Girls who broke your heart thread

Kilivek said:

But you"re not the one doing anything - you"re experiencing feeling by proxy.

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Please provide us all the list of things that are worthy of direct experience by the true self. Surely, you must know it.

What about buffalo wings? Can those be enjoyed directly by the true self, or only by proxy?



Man, if you enjoy chicken wings you"re just a puppet of an ill society that has brainwashed you into thinking it"s what you want and need and enjoy!

But you"re eating them too. Hell, it was YOUR idea to come here, because you said you love the wings here.

Yeah, but it"s totally different... you see, I KNOW it"s all a game, and by playing the game on MY terms it"s like I"m not even playing the game BY playing the game I acknowledge exists but refuse to play. You see, I see things your eyes haven"t been opened to, and once you"ve SEEN the evil and understand why it"s evil, then you can safely immerse yourself into that which you understand is evil, because that very understanding protects you from the evil!

Umm, yeah, okay... see, I enjoy wings, but I don"t enjoy YOU. So, sure, maybe I"m a puppet, but you"re annoying and I"d rather be brainwashed and enjoying life than continue being anywhere near your depressive, delusional ramblings that you never, ever shut up about.

But... but I don"t have any other friends?

I guess your true self will just have to learn to live, and probably die, alone.... *chomps a wing and watches the game*

AND SCENE

Kilivek said:

I really don"t know why you think this. I"m only trying to offer as wide and as truthful a perspective as possible, nothing to do with jacking anything.

These are the kinda things you should be thinking about when it comes to your relationships, not how to manipulate them.

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It"s not anything specific really. It just seems like you go through life over-philosophizing the living shit out of absolutely everything. If that makes you happy, great. To me it"s just mental masturbation, and I"d find it exhausting.

Eomer said:

It"s not anything specific really. It just seems like you go through life over-philosophizing the living shit out of absolutely everything. If that makes you happy, great. To me it"s just mental masturbation, and I"d find it exhausting.

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Exactly. Mental masturbation

I reread my rageahol post and didn"t realize I popped a vein there.

Killivek, the problem here is that you have something to say about x topic, and you really want to share it, but it"s very slightly only peripherally related to the topic we"re talking about, and it"s not appropriate for the topic of this thread. That"s why no one wants to hear it.

You"re also arguing against something no one said. That article basically says "if you don"t have the skills to get a woman, try these things." No one says you have to be the normal human and conform. What you fail to realize is interpersonal interaction is a skill. It"s a skill that can be learned and practiced just like any other skill. If you didn"t learn it growing up, you are bad at it. If you suck at basketball, do you say "no, I should be myself and play basketball as I naturally do." ? No, you practice. You watch people who are good and say "oh I should adjust my shot in this way."

People skills is an area people like to distance from this skill principle because it comes so close to our identity and ego. We are all special flowers, so the idea of adjusting how we share our special flowerness with other people is met with huge resistance from a lot of people. What you and people like you don"t realize is that you can practice skills to interact with others and still keep your special flowerness.

Just like trying to fix your shot in basketball is awkward and forced at first, but eventually it becomes your natural shot, so too the principle applies to interacting with people.

Kilivek is the architect from the Matrix.

Friend died recently, got into bad stuff, couldn"t get out. He was a good friend, and helped me when I was in a bad way. I miss him genuinely.

Girl I"d passively flirted up was at his wake, she gave me a look sad crying puppy dog eyes, and I gave her a strong hug. Asked me if I"d be at the bar afterwords to celebrate our friend (it"s the way he"d have wanted it.)

Get to bar gather together for a huge group shot, girl comes in says "hi"
immediately darts away. I"m like "fuck whatever, I don"t care."

Other friend holds a huge party at the end of the week to celebrate our friend"s life. I ask girl if she"s going (through fb), she"s like, "Yeah I"ll be there :0"

She shows up late, says hi and darts to the beer pong table. "phase 1 accomplished."

Head over to beer pong table, she"s already in the corner dancing and drunk. I got up to say hi. She sticks her tongue in my mouth, and we make out.

Friends are all up on me, broin" me on. My only competition with her is Brod and no offense Brod but I"m handsome, smart, got an education, and in solid shape...Brod..... much less so. "Phase 2 is completed."


I try not to stay on her ass through the party, none of that lost puppy dog shit, because whatever the fuck, I"ll get laid later. occasionally rub my hard-on up against her to assert my ownership.


