Would you hate your life, if you were this ugly, and your GF was this ugly and fat?
- Thread starter Aychamo BanBan
- Start date
I didn"t post this crap on the internet. SoulK put a keylogger on my computer and hacked into my accounts. Him posting this was another one of his "punishments" for me for not doing what HE WANTS. He will never let up on his revenge or let go of his hate unless it"s forced upon him.
I"m not here to defend my actions. Obviously cheating is wrong. Lieing is wrong..blah blah blah! I don"t care if I am bashed on these boards.
I mean who are all you to me anyways..no one!
I probably shouldn"t even reply to all of this. It just add more fuel to this "epic thread"
SoulK has removed the info he posted. The magistrate I saw today for the CPO defined what he continues to do as a form of cyberstalking which only helps my case in court.
I"m not here to defend my actions. Obviously cheating is wrong. Lieing is wrong..blah blah blah! I don"t care if I am bashed on these boards.
I mean who are all you to me anyways..no one!
I probably shouldn"t even reply to all of this. It just add more fuel to this "epic thread"
SoulK has removed the info he posted. The magistrate I saw today for the CPO defined what he continues to do as a form of cyberstalking which only helps my case in court.
This thread is like Christmas. I finish reading the posts, hit refresh and the awesome keeps coming!
I am terrified for the children who are being raised in an environment where accepting responsibility for one"s own actions is such a foreign concept.
Rather than "yeah, maybe I should"ve been a little more careful about where I let my personal info out", it"s "omg this evil man put a keylogger on my computer!" Bullshit. There is no way that all of this came from that. And threatening the guy with cyberstalking? Are you going to go through and try to press charges against everyone who posted in this thread, next?
SoulKonsumer or whatever his name is may have been doing shitty things too, and honestly I don"t really care. But it"s really time to take a good, hard look in the mirror and get your own house in order; if not for your own sake, then for the sake of the kids that are in the middle of this shitstorm that they didn"t ask for and don"t need.
But hey, I"m just some nobody on the internet.
Rather than "yeah, maybe I should"ve been a little more careful about where I let my personal info out", it"s "omg this evil man put a keylogger on my computer!" Bullshit. There is no way that all of this came from that. And threatening the guy with cyberstalking? Are you going to go through and try to press charges against everyone who posted in this thread, next?
SoulKonsumer or whatever his name is may have been doing shitty things too, and honestly I don"t really care. But it"s really time to take a good, hard look in the mirror and get your own house in order; if not for your own sake, then for the sake of the kids that are in the middle of this shitstorm that they didn"t ask for and don"t need.
But hey, I"m just some nobody on the internet.
"Your honour, please see exhibit A, where she was sucking his... while the baby was napping..."skmpear said:
Shonuff
Mr. Poopybutthole
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Wednesday, May 19, 2010skmpear said:
Journal
The following is concerning my soon to be ex-wife and her little lover boy Jeremy. For two years all she did was lie and cheat. She put her children, all 6 of them last before her own concerns.....well 5 at the time because Alex was not yet born. She put her own selfish wants before her own family. Should of seen it coming really because this was not the first time she did this. She claims to be supermom and tells everyone how evil and abusive I am......people really do not know me if they buy into the shit that spews from her mouth. To lie to a man for 2 years about having a son then only to take him back.....let them see each other only when it is convenient for her because she has to work.......now my friend that is evil. Why does she always call me to get medicine, clothing, money......well because she says she don"t want to ask Jeremy because it might unset his wife. I swear that woman has some serious mental issues.
Here is a link to her journal....it is a written copy of some of their chats on Yahoo...why she did this I have no idea.
CLICK ME CLICK HERE CLICK HERE CLICK ME
Posted by Max Headroom at 8:54 PM 0 comments EMAIL 2
Forwarded conversation
Subject: hey there
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From: Rachael Sandoval Fails
Date: Tue, Jan 5, 2010 at 11:28 PM
To: jeremyschrimpf
First off I LOVE you very much and am not writing this to piss you off or make things worse.. I just need to write you and get stuff off my chest. K
There is also things I have to explain so please hear me out since you won"t call and talk to me.
For 2 years Kenny has felt like he was Alex"s father. He has bonded with and loved that boy like his own.
It is heartless to ask him to step aside and ignore that bond that has been formed.
Honestly it would be hard for me if someone came in a tried to take my bond away from my child and so I understand his frustration and grief.
But I WILL NOT budge on how I feel though. I want you to be a part of his life. IN THE OPEN.. NO lies JUST THE TRUTH. That he is YOUR SON!
Multiple people have been disappointed in my decision to allow you to step in and be Alex"s father after Kenny has been there from the beginning.
I have to hear criticism about..... how could you walk away in the beginning? How can you just leave for China or India etc for YEARS and not care you are leaving a son behind during a time you finally have are able to be in his life?
I am defending you A LOT but at the same time it"s HARD to because I feel like i am doing so much sacrificing as you all move on gloriously with your lives living out your dreams??
I am not saying you didn"t make any sacrifices . Hell you sacrificed being in his life so my family would not be torn apart.
But.....I am being tore apart too and I just want you and Kenny to get along.
I won"t ask you to step aside EVER .........but I will ask you both to love and share him.
Maybe this sounds stupid and naive. Maybe it"s not possible and it"s just my wishful thinking.
