Generalized family drama

Big Phoenix · Dec 4, 2021

Oblio said:
Just take a step back and think how hard it probably was for him to admit any wrong doing. I get that he doesn't know or understand how to take accountability, but if your childhood was as bad as you say think about how far he has come. Give him credit for his progress and maybe provide him with some literature that addresses his childhood woes.

Hes not admitting any wrong doing because of self reflection or remorse for his parenting, its because he has absolutely nothing else in his life other than my brother and I aside from his cats. He has no one else to turn to socially nor does he have anything going for him as hes literally one foot in the grave and his finances are a mess. He regrets the situation he is in, not how his actions impacted those around him.

The most telling thing about him is hes done the same thing twice. Just like he ignored his kids to pursue a life of drinking beer and fucking whores, he also ended up ignoring his grand kids. 10 years ago when he was much healthier and had some "money"(he was stealing from his own father who had dementia, god knows how much over the course of 2-3 years) did he buy a house like I constantly suggest to him to be close to his grand kids to see them grow up? Nope, pissed away the money he stole traveling across the US and on the most idiotic frivolous possessions imaginable.

Oblio said:
Try to think big picture, wouldn't you rather have the best possible memories with him in his last few years? I am not saying let him slide on bullshit, but rather give him some kudos for making some sort of an effort. Also read the Four Agreements.

No. In all the times hes called me up crying hes never once asked me how I feel, hes never been interested understanding me or how to improve our relationship going forward. Its always been about feeling sorry for him.

This may sound cruel but he was never there for me when I needed him the most, I certainly dont need him now when my life is pretty damn good all things considered. The only thing he will leave me with are memories of disappointment and wondering how my life could have been if I had a father that showed the least amount of interest in me. I wonder how my life would be different if my dad showed up to just a single tball game of mine or was there when I graduated from basic training.

Hateyou · Dec 4, 2021

TecKnoe said:
huh? this does not make any sense, narcan does nothing for someone who overdosed on meth. just sayin that shit only reverses an opiate overdose, i would have taken the narcan then when my son OD'd and died because the narcan wont reverse it sue the hospital for giving her the wrong info :X because thats what would have happened if she did take it home, he OD'd and she tried to use it on him

but ya, glad hes ok

That’s just me fucking up the details. I think he started on meth so we just refer to him as the meth head son. Idk what all drugs he was doing. Must’ve been opiates cause that was the first time I had heard of narcan being on hand in a household.

Oblio · Dec 4, 2021

Big Phoenix said:
Hes not admitting any wrong doing because of self reflection or remorse for his parenting, its because he has absolutely nothing else in his life other than my brother and I aside from his cats. He has no one else to turn to socially nor does he have anything going for him as hes literally one foot in the grave and his finances are a mess. He regrets the situation he is in, not how his actions impacted those around him.

The most telling thing about him is hes done the same thing twice. Just like he ignored his kids to pursue a life of drinking beer and fucking whores, he also ended up ignoring his grand kids. 10 years ago when he was much healthier and had some "money"(he was stealing from his own father who had dementia, god knows how much over the course of 2-3 years) did he buy a house like I constantly suggest to him to be close to his grand kids to see them grow up? Nope, pissed away the money he stole traveling across the US and on the most idiotic frivolous possessions imaginable.

No. In all the times hes called me up crying hes never once asked me how I feel, hes never been interested understanding me or how to improve our relationship going forward. Its always been about feeling sorry for him.

This may sound cruel but he was never there for me when I needed him the most, I certainly dont need him now when my life is pretty damn good all things considered. The only thing he will leave me with are memories of disappointment and wondering how my life could have been if I had a father that showed the least amount of interest in me. I wonder how my life would be different if my dad showed up to just a single tball game of mine or was there when I graduated from basic training.

Understood, I can't possibly know the full story from a paragraph or two.

Have you ever asked him if he even thinks about how you and your siblings feel? Have you ever tried to provide him with some materials that would educate him on how to deal with his shit? All I am saying is when he is gone make sure you aren't left with a list of "could of, should of, would of" regrets of your own. I am talking about your actions and reactions, not his. Set your self up for success in the long run, whatever you deem that is for your own personal happiness.