All of the sudden she leaves, apparently sister said she was too drunk--I have been cock blocked. "phase three incomplete"


Friends are like whatever man if you end up banging her wear a rubber she"s a whore blah blah blah. I try to avoid calling her a whore to save face, fact is I already know the rumors about her, and have been patiently waiting to bang her since New Years.

Tomorrow morning comes and I wake up, she Fb"s me about how she"s sorry about being "crazy blah blah blah last night" I say it"s all good and I liked seeing her. We make plans to meet again--I"ll take her to dinner--and start this again proper. cute playful emoticons are shared, all is well.

Next day comes, I"m getting dressed to take her out and she calls, chickens out of the date, gives excuses...,

She: "are you mad"
me: "no"
her: "your mad aren"t you"
me: "I"ll be mad if you do it twice"

we reschedule for the next day.

Next day comes (today/election day), I ask if she wants to meet up again, she says sure...how about my apartment. Seeing as she seems like she wants to completely skip a step I"m like...shit my saved game data from the party must not have been erased, fuck yeah. She calls me before she comes over asks if I have room mates because she doesn"t want to get too dressed up giggles...me: giggity...

She arrives, tells me there"s a bottle of Capt"n Morgan in the car, we go inside. I go to kiss her, she gives me an Italian female side kiss greeting (which Italians in upstate NY DON"T do btw...) I"m like wtf, I go to kiss her properly and

she"s like all "uhh I"m just here to hang out."

me: "....."

we sit down, somehow she maneuvers into a conversation. "what were you expecting, that we"d have sex?" ..........CODE RED TRAP, ITS A TRAP..


Me: "Well I was expecting this would progress."

Her: "I don"t even know you."

me: "uhm...."

Her: as if about to cry, like I"d straight up called her a whore.

[me: aware that this is some type of trap, in complete shock.]

Her: you should never say that to a girl, promise me you won"t say that to another girl ever again. Who says that?


Me: ...I never said sex....

Me: I"m sorry maybe you should go (genuine sad/confusion look on face)


Her: try"s to change topic, as if she legitimately wanted to just hang out with me....eventually seeing that I"m not playing this beta male/ feeble attempt to friend zone me. Leaves.


Her: I"m sorry, about you uhmm misinterpreting me...


Me: Yeah...goodbye, (no apology)


10 minutes later Brod"s FB


Brod: "Sure. It would be humiliating. Having to lie there while the better man refuses to spill your blood. Mercy is the mark of a great man. (lightly stabs him with the sword) Guess I"m just a good man. (stabs him again) Well, I"m all right."
Like ? ? Share ? 2 hours ago via mobile ?

me (fb response): cute.


I see now, Brod filled her head, she wanted Answer Z to an X or Y question.


I believe I"ve been outplayed by Brod, congrats Brod. I am angry, but I am not a victim, I underestimated you and was thus outplayed <golf clap>. Maybe she"ll get drunk while your out her place, and you"ll be able to get out of her friend zone. I applaud your trickery, however the next time I"m drunk, I can"t promise I won"t turn mean and beat the shit out of you fat fuck.

wut

I don"t understand Brod"s fb comment and what it means for you. Can you explain it ?

Good things:
1)Good job not always being around her at the party. This is really hard to do, especially if you have competition, but always the preferable route to being a sex-beggar.
2)Not being apologetic when faced with ultra-awkward convo before she left (even if you were wrong, more below)

Things that weren"t good and can be learned from (and become objectively mentally pathological neurotic ill):
1)She left the party. Nothin you can do. But immediately trying to hang out with her again after she drunkenly made out with youcanconvey that you"re desperate (get chance, missed chance, immediately seek another chance) or only looking to get laid, or both.

2)You didn"t say exactly how you phrased it, but "take you out to dinner" is a terrible terrible phrase. It has the connotation that you are trying to earn her company. "Let"s go to dinner" etc are better.

3)Don"t EVER reschedule a date, after a chick flakes on you, for the next day. Almost nothing on the planet conveys more desperation than this. This alone can get you friended. Double minus for flaking when it"s so close to the meet time that you"re currently getting ready. Make that bitch wait at least a few days, preferably a week. Only legit emergencies are exceptions, but even then, being available again the next day shows low social value.

4)YOUR GAME IS NEVER SAVED. Trying to kiss her right off the bat, especially when you only kissed once previously when she was drunk, makes her feel like a whore. This is both pragmatic advice (she won"t feel comfortable to progress physically if you make her feel dirty about it) and also general social advice (make other people feel good, not bad). It also makes her very suspicious of you.

