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Johnny Manziel Forced To Wear Cleveland Browns Jersey In Cruel Rookie Hazing Incident | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

I am delightful and beloved.

I don't think they're any more fucked up than the general population at large.

No one has the full story yet. He didn't start beating her until the guy was gone and there's no word I've seen about just how badly the friend was beaten. Considering the history Christy and Mr. Machine have this might have all been par for the course as far as the friend knew. There's 1...

Shit just got real!

No guild yet I think. I should hit level 10 today andhave enough stonesto make one. edit: OK I misread, thought it was 30k to make a guild, it's 300k=P That's gonna be a lot longer.

You're welcome.

Worst fanfic ever. And it'd probably be a good idea to take the rest of the Hulk fanfic to the Marvel thread. Marvel Universe stuff

They know. It was great. Exactly as intentionally terrible and stupid as they meant it to be. Just a couple brothers with fetus heads having fun.

564, IFCHD. Them defs are high on my TV.

IFC has a few shows worth watching now actually. I like Maron. Comedy Bang Bang can be hilarious. The Birthday Boys has some very funny sketches. And people who don't feel like comedy should actually be funny in any way love Portlandia.

Some kid that was mean to him on Instagram I guess. It was deleted quickly, as usual.

Did you like Flight of the Conchords? Would you like to see what it would be like if it was about 2 American women in LA instead of 2 Kiwi dudes in NY? Well there's a new show just for you. Comedy folk music duo trying to make it. In this case they are also struggling actresses. Their...

I get lapel chokes and reversals and things like that, but the wrapping it through and around itself and legs in a complex sailors knot is too GD much. But again, I am not a BJJ guy. For all I know that's par for the course. I'm viewing it as an outsider with a passing knowledge of the sport...

Crazy Eyes AMA. Not just "Crazy Eyes". Uzo Aduba here from Orange is the New Black. AMA. : IAmA

Absolutely, and it's all the better because you could see right away that he was something different. His world building and magic system stuff was top notch right off the bat. Now he keeps getting better with the characters and interactions and endings. I find myself looking forward to his new...

Absolutely, and it's all the better because you could see right away that he was something different. His world building and magic system stuff was top notch right off the bat. Now he keeps getting better with the characters and interactions and endings. I find myself looking forward to his new...

Giving it a whirl. Seems fun so far. My ID: user047eaa0d Sent you a friend request. If I stick with it and a few more folks play I'll make a Rerolled guild when able.

Giving it a whirl. Seems fun so far. My ID: user047eaa0d Sent you a friend request. If I stick with it and a few more folks play I'll make a Rerolled guild when able.

Hey guys did you know that Todd Haley is the head coach of the Steelers!? Because no one told me.

I'm not a BJJ guy but I stumbled in to reading about Keenan Cornelius from some Jack Slack article when he mentioned the "worm guard". Now, I think that shit is retarded, he basically ties up the other guy with the gi and it's obnoxious to me when the gear becomes that much a part of the fight...

(on Hulk stuff) They could do whatever the hell they want to make it work with what they have. They can follow the plot of Planet Hulk without it being note perfect with the comics. Hulk goes apeshit and Fury and Stark decide he needs to go, TADA! Oh man I'm a genius. Comic nerds would be mad...

In case anyone missed it last page. Yep. It would be the first out of cage violence he's committed that is totally justifiable too.

See!? I really thought it was going to be awful.

You mean MMA/Grappler. Homeboy dominated DEAN LISTER for 19:50 before tapping him out with 10 minutes left. And he did it wearing a speedo and wrestling shoes. Dean Lister hadn't been submitted in 16 years. Was reading reactions and stuff yesterday. Since he doesn't actually train BJJ he...

5'10"? The guy is a veritable giant, and he's slow as a slug at 4.33! Even Archer at 5'8" is a bit too tall for the comparison, but at least he's a RB=P Both of them are actually faster than Sproles. Yeah Cooksisgoing to be awesome fun to watch with Patchface slinging the ball to him and...

Keg acknowledged it. I asked Column what he was gonna give Keg for an avatar and he dodged the question. I feel it's pretty clear they are the same person.

Jeremy Lin dunking on his family. Including his mom

Doubling down on a stupid post is always the right decision. Always.

3 minutes in, them's first stringers. Basically the Steelers offense is more unstoppable than Ben with a roofie prescription. Watch out, bitches.

Heath Miller? He was busting his ass to try and get far enough up to throw a meaningful block=P Better thing I just noticed is the big lineman who gets out in space and just sort of superman dives at a Giant's feet in a super-pathetic attempt to not be totally left behind.

Errr, there were 2 Giants with a line on him from the front and 2 from the back. I'm totally OK with the 5'8" 173lb guy not getting himself dead 3 minutes in to the preseason for 2 extra yards. Huh? Who exactly do you think he's been playing with his whole career? His best targets long term were...

My logic is we've seen someone elicit a much more obvious reaction from DC with way more personal attacks before and it had no effect on him. He came in like he always does and ragdolled his opponent like he was a child, like he always does. All this "in his head" bullshit is just fans hyping...

Yeah it's not the first time someone has gotten in DC's head before the fight and elicited a shove. I mean, that fight was over before it even started. DC was visibly shaken waaaay more that time. Cummins barely even had to do anything to win the fight after all that master shit talking...

1 week and 2 episodes left.

So the story coming out is that War Machine caught his pornstar GF in bed with another fighter. Broke her jaw and eye socket supposedly, though she denied that on twitter or some shit. Then again last time he hit a pornstar GF(Alanah Rae at the infamous porn party incident) and she confirmed it...

Catching up. 3rd episode(her birthday) was great. I am loving her black client guy, the shit he says kills me. "You're gay!?" "No! But this Wakandan sucks really good dick." Also main guy shitting on the pretentious guy and his model date was hilarious. Roommate is always great. Really loving...

I wish fighters would train their hardest and fight their best for my entertainment. But you wanting to see these guys awkwardly stammer through stilted hackneyed trash talk is admirable too. Let the guys with the gift of gab use it, for the JJ/DC types I'd prefer they come off kind of real...

You guys ready to see the new, younger, faster version of Darren Sproles all year? Every time Dri Archer touches the ball this year half of me is going to be turgid and the other half is going to be cringing waiting for him to get snapped in half.

If you don't end up in the emergency room with chemical burns it's not even worth putting them in your mouth. Pussy.