BrutulTM · Dec 4, 2021

Hateyou said:
If you aren’t getting anything from the gathering or don’t like it then don’t even go. Feeling obligated to hang out with family you don’t want to be around sucks, just stop going. If there are some you want to see, set up a lunch or dinner with them sometime.

We went and visited a couple of my sisters a few years ago and it was just white trash central. Her kid had a meltdown about something, she starts wailing on his ass in the middle of the room. Visit my mom and brother and they just want to drink, smoke, get high. We get home and the other sister texts us the next day they found out all their kids have lice so we should check ourselves. I went through that kind of shit as a kid and it’s not something I want my kid to be around.

We declined thanksgiving invite with the sisters this year. So one asked if she could swing by for a couple hours after visiting our mom which is fine. Her kids are 13-18 now, mines almost 7. She’s dropping cuss words in casual conversation every other sentence, as are her kids. Whatever, trashy but my kid is in the other room. Eventually we’re all in the same room and she’s still dropping F bombs so I say “Hey, ears in the room.” And she just shrugs and waves a hand like it doesn’t matter. My kid still thinks “stupid” is a bad word. I don’t care about cussing but Jesus, learn when to turn it off. She said our mom was complaining her kids were saying shit and fuck while they were visiting. Well no shit, no one wants to hear their teen grandkids cussing like a sailor at a bar. She acts like it’s funny but it’s just so trashy to me. I was just ready for them to leave the whole time honestly.

It bothers me too how many people just cuss like a sailor in front of their kids and let the kids do the same. I have the same reaction as you. Not like it's immoral, it's just trashy. Nothing makes me think someone is a moron more than them saying "fuck" in every sentence in some sort of a mixed company situation. Makes it sound like you can't form a thought without talking about sex or some other bodily function. I react the same way to people chanting "fuck Joe Biden" at a Nascar race. I don't care about Joe Biden, but if you're yelling that in a crowd then I have to assume that's about the best political discourse you are capable of which makes you a mouth breathing moron.

Hateyou · Dec 4, 2021

Oblio said:
Understood, I can't possibly know the full story from a paragraph or two.

Have you ever asked him if he even thinks about how you and your siblings feel? Have you ever tried to provide him with some materials that would educate him on how to deal with his shit? All I am saying is when he is gone make sure you aren't left with a list of "could of, should of, would of" regrets of your own. I am talking about your actions and reactions, not his. Set your self up for success in the long run, whatever you deem that is for your own personal happiness.

Usually it’s the well adjusted kids that do fine when the shit parents are gone. Parents feel guilty for being shitty, the kids feel more like “yeah too bad you never got your shit together” and move on. At least that’s how I feel about my shitty parents. I’m not mad at them, just disappointed. Especially now with having a kid of my own and seeing how I should have been raised.

Big Phoenix · Dec 4, 2021

Oblio said:
Have you ever asked him if he even thinks about how you and your siblings feel? Have you ever tried to provide him with some materials that would educate him on how to deal with his shit?

Ive never asked those questions as I simply have no interest, but im fairly certain his extreme narcissism and general lack of emotional intelligence would prevent him from genuinely responding to them.

Example of this is what caused my sister to cut him out of her life about 6 years ago. Since the guy is permanently on morphine and lacks general coordination due to a paralyzed arm my sister told him he wasnt allowed to drive her kids around. What did my dad do? Went to the kids father and the father allowed my dad to drive the kids. My sister of course finds out and calls dad up telling him to bring her kids back, my dad blows her off. I even call my dad telling him wtf you cant do that you need to bring the kids back and he blows me off as well. End result? He laments not having a relationship with his grand children.

Hateyou said:
I’m not mad at them, just disappointed. Especially now with having a kid of my own and seeing how I should have been raised.

Fucking a. I was in the Marines, my father was in the Navy. Did my father ever have a single conversation with me about what military life was like or advice on how to navigate the military or what to expect? Nope, not a single word. But he sure loves to tell everyone his son was in the Marines!