Kenny wasn"t always a jerk. I have known him for over 20 years and most of those years he was the total opposite. I know he has the potential to be a better man and he will!
I have been so focused on wanting the truth to come out. It has meant so much for me to no longer live a lie. ESPECIALLY for Alex. He deserves to know the truth.
I am making it clear also that I am under no ones control ever again. I will do as I want. I grew a backbone that will remain forever.
I am strong enough to move on and support my children. It will be the hardest thing I have probably ever done being a single mom with 6 kids but I CAN do it.
Maybe none of this stuff even matters to you. I don"t know. You are going to continue to think that I am allowing an abuser in our son"s life and you aren"t going to see things from my point of view.
I am hoping you will because it MATTERS TO ME that you do.
I try to see things from your point and Kenny"s as well and I am an optimist and just want things peaceful. It may never happen but I hope it will.
I have put it out there to everyone and anyone that he is YOUR SON.This may sound rude but if you don"t step up and claim him FULLY as your son..... That means in EVERY ASPECT of your life. I will be beyond hurt and very pissed. I will feel like a damn fool for defending you.. for turning my life upside down so you can be in his life.
I know you look forward to leaving but it frustrates the hell out of me too... You will be missing YEARS of knowing your son when you finally CAN!
I can"t ask you to stay. I won"t but I can"t ever fully understand you so eager to leave too when you have a SON HERE too.
Maybe in time I will come to grips with it better. Do understand that at the same time I am happy and want you to live out your dreams. Yes.. I am conflicted =P
Okay PLEASE email me and give me your thoughts... Not through FB though okay...
I do love you all and I DO WANT YOU to be in your sons life and NOT just on paper!!
It"s just so damn complicated on my end and I am trying to figure out what"s best for all.
Rach
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~*Rach~*
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From: Jeremy Schrimpf
Date: Wed, Jan 6, 2010 at 12:44 PM
To: Rachael Sandoval Fails
Rachael,
Keep in mind that I love you too, so don"t take anything too personally.
Kenny has pretended to be father for the entire 16 months Alex has been alive. That"s not two years, stop exaggerating. It"s tragic that he bonded and loved him, but were Kenny to disappear today, Alex would never know the difference. Intact, even if I decide to allow Kenny to see my son, he"ll know that kenny was your husband, but not his father or dad. Sorry, this is a truth both I and Ameya will ensure Alex understands. You can either acknowledge that or not. It won"t change that Kenny loves him, but it will change the role that Kenny gets to play. Unfortunate, but true.
I will seek, as part of the custody agreement, that Kenny gets somewhere between 1/4-1/2 as much time with Alex as I do. What this means is, the more you let Alex see me, the more Kenny gets to see him. If you give Alex 1hr with me a day on the webcam, Kenny can spend up to 3.5 hrs with him a week. That seems reasonable, yes? And yes, time spent with my parents counts towards it.
Also as part of the custody agreement, I will be seeking that Kenny pursue 5 hours of counseling a month. I want to ensure that he is stable and in control when he visits my son.
As to the whole Facebook thing, I"ll send a request tonight for you to confirm that Alexander Michael Schrimpf is indeed our son. New dad, better name. You remember promising me you"d change his name, right? Also, Facebook is blocked in China so I will be disabling it before we leave.
About going to Asia; if you want to pay for my school so I can teach here, I will gladly stay in the US. Otherwise, remember that you"ve known about my plans to leave well before we ever slept together. You also knew that I divorced Betsy because she tried to keep me here. If you"re having regrets about having a son with me, that"s fine. But I"m still going, and I will still be his father. With Kenny out of the picture I can (and will) put forth much greater effort.
As to you feeling like I"m not sacrificing anything; I sacrificed the claim to being his true father the first 16 months (which you can conveniently use against me and for Kenny) so that you could have stability. I"m sorry I don"t have a lot of people in my life who disagree with what I"m trying to do. Generally you"ll find people expect a man to step up. Your friends, who seem to ignore kennys mistreatment of you and would rather you keep up appearances than you find a healthy solution, are leading you astray.
As to your claim that I"d be missing out on years of alexs life:
Assuming I get every other weekend and he stays the night, that"s 1200 hours of contact time a year if I stayed in Springfield.
Assuming you actually let me see him 3 months a year while were abroad, that"s over 2100 hours of contact time in addition to phone calls and webcam visits.
Seems like given the situation, I"ll see him more this way. And as for the time in between, I"ll always make a phone call or webcam meeting. It"s up to YOU to make sure he hits down and participates. It"s really insulting to have you already blaming me for stuff that hasn"t happened.
The reason I"m leaving has nothing to do with Ameya, you, Alex or Killian. If I don"t go, I will resent/hate whatever kept me here. I"ve spent nearly a decade trying to finish school and get over there. Im not going to throw it away just to stay in Springfield, work a shitty job I hate, and end up hating you both. It"s not worth it. How do you expect me to save for Alexs future if I have to stay here and be just as poor as you? No, I may not make a lot of money but I can provide Alex with many more life-changing opportunities. Why would you deny him that?
If you truly want me to be his father, work with me. You can"t change where I"m going, but you can change your attitude towards what a parent is, and how involved you are in making this work. Don"t be afraid to take a chance, because if you won"t bend on this, it won"t end well for anyone involved. And that"d break my heart.
-J
Sent from my iPhone
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From: Rachael Sandoval Fails
Date: Wed, Jan 6, 2010 at 10:40 PM
To: Jeremy Schrimpf
Hey there
So I have been thinking all day and trying to find a nice loving way to write you back.
I figure there is no other way but just to put out there whats on my mind.
Kenny did not pretend to be his father for 16 months. He was. He provided for and cared for him.
Yet you are correct.. if he were to disappear Alex would not know the difference in the long run. Just as if I were to he would not remember me as well.
Honestly I think the custody thing is weird.
All the precise times and stuff. I am way too laid back to deal with worrying about clocking in to make sure who spends what time with whom.
I can keep my word that he will have as much webcam and phone calls with you as you want and of course and a ton of time with your parents if they don"t get sick of us lol
but I am not into playing this numbers game.
Not trying to be rude but I am not into being told what has to be done with Alex. I know this boy more than ANYONE and have been there since day 1 and my only motives are to keep the peace and do the right thing for all involved.
Kenny will remain in counseling and will go to a different one that has an opening in February. This is something he wants to do so he can be a better man and stay on a healthier track. If he doesn"t than I put my foot down.. I have no problems with that!
The main thing I have learned from all of this is to never allow myself to be controlled by anyone ever again. I tend to be a people pleaser and all that has gotten me is walked on so NO MORE.
I think it"s a great thing you have love and concern for your son. I think it"s wonderful you want him to be in your life but you can"t control this situation and call the shots.
I understand paternity will be established.. something I of course want done as well but from there there has to be legal stuff drawn up through the courts to make sure you have rights too. ( this is what i was told today but I am not 100% certain)
I know Kenny will fight for parental rights. This is not a maybe thing at all. He WILL.IT"s not out of spite or revenge but he doesn;t want to lose Alex.
Do I want it in the courts.. HELL NO!!
This is something I don"t want to deal with... My hope is that we can all work out something peaceful but honestly when I read stuff from you and hear him.. I don"t think either one of you will budge or compromise with this.
Yep.. I knew you were going to Asia.. Never tried to stop you ever but it doesn"t mean I won"t feel Alex is slighted because of it.
I always will feel that way.....but we will deal with it and figure out the next best thing since I KNOW you enough to know that nothing will stop you from going.
I have NO anger about it.. just saddness and little bit of frustration.
I understand you don"t want to hold resentment towards anyone who holds you back from what you want. This is both a good thing and kinda selfish thing as well.
As far as my friends go I don"t care what they feel is right for me or this situation. I am NOT swayed by anything anyone has to say to me. I firmly believe if we are all mature that things can and will work out. If not.. I know it will end up in the courts (something I DO NOT WANT) and honestly I have no clue how that would go...but it takes time to fix these things.. such as birth certificates,legal right still have to be established even after paternity because of me being married and Kenny"s name being on the BC. So there"s things that have to be worked out.
I know I want you to be in his life and love him,spend time with him,develop that bond that you didn"t have a chance to for 16 months.
I may look at some things differently than you.. but you also know me enough to know how much this means to me. You know that I will make huge efforts and sacrifices so you can be in his life. I am not difficult to work with on most things but there are things that I will put my foot down with and not agree to as well.
It"s not always going to be my way and I have to roll with that .We all know I am a momma bear.
I have been a parent for over 16 years and 6 kids.. I am not new to this...I have and DO have a say how things will go!!
and Hell No on the Alexander "Michael" ummm my exhusbands name is Michael... POOR choice! lol
I haven"t been on the internet much today.. trying to sort out things in my head but I did finally log into FB late tonight and no you didn"t change your kiddo status I really do long for the day you openly claim him.Why wouldn"t I??(and don"t make it a fb thing.. I mean everywhere)
If I am not hiding the fact he is yours and have dealt with the consequences so should you in every single aspect of your life.
Don"t hide him anymore.. it just frustrates me to no end. ...............If you don"t understand UGGHHH so be it!!!!!!!
okay I am aware you probably aren"t going to like what I write or just dismiss it as "more of the same"
I will always have this love for you that I wish I didn"t have sometimes. I am assuming it"s not just because of the amazing little boy you helped create with me but because you have been the one I could never have.. LOL
Anyways... hope we can still figure this out peacefully....without all the weird restrictions.
It"s late.. who knows if this email even made sense...
still lya lots and hope you feel the same even after my opionated stubborn ways.. =P
Rach
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~*Rach~*
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From: Jeremy Schrimpf
Date: Thu, Jan 7, 2010 at 5:12 AM
To: Rachael Sandoval Fails
Rachael,
Now look who"s on the defensive! Sheesh. I thought it was the nicest, most diplomatic email written yet. Oh well.
The custody thing isn"t weird, it"s designed to encourage you to give me more time which allows Kenny more time. I"m 100% uninterested in paying for Alex without actually getting to see Alex. Son"s are not loans, you know that. I"m sure you"re way too laid back to worry about it, but if Kenny spends more time with Alex than I do, then Alex will grow up very, very confused about who his real father is. And I"m not going to have it. Period. I know you"re not "into" being told what to do with OUR child, but you"ve never really had a good, loving partnership before so I"ll let it slide this time. He"s not yours exclusively, despite the situation thus far. He"s ours. OURS. That means decisions aren"t made by just me, or by just you. But by US. I"m trying to get you to see this now, because when it comes time to go to court, you may get told what to do and you may not like it. That"s why I"m trying to offer compromises now, so that there are no big surprises or shocks. I also get the subtle hints that you think I"m trying to control you too; not cool. But whatever, I knew this would happen. You"d take having your "spine" too seriously and begin controlling and limiting access to Alex as you saw fit. You"ve mistaken "standing up for yourself" and "getting what I want, how I want." Why don"t you want it in the courts? That"s where I want it - so everyone has to listen, and I get legal rights. Do you not want me to have legal rights? That"s where I get them.