5)You don"t have expectations. Ever. "What were you expecting, that we"d have sex?" "Haha..I don"t have any expectations. I just wanted to kiss you (smile). *add teasing her for being suspicious*"


I think ultimately it was the attempted kiss and then your dismissal of her when she refused that screwed you over. Even the attempted kiss could be salvaged if you said something like (5) and moved on as if nothing happened. She went over to your place and brought booze, 2 days after she drunkenly made out with you as the aggressor (right?), and all this you"ve seen coming for a while now. It seems like it was basically in the bag as long as you didn"t do anything catastrophic to fuck it up, which it seems you did. Her rejection of your kiss wasn"t friend-zoning. It was an "I"m-not-a-whore" declaration.

Oh well. Might be salvageable. Just the next time you see her, or whenever on fb or something, say something like "hey I didn"t mean to give you the wrong idea. I had no expectation other than just having a good time together, but your reaction was weird to me so I didn"t really know what to say." Brevity and vagueness are key.

Thanks for the story and putting the thread back on track

edit: Competition that is weak like Brod never hurts you, no matter what they say to try to sabotage you. They only hurt you when you react insecurely to them. On the other hand, when you act like their attempt to compete with you is entertaining and cute, it raises your social value and helps hugely.

Voyce said:

stuff

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Dude I have no idea wtf happened but she sounds a bit crazy.

Eomer said:

All went swimmingly, except I accidentally got pretty loaded. I had intended on taking it fairly easy, but shit happens.

....

When I drink my brain loses any ability to absorb new information or form memories, it"s kind of amusing for my friends but fairly inconvenient for me.

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I am dead serious when I say it must be shittons of fun being around you on a party.

Eomer said:

I"ll get her a puppy instead.

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Stellar idea bro.

In all seriousness, just ride it out and see where things go. Yeah so she sucked on you for a while but who"s going to complain.

Dabamf said:

I don"t understand Brod"s fb comment and what it means for you. Can you explain it ?

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Pretty sure it"s a Firefly quote. Malcom takes on the guy that treats Inara like a whore.

It"s actually pretty fucking clever.

Ronaan said:

I am dead serious when I say it must be shittons of fun being around you on a party.

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Totally depends on the person, and what mode I"m in. I"m a super chatty, happy drunk. Everyone"s my new best friend. Normally, anyways. But I"m also a pretty big smartass, so some people don"t take too kindly to me cracking wise at their expense.

Also, this is how awesome I was looking that night (we were doing karaoke, may as well dress like rockers or something I guess):

Dabamf said:

I don"t understand Brod"s fb comment and what it means for you. Can you explain it ?

Good things:
1)Good job not always being around her at the party. This is really hard to do, especially if you have competition, but always the preferable route to being a sex-beggar.
2)Not being apologetic when faced with ultra-awkward convo before she left (even if you were wrong, more below)

Things that weren"t good and can be learned from (and become objectively mentally pathological neurotic ill):
1)She left the party. Nothin you can do. But immediately trying to hang out with her again after she drunkenly made out with youcanconvey that you"re desperate (get chance, missed chance, immediately seek another chance) or only looking to get laid, or both.

2)You didn"t say exactly how you phrased it, but "take you out to dinner" is a terrible terrible phrase. It has the connotation that you are trying to earn her company. "Let"s go to dinner" etc are better.

3)Don"t EVER reschedule a date, after a chick flakes on you, for the next day. Almost nothing on the planet conveys more desperation than this. This alone can get you friended. Double minus for flaking when it"s so close to the meet time that you"re currently getting ready. Make that bitch wait at least a few days, preferably a week. Only legit emergencies are exceptions, but even then, being available again the next day shows low social value.

4)YOUR GAME IS NEVER SAVED. Trying to kiss her right off the bat, especially when you only kissed once previously when she was drunk, makes her feel like a whore. This is both pragmatic advice (she won"t feel comfortable to progress physically if you make her feel dirty about it) and also general social advice (make other people feel good, not bad). It also makes her very suspicious of you.

5)You don"t have expectations. Ever. "What were you expecting, that we"d have sex?" "Haha..I don"t have any expectations. I just wanted to kiss you (smile). *add teasing her for being suspicious*"


I think ultimately it was the attempted kiss and then your dismissal of her when she refused that screwed you over. Even the attempted kiss could be salvaged if you said something like (5) and moved on as if nothing happened. She went over to your place and brought booze, 2 days after she drunkenly made out with you as the aggressor (right?), and all this you"ve seen coming for a while now. It seems like it was basically in the bag as long as you didn"t do anything catastrophic to fuck it up, which it seems you did. Her rejection of your kiss wasn"t friend-zoning. It was an "I"m-not-a-whore" declaration.

