Good point, let's make a list:
You work at IHOP.
You keep your children in a closet.
Keg could actually be your babies' daddy?
You have a mighty large beak of a nose.
Your nickname is swamp donkey, though I think you're probably actually a Skeksie IRL (see above).
FUPA?!
Shallow breasts. Stretch marks? Hollowed breast cavity?
Lied about your boob size and somehow managed to join Shelly as the only women openly mocked for showing tits on these forums.
Speak like a retarded 14 year old, and just as much of an attention whore.
Probably lying about half the shit you make up because (see above).
Am I missing anything?
You're 26, a tall, gangly, shallow breasted, beak-nosed Skeksie with 2 children that have to sleep in a closet and you had to go back to work with a gashy vagina because you work at IHOP. Consider this: your most redeeming quality is you're married to Tyen....
But, yeah, I'm a fat guy on a forum with plenty of fat guys. Sucks to be me, I guess.