I even tried asking this guy about his experience in the Navy. He couldnt even tell me what he did other than "I worked on the flight deck!". Either he didnt care or his brain was so fried from beer and morphine that he couldnt remember.

Fucker · Dec 4, 2021

Big Phoenix said:
Ive never asked those questions as I simply have no interest, but im fairly certain his extreme narcissism and general lack of emotional intelligence would prevent him from genuinely responding to them.

Example of this is what caused my sister to cut him out of her life about 6 years ago. Since the guy is permanently on morphine and lacks general coordination due to a paralyzed arm my sister told him he wasnt allowed to drive her kids around. What did my dad do? Went to the kids father and the father allowed my dad to drive the kids. My sister of course finds out and calls dad up telling him to bring her kids back, my dad blows her off. I even call my dad telling him wtf you cant do that you need to bring the kids back and he blows me off as well. End result? He laments not having a relationship with his grand children.

Fucking a. I was in the Marines, my father was in the Navy. Did my father ever have a single conversation with me about what military life was like or advice on how to navigate the military or what to expect? Nope, not a single word. But he sure loves to tell everyone his son was in the Marines!

I even tried asking this guy about his experience in the Navy. He couldnt even tell me what he did other than "I worked on the flight deck!". Either he didnt care or his brain was so fried from beer and morphine that he couldnt remember.

My old man was classic NPD to the word. Strange way of existing, that's for sure.

Cukernaut · Dec 4, 2021

Oblio said:
Not sure how old your niece is, just make sure she knows she can always call you for help. Perhaps tell your sister your kids really want to play with her kid. Ask if she can drop her off for an all day play date on Saturday, say something to your sister like I am sure you could use a day off being a single mom probably doesn't allow for much down time. Maybe it starts to become a regular thing and at the very least your niece will see and experience a different household structure. That alone could make a huge impact in her life as an adult.

I really want to do this - she lives in TN and I’m in texas unfortunately though.

when she gets a little older going to see if we can get her to visit for the summer

Goatface · Dec 4, 2021

to anyone that has cut family members out. do your best to make sure your (and spouse's) wills are as ironclad as possible.

Fucker · Dec 4, 2021

Goatface said:
to anyone that has cut family members out. do your best to make sure your (and spouse's) wills are as ironclad as possible.

This.

All manner of scum came out of the woodwork when my dad died. Scumbags ramp up the scumbagginess when they think they are due a cut of someone else's money.

Hateyou · Dec 5, 2021

And make sure it is secured with a third party. I have a cousin who’s dad was dying from cancer. He had his will (I guess, some kind of documents) in a small safe in the house. He was leaving their nice, paid in full house to my cousin. The town he lives in is very small, like 20-30 houses, and it’s almost all comprised of the dad’s family.His cousins, brothers, uncles, I think his parents were even still alive.

Anyways they’re pissed about the son getting the house, they want it sold and split between the siblings. At some point while these family members visiting they stole the safe with all the docs. It then had to go to the courts, my cousin ends up losing eventually and has to get evicted from his own house. He grew up their since he was like 8 years old and lived there his entire adulthood with his dad. Makes me fucking sick.

So, he did what any rational person would do, stripped the entire house. Of everything. Wires, pipes, doors, ripped drywall out, etc. They took possession of a bunch of 2x4s with a roof.

Ridas · Dec 5, 2021

Hateyou said:
So, he did what any rational person would do, stripped the entire house. Of everything. Wires, pipes, doors, ripped drywall out, etc. They took possession of a bunch of 2x4s with a roof.

Goatface · Dec 5, 2021

when one of my aunts was dying, the hospital called saying she had a couple of hours to live. her pos son, went to her house and loaded up his truck before going to the hospital. everything was supposed to went to her granddaughter that she taking care of, but will disappeared.

even with a will, things can go south. one of my friends grandmother passed away, her will was like, 'i want everyone to share and take what they need'. which the lawyer took as, go around the house and put post-it notes on what you want and they would work it out if more than one person wanted the same thing.
the wake was held at her home and people started tagging everything. arguments started, shoving and threats. police were called. something like 12 cops showed up and apparently didn't want to arrest anyone, and put a couple in car till they cooled down.

