman from getting more than a couple yards from his original spot on the ground.

“Kros!” Dana snapped at the orc. Kros stiffened, and turned around to face Dana. Fear in his eyes, and he was yanking on his cloak, trying to get Dana to let go of it. He didn’t blame him in the least.

Paladins were rare in the world. Numbering in the hundreds amongst millions of people. Seeing a Paladin was akin to a unicorn in the wild. Both existed, but seeing one was extremely rare. Twenty in one place? In Kros’s case, knowing that twenty Paladins were even close to The Mound, must be like Dana being told that a herd of twenty unicorn were running through the capital city.

A murderous, population destroying herd of unicorns, but hey unicorns were unicorns. Dana supposed.

Kros realizing, he was going nowhere, stopped struggling and was looking at Dana. The fear still there, just not nearly as much as a few seconds ago. Dana let go of Kros’s cloak and at that moment, made a decision that he hoped would not get him marked by The Church, or even his friends.

“Kros, listen to me. I promise you here and now, you will not be harmed by the Paladin’s or anyone else here for that matter. You have my word. If anyone attempts to harm you, they will have to go thru me first. Even twenty Paladins will not want to test me on protecting you.” said Dana.

Kros’s expression went from fear to full blown doubt, as if Dana was saying that he had a unicorn as a pet or a mount.

Dana slightly smiled. “I didn’t say I could beat twenty Paladins. Just that they would probably not want to risk it to get to you.”

Kros’s emotions left his face and he asked the question. “Why would you protect me? You humans hate us. What do you want?”

“Ok. First, I need to tell you that the person right now that has everything in The Mound trying to escape is the primary reason, we are all here. He is by far the deadliest hero in The Four Kingdoms. More than likely the entire world. Everyone gathered here has one goal. It’s not to stop him, but to contain him. Contain the damage that will occur when he destroys this mound. And trust me Kros, if you really have his daughter, he will see this mound, along with anything and anyone attached to it destroyed.” Said Dana

Dana continued. “Second, we will need your help in getting down to him before he finds out whether his daughter is here or not. Or rather we will need to get to his daughter first, before he does. Whichever is quicker. Do you understand so far?” Dana asked.

Kros nodded, but was clearly thinking the second part of Dana’s statement through his mind. Dana gave him a few seconds to run with what he has been told thus far.

Dana continued. “Third. I need those other two shaman dead. Like now. I need to stop the flow of orcs so that we may enter The Mound and find Him or his daughter with little resistance as possible. If you are controlling some of them, please stop having them rush toward the Paladin’s. Better yet, have them go out the back side of the mound if possible. We just need to get inside immediately.”
 

Brahma

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Kros said nothing. He was looking down toward the ground, just thinking, his brow furrowed in thought. His facial expression showing confusion here and there. Dana normally would let this moment run its course, but he did not know how long they had before things got unmanageable. So, he calmly spoke again.

“Kros. I am sorry for what I did to your leg. I really am. I jumped to a conclusion I am sorry to say all my race will jump to. For that I do apologize.” Dana bowed low. Kros now looked up at Dana with surprise on his face, clearly not expecting a human to bow to an orc.

“It took me all of sixty seconds to realize that you are unlike any orc I have ever seen. Matter of fact, you are not an orc. You are a human with orc blood. You may be the first of your kind.” Dana went on. “You speak the common language. Your magic is druidic. You have emotions other than clear hatred. I’m not sure what defines a human, but these things for sure are a few.”

“I say these words for one reason. I need your help to save lives. Unfortunately, this requires you to turn against what you consider your kind. I’m not sure that I can convince -“

Dana stopped mid-sentence. Kros was shaking his head profusely. The young shaman gripping his staff even harder, as anger was clear on his face.

“THEY ARE NOT MY PEOPLE! They tortured my mother! Placed her as a sacrifice for years! Noone would help her. When I tried, I was beaten nearly to death. I would see both Nagzu and Gashnak dead. Kros was now breathing heavily. Holding his chest. His eyes narrowed.

“Especially Gashnak. I would kill him myself, slowly if I had the power to do so. Also, Gashnak is the one forcing orcs to run to their deaths. Nagzu will be hiding somewhere until you leave or he sees an opportunity. I cannot help you find him. Gashnak will have been right behind the ogres, so more than likely he is in the darkness right inside the entrance of The Mound.”

Dana once again turned to face The Mound, and asked Kros a question. “Can you create a light for me to see? If so, I will see this Gashnak dead. Slowly if you wish it.”

Before Dana could turn face the orc, and receive his answer, the shaman was working his way thru the orc rush, pushing the creatures out of his way, with bright red lights coming from both hands.

One side of Dana’s mouth rose in a slight smile. “I guess he can, and I guess he will.”

Kros wasn’t getting anywhere against the rush of orc bodies until Dana got about five yards behind him. The orcs parted as if an invisible wedge was in front of Kros.

“Do you know why they avoid me so?” asked Dana

“Gashnak needs you occupied so he could escape. Sending everything at your weaker soldiers was to draw you towards protecting them and away from the entrance of The Mound, so he could slip out unnoticed. He probably expected there to be the normal soldiers from nearby towns, not elite troops, and certainly not Paladins.” Explained Kros. “Your soldier’s ability to easily hold their own against the waves of orcs, allowed you to stay here, right where he planned to escape.”

He continued. “They were probably subconsciously told to avoid you and the woman with the weird arrows at all costs. This serves two purposes. Keeps more of them alive, and forces you to follow, away from here.”

Dana nodded. He suspected this, but the confirmation was nice to know.

Both Dana and Kros walked right up to, and then inside The Mound’s front door.

Everything was covered in a red shadowy glow. The red light provided by Kros created harsh shadows that seemed to always flicker like a campfire flame, even though his magical light was a solid steady glow. The defense of The Mound was trying to extinguish the light regardless who was providing the source.

The light was just outside the range of exposing Dana, as he made sure to stay in the unnatural darkness. It looked as if Kros was the one who the orcs were avoiding. That suited him just fine.

The faces of the orcs were also harsher than they should be. Making them appear much scarier, more brutal than they were outside The Mound. Another defense.

The walls inside The Mound were packed dirt and a grey rock. But with Kros’s light it took on a maroon like hue. Making them look as if they were painted in dried blood.

Imbedded tightly in the walls were bodies and bones with hints of what race or creature they may have been while alive. Some were full corpses, while most protrusions from the stone were bones.

Are they using bodies as a building material for this hell hole? Dana pulled a mask from a slot in his armor to help with the immense stench that assaulted his nose.

This smell is not a defense, these damn creatures are just outright disgusting! As far as mounds go, this is by far the worst I have had the displeasure helping destroy! A job that I am now doubting I was paid enough to accomplish. He said to himself.

Unlike the walls, the ground was solid. Thousands of stomping feet, for years on end, packed the earth to what may as well have been solid stone.

Every few yards there was a detritus pile. Gnawed bones. Piles with weapons, armor and sometimes body parts were left to rot. In one such pile he saw an orc still twitching.

Kros had not gone more than twenty yards into the entrance when he stopped. Dana saw nothing past the red lights, but felt someone was there. Kros started to say something but was beaten to the punch.

The darkness spoke in orcish. “Your cowardice has no limits I see. You run back to The Mound like a mouse from the cat hoping to hide in the hole. You hope that the cat can’t reach you in here Krosgimgchak? Foolish mouse. You try to escape the cat Krosgimgchak, but fail to see the hole you choose to hide in are the jaws of a lion.”

Dana worked his way around the light provided by Kros. Staying just outside it’s glow, until he was behind the voice. The waves of orcs moving along with Dana. The orcs started to run into Kros here and there, so Kros stepped forward to keep Dana within range. By moving forward, he illuminated the voice in the darkness. Gashnak.

The Orc shaman was tall, almost as tall as Dana. He also was old. Old to the point of being ancient, with not a single hint that his age effected his body. The Orc shaman was clearly old in his face with hundreds of wrinkles and green skin that looked as thin as paper, barely hanging onto the bone underneath.

But, from what Dana could see, this thing was as in peak physical condition. The shaman stood straight as a board with full broad shoulders. In one hand he held up a skull with green glowing eyes. Which in turn allowed Dana to see the muscles in that arm through his clothing. In his other hand he held nothing, but Dana noticed rings on each finger.

The shaman was wearing full regalia. Clearly making sure his escape didn’t leave any valuable gear behind. His head dress was full of all sorts of colorful feathers, both large and tall. A headband held the headdress in place. From the headband, crystals and bones were hanging so low as to cover his eyes completely. In the light, the crystals glowed slightly with a reddish tint. The bones, like the surrounding walls were maroon in color because of the same light.

He wore no cloak, so Dana could see that the black robe was made of a heavier cloth that was covered in runes he did not recognize. From top to bottom, the robe was embroided with protections of some sort. Since Dana could not decipher the runes, he had no idea what the enchantments would be. Not that it mattered, his swords made deciphering unnecessary.

He’s as well geared as an adventurer would be. I’m sure all those impaled bodies above us unwillingly donated to his cause. Kros is going to be disappointed that I can’t make him suffer a bit. But best not to play around since I have no idea what he’s capable of. Thought Dana.

As Kros stepped forward, Gashnak noticed that the orcs were bumping into Kros, where they were clearly avoiding him just seconds ago. Or it looked like they were avoiding something, or someone other than Kros. Surprise dawned on Gashnak’s face, then fear as he frantically searched the darkness around him, looking for any hint where Dana might be in the gloom.

As Kros got closer to Gashnak he spoke. “You’re wrong Gashnak. I ride on the nose of the cat.”

As soon as Kros finished his statement, one gold and one silver sword protruded from the old shaman’s chest. The swords were swiftly pulled out and they then met together in the shaman’s throat, where they cleanly decapitated the shaman. The head fell directly at Kros’s feet, eyes looking at Kros with the look of fear still showing. The body unceremoniously fell to the ground chest first, as blood spouted from where Gashnak’s head used to sit on his neck.

Dana spoke aloud. “That was very anti-climactic.” As he whipped the blood off his weapons.

Dana stepped into the red light and looked at Kros’s, who was just staring back at the eyes of Gashnak. The orc, with a determined nod, then pulled out two daggers. Quicker than Dana thought the young shaman could move, he scooped up the head and plunged both daggers into the eyes of the now deceased orc. Where the daggers entered, there was a red glow around the eyes. Kros then proceeded to carve the meat off the skull. Soon all traces of flesh were gone with the help of the red glow emanating from the daggers. The glow that started from the eyes, now covered the entirety of the skull, leaving nothing but the bare boned red glowing skull.

Kros continued, taking one of the daggers from the eyes, and digging two holes in the skull. Dana was still standing just inside the light, observing the shaman as he went about the grisly task of making his own version of a similar skull Gashnak was holding before Dana promptly introduced his swords to the old orc.

Kros, from inside his cloak took out what looked to be a small length of wire with two hooks on each end. He placed the hooks in the holes he dug into the skull, then secured the skull on his belt. With a satisfied look, he then spoke to Dana.

“Help me roll his body over. We need the skull he holds under him. Through that skull we will release the waves of orcs from their last commands.” Said Kros. “But be warned. The second we break that control, they will attack you immediately, without a care for their deaths. It is another defense of The Mound.”

Dana nodded. “And you? Will they attack you also?”

“No.” replied Kros. “I am one of them, and they will have no idea that I had a hand in Gashnak’s death. It will be as if they woke up from a dream. My new skull will give me some influence over those in the immediate area, but nothing like Gashnak’s power. He could reach several levels of The Mound with his ability to control the orcs.”

Kros continued. “My influence will grow over time, but as of now, may reach no further than the light you see here, and I will not even attempt that. In doing so I would turn those I do not control against me. I do not control a large enough number of them to fear attacking me the way they feared Gashnak.”

Both Dana and Kros were crouching over Gashnak’s corpse. Kros was removing any items he laid his eyes on. Rings, talismans, multiple necklaces. When Kros was finished with his search, he nodded at Dana, and they rolled the body over, exposing the skull that Gashnak was still clutching when he fell to the ground.

Kros went to work with his search of the corpse. Putting anything he found in his pockets, or in a small pouch attached on the opposite hip as his new flesh carved skull. He avoided even looking at the green glowing skull still in Gashnak’s hand.

Dana waited patiently. He suspected some of these items that Kros was pocketing would help their descent further into The Mound go much quicker, and hopefully with less risk. Less death.

Finally, Kros was done with stripping all valuables off Gashnak, and spoke.

“We have two choices. Destroy the skull, or I attempt to make it my own and cancel the last command Gashnak gave the horde. I prefer we, and in we, I mean you destroy it. I do not wish to take part in its destruction.”

“Is it safe to destroy it? What will happen when I make the attempt? Just use my weapons on the skull? Dana rattling off a series of questions. He suspected why Kros did not wish to participate in the skull being destroyed, so he asked a couple difficult questions to the orc.

“Are you sure you do not wish to control the skull? Then maybe after…we find a place to lay your mothers remains?” asked Dana.

Kros stiffened, but didn’t speak for about ten seconds. He then barely spoke loud enough for Dana to hear him. “I do not. Your weapons will cleanly cut the skull in half. This will release any power held within. It will be no more than smoke being released. Nothing dangerous. That will be…the end.”

Dana looked at the young orc sympathetically, knowing the orc was having emotional ups and downs right now. Overall, he thought the orc was dealing with the ever-changing situations in the last few minutes, as well as anyone he could think of.

Kros turned his back to Dana, the corpse, and the skull. Dana unsheathed the silver sword, and chopped down on the skull like a danta fruit with a hard outer shell. Of course, his weapon met with no resistance until it reached the hard packed earth. The skull now split in two, released a green smoke like the orc had said it would. The smoke smelled like a clean spring breeze after a rain storm. Not what he expected.

The orcs stopped in their tracks. The greenish grey creatures looked as if they were coming out of a daze of some sort like Kros had explained.

Kros spoke. “They will break the glamour in about 30 seconds. Get ready to fight your way back to the entrance. I will keep the way lit, but will be walking slowly to keep you within the light. With Gashnak’s skull we will have a much brighter and further lit area. Try and keep the fighting away from me please. I do not wish to be accidentally sliced, or poked through with your swords. More than likely, I will not be attacked in the short walk to the entrance, but if I am. I assume you will deal with it accordingly, yes?”

Not waiting for a response, Kros started walking back toward the entrance at a normal pace. As he had stated, his light was brighter with double the distance it had shined previously. Also, the color of the light started to change. The light around Kros’s hands was slowly transitioning from a red glow to a greenish white light, back to a red. Dana was easily able to stay well behind Kros, and stay within the light also.

Kros got no more than a few paces before the attacks came from everywhere and all at once. Dana took three quick breaths, and a long fourth that he held for a moment longer before he went to work helping the orcs commit well deserved suicide.

Both of his weapons were now out and glowing. Dana, from an onlooker’s perspective appeared to move to a melody that no one but himself could hear. His movements mimicking those of a dancer. All his motions were nothing short of graceful, with exquisitely timed, deliberate and decades long practice. His footwork seemed to be unattached to how his weapons moved. Where at one moment his arms and swords would be moving in a circular pattern, his feet would be stepping to the side as he looked in the opposite direction as he moved. Catching the orcs who were expecting him to move in the direction he looked, with life ending slices, chops and stabs.

Dana soon lost himself to the moment. He ducked, spun, sliced and parried. Moving with a fluid like skill, that brought a full smile to Dana’s face. It was rare that anyone got to put such grace into a task as morbid as the death of dozens of orcs within a couple minutes. It was the best two minutes he had experienced in a very long time. He couldn’t help but smile even harder.

Dana now had both weapons fully extended from his body. Spinning as if he were among flowers in an imaginary field. Throats were opened. Necks parting from shoulders. Heads rolled to the ground. Regardless the height of the orc, or the reach of the crude spears they carried, Dana blocked, spun, moved inside, maybe removing an arm or two, then continue on to the next orc before the blood could release from their bodies.

He soon brought both weapons close together, one on top of the other, his arms crossed in front of his chest. His weapons vibrated as if they were angry at one another. He then slowly moved further away from Kros, but made sure to stay within the light. The transition for the orcs was a delay in their attacks. An advantage that Dana didn’t need, but would never give away. He brought his swords from in front of his chest, and extended his arms to their full length at shoulder height. The motion decapitating three orcs as they came at him from three different directions.

Dana brought the blades back to their original, near touching position, one over the other, back to his chest, and once again extending his arms full length. This time taking four lives in the process. While his arms and weapons repeated this motion several times over, his legs and feet adjusted accordingly to keep him in perfect balance. A slight bend of the knee here. A foot planted behind him slightly there. A full stomp as he brought the weapons down in a chopping motion. A toe slid across the ground in front of him as his weapon followed.

At the same time, Kros continued to walk as if strolling along the beach. One glowing hand and fingers tapping Gashnak’s skull on his belt, to a different unheard tune from Dana’s. His other glowing hand, was now rubbing a talisman between thumb and forefinger. This was one of the items he had recovered from the old orc shaman. The talismans power unknown to Kros as of now. But he could feel something within. He just needed a few quiet moments to figure out what the talisman was capable of.

He had placed his staff on his back when he first started his way back towards the entrance. The staff emitted a small green mist that kept the stench of the other orcs away from Kros. The smell of roses or cinnamon reaching his nostrils. Both smells he much rather have presented to his senses, than that of unwashed orcs.

The orc attacks lessened considerably. First only a couple at a time, then soon one at a time. They all died as soon as they were within range of Dana’s blades. Soon no attacks came. Dana waited a minute or so to make sure it was clear. The orcs finally realizing that stepping into the light meant certain death abandoned the idea of an easy kill.

Dana and Kros finally made it to The Mounds entrance. Kros stopping just short of hitting the sunlight. He was going to step outside until Dana halted his progress by speaking and placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Please hold. Let me go outside first. With the orc wave stopped, the archers will once again have a bead on the entrance. They have been ordered to kill anything that comes outside. That includes me. Please wait until I call you outside or we come inside.. I need to make sure everyone has a full understanding of the situations that are happening here.” Said Dana. “Especially your very unique circumstances. Also, I need you to put that hood up and wear this mask.” Dana continued, as he pulled out another mask identical to his own, and handed it to Kros.

Kros nodded and took the mask from Dana, placing it over his mouth and nose. Barely exposing his eyes. He then raised the hood. Dana looked at Kros and approved. There was no way that anyone would recognize Kros of being an orc mixed race, outside of his hands being slightly exposed from under the cloak every now and then. Even his fingers appeared human outside the greenish tint of his skin.

“This will take a few minutes. Be patient. There are a couple people I need to immediately talk to about you. Once I have them informed, and hopefully won over, this will go much quicker and smoothly. I will return shortly.” Said Dana

Kros watched Dana as he made his way outside. He did as was asked and remained inside The Mound, right at the entrance. He knew that The Mound was done for. The…thing, that had entered earlier guaranteed that, and Kros was glad for it. He just hoped he survived. This warrior who for some reason decided that he was worth sparing, was interesting to say the least. Even though Kros knew he was only keeping him alive to navigate The Mound’s tunnels and chambers. He was still grateful he was spared. Maybe he can show his worth once that task was complete.
He continued to look at the warriors back where his weapons now rested. “I guess I should ask him his name when he comes back.” thought Kros.


Janay watched as Dana exited The Mound. Like the orcs before him going from the relative darkness to the near blinding daylight, he similarly covered his eyes. He was using both arms to shade his eyes from the sunlight, weapons in both hands. He was clearly ready to kill anything that came near him, and also waiting for the barrage of arrows that he must know was about to be released any second now. As soon as she had the thought, the arrows were released. Since the orcs were no longer coming from The Mound, dozens of arrows raced toward him.

Each arrow was somehow blocked by his weapons after images, or just miss him entirely by mere inches. Not a single arrow hit their target. Janay was always amazed every time she saw this defensive sword technique.

Gods above, if there was ever anyone sent to erase me from this plane of existence, it was this man. She thought. Maybe an arrow head with an explosion? Poison gas tips?

Janay turned to Kendrick and asked, “Could you have them stop shooting at him? You know…to save arrows?”

Kendrick gave her a small smile. “Of course. But take a look at the archers.”

Janay looked behind her. The bowmen were already lowering their bows in pure disbelief. Most had a confused look. Not sure how every single one of them had missed landing a single shot.

“Cease Fire!” Kendrick ordered anyway. “You’re boring Lord Dana.”

The arrows stopped, and Dana finally lowered his weapons. He looked in Kendricks’s direction, and gave a thankful nod, sheathing his weapons finally, while walking straight toward the pair. He placed his hands behind his back, and had the air of a gentleman out for a stroll by the lake.

Dana reached the pair, but was now looking over Janay’s head, at the table and chairs that were set up, and smirked before speaking to her. “First you try to kill me, then you drink my tea? I would say it was droll if not for the trying to kill me part.”

Janay’s eyes narrowed as she was about to speak, but Dana held up a silencing finger. “You preferred the rose, didn’t you? I packed it knowing you would love it, he went on as he kissed his fingertips. It’s my own blend just so you know. Two of the leaves coming from Sandaria. The other from Katar.”

Kendrick turned his back to Janay, in an attempt to stifle a laugh. A small snicker came out anyway. Dana also turned his back to Janay, then both men then looked at each other and burst out in laughter! Kendrick holding his stomach, Dana with his hands on his knees.

Janay was confused, but stood there with an emotionless stare before she finally spoke. “I’m glad you both find tea time amusing.” This made both men laugh even harder. Kendrick finding it hard to breath it seemed with Dana going down to one knee. Janay waited patiently for both men to get it out of their systems. She still wasn’t sure what was so damn funny, so she just stood there. Then Kendrick held up a hand with a forthcoming explanation.

“Lord Dana made a small wager with me that you would take tea and biscuits in the middle of all…this.” Kendrick gestured at the piles of orc corpses twenty yards away. The blood-soaked ground. The dozens of soldiers and Paladins. He even pointed at her armor which was slightly bloody.

“I personally thought of the absurdity of it all when Lord Dana explained to me that he himself planned for a spot of tea, during what we all knew would be a very long day. You joining him seemed very much out of the question. You taking tea solo, and in the midst of this carnage was like I said, absurd to say the least.” Kendrick finished.

Dana stood up, and wiped his eyes clear from tears of laughter. He made several attempts to speak, but every time he looked at Kendrick he started to laugh again, which in turn made Kendrick start to laugh as if he had no control over himself. Janay finally broke, and she herself started to giggle until all three were in a laughing fit. All the soldiers and Paladins looking on in confusion.

The trio finally was able to calm down and Janay finally asked a question through a wide smile. “May I know the precise bet and wager?”

Kendrick answered. “It was a gentleman’s bet to be sure. The exact bet was that I or Lord Dana must offer you tea. I bet that you would have nothing to do with having tea sun up to sun down prior to, or after The Mound has been collapsed or cleansed. Since The Mound is clearly intact and you enjoyed the tea, I of course lose. I also thought that Lord Dana would…trick you in some way, so I took it upon myself to offer you a cup.”

Dana continued where Kendrick left off. “If Kendrick made the offer, it had to be a genuine effort. If he halfway or nonchalantly asked you, I would win the bet. We did not discuss whether either of us had to be present while the offer was presented. If I had any doubt of Kendricks honor, that has since disappeared like smoke in the wind. For clearly, he put his best effort forward, and convinced you in this mess of a scene that the rose was perfect for the occasion.”

Dana put his forearm on his midsection and bowed to Kendrick while keeping a small smile on his face. “You my friend are an honorable, trustworthy and gentle man. Who owes me twenty five gold pieces. Though I will gladly accept a bottle of your best from your father’s vineyard if you will be so kind.”

Kendrick looked at Janay. “Do you believe this guy?” Thumbing at Dana. “Only if I can get a case of each of your peach and rose teas.”

“Done!” quickly replied Dana. “There is a case of each with my things over by your people.”

Kendrick looked quizzingly over by where the Dana’s items were being kept out of the way near the rest of the supplies for The Church’s soldiers.

“You brought cases of tea? Why?” asked Kendrick.

“For your fathers wine of course!” Dana again answering quickly with grin on his face, and a pat on Kendricks back.

Janay could only shake her head at the unnecessary planning Dana had put into getting a bottle of wine. As a hero, he could have just asked, and it would be seen as an honor even by Bishop Francis to give him a bottle. From adventuring with him for more than a decade now, she knew this was all for just for his amusement, and to have people overthink everything when dealing with him.

Dana’s tone went from one of mirth to one of seriousness in a split second. “But I digress, as I must change the subject immediately. There is someone I must introduce to all of you prior to us entering The Mound and searching for Him or his daughter. And I feel that time is not going to be on our side very shortly.”

He continued. “Kendrick, how many Paladins do you feel would have been needed even for a mound of this size?”

Kendrick looked at Dana with a questioning look, not knowing what he was getting at, but he answered. “I would say honestly a team of three inside. One Paladin at each cardinal point outside. One trainee. So, eight. If mine weren’t heavy Paladin’s, I’d send five inside instead. Ten at maximum?”

“Ok, let’s go with that number. Why would The Church send twenty of your finest?” asked Dana.

“Because He is involved, I assume.” Kendrick answered right away.

“Think about that answer. Is there any way that twenty Paladin’s could hope to stop whatever He has planned for this mound? Would fifty be enough? Hell, would one hundred even matter?”

Kendrick took some time to think about what Dana said before he sighed with his answer. “No, it wouldn’t matter.”

“Correct.” stated Dana. “So, the questions to be asked are this. Why would your father send twenty Heavy Paladin’s knowing that even a hundred couldn’t contain him, never mind stop him outright. Why would the local lord send troops knowing that twenty Heavy Paladins are here, that he himself petitioned for. Why would that same lord ask for the services of two heroes on top of all that?”

Dana took a deep breath and slowly let it out before he went on. “And lastly, why is The Royal Army marching toward us with well over five thousand troops as my best guess?” as he pointed toward the horizon where dust could be seen and light blue banners.

Both Janay and Kendrick turned around quickly. Janay using her Sight to get an up close, and crystal clear view of the banners and soldiers.

“He’s correct. That is most definitely The Royal Army. He is also correct that they are coming this way. Though I’d say closer to ten thousand troops. They will be here within a few hours at most.” said Janay.

Kendrick tuned to face Dana, shaking his head slightly. “Ok, what is going on? I’m sure you have this figured out by now, or at least an idea what is happening.”

“I have more than an idea on why your father sent so many and the boy genius over there.” As he waved a hand at Jaden. “I also have an idea why The Royal Army was sent also.”

“How could you possibly know about the boy!?” Kendrick asked shockingly. “Even His Eminence doesn’t know!”

Dana paused before answering. “I will explain that later…maybe. For now, just know, that I know. And right now, I am telling you to have any of your Paladins not going into The Mound, to head back to where they were stationed. To where they were fighting. To where they were doing good. But whatever they do, do not head towards The Royal Army. I am sure they will have more Lightmages than even your people can handle.”

With that being said, Janay Sighted even more closely, looking for identifiers of any Paladins or Lightmages in The Royal Army. “He’s right!” she gasped. “There are at least a couple hundred Lightmages scattered among the regiments.”

Kendrick now had a look of total confusion on his face. He also had the look of someone that was trying to work his way through an unsolvable problem. He looked at Dana then to Janay. Janay was still looking at the approaching army, with confusion on her face as well. Dana had the look of someone that was waiting to burst forth with the answers when asked. He raised his eyebrows and smugly said nothing.

“Well! Are you going to tell us what is going on?” Kendrick finally asked, exasperation in his voice.

Janay nodded her head in agreement with Kendrick. “I must admit I am curious at this point what is about to happen soon. Please tell us what you know?”

“I thought you would never ask.” Dana slightly bowing his head.

“We have three problems’ here. Four and a half if we count Him. Firstly, His Eminence knows about, I think the boy’s name is Jaden you said, and his ability to cast four spells at once. If I know, His Eminence knows. The issue there is that as soon as that bit of news gets out…”

Kendrick finished Dana’s statement. “Then there will be a call for Jaden to replace His Eminence sooner than later. My father knows this and has kept the boy secret for that very reason. The Church must put forth the most powerful caster in The Church to lead. That is written. His Eminence has no say in that, and will have to either step down, fight the boy to prove he is stronger, or…”

Dana finished for Kendrick this time “Have him killed before the world knows they have a once in a thousand years prodigy. This is the most likely of the options unfortunately.”

“I have never met the man, but do you really believe His Eminence would do such a thing?” asked Janay

Both men answered at the same time. “Yes.” It was Kendrick who continued.

“He is a hard man. A man that clawed his way to his position. Thwarting all assassination attempts thrown at him by his prior Eminence. A man that will justify anything dubious in the name of God. A man that will not just give up power that he deemed he has earned through blood sweat and tears. And if the stories about his ascension are to be believed, he truly has earned the title and position of Eminence. All this before he was revealed to The Church properly. I have not heard of anything he may have done that is truly evil, but he has done many questionable things and made many decisions that some would say is beneath anyone of our faith, or even necessary depending on whom you ask. Then again, that probably goes for all his predecessors also.”

“Ok, that explains why there are Lightmages in The Royal Army. They want the boy gone at all costs. But that does not explain why The Royal Army is bringing ten thousand troops here at all. Nor does it explain why The Bishop, your father, deemed it necessary to commit twenty Paladin’s, never mind Heavy Paladin’s. Plus, why would the local lord hire well over a hundred troops and two heroes?” Janay questioned.

Kendrick looked confused. Janay saw the look on his face and asked “Are you OK?”

Kedrick didn’t answer.

Dana answered in his stead. “The only reason to commit twenty Heavy Paladin’s was that he knew what His Eminence would send to deal with Jaden. This means that Bishop Francis will be one of many inside The Church to recognizing the boy as the next leader.” Dana went on. “Immediately though, His Eminence sending so many Lightmages means that if they don’t back down, Kendricks orders are…?”

“To keep Jaden alive at all costs. To bring him back at all costs. My father specifically said he did not care who or what we have to face, bring the boy back, no matter what we must sacrifice. Now my fathers’ words make sense. He saw this exact scenario playing out. He took the choice, and the decision to go against The Church out of my hands and into his.”

“Precisely.” said Dana. “He knew that no matter how many Lightmages His Eminence brought to this oh so fun party we are having currently, they could not come close to dealing with twenty Heavy Paladin’s martial prowess, since neither side can use holy magic on the other. It will come down to physical combat. Two hundred Casters in robes against twenty of what are consider the best fighters outside top tier heroes, in full plate armor on top of that, will use those same Casters as practice dummies without losing a single Paladin.”

“So, The King and His Eminence are allies in killing the boy? Is that why The Royal Army is here? To deal with the Heavy Paladin’s in physical combat?” asked Janay.

“Yes, no and maybe” replied Dana. “They are here for someone else I believe.”

Janay nodded. “They are here for Him.”

“No…again. You and I are here for Him, along with these soldiers. Though now that I see all the different players involved here, I think Bishop Francis may have sent us instead of Lord Cantos. Matter of fact I’m also thinking Lord Cantos is behind His daughter being inside The Mound. Bishop Francis figured out what was about to happen and needed us here ASAP, hence the extremely large payment we were given. We tip the scales in Bishop Francis’s favor even if that ten thousand man army is partnered with His Eminence for the moment. I do believe they will be against each other once The Mound is destroyed.”

“I’ll just ask. Do you know why The Royal Army is here?” Janay raising her eyebrows in question.

“I do.” Replied Dana. “But it would be easier to just show you than explain. But I will need you to grab Jaden and Catiana also, since they will be coming into The Mound with us Kendrick.”

“I absolutely cannot stress this enough, that neither Catiana or Jaden can act on what they will see. You must explain this to them as if their lives depended on it, because their lives do depend upon them taking no action. I also need both your words that you will stand down once you meet him.” Dana finished.

Both Janay and Kendrick had looks of confusion on their faces, so Dana stated. “Just trust me. It will all make sense in five minutes.”

Janay quickly answered. “Of course.”

Kendrick followed up. “You have my word. I will explain to my daughter and Jaden what is expected of them. Give me a minute.”

Kendrick walked over towards where his daughter was laying with her back to a dead tree, sharpening pike blades, and took a seat next to her. He said a few words and Catiana nodded once. Kendrick got up, ruffled his daughter’s hair, as she swatted his hands away playfully. Kendrick then walked over to Jaden with a serious look on his face.

Dana and Janay were standing next to each other. Dana looked at Janay from the corner of his eye, noticing that she was staring intently at the boy.

“Did I miss something while inside The Mound?” asked Dana.

“I found out a few minutes ago that Jaden is enamored with me in bad way. He thinks I am a blasphemous heretic since I carry this bow and quiver, even though he has never met me.”
 
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Brahma

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Dana turned his body and faced Janay. “The boy would be correct, if it’s true that your weapon is made from angel bones. With no proof of such though, the boy will need to relax with the heretic talk.”

“Kendrick says he has proof.” Said Janay.

“Doubtful. He probably has a lead on figuring out what your weapon is truly made from, or how it was forged...but I doubt he has proof of an ancient weapons’ origin. I’ve given up my swords to many Caster Towers, and none can even explain how they work, never mind where they come from.” said Dana.

Janay thought for a few seconds before she responded. “True enough.”

“Good!” as Dana clapped his hands once. “Now how about you relax with the evil glare you’re giving the boy. Let’s show him your sweet and gentle side first, not the demon and evil slaying Bone Archer. You know, good first impressions and all that sweet stuff. Here they come. Remember. Smile.”

Janay just looked at Dana with a flat look on her face.

Dana took his index fingers to the corners of his mouth, bring his fingers up, to force a smile on his face. “Let’s see a sweet smile, Janay. Sweet smile.”

Kendrick, Catiana and Jaden made their way to the duo. Now that Catiana was walking along side Jaden, Janay could easily see that she was a woman even with her wearing most of her plate mail. The armor was standard Church issue gear, but it was clearly made for someone with breasts, and a slightly thinner frame. It also had a more intricate design on the gold trim. It would be impossible to separate her from the other Heavy Paladins, once her helmet was donned, and shield placed though.

Catiana and Kendrick had a standard issued sword at their hips. Jaden on his back carried an overly large zweihander sword that was as tall as he was. The sword mere inches from the ground. The pommel a few inches above his head.

“Is that thing even practical to fight with?” Janay questioned out loud. “It must weigh fifty pounds.”

“It definitely is not standard issue from The Church.”

“Allow me to get introductions out of the way” Kendrick started. “First, I’d like to introduce my daughter Catiana Des’ Francis. One of only two female Heavy Paladins in our Churches history. She excels at area healing. And creating holy ground. Both which are something we will need I am sure in the next hour or so.”

Janay bowed her head slightly at Catiana. Dana bowed respectfully at the waist.

Dana also took full note of Catiana. Her hair was a dark brown, almost black, coming just to the nape of her neck. Her curls now matted from use of her helmet. She did not have her fathers’ sharp features as far as cheek bones, nose and jawline. She was a much softer version of Kendrick. Where he had ruggedly handsome features, hers were a softer beauty. You easily could see the resemblance. Her eyes were a dark brown, where as her fathers were a much lighter shade of that same brown.

She was almost as tall as Kendrick. Dana could not tell her build type because of the armor, but he did notice she even now was standing on her toes slightly as well as the balls of her feet. Dana nodded approvingly. This was always a good sign of someone that was ready in a split second for any sort of combat.

“I hear your area healing is almost as good as most clerics single person healing.” said Dana. “We put our lives, when the time comes, in your hands.”

Catiana bowed and stayed bowed as she answered. “I pray that I can keep you alive. Although if truth be told, I am nervous about venturing down inside something as ominous as The Mound. I have helped cleanse mounds before, but nothing on this scale, and definitely not with an elite a group as this.” Replied Catiana. “As far as healing. Yes, almost ninety five percent as effective so says my grandfather.”

“Please be at ease Catiana.” as Janay smiled and placed her hand on Catiana’s shoulder to straighten her up from her bow. “From here on out, no formalities. Neither I nor Lord Dana require it. We will soon be in the thick of it, and don’t want you thinking what to address me as, before you save my life. So as of now, please call me Janay, and Lord Dana just Dana.” Janay finished, as Dana looked at her from the corner of his eyes clearly not liking permission given to skip the honorifics.

“And this fine young man would be?” Janay questioned.

“Allow me to introduce Jaden Von Sawyer. I have informed Janay of his abilities, but not sure what Lord Dana knows so I will go…”

Dana held up his hand to stop Kendrick immediately. He turned a hard gaze on Jaden and turned deadly serious. “Do you know who I am boy?” Dana asked.

Jaden took an instinctual defensive stance, and a slight step back with the unseen aura that Dana was projecting. The aura of a trainer about to attack, as to teach a novice a very hard lesson. Jaden narrowed his eyes, not quite sure what to make of the situation, but he respectfully answered with a full bow.

“You are Lord Dana Ja’ Russ. Marquess to the lands of Middleton. Lord Dana to most. The third ranked hero of the kingdom. Sword Master, and wielder of The Backran Swords.”

Janay made no move to straighten his bow. Knowing that Dana was not finished.

Dana stepped closer. “And?” asked Dana, as he bent down in an attempt to look Jaden in the eye.

Jaden glanced at Dana and continued. “Also known as Orc Bane. Ogre Death, also Demon Scourge.”

“And?” Dana asked again.

Jaden, still bowed, closed his eyes and answered softly, but the four others heard him clearly. “Caster Ruin.”

“Correct. Since I am told you are quite the study, I assume you know why they call me Caster Ruin. But in line of things that must be seen to be believed, you and I will do a very quick duel.”

“Excuse me?” questioned Jaden.

“I don’t recall stuttering, and I am told my common tongue is quite impeccable. Prepare yourself boy. I need to see what you are made of. If you’re even worth taking into The Mound.”

Jaden finally straightened from his bow. Looking at Dana with an angry look on his face. He then smiled, although that smile never reached his eyes. “If you insist. But will I be held accountable for hurting a Marquess even in a sanctioned duel.” Asked Jaden.

Dana nonchalantly waived his hand as if his question was meaningless. “Yes, yes. Kendrick take witness. I Lord Dana hereby excuse any harm that comes to me during this duel, so on and so forth. Blah skippity whoo.”

“I have witnessed.” said Kendrick, as he let out a huge sigh. “Is this really necessary?”

“For me? No. For him, yes.” Replied Dana as he watched Jaden straighten his gear, tighten straps and unsheathe his standard long sword lasty. Dana waited patiently.

It didn’t take long before everyone in the area noticed that there was about to be a duel. Soldiers and bowmen for the most part stayed in their respective positions in front of The Mounds entrance, but clearly all eyes were on the two who were about to square off. The Heavy Paladins slowly formed a sparring circle around Dana and Jaden since there was clearly nothing else trying to escape The Mound immediately.

Dana continued to patiently stand in silence as Jaden continued to adjust and shift what seemed every piece of gear and weapons on his person.

“You forgot to shift the daggers on your belt there boy. And you haven’t combed your hair.” Stated Dana as he pointed at Jaden’s head.

“I have braids, why would…” Jaden bowed slightly. “Apologies for keeping you waiting. Shall we begin?”

“Yes, we may begin. No rules on your end. I want you to kill me if you can.” said Dana.

That got everyone within hearing distance attention. The Heavy Paladin’s clearly knew what Jaden was capable of, since they looked at Dana as if he were crazy. Kendrick on the other hand made sure that everyone could hear him and spoke loudly.

“Do not hurt him past immediate healing please. We need him in The Mound in a few minutes.” Kendrick spoke to neither Jaden or Dana with that statement. “Also, anyone witnessing this fight is now ordered by The Church to never speak of what you see here for a year and a day.” Said Kendrick, as he turned to look at the encroaching Royal Army, still a few hours away. The dust cloud getting larger the closer they came.

Jaden had finally pulled off his back the zweihander which he stood point down in the dirt. The brown leather wrapped handle about one foot long reached his forehead starting from mid chest, with the silver blue pommel just reaching above his head. The blade was also a silver blue color, that changed color slightly as the sun hit it at different angles. The sword was unique but mundane, nothing that a high level adventurer wouldn’t be able to pick up in his years of attempting to reach hero status. So, Dana pulled out his long daggers off his hip.

“This is no disrespect. My swords would ruin your weapon in one blow, so daggers will be my weapons of choice. They are magical, but the enchantments are so that they never have to be sharpened, and a decent sized essence drain on even a small scratch.” Stated Dana.

Jaden nodded he was ready, and in his left hand the standard Heavy Paladin long sword to accompany the zweihander that he still had pointed in the ground, but he had the tip near his feet, and the handle at arm’s length.

Dana shrugged, not sure what the boy was doing with two incompatible weapons, with one not even being in a usable ready position. But he would soon find out he supposed.

He will be in a world of pain if he solely relies on his magic and subpar sword skills. Dana thought to himself.

Kendrick snagged a fist size stone off the ground. “When this rock hits the ground, you may begin.”

Both Dana and Jaden nodded. Kendrick threw the stone in the air, with neither of the duelists looking at the stone as it came falling down. The stone hit the ground and…Jaden was unconscious, sprawled across two of his brothers from The Church. With everyone once again in stunned silence, not sure what just happened. Jaden’s zweihander hitting the ground shortly after where he once stood.

“Well, that lasted longer than I thought.” said Janay sarcastically. With her voice breaking the silence, and carrying further than normal, all eyes turned toward her. “What? You expected a drawn out fight?” she continued. “Some sort of epic contest for the ages? In the entire Kingdom, there are two people potentially stronger than Lord Dana, with one of those being the strongest hero in all four kingdoms. The boy never stood a chance. Be glad Lord Dana wanted to prove a point before the boy said, or lord forbid did something stupid.”

Kendrick started walking over towards Jaden and the other two Heavy Paladin’s that were tangled up along with him on the ground. Kendrick was one of only a couple people present that saw the actual blows being struck.

I’m sure Janay followed just as easy as I, and maybe Catiana. Kendrick thought to himself.

“No one should be able to move that fast, even with enchantments and essence geared toward quickness and speed.”

Kendrick realized he said that out loud because Janay answered him.

“The little essence that him and I can muster are geared toward very specific abilities, and nothing else. Dana has mastered how to imbue his muscles with his essence over the decades. This gives him quickness, speed and extreme control over his body that very few can match. With his swordsmanship being that of a master…Well you see the results.” Janay finished.

Kendrick nodded as he bent down to check on Jaden. Jaden didn’t have his helmet on during the duel, and now had a big bruise on the very top of his head. His braided hair making it look even larger than normal. Kendrick saw the blow that created the lump on his head land, and knew it would be a blow that would leave anyone unconscious. He waved Catiana over to have her heal his bruises.

“Make sure you check for any internal injuries also Cat. That kick to his stomach probably caused something internal to start bleeding, I’m sure. Hell, just give him a full healing.” Said Kendrick. While he waited for Catiana to finish healing Jaden, Kendrick took this small pause to ask Janay a couple questions.

“Not to pry, but what abilities have you specialized in? asked Kendrick. “If it’s too much to ask I apologize.” He was still looking at Jaden get healed, as the bump on his head slowly disappeared.

Janay smiled and gladly answered. “It’s not a royal secret. I have done the same with my eye sight. I can see further than most and judge distances with pin point accuracy.”

“That explains a lot quite frankly. Did you start using the bow first, and decided to push all your essence into your eyesight? Or was there ever another plan?” asked Kendrick, as he took a glance at Jaden. The young Paladin’s eyes fluttered open.

“I started my career as a rogue in Middleton. The guild master there and Him were friends for decades apparently, and my guild master asked Him to take me along for my gold level evaluation as an adventurer. He agreed as a favor I guess.” said Janay

“Yeah, has He ever been anything but solo as an adventurer or hero? You are the first person I have heard of Him grouping with. That must have been pretty exciting and damn terrifying at the time.” Kendrick reached down to give the other two Paladins a hand up.

“Not really. He was still a monster back then, but not the monster everyone thinks he is now. But he was still a triple platinum adventurer. He was also fresh off of killing Dragthapur just a couple months prior to me being introduced. So, it was more exciting like you said than scary. I was being evaluated by the highest ranking adventurer in The Kingdom, which meant at least six months of learning from the best. Yeah, excited would be how I would describe my feelings back then.”

Janay purposely looked at Dana, raising her eyebrows and pointing at him sharply, then pointing sharply over to Jaden as to signal for him to get over there!

Dana rolled his eyes and made his way to Jaden.

Janay continued. “A couple months into me pretty much being his apprentice, He took on a contract to clear out a Dragon den. Once inside it was apparent that it wasn’t a den but a nest. There were three black dragons sleeping. As soon as we crossed their domain, all three awoke. It got nasty fast. He had me hide behind a boulder in the cavern we were going to fight in. Not that it mattered. The dragons could “see” me no matter how well I hid in their domain. He just wanted me out of the way I thought, until he pulled out an epic bow with arrows. Something he picked up on one of his adventures I later found out. He told me to keep shooting and aim for the eyes.”

Janay paused her tale, and looked over to where everyone was now checking on Jaden. Dana bent down and whispered in Jaden’s ear. “I wonder what he’s saying to the boy. Probably rubbing salt into his wounded ego, or trying to sound wise and sage-like as he tells him why he was so easily defeated.” Janay thought to herself.

As Dana was whispering to Jaden, the Heavy Paladin’s eyes opened very wide, and he nodded once. Dana continued to stare into the boys’ eyes a little too long, but he eventually stood up and walked over to stand next to Janay.

“I assume he will live?” asked Janay.

“He will.” Dana said with a chuckle. “Please continue. I never heard this story.”

Kendrick and Catiana helped Jaden to his feet, and Janay purposely looked toward him, and put on a small smile. Jaden avoided eye contact, and walked over and bowed very low to Dana, but said nothing. He then walked over to pick up his zweihander that was laying on the ground. After placing his weapon on his back, he once again joined the others with his eyes looking towards the ground.

Dana quickly said something. “None of that boy. Being humbled doesn’t mean defeated. Hold your head up. I can count on one hand those that can defeat me in a duel in all four Kingdoms. You’ve been assigned a task that most would decline, and you are now in what I can say is the most powerful group I have been a part of. All’s I can say is that I’m glad you’re here.” Dana finished.

Janay added her thoughts also. “What he says is true. Your overall strength has not even begun to develop, and we still ask that you join us today. If it makes you feel any better, I have seen him treat many a caster with much lighter…punishment in a duel. Meaning that Lord Dana’s respect is there as he took you seriously. Most times it’s a slow methodical beating.”

Jaden nodded slowly, then lifted his head up. “Thank you. Though it does not make me feel any better about where I stand among those in the world in terms of my skill and power. It appears I have a very long way to go.”

“Not as far as you may think. said Dana. “I can honestly say, that among those not considered heroes, you would rank among the top, if not the top, if only by what I have been told about you is true. Also, when you decide that you wish to take the path to hero…”

Janay was once again looking at the approaching Royal Army and interrupted Dana mid-sentence. “I hate to be rude, but we need to move along this endeavor. Jaden you’re fine. Zero chance you were winning today, and Dana knew this. Right now, I can tell you, I can see the Royal Army has picked up the pace. No doubt they have spotted us, moving faster for reasons Dana has yet to explain I assume.”

“Agreed. Let’s move into The Mound. Just remember what I said. Take no action once you meet our newest team member.

All eyes turned to Dana in confusion. He held up his hand to stall all the incoming questions he knew would bombard him. “In The Mound please. All will be made clear soon enough.”

“I need to let those out here know we are headed inside now. With the Royal Army approaching they will be wondering what is going on.” Kendrick looked towards Dana. “Do you see them being hostile toward my men, and the soldiers stationed around The Mound?”

Dana thought for a few seconds then answered. “The Royal Army, no. I think we have the same goal, but for much different reasons. Those sent by His Eminence, more than likely will find a way to be hostile toward your men. Especially if they have a bishop with those Lightmages, which is pretty much guaranteed.” Dana continued. “I would actually tell everyone here to start riding back towards the closest town with the exception of a rider, who will tell The Royal Army to secure the perimeter of The Mound and what our plans inside will contain.”

Dana was silent for a few seconds before continuing. “Also, there is zero reason to put your father and His Eminence at direct odds right now when it can be avoided. I’m sure Bishop Francis will appreciate any extra time given to him on how to deal with his Eminence, trust me on that. But enough speculation, everyone inside please.”

Everyone grabbed what essential gear they deemed necessary for their crawl inside The Mound.

Janay had her bow, quiver and daggers in their respective locations on her person, along with her travel pack.

Dana had his swords on his hip this time, along with an array of knives tucked here in there in hidden locations in his armor. He secured a small pack on his back, which contained potions of all sorts along with light rations.

The Heavy Paladins took quite a bit longer to head in. Jaden in particular. He looked like a walking arsenal. He had his zweihander placed on his back, along with a tall shield that came to his chin attached to his left forearm with thick leather straps. On the inside of his shield, he had two long daggers that secured on the outer edge, as not to interfere with his arm. On his hip, like Dana, he had his longswords. He did not carry a backpack.

Dana mused out loud. “If anything comes at us from the rear as we head down inside this hell hole, it will pull out some coin first thinking it has run into a weapons shop when it sees this boy. How does he still move so freely in all that gear?”

“Half his life he has worn that gear, and learned to move in it as if it wasn’t even there. Your weapons allow you to bypass that armor and shield as easily as you slice through the air. Most others? They would not even bother to fight him as soon as they look at him. You may as well be a blacksmith to beat past all that metal. On top of that, imagine the boy walking with ten feet of fire or holy ground that moves with him. He would win most fights with intimidation alone. He is even more a fright than most Paladins out there.”

Dana agreed. “I would have him in front and not the rear if Kendrick had not led many mound raids as he has.”

Both turned to look at Kendrick and his daughter. They were tightening each other’s armor, while Kendrick was talking with one of the archers, who was nodding at Kendricks words.

Both Kendrick and Catiana were geared the same as Jaden minus the zweihander, and had only one sword between the two of them, which Kendrick held in hand before sheathing it on his hip.

Catiana had no visible weapons minus the long daggers inside her shield. Where she would normally have a sword in her right hand, she carried an intricate metal cross that was slightly longer than her daggers.
 
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Brahma

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“What’s the cross she is carrying? A talisman?” Dana asked Janay.

“Not sure.” She replied.

Jaden who was walking towards them heard the question and answered.

“It is a talisman. It stores essence and also allows her to heal more efficiently.” Jaden went on. “Without it, she is arguably The Churches most powerful healer. With it, there is no doubt. Making her one of the most powerful in the four kingdoms.”

Dana whistled. “Kendrick and his father have gathered quite the powerhouses at your Church. Are there any others members present that are notable?” He finished asking.

Jaden immediately pointed to another Heavy Paladin, who was in the middle of putting on his armor.

“Estaldor. He is like Him, a Voidmage, but without the ability to manipulate the shields in the same way nor does he have nearly the same essence pool obviously. He trained as a Voidmage prior to joining The Church. Though he is not a true double caster, he is as effective since he can use holy magic. Holy Lance is his mastered spell.”

“Powerhouses indeed. You alone would bring eyes toward Bishop Francis’s church. His Eminence allows three under one church?” Janay asked.

“Four.” Jaden corrected. “Kendrick is an Earthmage. Bishop Francis had the foresight to have him trained outside The Church as soon as he saw the ability in him. Again, not a true double caster, but essentially so. That is also why he has so many cleansed mounds under his belt.”

Janay nodded. “An Earthmage underground is truly frightening. What is his specialty with holy magic? If it’s not a secret?” Janay asked.

“He also heals. Single heals unlike his daughter who specializes in area heals. Not nearly as strong as Catiana is with her healing, but where Catiana will keep you alive, Kendrick can bring a person back from near death.” Jaden continued. “I also don’t believe that His Eminence has “allowed” it per se, it’s the Francis family where this power just naturally developed. Me being raised in Bishop Francis’s church, and later discovered…what I am, was pure happenstance really.”

“Looks like all is ready.” Said Dana, as Kendrick and Catiana made their way toward the three. “Let’s head in. Remember, no action is to be taken towards our…guide.”

Everyone nodded in understanding and made their way toward The Mounds entrance.

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Kros looked on as the warrior exited The Mound and walked toward what could only be the paladins and the human female with the bow made from what he assumed was bone. What creature the bone was carved from, he could not tell from this distance. He would need a much closer look at the weapon.

Didn’t humans shun weapons made of bone? thought Kros.

One of the Paladins walked towards Janay with a cup and tea pot.

“Is she…Is she having…tea, right now? “Kros said out loud, as he shook his head in confusion. His first impressions of these humans were not what he expected.

Kros eyed the Paladins.

Each paladin had a silver aura that surrounded them, some brighter than others, but one really stood out. The young human with the giant sword.

Each also had a soft moonlight radiance that emanated maybe six inches at most from their bodies. The young one on the other hand had a light that was not only noticeably brighter, but extended a couple feet further from his person than everyone else.

The warrior nor the archer had any sort of glow whatsoever, which puzzled him, considering their clear power and skill levels. Were they able to hide their essence somehow?

All of the soldiers and archers seemed to be mundane also. None emitting any sort of essence that he could see. That was to be expected he supposed. Most beings did not have the ability to wield magic of any kind. That is what made this group he silently observed so frightening. Outside the shaman in The Mound, himself and his mother, he had never seen nor met anyone else whos’ essence levels could be seen. This many gathered together meant The Mound would soon be destroyed.

Just one of the paladins inside The Mound would have the entire nest fleeing or attacking. Kros counted twenty so far. That didn’t even include the…human, if he could be called that, that was inside The Mound who radiated more like a sun than a moon. His glow extending more than ten feet from his body.

Kros had caught a quick glimpse of Him as He approached The Mound yesterday from the east. He was easily seen a couple miles off, but Kros could not make out any of His features. His yellowish essence bright enough to obscure any sort of details at that distance. He could see a shadow of the human surrounded by the glow that extended way too far from that silhouette. Kros made his way to the western entrance as soon as he realized what was approaching. So had all the other shaman knowing that escape or death were the only choices.

Kros shook his head in an attempt to dislodge that memory from his mind. Him approaching The Mound wasn’t nightmarish, but it was unpleasant.

As he watched the warrior converse with the other humans it slowly became evident that the unnamed warrior and the young Paladin were about to fight. The other humans started to form a large circle around those two. From what Kros could tell, who he took as the leader of the Paladin’s clearly was against this fight. The woman with the bone bow looked as if she didn’t care at all and would prefer to be having her tea.

If that young human can even remotely use that weapon, I’m not sure how he will lose. His essence ability would dwarf Gashnak’s and mine combined if his aura speaks true. He thought to himself.

The leader of the Paladin’s threw a rock in the air. As soon as the rock hit the ground…

Kros just watched as the young Paladin eyes opened wide before he was kicked in the stomach, then hit on the top of his head. The kick sent the Paladin tumbling uncontrollably into the gathered crowd. At least that what he thought he saw.

“I did not see him cover the ground to reach the Paladin. Nor do I believe the boy saw it either. Noone can move that fast.” Kros whispered the latter out loud.

Kros was about to step outside The Mound to get a closer look, then quickly realized that everyone out there would probably kill him on sight.

The unnamed warrior for some reason looked at The Mound’s entrance and shook his index finger at Kros. Did he know I was about to step outside somehow? thought Kros.

Some conversations and a few minutes later, everyone was packing up and headed toward where Kros waited just inside the darkness. He instinctively took a few steps back, before he realized what he was doing. Kros closed his eyes, stopped moving back and took a few deep breaths. He grasped the talisman tighter and waited for the group to reach him. He considered reading a spell that would make it almost impossible to find him deep in The Mound, but thought better of it. More than likely The Mound would not be here in a few hours, and he doubted he could escape this group coming towards him no matter how well he hid. On top of that, that…thing was down below wreaking havoc. His thoughts clearly triggered happenstance, because the walls soon started to shake, and dust fell from the ceiling above immediately after.

Kros smacked the dust off his robes and attempted to smooth out the wrinkles like he had seen his mother do countless times to the rags provided by the other shaman. It seemed his fate was truly out of his hands, along with no escaping the humans. Kros just stood at the edge of entrance to The Mound as the humans walked by him on entry, not noticing him standing there. He shrugged his shoulders and waited patiently. He hoped the humans offered him tea. He would love to try tea.



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The group finally reached The Mounds entrance and entered the darkness. Two orbs appeared over each of the Paladin’s shoulders as the first of the group got about ten feet inside. The orbs immediately throwing a light that pushed back any darkness, and stopped any visual defenses that The Mound may have tried using in that area. The sharp shadows and reddish tint were completely gone, along with the stunted view distance.

What did remain was the gore. With the light the Paladins orbs provided, the evil and disregard of life these creatures was evident. The contrast of the clean rocks and stone versus the body parts, blood, and guts that seemed to be thrown in places for purely disgusting aesthetics was on full display. This was another tactic that most mounds incorporated into their defense.

Anger, disgust, revenge and more all came into being upon seeing this upon entering a mound. That was the intent. Any strong emotion that was exposed by invaders led to mistakes being made. Mistakes meant death. Death meant mounds would continue to have sources of energy to keep functioning. Functioning mounds invited invaders, and the circle continued.

All the party was looking ahead into The Mound. Trying to determine how far they could see ahead, and what might be coming past the light. None seemed to notice the young orc shaman standing behind them.

Kros continued to rub his thumb and forefinger against the talisman. He was studying the group and deciding if he should wait to be discovered or let them know he was standing right here.

He went with introducing himself.

Hello. I am Krosgimgchak. I am told that is too long a name, and you would prefer something shorter, so please call me Kros.

Everyone immediately drew weapons and turned to face Kros. All except Dana. He knew who it was that had spoken, and smiled at the orc.

Well spoken Kros. Thought Dana.

“Be at ease everyone. As he has stated, his name is Kros. He will be our guide into The Mound. Please lower your weapons.” Said Dana.

Everyone lowered weapons, but none were sheathed. They were in The Mound after all.

Jaden’s eyes narrowed then widened, and he was the first to speak. “He is not human. I am not sure what he is actually. Some sort of cross breed that you just discovered?”

Dana was looking out of the corner of his eye at Jaden. The boy misses nothing it seems. I will have to handle him differently than I would most. I wonder if he will figure out exactly what Kros’s actually is. thought Dana.

Jaden drew his other sword, and pointed both at Kros.

Well, that was fast. Will definitely need to be wary around this boy. Dana once again thought to himself as he raised his eyebrows.

“Lord Dana. What is going on? How can this be? Did you know his blood lines? How long have you known about this…creature. How is this even possible. He shouldn’t even exist!” exclaimed Jaden as he moved in an aggressive manner toward Kros. Kros didn’t move as Dana stepped in front of the orc.

Dana put a hand on Jaden’s chest stopping his advance. “This is what I meant when I said that no action will be taken towards our guide. Put your weapons down paladin. Now.” Dana sternly stated.

Everyone was now looking at the young paladin as he did what he was told, and lowered his weapons. Jaden did not take his eyes off the orc though.

“You would have us party with…this thing? Asked Jaden. “Have it remove the mask. What are we dealing with here? An orc and demon hybrid? Some cursed creature that these orcs are raising?”

Dana looked at Kros and just shrugged his shoulders with his palms up. “Show them Kros”

Kros removed his mask and everyone present looked at him thoroughly confused.

Katiana was the first to break the silent confusion. She smiled at Kros, and even slightly bowed.

“Hello, er, um Mr. Kros. My name is Katiana. I am going to be forward with my questions. I must admit, I am slightly confused on if you are human. You’re clearly a mixed…race, but may I inquire if one of them is human? Elven?” There was a long pause. “Orc?”

Dana, with his back against the wall of The Mounds entrance, and a foot up, just observed. He wanted to see how the young paladin would react to some of the answers that would clearly set off the boys zealotry.

He was not expecting Katiana to start the inquiry into Kros though. By her taking the lead, it took some of the fire out of Jaden since he had to wait to hear the questions and answers along with everyone else.

Kros would be dead and buried if looks could kill. Or at the very least, be standing in Holy Fire if the boy had his way. Thought Dana. He looked back to Kros.

The young shaman was the total opposite of Jaden. Calm, cool, observant. He looked Jaden up and down, but with no hate or anger, but like someone who wasn’t sure if acknowledging the paladin was worth his time. The only movement from the orc, was Kros’s thumb and forefinger rubbing the medallion.

Dana continued his thoughts. I will need to figure out if that is his nervousness coming through. Him thinking, or maybe even just plain scared. He is after all, face to face, with as far as he is concerned, his races bane. Him facing three paladins would have to be up there with anyone meeting three demons.

Dana, along with everyone else waited for Kros to answer.

Kros looked at each and every one of them, before letting out a big sigh before settling back on Katiana, who asked him the question.

“I am half human, half orc.” Calmly stated Kros. “My mother was a human Druid. My father, an orc Shaman. Both are now quite dead, although if you look to the cross on top of The Mound, you may give prayers to mother dearest.”

Kros looked right at Jaden, narrowing his eyes, and held up the skull as he turned the eye sockets toward the young paladin. “My once overbearing father, will be keeping us company as we make our way down into The Mound, to race the…thing, that has entered here before you. Before it finds out the condition of his daughter. I am telling you now, there is a very slim chance she is unharmed, and I hope unsullied. I am not sure what that means as far as what it will do to everyone and everything in The Mound, and the surrounding area, but according to…” Kros looked at Dana with the question of his name left unsaid.

“Dana. You may call me Dana. And you are correct. We must beat him to his daughter. If we do not, everything as far as you can see, will look like a wasteland once his rage is complete. This is no exaggeration. There will be nothing left of The Mound, and the surrounding villages will be wiped out also.”
 
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Bodhy

Karen
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Brahma, I'd like to hear more about your magic system. I like hearing about each writer's magic systems and how they work. Hard or soft? What intellectual theories do you draw upon?
 

Brahma

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Brahma, I'd like to hear more about your magic system. I like hearing about each writer's magic systems and how they work. Hard or soft? What intellectual theories do you draw upon?

I'm not that deep man. I just made the shit up on the fly as I was writing.

Where I am going to go with those who have low essence, is a physical sealing system. You can choose to have what little magic you can muster sealed into your body/soul depending on what you are trying to accomplish. So in the case for Janay (The Bone Archer), I (Him, so far in these first couple chapters) convince her later to seal her magic in her eyesight and twitch muscles for her agility once she finds her current bow. (She actually can't use bow until she does this).

My notes for later. Simple so I just wont forget, and I was going to flesh it out in some sort of explanation/classroom setting. But making a believable magic system will take me weeks probably to flesh out.

Essence created = matter + thought.
Magic strength = Your potential essence creation (mana pool) + understanding (skill).
Sealed essence = Concept of what you want + matter ingrained in body/soul via a process that needs to be introduced.
Sealed essence = Very finite, but potentially very powerful if paired correctly.
Magic classes = ????

That's really all I have.
 

Void

Experiencer
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Brahma Brahma

First, I want to give you huge props for putting yourself out there like that. I know just how difficult it is to let others read what you write. I have a few initial comments that I think might help, but obviously I am not a published author myself so whether or not you take my advice is up to you. I'm not going to get into specifics too much as I think that's not that helpful at this stage in the game, and if you are anything like me you'll rewrite shit multiple times, taking your new advice and skills into account. I've personally rewritten the first chapter of my "book" countless times and it still doesn't feel just right.

Not in any particular order:

Fewer commas. I have that tendency too, and I have really tried to break it. It can be difficult though, because you want to pause in your head but if you were to read it out loud it doesn't make as much sense to have all those forced pauses.

Show, don't tell. A perfect example right at the beginning is talking about the two swords and their trailing images being able to block arrows and such. Don't tell us that at all, just show it when he's fighting. We don't need to know that he can do that in the prep stage, just let it happen. Same with all of the intricate descriptions of their armor and the abilities and protections and such. Why do we need to know all of that before anything actually happens? I know that you have all this cool shit in your head and want to share it with us; I get that, I really do. I have similar cool shit I'd love to just dump into an AI and have it write a story out of it, because I think it is truly amazing and I just want the story done. But imagine it's like a movie. Do you want to see the hero go over every piece of equipment in detail for ten minutes before anything happens, or do you want to see him start fighting and then suddenly an arrow is streaking towards him...only to be blocked by the sword's power! Do you want to know he has a plate over his heart that might never do anything (except that we know it will play a role since you mentioned it), or do you have him get shot in the chest and for a moment we think, "Oh no, our hero is toast!" But if we've never been told about it, he can then pull it out and comment to his companion something like, "See, I told you it would come in handy some day." Obviously you don't want every fucking thing to miraculously be countered by some obscure piece of gear (deus ex), but I think you can see my point.

This is a corollary to that last point, but you clearly care about the gear and the descriptions of everything, so make it more organic. Like, instead of spending all that time having the character or narrator tell us about every piece, have another character ask about them perhaps. "I've never seen swords like that. Is that writing on them? I don't recognize the language, what does it say?" Something like that, you know? Obviously it changes how things are presented, and you might have to do an entire scene with the reader more or less in the dark about stuff like what the swords say, but it helps make it more impactful vs. us being info dumped all these things, and it helps spread it out over a longer span so again, less info dump.

One technical writing aspect you should practice and work on is dialogue punctuation. Just look through any books with dialogue for examples, but unless you are going for some avante garde obscure style, in general you write dialogue like this:

Void told Brahma, "I really like what you have here, keep up the good work."

"Thanks a lot, I appreciate you taking the time to look it over," replied Brahma.

Commas lead into and out of standard dialogue like that, and are either inside or outside of the quotation marks depending upon their location as above. It does get a little confusing with question and exclamation marks, so that is when you want to change it up to avoid those issues. For example, if the sentence Brahma spoke were a question instead of a statement, it obviously needs a question mark, but do you still use a lowercase "r" in replied? You can't use a capital R because the fragment "Replied Brahma" is not a sentence, but following a question mark is always a new sentence and should be capitalized. So neither one makes sense, and that's where you might do something else like:

Brahma pondered for a moment. "Do you really think it is good?"

Dialogue is simultaneously the hardest thing to write, the most boring thing to write, and the most important thing to write, in my opinion. Entire books *could* be written with nothing but dialogue if it is done well. I'm not anywhere near good enough for that, but it is definitely something all of us that aspire to be writers need to work on. And work on again. And again.

You clearly have the basis for an intriguing story (and the world to go with it) here. I like what I've read so far, and I Want To Know More (Starship Troopers). I will be completely honest with you and say that I seriously balk at that much description, no matter how good or bad it is. However, I am also a HUGE proponent of books like The Black Company where literally almost nothing is described, ever. I like it because it lets me visualize it myself and put my own spin on it. That's not to say you shouldn't have descriptions, particularly since that seems to be a massive part of your creative energy. You clearly like imagining all of these details and telling us about them. That's a good thing, if you can harness it and convey it in a way that is interesting and fun, not a boring slog.

I already talked about it a little, and I'm not going to even attempt to write your story in the way I am suggesting, but a brief example would be to have Dana swish his swords a few times to limber up, and describe them as "one a silver blur, the other gold" or something like that. Then do the cool shit like blocking arrows with the after-images, etc. And maybe it takes a few more pages or chapters even before someone inspects them closely and asks what the writing says. We got the cool imagery of the colors, we got the cool abilities, and we got the cool phrases. Just not all in one or two sentences the moment we meet the character. Obviously the same goes for the bow, everyone's armor, etc. Go nuts with showing us how fucking cool they are and how much you have meticulously planned them out in your head, but let us breathe a bit between each tidbit. Let it percolate slowly throughout the story, as needed or as you find a good spot for it. I promise you that if a character can tell us something it is almost universally better to read than if the narrator/character tells us. Even a first person story is better if that stuff happens in dialogue, even though we get to hear their thoughts almost like dialogue. Having another character interact and ask about it, or having a situation arise where it comes into play, is generally more entertaining to read. Assuming it is well done, of course.

Anyway, without breaking out a red pen those are my overall critiques. Again, I'm not an expert and I certainly won't care if you completely ignore them, but if they help any then I'm glad. Either way I'm happy to read more of what you write, and I hope you continue. The only way to get better is to keep doing it.
 
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Brahma

Obi-Bro Kenobi-X
11,915
41,908
Brahma Brahma

First, I want to give you huge props for putting yourself out there like that. I know just how difficult it is to let others read what you write. I have a few initial comments that I think might help, but obviously I am not a published author myself so whether or not you take my advice is up to you. I'm not going to get into specifics too much as I think that's not that helpful at this stage in the game, and if you are anything like me you'll rewrite shit multiple times, taking your new advice and skills into account. I've personally rewritten the first chapter of my "book" countless times and it still doesn't feel just right.

Not in any particular order:

Fewer commas. I have that tendency too, and I have really tried to break it. It can be difficult though, because you want to pause in your head but if you were to read it out loud it doesn't make as much sense to have all those forced pauses.

Show, don't tell. A perfect example right at the beginning is talking about the two swords and their trailing images being able to block arrows and such. Don't tell us that at all, just show it when he's fighting. We don't need to know that he can do that in the prep stage, just let it happen. Same with all of the intricate descriptions of their armor and the abilities and protections and such. Why do we need to know all of that before anything actually happens? I know that you have all this cool shit in your head and want to share it with us; I get that, I really do. I have similar cool shit I'd love to just dump into an AI and have it write a story out of it, because I think it is truly amazing and I just want the story done. But imagine it's like a movie. Do you want to see the hero go over every piece of equipment in detail for ten minutes before anything happens, or do you want to see him start fighting and then suddenly an arrow is streaking towards him...only to be blocked by the sword's power! Do you want to know he has a plate over his heart that might never do anything (except that we know it will play a role since you mentioned it), or do you have him get shot in the chest and for a moment we think, "Oh no, our hero is toast!" But if we've never been told about it, he can then pull it out and comment to his companion something like, "See, I told you it would come in handy some day." Obviously you don't want every fucking thing to miraculously be countered by some obscure piece of gear (deus ex), but I think you can see my point.

This is a corollary to that last point, but you clearly care about the gear and the descriptions of everything, so make it more organic. Like, instead of spending all that time having the character or narrator tell us about every piece, have another character ask about them perhaps. "I've never seen swords like that. Is that writing on them? I don't recognize the language, what does it say?" Something like that, you know? Obviously it changes how things are presented, and you might have to do an entire scene with the reader more or less in the dark about stuff like what the swords say, but it helps make it more impactful vs. us being info dumped all these things, and it helps spread it out over a longer span so again, less info dump.

One technical writing aspect you should practice and work on is dialogue punctuation. Just look through any books with dialogue for examples, but unless you are going for some avante garde obscure style, in general you write dialogue like this:

Void told Brahma, "I really like what you have here, keep up the good work."

"Thanks a lot, I appreciate you taking the time to look it over," replied Brahma.

Commas lead into and out of standard dialogue like that, and are either inside or outside of the quotation marks depending upon their location as above. It does get a little confusing with question and exclamation marks, so that is when you want to change it up to avoid those issues. For example, if the sentence Brahma spoke were a question instead of a statement, it obviously needs a question mark, but do you still use a lowercase "r" in replied? You can't use a capital R because the fragment "Replied Brahma" is not a sentence, but following a question mark is always a new sentence and should be capitalized. So neither one makes sense, and that's where you might do something else like:

Brahma pondered for a moment. "Do you really think it is good?"

Dialogue is simultaneously the hardest thing to write, the most boring thing to write, and the most important thing to write, in my opinion. Entire books *could* be written with nothing but dialogue if it is done well. I'm not anywhere near good enough for that, but it is definitely something all of us that aspire to be writers need to work on. And work on again. And again.

You clearly have the basis for an intriguing story (and the world to go with it) here. I like what I've read so far, and I Want To Know More (Starship Troopers). I will be completely honest with you and say that I seriously balk at that much description, no matter how good or bad it is. However, I am also a HUGE proponent of books like The Black Company where literally almost nothing is described, ever. I like it because it lets me visualize it myself and put my own spin on it. That's not to say you shouldn't have descriptions, particularly since that seems to be a massive part of your creative energy. You clearly like imagining all of these details and telling us about them. That's a good thing, if you can harness it and convey it in a way that is interesting and fun, not a boring slog.

I already talked about it a little, and I'm not going to even attempt to write your story in the way I am suggesting, but a brief example would be to have Dana swish his swords a few times to limber up, and describe them as "one a silver blur, the other gold" or something like that. Then do the cool shit like blocking arrows with the after-images, etc. And maybe it takes a few more pages or chapters even before someone inspects them closely and asks what the writing says. We got the cool imagery of the colors, we got the cool abilities, and we got the cool phrases. Just not all in one or two sentences the moment we meet the character. Obviously the same goes for the bow, everyone's armor, etc. Go nuts with showing us how fucking cool they are and how much you have meticulously planned them out in your head, but let us breathe a bit between each tidbit. Let it percolate slowly throughout the story, as needed or as you find a good spot for it. I promise you that if a character can tell us something it is almost universally better to read than if the narrator/character tells us. Even a first person story is better if that stuff happens in dialogue, even though we get to hear their thoughts almost like dialogue. Having another character interact and ask about it, or having a situation arise where it comes into play, is generally more entertaining to read. Assuming it is well done, of course.

Anyway, without breaking out a red pen those are my overall critiques. Again, I'm not an expert and I certainly won't care if you completely ignore them, but if they help any then I'm glad. Either way I'm happy to read more of what you write, and I hope you continue. The only way to get better is to keep doing it.

This is exactly what I wanted/needed to hear!
 

popsicledeath

Potato del Grande
7,412
11,615
1st 50 pages or so. Beat it up people! Ignore the "editing" and let me know what you think of the story, style, flow etc. The names are just family members, so ignore that also.

I REALLY want the FOH honest opinions here, since you will clearly be my demographic. If you guys say it's worth it to keep writing I probably will.

I'm also aware that I used some words waaaay too many times. I will pull out the thesaurus later. I'm not even remotely a writer. Just wanted to give it a shot.

I was looking for some book recommendations and was glad to see this thread and something posted recently, so thanks for that. The forums don't seem a great way to do inline comments, so I'll keep it general. If you or anyone else is interested in inline critique there are a few websites that have decent systems for it.

I'm partial to Scribophile's format for inline critiques. It's free, and password protected, all rights reserved, etc, and can create private groups on top of that if one doesn't want feedback from gen-pop. Their forums and discussions aren't great (have been suspended many times, hah!) and general feedback is hit or miss, but with a PM I'll at least provide some in-depth, more in-line critique, if anyone is interested. In general, writing related things are one of the few areas I do without prejudice and just for the love of the craft, if there is enough motivation to start a group or discussions or anyone wants more-better-different critique.

For here I think only general feedback is probably feasible, and this piece seems in a draft stage that general feedback is probably what's needed anyhow. No point it quibbling over wording or individual sentence structure that's going to be revised at some point anyhow. And you've already gotten good feedback that echoed some of my concerns, but I'll add a few thoughts thoughts.

My biggest issue was with pacing and flow. My preference as a reader, and what I think works objectively better and is increasingly more expected in contemporary fiction markets, is events unfolding in a way that at least gives the illusion of real-time. I like to think of it as the events of a story unfolding whether I as the writer am getting them down on paper or not. This motivates me to skip things that aren't important since time is limited and the story is running, but also to keep attention to when I as a writer am pausing the story for my own purposes.

Quite a few times in this opening section I felt the story was being paused for information, which is disjointing and makes the pacing feel very slow. Most notably, the descriptions of the weapons, which was actually quite good an interesting, but felt like the characters where just standing there frozen. The time between "unslung her bow" and "removed and arrow from her quiver" is a long pause in the action.

Especially in early drafts, don't be afraid to just be pretty traditional and straightforward with an opening scene. Start with some setting and description to establish where we are, what's going on, who is involved, etc. Starting with dialog rarely works well, even though a lot of aspiring writers think it's "starting with action" or will add some mystery to just have characters suddenly talking when the reader doesn't even know where we are. There's a lot of good description of the setting further down that could help establish the scene by opening with it.

Even when there isn't too much dialog, it feels like too much because it's all in a block. Unless a character is giving a speech or intentionally being written to be rambling, dialog is best served mixed in with some non-verbal action. In many cases an action by the character can establish who is speaking and the tone of the dialog without the need for a dialog tag.

Also, pacing of dialog needs to be controlled by breaking it up with character actions (that can be them interacting with their environment to also provide setting). Otherwise it can just sounds like someone is on meth talking without even taking breaths. What I'll do for dialog pacing is read the dialog out loud, then read any actions, descriptions, information in my head. It helps reveal when pacing is off or when characters are giving mini-speeches as the world around them is paused.

Dialog is action/interaction and can simply happen without referencing it. For instance, a character can just be interrupted without the writer/narrator referencing the interruption. Too many redundant dialog tags and references to dialog instead of it just happening. Again, imo best to mix it up with actions and reactions of characters and interactions in the world.

Even pulpy writing these days is centered on a main character, and using the advantage that fiction has of being able to get inside that character's head to understand their unique perceptions and motivations. Otherwise it's just reading a movie or fiction being reported as journalism, and what's the point of that. I'd look to figure out whose story you're wanting to tell in this piece (or chapter by chapter, scene by scene) and try to deliver the story through their eyes so we're experiencing the world as they see it, not just watching them be moved around a set like bad theater.

The descriptions of the mound are good and no reason to not start with some of that to help set the scene and establish where we are and what we're doing there. Then pick one of the main two characters to give the story through their experience, so we get some judgement and context and perception of the world and events. Then try to keep the prose relevant and in time with the real-time action as it's happening so it doesn't bog down. Provide details and information that helps explain the world as they're relevant to a moment and save the more in depth descriptions of weapons and the world for moments of natural contemplation (usually after they've killed shit and are cleaning up or resting).

For being pretty rough as a draft, I'll also say this opening is more competent and interesting than a lot of early drafts I've read, especially for just giving it a shot and not considering yourself a writer. An aspiring writer can get pretty far by just being older and/or well read and/or smarter than the average moron, but to get over the 'better than average' it takes a decision to study and work. If that's what you're wanting to do, then awesome, you've got a lot to work with and are probably smart enough to make it worth while (meaning even some of the most talented writers I've known are languishing in obscurity, but whatever, it's all about the love of craft that is rewarding, or at least motivating if not thankless).

Thank you for posting and the opportunity to read/process this. It's what I find enjoyable and motivates me by thinking through how I would handle a draft. Hopefully helpful. Any questions or clarifications are welcome, as I'll talk about writing endlessly and always offer what little help I can.
 