Basically this last email you wrote, you didn"t need to write at all because you"re just telling me how in-charge you are of me and how I get to see Alex, and it"s been a big step backwards. You seriously should tone down the mama bear thing. It"s off-putting, and really doesn"t make it worth it for me in the end (but maybe that"s what you wanted?). I"m not going to play games with Alex; if you"re going to be unable to let Alex go a little bit, it"s going to hurt the relationships of everyone involved. You have to trust in the fact that you didn"t get knocked up by just any guy. Every mother animal in nature is able to let go of their children enough to let dad handle it for a while. You can do that too.
So here"s my revised proposal, and the last one:
I see Alex via webcam/Skype at least 1 hour a day.
Kenny sees Alex on the weekends, supervised visitation -- Never a mention when he"s of talking age that Kenny is his "real" father. I will ruin Kenny"s dreams by drilling into Alex the truth.
Alex visits us abroad for 3 months, whenever is best, but figuring summer months once school starts. We will pay all associated travel costs.
While I"m in Ohio, costs will be shared as you deem fit. I expect to see him weekends as often as possible. I will drive up to get him as much as I can. (Bonus alone time for us!! )
While I"m abroad, we will be business partners, and you can tell me what stuff to buy and ship to you wholesale from China. You sell it on ebay, keep profit less 10%.
Sound good? We can agree now, or I can take this all to the courts, and they can "tell you what to do with your son." I figure this way is much more civil.
From: Rachael Sandoval Fails
To: Jeremy Schrimpf
Sent: Wed, January 6, 2010 10:40:20 PM
Subject: Re: hey there
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From: Rachael Sandoval Fails
Date: Thu, Jan 7, 2010 at 2:43 PM
To: Jeremy Schrimpf
Hi Jeremy
Hmm upon reading and rereading I do see how I come across defensive. Gawd.. I really need to fix that huh! lol
So I understand you and I do think much differently and I think I was a fool to think something like this could be handled so casually.
You have to understand it is a huge adjustment to go from you not being involved much to jumping in and being a bit forceful and demanding. You have to admit.. you are..
I do see that this needs to be worked out because it"s extremely important to me that Alex remains in your life. I will make the adequate time to make sure you do see him via webcam and of course calls as well. I will also drive to Springfield and happily involve your parents in his life. He can stay the night and all that.
I won"t be difficult at all with any of that. SO yessss we agree on that much at least
I do see there is an area where we may have to compromise though and I am hoping you don"t back out on him because it"s not 100% your way.
I do not feel comfortable YET with him going to China for 3 months. This probably comes as no surprise for you for me to write this. I don"t rule it out okay but I think he should be a lot older. Why don"t you fly back for a little while and he can spend time with you that way. As you both get to form that father son bond and ................when he gets older..him flying there would be fine with me ( well fine is still a stretch since I worry a fucking lot..lol) but it is a great compromise.
I won"t ever keep this kid from you. I have wanted this for so long. Just don;t use that to your advantage by giving me ultimatums or time limits. You are just stepping up and it"s so weird for me that you are making demands or you will walk away.
I didn"t expect that from you so it hurts a lot..especially because all I have done is defend you.
I do fear the courts. I know too many people who have been burned and I just don"t like putting faith in the system but I do understand both you and Kenny will be there trying to get rights established and the courts will have to decide what is best.
Obviously not me even though I thought i had a reasonable solution. ehh it"s obvious my solution is just not going to work with either one of you.
I can easily say I am proud and very happy that you are eager to step up but it hurts that you are also willing to step back if things don"t go exactly your way. I hope that is not the case because we have come too far to do that. ""
It"s NOT about me.. I don"t want Alex to ever feel any abandonment issues no matter the reason.
I keep reminding you that all of this is a good thing for us to talk it out. I know we aren"t always going to agree but I know we can compromise Jeremy.
As far as he ebay/child support thing goes.. I am not 100% certain on that. I may be stepping away from ebay for a while especially if I have a part time job by then so I hope we can work something out on child support if we don"t do it the ebay way.
Just know I am not a money hungry bitch.. lol You should know that by now. I have always been very giving in paying for things and giving you a lot of stuff for KIllian so it"s not about that$. It"s just about doing what"s right to help me support him.
I do feel this email was much more toned down from my last and I promise to do better in not being so defensive.
But I hope you in return are also willing to bend on some things as well.
Please please please remember that I am trying..and please don"t give up! We will figure this all out.
Thank you for taking a step in showing me he is yours. It means a lot.
Now if I get a bitchy email back from you I am going to put my head through a wall.. ahhhh!! lol
Rach
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~*Rach~*
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From: Rachael Sandoval Fails
Date: Sat, Jan 23, 2010 at 3:55 AM
Posted by Max Headroom at 8:51 PM 0 comments Email 1
Subject: It"s a super long email..
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From: Rachael Sandoval Fails
Date: Tue, Nov 3, 2009 at 12:37 AM
To: jeremyschrimpf
Hey there
I want to start off by saying that I hope you do not get upset at me for writing all this down but I knew one day I would for my own sanity.
When we found out I was pg.. WE both agreed to tell Kenny that he was Alex"s father. I know we did this because I was married and had a family and you also
had dreams that I did not want to fuck up.
You started dating Betsy VERY shortly there after and I made it clear that I did not want to ever stop you from your happiness..
even if it is secretly hurt me a lot because I never felt very important to you.
So many times I was pushed aside..my emails were ignored and it wasn"t easy for me
.
I am not the best as expressing my emotions sometimes and so I know I didn"t always tell you how much you hurt me when I was pregnant but you did.
I would sit and listen to you brag about Betsy or Ameya and always felt like I didn"t know where I fit in.
I always ALWAYS enjoyed the amazing sex with you but a big part of me wanted you to show some kind of love for Alex and I.
I never wanted to force it on you and I realized your heart was not with me
but when my water broke with
Alex and I texted you.. all I got was a GOOD LUCK and you didn"t ask about him for 2 weeks afterward and didnt see him till he was 7 weeks old.
I told myself that we made a deal and I had to stick to it and not expect you to WANT more but he is YOURS and it hurt that you seemed too busy to care. So many times I would send pics of Alex with NO REPLY.. NONE!
It was difficult for me but I would again remind myself that you have a separate life.. in love with other women..and that I wanted you to be happy.
This secret has KILLED me inside from the very first day I was pregnant with Alex. I freaked out and emailed you when I was around 8 weeks pg and all you said was " You could have taken the easy way out but you didn;t and now we both have to deal with the consequences" NOW THAT HURT!
Soo I did hold onto some animosity and I would never come out and tell you all of this but YOU REALLY HURT ME today with your remarks..
For almost 2 years all I wanted was for you to care...to SHOW you cared more and I have struggled.. i have sacrificed.. . and I have DONE nearly all the effort in you getting to know your SON and I get told from you that
I get MY WAY in keeping him to myself.. that basically MY efforts aren"t good enough.
Do you know how hard it is to raise 6 kids? Well I DO! I do it daily and I do it pretty damn good. This also means I have a hard time getting away. I also have a controlling husband that I have to explain things to which makes it harder.
If I had my choice things would be easier and you could see Alex and heck of a lot more. I WANT you to know him.. I want you to love him. This is what i have wished for for so long but YOU are leaving and the same month he turns 2 years old.
You may be gone for years and Alex won"t get any time with you, will he. I will be by myself raising him.
As much as I can"t stand Kenny.. He does love Alex and thinks Alex is HIS son. I would crush him badly if he knew the truth and so many people would lose faith in me.
I would lose my relationship with my brother no doubt.
I know i can"t live this lie forever. You once asked me if I could "handle it" and I said YES but I was sooo wrong.
I haven"t handled it well at all and because it"s hurting me so bad I know I have to come clean.
The only reasons why I haven"t so far is.. my older kids have gone through HELL with my first divorce..
Let me explain
Mike and I lived in run down 2 bedroom shack ..pretty damn poor for over 12 years..When I moved in with Kenny we had very small 1 bedroom apartment with 4 kids and I got pg with Emma.
I then moved into public housing for over a year before having a home I LOVE.
I have put my money,blood sweat and tears into this home. I remodeled so much on my own..even while pregnant..
You have no idea how hard it is for me to walk away from finally have some normalcy.to finally have a place I can call home..that my kids can call home.
Now the big question is.. do i throw it all away because Kenny and I can"t work things out...because the kids don"t deserve to see their mom being treated like i do and it"s not healthy for me or them
I DO NOT want my girls to ever put up with being treated like i do and I never want my boys treating women like Kenny treats me.
It wasn"t always like this.. There was a day that I actually use to brag how much i was loved.. how every women should be treated like my husband treats me but I don;t think that man is coming back and I think too much damage has been done.
HOW am I suppose to support 6 kids on my own? Jobs are hard to get..I would pay out more than I would even make in day care fees and honestly I DO NOT want my kids in daycare.
If Kenny leaves me.. I HAVE to figure it out but I am scared out of my mind I will fail my kids..fail myself.
He says after tax time which gives me time to get things in order but i don"t want to give up EVERYTHING i have worked for and go back in live in public housing..
talk about a depressing million steps back but I fight with my emotions because I know I can"t take
living with him and dealing with him......
Yes you leaving does bother me too.... only because the reality is you will from day one be in Killians life. a baby YOU planned and he will always mean more than
Alex because you will have spent time with him.. bonding with him and loving him.
YES YES YES I have always said you should live your dream and go to China and travel so I am not throwing that back in your face either. K
It hurt me that you made it seem like I was at fault for you not seeing Alex when I HAVE ALWAYS said you could see him.
Heck over and over i would say it and YOU chose not to.. NOT ME.. When you did show more interest I right away swallowed my FEARS to make it happen. I drove up..
How much have I paid for? How much have I given? More than I think you even realize or appreciate some times.
I may come across a little bitter but really I am not. I don"t even suppose you will understand why I even wrote all of this.
What you wrote on chat realllly hurt me because I have made attempts and have done the best i can do.
I am sorry if it"s a weekend thing but I can"t uproot my family and move closer and you are just going to leave in August.
Heck you are not even sticking around for Alex"s bday. Don"t you think that bothers the hell out of me.
I am sure I come across bitchy..but I am just very hurt and I need to get out all this shit before it eats me away.
I know 2 years ago..that you and I were just about sex but somewhere along the way (probably cuz I was knocked up with your kid) I wanted to mean more to you. I know ideally that you deserved someone like Ameya and not me.
But I do love you and I won"t deny that..as much as i know I can get frustrated with you ... i do love you and it"s not easy to feel like I was the accident.. the Alex was just the accident.
Maybe these are just MY issues...maybe I am reading things wrong but this is HOW I feel. maybe iam up too late and am too damn tired to be making any sense.. lol
I have no idea with your parents knowing what that means.. I don"t know if they told anyone else. I don"t know how exactly I will tell Kenny and my kids or everyone about Alex.
This affects my life in HUGE ways..and it"s not easy.
DO i want you in his LIFE.. WELL YES!! of course..I want you to Love him and care about him. He is apart of you.. a wonderful awesome loving little boy and I want him to KNOW you..spend time with you.
I have wrote entirely to damn much.
You may be mad at me.. I don"t know I guess that"s a risk I have to take in writing this but I feel I have given and given and given and was blindsided by you today..
I was shocked.
I don"t feel there is any easy answers.
It"s not just about you or I or Alex.. It"s about trying to figure out what"s right over all and right now I am all kinds of fucked up and scared.
I will have to rock my kids worlds again but even more so when they find out the full truth.
These things MATTER TO ME!!
Kenny will be the most evil prick ever and make my life hell too. He will try and take Emma from me too.
Oh well I have gone on to long..
I do want you to be happy. I want Ameya to be happy. I am very happy you will have a beautiful little boy to spoil and love soon.
I will be sad.. I will be jealous but I wil be VERY VERY happy as well.
I just hope you don"t think i am being psycho.. alot has been on my mind.
I love you more than you know and always will <3 Thanks for doing better and wanting to know your son. Thanks for loving and caring about us. Sorry I had to vent though.... now dont go ignoring me now.. LOL lya sry for any typos.. I am tired and it was a bad bad long day.. =P -- ~*Rach~* ---------- From: Jeremy Schrimpf
Date: Tue, Nov 3, 2009 at 3:40 AM
To: Rachael Sandoval Fails
Rachael,
I"m not upset, I appreciate that you took the time to write this email. If only I could say something that would get you to write the OTHER one I"ve been begging you for. Where to start...
Well, that"s part of the problem really... because every time you didn"t say something about how hurt you were, I was thinking you weren"t hurt at all. Which would only lead to more behavior like that, since naturally I didn"t know or think I was doing anything wrong. You weren"t the only one living with a controlling spouse, you know. She made it infinitely harder to learn anything about Alex, or spend time with the both of you. As you may notice, I"m in communication with the both of you a lot more now. This is because Ameya is NOT controlling and is accepting of what we have. Which is why I want to be a bigger part of Alex"s life; because I am able to be now. When your water broke... what was I supposed to do? I wished you luck, and that was that. I did ask you how things went, but yes, I wasn"t able to get away until 7 weeks later. When you emailed me about how freaked out you were... did you think that maybe I would freak out also? Because I did. Big time. For a brief instant, my world came tumbling down because I knew that what a man is supposed to do if he gets someone pregnant is to marry her and take care of the family... and how could I do that without my degree, no job, etc etc? So, I said what first came to mind, to scold myself and remind myself: we chose the hard way, so now we have to face the consequences. And boy, are we.
Now is where we enter "what the fuck" territory. I"ve cared the entire god-damned time, and for you to say otherwise is just as hurtful. Is there something I should be doing to "care" more? This is the first kid I"ve had that I can be a part of their life, and I"m hobbled from the beginning because another man thinks he"s his, is controlling, and a plethora of other issues. I"ve been trying to do more for a while now, but when it"s limited to "See your son at a park for a few hours a day under my supervision," well, how can I care more? As to the effort, this isn"t a blame game, really. I"m sure it"s super-stressful to have to face abuse and anger from your husband when you leave to come down here, but if you"d just fucking leave the guy you"d no longer have to "do so much" to drive down and see us when it"s your turn to drive. When I say you "get your way" I say that... you"re inherently distrustful of me. It"s not a slam, it"s just the truth. I wasn"t able to be there from the start, so in your mind, I"m an unfit father and you naturally want to shelter Alex from the possibility that I"ll end up like Mike or Kenny. I get it. But the ONLY reason I"m upset at you is because when I finally step up and try to work things out just like you wanted, you suddenly aren"t okay with it. Well, excuse me, what? I"ve never once said anything about your efforts, that"s just your issues oozing out all over this conversation, so I"m just going to ignore them. I tell everyone in the world that you"re supermom, Ameya aspires to be like you, and everyone in my parents household recognizes that you"re basically the most amazing mom ever. So get off that pity party and get back to reality. I already love Alex, I just don"t know him in person. But I read about it, look at his pictures, the works. I can"t exactly talk to him on the phone yet, but that"ll happen too. You say "if you had your choice"... well, you DO. You can choose, but you"ve had your head in the sand for years now about doing what needs to be done. I"m not going to go over this with you again, because you get it and you"ll do whatever you"re going to do at your pace. Fine, whatever. But don"t act like a victim here, you chose this just as I did. I talked with Ameya about this, and she said "I didn"t see my father until I was older, but he made every effort to stay in my life and called me every day, so he knew me and I knew him. When I started going out to California for 2 months a year, it was like he was never gone." The fact that I"m leaving (something you gave me permission to do) and now you"re giving me crap for, is ridiculous. Just because other men in your life who live three doors down cant be bothered to make the effort to see their kids does NOT mean I am that man. Give me a freaking chance here. Why are you so bothered by me trying to stay in touch with him while I"m gone? Or is it that YOU can"t handle me being gone? Are you honestly trying to say it"d be better for him not to know me at all than to only know me through phone calls, webcams, etc? I even said I"d let him stay with me as long as he/you wanted. Of course that freaked you out, but the offer still stands. Don"t I have a right to see him, to live with him, to raise him too? Or is that all yours? I think I do. It"s up to you to show me you don"t think differently.
How are you supposed to support six kids? Well, you aren"t. 4 get child support, 1 is about to, and Alex you"ll get support if you just ask. I"ve already offered to help you raise Alex as much as I can, with shared custody and visitation, but that"s still on you to decide. Public assistance is for people like you who have had bad luck and need help. Yes, you need to leave Kenny and give up the cushy house; getting abused isn"t a good trade off. You"re killing yourself to keep a pretty house and comfortable trappings. Government housing has changed a lot, and yes, I ask you to move closer... but not just to me, or my parents, but to opportunities. There is dick all for you in Bellefontaine. In one of the bigger cities, the public housing is better, the jobs are more plentiful, and the opportunity to make something of yourself actually exists. There is also public assistance for daycare, should it come to that. The government basically pays their way. Some daycare facilities are not bad; the one I went to certainly wasn"t, but the one I work at certainly is. There is a middle ground. If you don"t want to give up everything, fight for it. You deserve a portion of the proceeds from the sale of the house, and if he doesn"t sell it, then the court will at least assign you alimony.
The only person that it truly matters whether or not I"m in Killian"s life from day 1 is you. My parents weren"t even in my life from Day 1, yet I still love them like they were. So I missed the first year... big deal. Shit happens, I can"t go back and change it, but I can go forward making a bigger effort... but you have to let me. The only person who thinks Killian will mean more to me is YOU. That"s like saying you love Rena more than you love Paul, or love Seth more than you love the rest of your kids, because you"ve spent more time with him than them. Uh, what? You really must not know me that well if you think I"d love Alex any less or Killian any more.
As to "uprooting your family" and whatnot... well, I guess that"s always been your downfall. You don"t know how to look forward. You can only look backwards or, at best, in the present. Yes, I"ll be gone a few years.... but not always. Wouldn"t it be infinitely better to endure for a few years, then have the love, support and assistance I promised when we move back? I wasn"t just saying that to make you feel better... I genuinely do love you and want to help. But I can"t help if you live in Hicktown, Ohio. And are you seriously mad that I made his one-year birthday, but might be leaving before his second? What a cheap shot. It"s okay though, I know you"re hurt. The rest is just nonsense, because you refuse to believe me when I say you"re important to me. I won"t repeat myself forever, if you refuse to accept what I"m saying, I"m just going to stop saying it. And yes, Alex WAS an accident. That doesn"t make him any more special or awesome, but neither of us planned for it, and thus, is the definition of an accident. Hell, I was an accident to someone too, but here I am. Fortunately, my parents didn"t bother wallowing in the fact that I was an accident, and instead chose to embrace that someone"s accident is another"s blessing; so let"s drop the pity party and treat Alex as what he really is... a blessing. It"s also not about who I deserve... that"s just your low self-esteem talking. It"s about who we CHOOSE. I made efforts to be with Ameya, so we are together. You and I, despite being awesome together, didn"t make those efforts. We may some day, but you weren"t interested in leaving Kenny. So the choices we made decided who we were with, nothing else. Not "fate."
Anyway, I"m sorry that you were hurt. But sometimes the truth hurts. Maybe this will lead to a better life for Alex. And better sex for us.
-J
From: Rachael Sandoval Fails
To: jeremyschrimpf
Sent: Tue, November 3, 2009 12:37:08 AM
Subject: It"s a super long email..
--
~*Rach~*
----------
From: Rachael Sandoval Fails
Date: Wed, Nov 4, 2009 at 1:15 AM
To: Jeremy Schrimpf
Hello there Jeremy,
Sorry it took all day to reply. I usually wait till my kids are in bed so I can think a bit more clear. Rena"s been puking all day so it added to my delay.
I do want to start out by saying that after reading your email I see things in a different light. This is a great thing because I needed to see things from your point of view.You are RIGHT.. I didn"t say anything and because of that you had no clue I was ever hurt. I never opened up to you. I don"t know what I expected because you are not a mind reader.
I know I felt if I told you how I felt that maybe you wouldn"t want to see me at all anymore and I didn"t want to risk that for obvious reasons.
You definitely took my one sentence out of context "For almost 2 years all I wanted was for you to care".
This wasn"t meant to mean that I thought you DIDN"T care. This just meant it was on my mind A LOT.
I know you cared. I don"t always think you showed it very often but I knew you did.(and still do)
I understand Betsy was controlling as well but back then in my mind all I wanted for once was for you to put US first and say fuck her i am going to see my kid! But that really is the past and what was done can"t be undone and I can"t change the way I felt. I can only move on.
I am thankful you are with Ameya who is very accepting and loving.
When did i say I wasn"t okay with it..????.lol If I wasn"t okay with you seeing him I wouldn"t spend my money..take the time and force myself to drive to Dayton when I was scared outta my mind about getting lost. When I see you with him. When I see you holding him..spending time with him. This brings me so much joy. I LOVE IT!
I do trust you with Alex. I know you are amazing with him. I see how loving you are and I am in awe. You are nothing like Mike or Kenny and I see that so don"t think I ever lump you in that category.
I won"t and I never will.
YES.... admit tingly I am a momma bear. EVERYONE who knows me..knows this. So it"s hard for me to let go but not impossible. Trust is something I don"t give it very often...and the fact that I DO TRUST you says something. I am a lot older and have been through a lot in my life so if that makes me more guarded or protective of my children then I don"t feel bad about it.
Yes I do have issues with throwing my own self pity parties. It"s a bad trait of mine that I have been working on trying to fix.
Very accurate indeed......... again I do tend to play the victim role well but at times..won"t get into WHY I feel sometimes I felt like the victim but it"s all in the past now and you are correct WE both chose that path. I just didn"t realize how hard it would be. no not bothered by you staying in touch.. lol and I am not selfish in the way where I would say I can"t handle YOU being gone.I have faced that reality a very long time ago and have little issues with it.
I guess to me..it"s just not the same as getting to know him hands on. I keep telling myself in my mind when Killian is 14 months old..come back and have this conversation with me and you will see why I think the way I do . You tell me after a year + of raising Killian if Ameya or you would want to go a full year without him and I BET the answer would be NO!
With that being said when it all comes out and I know it time it will .. I DO want you in Alex"s life and NO I won"t always be a hovering mom. Alex is a baby and he had to get to know you. He will know you and leaving him with you over night or what ever we chose isn"t going to bother me. I welcome him being in your life. I know Ameya is a loving wonderful step mom and it will be great for him to know his siblings as well.
You have to give me credit too..but yes this is a delicate issue and I HAVE to know the time is right for NOT just my sake but for the sake of all my children.
and yes I am aware Bellefontaine is hickville but it"s my kids HOME and I will stick it out for them because I love them. Some sacrifice is okay for their happiness.
Seth will graduate in less than 2 years after he is in college I plan on moving from here but it will be nice for him to graduate with his friends that he has known since he was 5 years old.
Parent"s make sacrifices for the happiness of their kids
Also...You know I won"t get alimony. I will be the lieing whore who got knocked up with another mans baby and Kenny will NOT fight fair! I will lose my house.. NO it"s not some "cushy" house. We struggle like a lot of families do but this is "HOME" My brother will pretty much disown me and not help me when he finds out the truth so his help is out!!
I am terrible about sitting at a STAND STILL scared to make any move in the wrong direction.
I am working on a plan though.
Grrrr I had so much more typed and I lost it somehow.. This is frustrating!! GRRRR!!
I know we really didn"t KNOW each other well when I got knocked up so I understand I misjudged many things and did not speak up...
I think it"s great we discussed a lot of this. We should have communicated a lot better and a lot sooner.
very true indeed and again understandable!
Right now I feel a lesson has been learned from all of this to speak up and communicate. Neither of us should speculate what the other is actually thinking or feeling..
with all that being said.. I want to tell you I love you dearly. I always will. We won"t always see eye to eye but you are a loving part of my life.
I am excited that Alex will soon be a big brother. I will be jealous but don"t worry.. it"s a healthy kind of jealous..not a psycho crazy kind.
I am VERY happy for you both.( or all )
I have grown to love Ameya as well and know she will be a wonderful mommy!
You are an amazing man and Killian is lucky to have you day in and day out as his daddy...and until you do go.. I will do my best to try and visit. Maybe we can even meet at your parents sometime so I won"t have to go as far and they can have a chance to know Alex as well.
anyways..it"s late.. I am mad at gmail for erasing my better email and making me retype.. =P
Thanks again for taking the time to email me....
It meant a lot to me.
Looking forward to "a better life for Alex. And better sex for us. " ( I will hold you to that...don"t go forgetting that I have needs too..lol)
much love always <3 Keep in touch and sending lots of love your way for the new baby <3 Rach -- ~*Rach~* ---------- From: Rachael Sandoval Fails
Date: Sat, Jan 23, 2010 at 3:56 AM
To:[email protected]
Forwarded conversation------------------------
Date: Tue, Nov 3, 2009 at 12:37 AM
----------
From: Jeremy Schrimpf
Date: Tue, Nov 3, 2009 at 3:40 AM
To: Rachael Sandoval Fails
----------
Date: Wed, Nov 4, 2009 at 1:15 AM
To: Jeremy Schrimpf
I do want to start out by saying that after reading your email I see things in a different light. This is a great thing because I needed to see things from your point of view.You are RIGHT.. I didn"t say anything and because of that you had no clue I was ever hurt. I never opened up to you. I don"t know what I expected because you are not a mind reader.Yes I do have issues with throwing my own self pity parties. It"s a bad trait of mine that I have been working on trying to fix.
Very accurate indeed......... again I do tend to play the victim role well but at times..won"t get into WHY I feel sometimes I felt like the victim but it"s all in the past now and you are correct WE both chose that path. I just didn"t realize how hard it would be. no not bothered by you staying in touch.. lol and I am not selfish in the way where I would say I can"t handle YOU being gone.--~*Rach~*