Borzak · Dec 5, 2021

When my grandmother went into the hospital I had the locks changed on her house. House was in my name and had been for 15 years. Dads cousin lives next door on a couple of minutes away and has been a pain in the ass forever, all my life. She called and asked what was wrong with the locks the second day my grandmother was in the hospital.

Lanx · Dec 5, 2021

this stuff sounds juicy and sounds like shit goes south fast when extended family gets involved

i only grew up w/ my mom/dad and 2 sisters, so idk what the fuck a cousin is.

what do you guys consider external/extended families and where does it start?

i've heard stories where ppl literally say a blood brother is dead to them and consider a cousin more deserving.

Goatface · Dec 5, 2021

Lanx said:
i've heard stories where ppl literally say a blood brother is dead to them and consider a cousin more deserving.

After my grandmother died, don't think my dad said another word to his brother.
=
Family stuff can get strange, one of my friends was youngest of 3 brothers. When his father pased away a guy showed up, and said hey I am your brother. He didn't want anything other than to talk and get to know them. Few months later, he called to say he found 2 more brothers . That was a few years ago now there is a strong possibility there 1 more, but don't think he will talk to anyone about it.

Lanx · Dec 5, 2021

Goatface said:
After my grandmother died, don't think my dad said another word to his brother.
=
Family stuff can get strange, one of my friends was youngest of 3 brothers. When his father pased away a guy showed up, and said hey I am your brother. He didn't want anything other than to talk and get to know them. Few months later, he called to say he found 2 more brothers . That was a few years ago now there is a strong possibility there 1 more, but don't think he will talk to anyone about it.

yea all these pop up brothers need 23 n me

Cukernaut · Dec 5, 2021

Lanx said:
this stuff sounds juicy and sounds like shit goes south fast when extended family gets involved

i only grew up w/ my mom/dad and 2 sisters, so idk what the fuck a cousin is.

what do you guys consider external/extended families and where does it start?

i've heard stories where ppl literally say a blood brother is dead to them and consider a cousin more deserving.

the answer is it depends. We are in the process of a family “breakup”.

it seems to operate in cycles - you have a strong set of parents or grandparents that keep everyone together and engaged and then 1-2 generations go by and people distance, when my grandparents die pretty much nobody is ever getting together again I know for a fact.

my wife and i see if and are distancing and refocusing on our kids and a strong nuclear versus extended family, which will then create a strong extended family in 1-2 generations, and then the process / cycle will probably begin anew.

LachiusTZ · Dec 5, 2021

Yeah do whatever you can for your niece.

I put some effort into staying in touch with my cousins kids, and we have decent relationships.

My cousin is a dumpster fire.

Good luck man

BrutulTM · Dec 5, 2021

When parents die a lot of people are the age where they're realizing that they should have been saving for retirement all of their lives and now they're 62 and have $1200 in their savings account and they're shitting their pants. Mom's house starts to sound like a nice solution at that point but holy shit does it get ugly sometimes.

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Generalized family drama

Big Phoenix

Pronouns: zie/zhem/zer

Hateyou

Not Great, Not Terrible

Oblio

Utah

BrutulTM

Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun.

Hateyou

Not Great, Not Terrible

Big Phoenix

Pronouns: zie/zhem/zer

Fucker

Log Wizard

Cukernaut

Sharpie Markers Aren't Pens

Goatface

Avatar of War Slayer

Fucker

Log Wizard

Hateyou

Not Great, Not Terrible

Ridas

Pay to play forum

Goatface

Avatar of War Slayer

Borzak

Bronze Baron of the Realm

Lanx

Goatface

Avatar of War Slayer

Lanx

Cukernaut

Sharpie Markers Aren't Pens

LachiusTZ

Rogue Deathwalker Box

BrutulTM

Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun.