Wills and Estate Planning....

Haus

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So.... I have to have a surgery soon. Dr assures me it's not a huge deal, but it seems like a huge deal. (Partial nephrectomy to handle a 28mm cystic formation on my left kidney). And it's made me think. I know there are things about this I can control, and things about this I can't control. So I am focusing on what I can control in an effort to calm anxiety over the things I can't. To listen to the Dr this is a long shot of "the bad thing" happening, but she never says it's not on the table. So my worst case scenario brain is of course wrapped around the axel on this.

One of those things is that in my 50's I'm finally doing a will. Doing the will isn't the hard part when you have no kids, a wife you plan on surviving you, etc... Essentially my will is "Wife get's everything". I went to freewill.com to do the basic in a PDF. Which I'll need to take somewhere to sign in front of a notary. But there's one part of it I am not sure about. The Executor.

The way my life has gone I have went from a guy who in my 30's had a huge circle of acquaintances, sizable circle of friends, and around a solid 6 person "crew" of "ride or dies". Now in my 50's I have a wife who I love, one real friend who lives in LV and I haven't even spoken with in probably 6 months, and one very close friend who lives in NYC who I talk to around weekly, some distant folks on facebook, and of course a bunch of yahoos on a message board I frequent but none of whom I have ever met in person.

What are thoughts on asking one of the two friends to be executor? Versus looking into hiring a lawyer essentially to act as executor of the will? How does any of this really work? What all does an executor really have to do? I don't want to put a burden on one of the two friends who I would think will be upset if I die, although I'm 100% sure either would gladly accept it.
 
Kithani

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That’s not a huge deal

I could be wrong but if you’re just leaving it all to Lady Haus I imagine it would be a better use of time to make her a list of where all your money is.
 
Captain Suave

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You could always make your wife the executor. It doesn't have to be a neutral third party.

My wife and I have an A-B trust set up where we are each other's executors.
 
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Haus

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Kithani said:
That’s not a huge deal

I could be wrong but if you’re just leaving it all to Lady Haus I imagine it would be a better use of time to make her a list of where all your money is.
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This has already been done. And I'm about to refine it further. It boils down to a very small set of accounts. (401k, e-trade, company stock plan (in a separate e-trade account) , a few Crypto wallets, and our bank accounts (all of which she already has access to:emoji_nose: A few insurance policies of various ilk. And she's already on the title to the house.

The "wild ass crazy old Haus" brain actually wants to leave a series wacky treasure hunts for certain friends and family members and the rewards would be the various crypto wallets (as they are not a hung portion of the asset pool). But I'll worry about that if I make it past this surgery, before then I do plan on recording some "If I'm gone you should know this" letters/video clips on thumbdrives.
Captain Suave said:
You could always make your wife the executor. It doesn't have to be a neutral third party.

My wife and I have an A-B trust set up where we are each other's executors.
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I thought about this, but I also know where me dying will probably put Lady Haus emotionally for a bit, and I know her strong points and such to know making any decisions or doing things would be the opposite of what she'd be good at while grieving, that I want to do everything I can to make it so she has zero to worry about/do/control/handle/decide.
 
Kithani

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Haus said:
I thought about this, but I also know where me dying will probably put Lady Haus emotionally for a bit, and I know her strong points and such to know making any decisions or doing things would be the opposite of what she'd be good at while grieving, that I want to do everything I can to make it so she has zero to worry about/do/control/handle/decide.
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I mean she can always show up on the forum and get simped on by a bunch of awkward weirdos
 
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Haus

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Kithani said:
I mean she can always show up on the forum and get simped on by a bunch of awkward weirdos
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There is that... and enough are in and around DFW for me to worry a little. But from what I can tell virtually all the DFW FOH contingency are married old farts like me.
 
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Cutlery

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Haus said:
There is that... and enough are in and around DFW for me to worry a little. But from what I can tell virtually all the DFW FOH contingency are married old farts like me.
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That's not true. I think Furry Furry is around there too.
 
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moonarchia

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Cutlery said:
That's not true. I think Furry Furry is around there too.
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Unless grieving for Haus Haus completely destroys her, I don't think she's going to be interested in that kind of degeneracy. For the vast majority of people, seeing a fursuit in the wild is a "get a rope and/or shotgun" moment.
 
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Furry

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I'm not interested in humanoids. Ms house can have access to my toilet around about where Lightning Lord Rule Lightning Lord Rule is in my life, but don't think you'll steal my special horse dick status from him.
 
Burren

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Haus said:
So.... I have to have a surgery soon. Dr assures me it's not a huge deal, but it seems like a huge deal. (Partial nephrectomy to handle a 28mm cystic formation on my left kidney). And it's made me think. I know there are things about this I can control, and things about this I can't control. So I am focusing on what I can control in an effort to calm anxiety over the things I can't. To listen to the Dr this is a long shot of "the bad thing" happening, but she never says it's not on the table. So my worst case scenario brain is of course wrapped around the axel on this.

One of those things is that in my 50's I'm finally doing a will. Doing the will isn't the hard part when you have no kids, a wife you plan on surviving you, etc... Essentially my will is "Wife get's everything". I went to freewill.com to do the basic in a PDF. Which I'll need to take somewhere to sign in front of a notary. But there's one part of it I am not sure about. The Executor.

The way my life has gone I have went from a guy who in my 30's had a huge circle of acquaintances, sizable circle of friends, and around a solid 6 person "crew" of "ride or dies". Now in my 50's I have a wife who I love, one real friend who lives in LV and I haven't even spoken with in probably 6 months, and one very close friend who lives in NYC who I talk to around weekly, some distant folks on facebook, and of course a bunch of yahoos on a message board I frequent but none of whom I have ever met in person.

What are thoughts on asking one of the two friends to be executor? Versus looking into hiring a lawyer essentially to act as executor of the will? How does any of this really work? What all does an executor really have to do? I don't want to put a burden on one of the two friends who I would think will be upset if I die, although I'm 100% sure either would gladly accept it.
Click to expand...
Better off having a law firm be an impartial third party. And firms (companies) generally out live people.
 
Burren

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Haus said:
There is that... and enough are in and around DFW for me to worry a little. But from what I can tell virtually all the DFW FOH contingency are married old farts like me.
Click to expand...
Only 43, but I often act crankier than my peers.

I do estate plans for a living (in Texas like you) and am happy to refer you to a few different law firms so you can feel it out.
 
OU Ariakas

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Haus, I know that we are both in IT sales so your company may have similar benefits to mine. Mine offers a MetLife legal plan for less than 10 bucks a paycheck that allows you access to lawyer services for free. I have now used it a few times, one to do have them create a trust AND will, that probably paid for itself to the end of my life. Take a look and see if you can jump on it as part of your plan.

1746019090542.png
 
Haus

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OU Ariakas said:
Haus, I know that we are both in IT sales so your company may have similar benefits to mine. Mine offers a MetLife legal plan for less than 10 bucks a paycheck that allows you access to lawyer services for free. I have now used it a few times, one to do have them create a trust AND will, that probably paid for itself to the end of my life. Take a look and see if you can jump on it as part of your plan.

View attachment 584274
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Yeah, my company offers in through a service called ARAG. They will probably be engaged at some point.

Burren said:
Only 43, but I often act crankier than my peers.

I do estate plans for a living (in Texas like you) and am happy to refer you to a few different law firms so you can feel it out.
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Thank you sir! I'll probably be dropping you a more private line on this.
 
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Cad

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Burren said:
Better off having a law firm be an impartial third party. And firms (companies) generally out live people.
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This is really a "what are you getting for your money" question - if you have enough to justify this expense.

If you just have the normal type of assets, house, investment accounts, this type of thing - I'd just let your wife be the executor. If you have companies, trusts, or more complicated investment instruments that your wife may not be able to navigate, then Burren's type of setup might be for you. It just really depends if what they're doing for you is worth the expense.
 
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Burren

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Cad said:
This is really a "what are you getting for your money" question - if you have enough to justify this expense.

If you just have the normal type of assets, house, investment accounts, this type of thing - I'd just let your wife be the executor. If you have companies, trusts, or more complicated investment instruments that your wife may not be able to navigate, then Burren's type of setup might be for you. It just really depends if what they're doing for you is worth the expense.
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True. It’s relative.
 