Oh well. Might be salvageable. Just the next time you see her, or whenever on fb or something, say something like "hey I didn"t mean to give you the wrong idea. I had no expectation other than just having a good time together, but your reaction was weird to me so I didn"t really know what to say." Brevity and vagueness are key.

Thanks for the story and putting the thread back on track

edit: Competition that is weak like Brod never hurts you, no matter what they say to try to sabotage you. They only hurt you when you react insecurely to them. On the other hand, when you act like their attempt to compete with you is entertaining and cute, it raises your social value and helps hugely.

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2, she contacted me and set the date. I said "Let me take you out." As in "I am the man so I am going to take you out and spend money on you, so doll up your face real nice whore."

3, I totally agree it was on me for not punishing her for canceling, she threw me off by asking if I was mad, before I could determine what I was. I should have made her wait.

4, I am a 9, I turn shit to gold. She needs to get liquored up to get sexual? Fuck that, Not with me, I set the pace--I am the man.

5, I agree, I was looking for this answer but I hadn"t prepared for this scenario, your answer was better. I hadn"t expected sex in the first place, but at the time I had gotten stuck on an either/or routine. I would sooner eviscerate myself than allow myself to be friend zoned, so the only answer was "yes".


6. Yes Ancient is right, Brod was quoting firefly, never watched that show, but I googled it, fit the situation. He would be so lame.


7. Salvage? I doubt she could salvage the situation, there"s little she could say that I would waste my time listening...--oh you mean I could salvage the situation? See because for a moment I thought you meant her, since why the fuck would I spend another second on the whore, after she pulled that on me when I was all sweet and nice to her, see I was avoiding trying to call her a whore, but she let Brod poison her mind, she took his bull shit over me. She"s lucky if I ever acknowledge that she exists ever again.

Erronius said:

Eomer kind of reminds me of me, lol.

Debating whether I should out my own sad sack stories (really kind of boring overall atm though)

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Surprising considering you"re a blasian homotranny bro.

001001102 said:

Surprising considering you"re a blasian homotranny bro.

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No shit, ought to have slawed every gash on this side of the Atlantic with that combo.

Voyce I think you"re taking this "I"m a man" shit a little far. I mean, if you"re getting laid often and satisfied with how most things are going, stick to what works. But I can relate to your attitude, and my experience with it was quite bad. I was unmoved and uncaring by anything from a girl to the point where I"d come off as just a jerk.

I vividly remember this one girl 4 years ago who I was pretty into, and she was into me. We spent a lot of time together initially and had great chemistry. I knew right off the bat this chick could be something really good. Then one day she bailed on our plans with some bs excuse. I knew immediately something was up. So I stopped contacting her completely and didn"t send a single text or hello. I saw her at a party almost a week later and played it perfectly, friendly to her but not overly concerned with her. If she wanted to hang out again, she would have to stick her neck out and make the effort. Well late that night after getting home (and sober), she sends me this text "sorry I got freaked out because I like you a lot etc etc." My guess was that she lost that intrigue when I was around so often, and by pulling back she recognized that I"m not one of those clingy guys and quite willing to walk away when she acts like that.

Well, I think I handled the situation perfectly until that point, but in my "I"m a man, she can come crawling back to me if she wants to reconcile" attitude, I didn"t respond to her text, not just a day or 2, but ever, and when I saw her at work she was quite upset and wouldn"t look at me. I kept waiting for her to pursue.

But as I look back now, she already made the effort. It was my turn. Essentially I never extended my hand to accept her again, and it caused both of us a lot of pain emotionally even though we only knew each other a relatively short time. I learned a huge lesson from that. Allow people to be human and not be perfect, and be generous in your compassion for them. That doesn"t conflict with "being a man," but rather is an essential part of it.

Nope. I know my inherent worth, I know what I should have control over, and when to admit my wrong. I"m not wrong, if she can"t reciprocate without alcohol, I want nothing from her, she only got the whore business in her head from B-Rod, whose efforts were sabotage, she allowed her opinions of herself and how other people perceive her to influence how she treated me. That"s on her. I will not be the container of her misplaced self-depreciation, I am worth more than any chick that decides to play me wicked.