Dating

Control said:

The first one is in your direct control. If you want that to change, change it.

You're not going to grow taller, so stop thinking about height. Even if women really are repelled at the sight of shorties, it doesn't matter since you can't do dick about it. Focus on what you can change. If you really can't stop yourself from comparing things with other guys, try to look for what they do differently than you that isn't their height. There's a LOT of communication that's subconscious, that comes from your body language, how you carry yourself, etc. I'd bet that a disinterested observer could spot a bunch of differences between you and your "girl magic" friends that have nothing to do with height. If you need to obsess over it, figure out what those things are. (I'm tall enough to be a non-midget, and I've never had women throwing themselves at me, fwiw.)

Also, despite being a midget, women do apparently say yes to you, so being a midget apparently isn't all that terrible though. Instead of blaming all women for being flaky, focus on improving your conversion rate. If you were in a sales job and couldn't convert any leads, do you think your boss would accept "well, I guess all buyers are just flaky!"? No, you'd be expected to find what you're fucking up and fix it. Or maybe you're not fucking up, and you just expect the conversion rate to be higher than it really is and you need 60 yeses instead of 6. If it's important to you, work on both sides of the funnel. But stop giving a shit about things you can't control and work on the things you can.

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I guess you took me off ignore, that's cool.

I'm 5'10'' or so, taller with shoes on, and taller than the majority of the guys that I know. Also, it's less about comparison, because I'm usually the "girl magic" friend who other guys look at and and go "how do you do it". Aside from one particular guy who looks like a Kennedy, I was always probably the second most able guy out of my friend groups when it came to talking to women.

That said, 5'10'' might as well be a midget. The scale most women go by is this:
6'1'' and above = Tall and Handsome
6'0'' = Average
5'11'' and below = Midget

I think my problem is that I expect a higher conversion rate than I should. Me asking out six women, getting six yeses, and having all six flake out on me is annoying for me, but another guy might hear that story and go "wow, I'd be thrilled if I got one yes out of asking out six women". I'm good at the chatting up, not good with holding their interest once I'm not standing in front of them anymore. I've referred to this as "women have an object permanence issue" in the past. Where a woman seemed like she was super-interested in me in person and then as soon as I followed up, I would just get a total lack of interest from her until it fizzled out. In the early-mid 2010's it was always "I'm too busy" type of stuff that I would get, in the early-mid 2020's it's just ghosting / disappearing off the face of the Earth.

I've had enough girlfriends that I probably shouldn't be complaining about anything. I don't put myself out there, I don't particularly make the effort required. I guess I was just complaining about my lack of any sort of decent opportunities, and not wanting to invite myself to social functions just because most of my old friends either moved away or stayed raging liberals while I didn't, thus I didn't get invited to parties much anymore after 2018 or so.

In short, I'm just complaining about shit that I shouldn't be, and need to find some social situations I can invite myself to. Not just for actually having women to talk to, but also to replenish my stock of friends after the severe depletion it went through in the past ten years or so.

Big Phoenix said:

This shit is an epidemic nowadays. 4 times in the past 6 months ive asked a woman out, they said yes only to cancel day of.

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Well, at least it isn't just me then. So you're on the same streak I am, of getting yeses and then flake-outs? It's pretty fucking annoying isn't it?

Not sure how personally I should take it (probably not at all). It can be any range of things:

1) They met someone else while they were walking to their mailbox.

2) They haven't felt much spark with you so it's not something they're in a rush to get to. Very often, sparks have to be felt pretty much immediately for something to go anywhere...in my experience, either you really hit things off on your first or second meeting, or it fizzles out fast. It isn't the 1950's, women aren't going to keep going out with someone they're not really feeling chemistry with to see if something blooms by date five. I've talked to younger guys especially who spent days, weeks, or even a month chatting up a girl on a dating app only to have her flake out on the actual meetup. They took too long to move things along, thinking that was the way to do it, when they'd have been better off just getting a date scheduled and getting it done.

3) They're just tired from life beating them down week in and week out and there isn't much appeal to getting dolled up and going out tonight. Having to impress a new person is a lot of work. And yeah, they feel the need to impress a new guy, probably a lot more than the average guy feels a need to impress them. What if you're The One and stuff? So that first 1-3 dates is serious business. Unless they're super fired up to see you again after an exciting first meeting, it can be a big ask for them to get ready and go out after they just worked all week and would rather just lay on their couch eating ice cream.

Weirdly enough, I'm pretty much like one of the 3) women. Because the main deterrent to me going out is that I pretty much never actually feel like putting on "the show" for somebody. I want to invite someone over and cook her dinner and go for a walk, or watch something, or just generally chill out. I don't feel like spending money, being in a noisy place, or any of the other things that go along with a date. I just do it anyway if I like the person enough. So yeah, very often, they just don't feel like going out. Maybe that's why "let's just meet at my place and bang" is so much of a thing with Gen Z. They don't go out as much because it's a pain in the ass.

Actually, the girl I was with for most of the 2010s started out with #3. We went on a great first date, and while we had fun, she had many other suitors on deck and wasn't certain about me or anything. Our first date was a Thursday (probably not a good sign, if a girl is keeping her Fri/Sat open for other things...then again, maybe she just wanted to see me sooner, considering I asked her out the previous Sunday night). We were supposed to get together again on Saturday and she flaked out. Turns out she just woke up extremely tired that day and just needed a quiet weekend. Anyway she told me she didn't feel well and cancelled. Well, normally I'd just leave her alone at that point, but I really liked this girl a lot, she was adorable and actually made me laugh. So instead I just went "fuck it" and acted like we were on Month 6 already. Went and bought flowers and showed up at her door with them and a card where I wrote "Hope you feel better, cause you're the coolest" or something like that. I was like "hey, just wanted to give you a hug, anyway, see ya" and she was so taken aback by the gesture that she invited me in and we sat on the couch watching movies. Our "second date" just became us being bumps on a log, as she put it. Then we were together for most of the decade. I wasn't after anything, I legit just wanted to maybe make her feel better.

A lot of women would have gotten all freaked out or whatever, like "this guy is showing up at my door??" but I gave her the immediate out by being like "just dropping these off, anyway I'mma head out". Kinda like when I ask a woman out and go "you can say no if you want, it's totally fine" and they love being given that out, takes pressure off and makes me look a lot less needy. I've been given the feedback that my initial approach is really good, and also the feedback that my worst aspect is oversharing. I've had girlfriends that almost didn't go for date 2 because I let them know too much of my problems on date 1. To me it's being upfront, to them it's "just emphasize the good things and leave some mystery please". So I try to work on that, the rare times I actually get a chance to meet anyone.

I'll probably try joining a church soon just to find sane people and new friends in general. If I can find a church that doesn't have an Imperial Pride Flag and/or anti-ICE and/or anti-police messaging all over their building. They're even more political than the medical centers are. (Weirdly enough, I hardly ever see this sort of far-from-center paraphernalia outside of people's actual homes, just medical centers, churches, and schools...all places where it seems like it doesn't belong, but that's a topic for the jimmy-rustling thread)

I had a nice little supermarket encounter earlier with a very pretty Latina (she looked like Nina Drama, if you know who that is). She accidentally ran into me in an aisle, apologized, and gave me a beautiful smile that we lingered on for a second. A few minutes later I saw her again and went "we have to stop meeting like this" and she said "at least I didn't almost run you over this time" and did the smile again. I went about my business, got what I needed and left. I remember thinking there was absolutely no reason whatsoever not to stay outside the store for a minute (she was in a checkout line as I was walking out) and stop her and talk to her. I've had relationships start over less. However, I didn't really have anything to say. Either I'm on or off, and most of the time I'm off. Lack of practice has done a number on my ability to talk to women, too. Had one particularly attractive woman talk to me in a waiting room a while back and I just had nothing to say, it was lame. Used to always have something to say, now there's just nothing, I just feel weird. Yesterday was my ex's birthday and I brought flowers to her grave like she asked me to do every year. I dunno, I'm just not really in the mood.

Figured I'd ask you nerds, what would you do in a situation like today? I know what I'd do, just be natural and talk to her outside, but it's a matter of being up for it, like anything else. The early 2020's did such a number on me. I wonder how it would have gone if I talked to her outside the store and told her she was gorgeous and not getting her number was unthinkable to me. Maybe I get it, maybe I don't, but either way I'd feel a lot better about taking the shot than I do about just going home.