Haus

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In my case, as I mentioned, it's basic accounts, a few crypto wallets, one primary residence. SO very straightforward. Now leaning towards making her the executor, and then in my "if I'm gone" letter for her the first line will be telling her to not be afraid to hire someone to handle shit if she feels overwhelmed.

With that said, I'll suss out someone for her to call and hire. Plus I think I'm at the point where I might honestly benefit soon from consulting with a real financial planner rather than just winging it, which is what I've been doing. But that's a topic for over in the Stonkhouse probably.
 
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Cad

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Haus said:
In my case, as I mentioned, it's basic accounts, a few crypto wallets, one primary residence. SO very straightforward. Now leaning towards making her the executor, and then in my "if I'm gone" letter for her the first line will be telling her to not be afraid to hire someone to handle shit if she feels overwhelmed.

With that said, I'll suss out someone for her to call and hire. Plus I think I'm at the point where I might honestly benefit soon from consulting with a real financial planner rather than just winging it, which is what I've been doing. But that's a topic for over in the Stonkhouse probably.
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Burren can chime in since he's probably more experienced in it, but as the lawyer that all my friends go to for questions, you cannot trust friends or family or anybody when it comes to your money. Those friends you think are ride or dies because they've been around since elementary school? They will turn on you if they smell money. The amounts are different for everyone, but I've been involved in just enough contested inheritance situations to know that brothers turn on brothers, hired executors try to bilk you out of every fee they can, etc etc.

Greed is a powerful, powerful drug. The absolute best way is to put the power in the hands of the people you want the money to go to, because most people will try to redirect as much money as they can to themselves.

Your wife is the only one you can truly trust to actually have her own best interests at heart.
 
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Janx

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Cad said:
Burren can chime in since he's probably more experienced in it, but as the lawyer that all my friends go to for questions, you cannot trust friends or family or anybody when it comes to your money. Those friends you think are ride or dies because they've been around since elementary school? They will turn on you if they smell money. The amounts are different for everyone, but I've been involved in just enough contested inheritance situations to know that brothers turn on brothers, hired executors try to bilk you out of every fee they can, etc etc.

Greed is a powerful, powerful drug. The absolute best way is to put the power in the hands of the people you want the money to go to, because most people will try to redirect as much money as they can to themselves.

Your wife is the only one you can truly trust to actually have her own best interests at heart.
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One of the first things out of my aunts mouth after I told her my mom died was "Your mom wanted me to have all her jewelry".
 
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Haus

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Janx said:
One of the first things out of my aunts mouth after I told her my mom died was "Your mom wanted me to have all her jewelry".
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Oh Lordie pie... as I think I mentioned I had to be the "adult in the room" when both my grandfather passed in 97 and my grandmother passed in 2011. They adopted me and raised me as they 5th kid essentially. I can't believe how harsh I had to go on 2 of my 3 my uncles, and mother over their pursuit of things. Except for my Uncle Danny, they were all predatory (in fact had been draining my grandmothers SS checks for years, and had siphoned away almost all the cash in the estate for one uncles defense of multiple DUI, DWI, and Possession arrests to keep him out of prison).

After things with my grandmother's passing I unexpectedly got one of the biggest compliments which sticks with me to this day when my Uncle Danny pulled me aside, thanked me for handling things, and told me he saw how I'd basically became my grandfather in how I did it, and said he would have been proud of me.
 
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Burren

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Cad said:
Burren can chime in since he's probably more experienced in it, but as the lawyer that all my friends go to for questions, you cannot trust friends or family or anybody when it comes to your money. Those friends you think are ride or dies because they've been around since elementary school? They will turn on you if they smell money. The amounts are different for everyone, but I've been involved in just enough contested inheritance situations to know that brothers turn on brothers, hired executors try to bilk you out of every fee they can, etc etc.

Greed is a powerful, powerful drug. The absolute best way is to put the power in the hands of the people you want the money to go to, because most people will try to redirect as much money as they can to themselves.

Your wife is the only one you can truly trust to actually have her own best interests at heart.
Click to expand...
I second this. Impartial third parties are almost always cleaner and safer. Wills are cheap ( under a grand) and trusts usually aren’t necessary unless you have complicated assets or beneficiaries. Or, you’re over the estate tax exemption limit.
 
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