Cats (2019)

Koushirou said:

Apparently this monstrosity is getting a post-release update. Because that will save it, for sure.

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"We are going to lose a lot of money and we are doing everything we can to lose even more !"

I was one of those oh-so-pretentious theater kids so I felt I had an obligation to see this, especially before the aforementioned 'digital update'.

I know all the songs and have seen Cats a few times in theaters both on Broadway and in travelling casts. I feel eminently qualified, therefore, to State the following:

This is an abomination. It is pain. I was literally squirming in my seat as if listening to 2 solid hours of Vogon poetry. Just when you think you've grown acclimated to it and managed to, somehow, innoculate your brain against any further horrors something even more unthinkable happens to send you screaming into the abyss. I half expected the end credits to read :

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn

I don't know our society did to deserve this, but we need to find out and set that shit straight NOW.

Koushirou said:

Apparently this monstrosity is getting a post-release update. Because that will save it, for sure.

Universal Notifies Theaters ‘Cats’ Is Being Updated With “Improved Visual Effects”

Universal has notified thousands of theaters they will be receiving an updated print of Tom Hooper’s troubled musical with “some improved visual effects.”

www.hollywoodreporter.com

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With the visual upgrades maybe Cats can scratch its way to profitability?

brekk said:

I dunno if it will be able to shed the bad reputation.

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im feline its a waste of time, its a flop, not a pounce.

This film has set back the social acceptance of Furries by 20 years.

For which I give it 5 stars and applaud it for its service to society.

honest question - is there any sex in this movie?

Is this going to take the #1 spot for worst movie of all time? Seeing Rebel Wilson in the equivalent of a spandex furry suit has given me neural apoplexy.

I'm so damn tempted to invite a woman I flirt with to dinner and go watch this with me.

I don't think I could keep a straight face the entire night.

Oh my god. I walked out 3/4ths in because my wife couldn't cope, we nearly went half way through.

One couple left 1/4 of the way in.

Each scene had a new horror. Judy Dench's cat basket and CGI leg stretch did it for me.

Every actor in this movie needs to fire their agent

Kuro said:

This film has set back the social acceptance of Furries by 20 years.

For which I give it 5 stars and applaud it for its service to society.

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really, this movie may have saved humanity.

Elon is probably cancelling all his Catgirl genetic research. The basis of which could have been the end of humanity, due to sterilization, genetic degradation, or retroviruses. but after seeing this, I'm sure Elon will realize hot girls in cat costume is sexy, but actual Cat-girls is horrific.

I think I figured out the main uncanny valley culprit.

It's the lack of human ears, they CGI'ed them off but your brain still expects them to be there and doesn't register the cat ears as ears (I hardly noticed them even though they moved). So it triggers disgust at these earless mutants.

If they wore practical costumes with a hood or fluff covering the ears, it would be fine as your brain knows where the ears are hidden.

They would have saved so much CGI budget and bad word of mouth bomb money if they just hired some more costume designers and makeup artists like the musical play does.

The worst thing is that they probably did both and had the costume designers there...

They are actors in costume - their costumes are enhanced via cgi- and then their entire face is replaced via cgi ... it's a horrific mess.

It also took a career enhancement beyond any standard "Broadway" chance for people that are very talented, gymnastics, physical ability, acting and singing that all cats actors needed- but they KILLED that by tossing "famous" faces on people and took their top billing and "X as Y" is the famous actor.

Usually when big musicals are movied - they use actual Broadway people and sometimes aside from a nice paycheck they get a chance to get "in" -- in les mis, the dark haired girl was the Broadway actor and did the best out of all.

Because of this, Broadway is NOT even attempting to salvage this turd

2 solid hours of Vogon poetry

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Thanks for all the fish..

5/10: only entertaining to watch once and that was to see how bad it was.

it did have a couple good moments and the music is still good

Also, watching it comes with awesome bragging rights:

"That movie was shit, and I've seen 'Cats!'"

"I no longer fear Hell, because I've seen 'Cats.'"

I never cared much for Cats on Broadway but it's still a pretty popular and widely recognized musical and I have no clue how at any point that they looked at this and thought they were doing something right. From the first preview I couldn't understand what they were thinking. Shame so many talented folks got dragged through this mess. I haven't seen it but from all the trailers, videos, reviews, etc. I hope they didn't botch this for other musicals that I hope get brought to the big screen. I've enjoyed most...