Dating

pharmakos

pharmakos

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I think most of you guys are married, but looking for some dating advice and thought I'd start a thread. Didn't see an old one surprisingly.

Recently met a woman 8 years my senior on Tinder (I'm in my mid 30s). She grew up in Uruguay, moved to America six years ago after getting a job as an exec with a major international company. The kind of job where she flies overseas to places like Taiwan or India for a week each month. Kind of blown away that she's even interested in me. Thing is.... She's married and has not told her husband she wants a divorce. She wants to take that slow to ease the transition for their 3 year old. But yeah just kind of wondering how big of a red flag it should be to me that she's already seeing me a little lol. She seems like she's a genuinely good person with a big heart, but yeah y'know?

Says she and her husband sleep in separate rooms, at his request. Today was their five year anniversary and he didn't say anything about it to her. She wanted to have multiple kids, which he agreed to before they married, but now he has taken that back and refuses to have more.

Seems like she's got everything else in her life figured out and is just sort of looking for that last piece of having good companionship. I hope that I'm right about that.
 
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Gavinmad

Gavinmad

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pharmakos said:
I think most of you guys are married, but looking for some dating advice and thought I'd start a thread. Didn't see an old one surprisingly.

Recently met a woman 8 years my senior on Tinder (I'm in my mid 30s). She grew up in Uruguay, moved to America six years ago after getting a job as an exec with a major international company. The kind of job where she flies overseas to places like Taiwan or India for a week each month. Kind of blown away that she's even interested in me. Thing is.... She's married and has not told her husband she wants a divorce. She wants to take that slow to ease the transition for their 3 year old. But yeah just kind of wondering how big of a red flag it should be to me that she's already seeing me a little lol. She seems like she's a genuinely good person with a big heart, but yeah y'know?

Says she and her husband sleep in separate rooms, at his request. Today was their five year anniversary and he didn't say anything about it to her. She wanted to have multiple kids, which he agreed to before they married, but now he has taken that back and refuses to have more.

Seems like she's got everything else in her life figured out and is just sort of looking for that last piece of having good companionship. I hope that I'm right about that.
Click to expand...
You already knew what the consensus here would be before you asked, which raises a question or two about why you bothered asking.
 
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Kithani

Kithani

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I know this is the grown up forum but I honestly want to see pics of this lady before I can make a formal recommendation.
 
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Armadon

Armadon

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This has to be a copy and paste from the opening of Penthouse letters.
 
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pharmakos

pharmakos

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Gavinmad said:
You already knew what the consensus here would be before you asked, which raises a question or two about why you bothered asking.
Click to expand...
"Consensus" is usually not so absolute here. Definitely expected the average shit poster who catches every thread three minutes after it's bumped to not have much useful input. There's plenty of bros on this forum that might write longer more nuanced replies tho.
 
Mudcrush Durtfeet

Mudcrush Durtfeet

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People lie. Assume she's just trying/planning to cheat on her husband. Don't believe her about the divorce or what is going on in her marriage.
 
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pharmakos

pharmakos

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Kithani said:
I know this is the grown up forum but I honestly want to see pics of this lady before I can make a formal recommendation.
Click to expand...
She wouldn't want me to share her pic publicly in case anyone she works with, by some small chance, is on this forum. I'll PM you tho.
 
pharmakos

pharmakos

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Mudcrush Durtfeet said:
People lie. Assume she's just trying/planning to cheat on her husband. Don't believe her about the divorce or what is going on in her marriage.
Click to expand...
Yeah the fact that she's moved so quickly has definitely got me questioning things. I tend to be a pretty good judge of character tho and she strikes me as being honest. I think she mostly feels claustrophobic in her own life, not having any family in the area and being unhappy in her marriage, and that has her maybe a little desperate in general. I would really have preferred that she filed the divorce papers BEFORE we met ...
 
moonarchia

moonarchia

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Tell her to call you after the divorce is final. And should that unicorn come to pass for the love of all things do not ever marry her, since you know she will be doing the same thing to you in a few years.
 
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Gavinmad

Gavinmad

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pharmakos said:
"Consensus" is usually not so absolute here. Definitely expected the average shit poster who catches every thread three minutes after it's bumped to not have much useful input. There's plenty of bros on this forum that might write longer more nuanced replies tho.
Click to expand...
What value do longer and more nuanced versions of 'stop, this is a terrible idea' have for you? Your initial post has so many red flags it could be a communist rally but what you're actually looking for is someone to give you a reason to ignore those red flags. So here you go.

You're a mid 30s cancer survivor whose social life was shattered by the illness and you're so goddamn lonely that you want to ignore all the warning signs that you can see plain as day. As long as you don't delude yourself into thinking you can have a stable, long term, monogamous relationship with this chick, go for it. Take whatever enjoyment you can out of life, you won't get any judgement from me.
 
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Chukzombi

Chukzombi

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moonarchia said:
Tell her to call you after the divorce is final. And should that unicorn come to pass for the love of all things do not ever marry her, since you know she will be doing the same thing to you in a few years.
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this, personally i would just nope out completely. unless all you want is sex. i wouldnt touch a woman that cheats on her husband. if she cheats on him, she will cheat on you. it also makes you just as shitty as her. dont do it.
 
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sleevedraw

sleevedraw

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You're a cancer survivor, and you've recently had a lot of turbulence in your social life.

You're doing this from what appears to be a position of emotional vulnerability. Best case, you're going to create an awkward situation for the kid. Worst case, this woman is cluster B and will chew you up and spit you out once she's had her jollies emotionally manipulating you. Either case is going to end in pain.
 
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pharmakos

pharmakos

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If genders were flipped would y'all be cheering me on for finding a sugar daddy? 🤔
 
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pharmakos

pharmakos

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In a practical sense, the biggest green flag is she's offered to pay for me to go back to school. But I understand that's also a big red flag lol. Feels like I'd be a fool to pass it up tho.
 
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