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Brahma

Obi-Bro Kenobi-X
11,915
41,908
Brahma Brahma

First, I want to give you huge props for putting yourself out there like that. I know just how difficult it is to let others read what you write. I have a few initial comments that I think might help, but obviously I am not a published author myself so whether or not you take my advice is up to you. I'm not going to get into specifics too much as I think that's not that helpful at this stage in the game, and if you are anything like me you'll rewrite shit multiple times, taking your new advice and skills into account. I've personally rewritten the first chapter of my "book" countless times and it still doesn't feel just right.

Not in any particular order:

Fewer commas. I have that tendency too, and I have really tried to break it. It can be difficult though, because you want to pause in your head but if you were to read it out loud it doesn't make as much sense to have all those forced pauses.

Show, don't tell. A perfect example right at the beginning is talking about the two swords and their trailing images being able to block arrows and such. Don't tell us that at all, just show it when he's fighting. We don't need to know that he can do that in the prep stage, just let it happen. Same with all of the intricate descriptions of their armor and the abilities and protections and such. Why do we need to know all of that before anything actually happens? I know that you have all this cool shit in your head and want to share it with us; I get that, I really do. I have similar cool shit I'd love to just dump into an AI and have it write a story out of it, because I think it is truly amazing and I just want the story done. But imagine it's like a movie. Do you want to see the hero go over every piece of equipment in detail for ten minutes before anything happens, or do you want to see him start fighting and then suddenly an arrow is streaking towards him...only to be blocked by the sword's power! Do you want to know he has a plate over his heart that might never do anything (except that we know it will play a role since you mentioned it), or do you have him get shot in the chest and for a moment we think, "Oh no, our hero is toast!" But if we've never been told about it, he can then pull it out and comment to his companion something like, "See, I told you it would come in handy some day." Obviously you don't want every fucking thing to miraculously be countered by some obscure piece of gear (deus ex), but I think you can see my point.

This is a corollary to that last point, but you clearly care about the gear and the descriptions of everything, so make it more organic. Like, instead of spending all that time having the character or narrator tell us about every piece, have another character ask about them perhaps. "I've never seen swords like that. Is that writing on them? I don't recognize the language, what does it say?" Something like that, you know? Obviously it changes how things are presented, and you might have to do an entire scene with the reader more or less in the dark about stuff like what the swords say, but it helps make it more impactful vs. us being info dumped all these things, and it helps spread it out over a longer span so again, less info dump.

One technical writing aspect you should practice and work on is dialogue punctuation. Just look through any books with dialogue for examples, but unless you are going for some avante garde obscure style, in general you write dialogue like this:

Void told Brahma, "I really like what you have here, keep up the good work."

"Thanks a lot, I appreciate you taking the time to look it over," replied Brahma.

Commas lead into and out of standard dialogue like that, and are either inside or outside of the quotation marks depending upon their location as above. It does get a little confusing with question and exclamation marks, so that is when you want to change it up to avoid those issues. For example, if the sentence Brahma spoke were a question instead of a statement, it obviously needs a question mark, but do you still use a lowercase "r" in replied? You can't use a capital R because the fragment "Replied Brahma" is not a sentence, but following a question mark is always a new sentence and should be capitalized. So neither one makes sense, and that's where you might do something else like:

Brahma pondered for a moment. "Do you really think it is good?"

Dialogue is simultaneously the hardest thing to write, the most boring thing to write, and the most important thing to write, in my opinion. Entire books *could* be written with nothing but dialogue if it is done well. I'm not anywhere near good enough for that, but it is definitely something all of us that aspire to be writers need to work on. And work on again. And again.

You clearly have the basis for an intriguing story (and the world to go with it) here. I like what I've read so far, and I Want To Know More (Starship Troopers). I will be completely honest with you and say that I seriously balk at that much description, no matter how good or bad it is. However, I am also a HUGE proponent of books like The Black Company where literally almost nothing is described, ever. I like it because it lets me visualize it myself and put my own spin on it. That's not to say you shouldn't have descriptions, particularly since that seems to be a massive part of your creative energy. You clearly like imagining all of these details and telling us about them. That's a good thing, if you can harness it and convey it in a way that is interesting and fun, not a boring slog.

I already talked about it a little, and I'm not going to even attempt to write your story in the way I am suggesting, but a brief example would be to have Dana swish his swords a few times to limber up, and describe them as "one a silver blur, the other gold" or something like that. Then do the cool shit like blocking arrows with the after-images, etc. And maybe it takes a few more pages or chapters even before someone inspects them closely and asks what the writing says. We got the cool imagery of the colors, we got the cool abilities, and we got the cool phrases. Just not all in one or two sentences the moment we meet the character. Obviously the same goes for the bow, everyone's armor, etc. Go nuts with showing us how fucking cool they are and how much you have meticulously planned them out in your head, but let us breathe a bit between each tidbit. Let it percolate slowly throughout the story, as needed or as you find a good spot for it. I promise you that if a character can tell us something it is almost universally better to read than if the narrator/character tells us. Even a first person story is better if that stuff happens in dialogue, even though we get to hear their thoughts almost like dialogue. Having another character interact and ask about it, or having a situation arise where it comes into play, is generally more entertaining to read. Assuming it is well done, of course.

Anyway, without breaking out a red pen those are my overall critiques. Again, I'm not an expert and I certainly won't care if you completely ignore them, but if they help any then I'm glad. Either way I'm happy to read more of what you write, and I hope you continue. The only way to get better is to keep doing it.

So I am taking your advice, and going back and re-writing the overly descriptive parts.


Commas lead into and out of standard dialogue like that, and are either inside or outside of the quotation marks depending upon their location as above. It does get a little confusing with question and exclamation marks, so that is when you want to change it up to avoid those issues. For example, if the sentence Brahma spoke were a question instead of a statement, it obviously needs a question mark, but do you still use a lowercase "r" in replied? You can't use a capital R because the fragment "Replied Brahma" is not a sentence, but following a question mark is always a new sentence and should be capitalized. So neither one makes sense, and that's where you might do something else like:

Brahma pondered for a moment. "Do you really think it is good?"

Working/Correcting on this line by line, but it's a PITA. So wherever I re-wrote something, I changed it, and going forward it's as you suggest.

Again thank you! You are now in my book!
 
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Tortfeasor

Molten Core Raider
1,008
181
Brahma, your willingness to share your writing has given me the courage to do the same.

My 2023 was pretty gnarly; I endured an extremely acrimonious divorce that ended an 18 year marriage and both of my parents died. I am writing a sci-fi novel that is also a memoir. I am only about 5,000 words into my manuscript but here is my prologue and an excerpt.

Prologue
Ever since I was a boy, I wanted to be an Old Testament prophet. Once upon a time my older brother Michael sat me down and regaled me with the story of Elijah the Tishbite, the biblical badass who talked mad shit to the priests of Baal before slaughtering them. Elijah got me interested in the Bible because I was taught in my home that he was real; he wasn’t an actor playing a made-up role in order to rake in money at the box office. As a child of the 80’s, I couldn't get enough action films with laconic lead actors doing cool shit. King James' English made it difficult for me to make sense of the book of Kings, but when my big brother turned it into a story, he made it seem like a Rambo movie. It was the coolest thing I had ever heard and I couldn’t wait to give my best re-telling of the epic showdown to my friends down the street. However, they weren’t blown away by it like me, and I couldn’t keep their attention. Disappointed, I told myself that I just wasn’t as good of a storyteller as my brother; maybe I had left out a crucial part? I tried again with my friends at school but it wasn’t long before I realized that, just like almost everyone else I knew or would eventually end up meeting, people just weren’t interested in Eijah like I was.

I’ve always felt like I was connected in some way to Elijah, but it wasn’t until I spent the summer of 2023 alone in my cave that I identified with him. Just like Elijah, I was forced to rely on my Father, to become more acquainted with the still small voice while the tempests and earthquakes mimed their impotence. I also became more acquainted with Uriel and as we learned to cooperate I began letting him into my life more and more.


Excerpt

Jezebel’s minions captured me, intending no doubt to make a spectacle of my public death on a pagan altar. Two of Fort Worth PD’s finest had tackled me in the street and had cuffed my hands behind my back. They dragged me towards a Chevy SUV police cruiser by my elbows until I could get my feet underneath me. I was too short to go ass first into the SUV so I had leaned my head into the vehicle. As soon as my head cleared the door frame I felt more than one set of hands shoving me impatiently into the car until they were able to close the rear passenger side door. I fell with my right shoulder landing on the floor behind the driver seat and landed with the right side of my head painfully pressed against the heavy metal door. The rear driver side door opened, relieving the tension in my neck and allowing my head to move into the triangular shaped empty space left in between the doorframe and the door. I felt the door close on my head, jamming it into the doorframe. I yelled in anger and pain; Uriel cursed. The door opened again but only enough to adjust its bite on my skull. Much of my body weight was still pinning my shoulder to the floor, rendering me unable to withdraw my head out of the open door’s danger zone and back into the cruiser. It was impossible to avoid the door closing on my head again, this time the bite was stronger.and had the force of a man’s arm behind it. I felt the sharp edge of the steel door frame fracture my skull.

I knew I was dehydrated; I had been out in the sun all day and, even though I drank some liquid IV earlier, I had also sweated through three hours of jiu jitsu earlier that evening. I asked for water, but was ignored. I noticed the radio chatter from up front and the flashing red and blue lights before I began convulsing. I began to feel an intense euphoria unlike any I have ever felt before. Uriel wouldn’t shut up about how this must be what heroin feels like; he was enjoying the shit out of it. I could tell I was entering into an altered state so I ignored him. The pig who slammed my head in the door more than likely trepanned me. Images began to take shape in my mind’s eye. Disjointed at first, but then a steady trickle of memory occupied my awareness. My body and its euphoria faded into the background as the trickle became a billowing surge until finally, I remembered everything almost all at once; it was a single panoramic image that I recognized immediately. The story emerged and as soon as I recognized it as such I claimed it as my prize. Once I had recognized how my story began, everything else snapped into place. Somehow I experienced true belonging for the first time in my life; I finally had my treasure. Then my mind finally caught on to what was happening in my body.
A parasympathetic wave of ecstasy had collapsed inward toward the center of my body, deactivating every single muscle group it passed through and I audibly sighed as my body collapsed in a heap. I thought of someone unplugging the power source to one of those tall inflatable mannequins with flailing arms deployed to attract attention to a car dealership. The wave shrank into my abdomen and released my bladder. The involuntary shuddering from this release caused my weight to shift painfully onto my wrists which were handcuffed behind my back. I slumped until my knees were met by the metal barrier separating me from the Fort Worth police officer driving the SUV style police cruiser. Despite the mild pain in my wrists and the growing wet warmth of urine soaking my cotton shorts I collapsed again, overwhelmed with another reverse-sneeze of ecstasy. This time it culminated in the instantaneous sexual release of what felt like 100% of my ejaculate reserve capacity. I flopped helplessly as it poured from me as if from a punctured water balloon. I asked the 30-something driver with a black crew cut and beard for water for what must have been the 10th time. He had a white-knuckled grip on the wheel with his arms straight; he ignored me and never took his eyes off the road. Uriel must have spooked him.
 
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jmal2000

Potato del Grande
<Banned>
255
115
I wrote this really useful and informative paper on life. Its a philosophy to apply to life at least. I argue that life is simply addition.

Here:
 

Bodhy

Karen
<Banned>
497
-4,291
I wrote this really useful and informative paper on life. Its a philosophy to apply to life at least. I argue that life is simply addition.

Here:
I haven't read it in detail yet, but only skimmed.


I ask you this, though. Is there a qualitative difference between mere addition and genuine, per se complexity?