Girls who broke your heart thread

Kirun

Kirun

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Chris said:
Thanks for replies. Yeah the thing starts next week, it"s a german christmas market we have every year and runs for quite a few weeks.

I just moved back to home town/city after 3 years away so could do with more friends, I just need a reality check from normal people to back up the logical bit of my brain stop me obsessing about it and thinking there is more going on than actually is. I managed to do this for myself for 6 weeks but looks like I need to work more on this.
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If you want to actually go to the event, just go regardless of the fact that she"s basically cut off contact. You have to go there and have a good time regardless of the fact that she"s there. Don"t ignore her or anything, but definitely make sure she knows that her being there is more of a "coincidence" than anything.

If you don"t go, forget her. As a guy who has suffered from it quite often, don"t let yourself fall into the trap of "one-itis". Don"t let one girl become your focus. Move on. Meet other chicks, go to other events, etc. Nothing will make you forget a girl faster than a new girl.
 
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Awlbiste_sl

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Go to the event, because at the very least more social interaction is going to be good for you. If you see her there, say hello. Don"t stand around and give the impression that you"re waiting around for her to show up.
 
Chris

Chris

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Well it"s on for about 6 weeks so I won"t be standing there waiting lol

I"d have to arrange to meet.
 
Eomer

Eomer

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Kirun said:
This is the best part about your "friend zone" stories. 99% of the time you"re already in it, yet too blind to see it.
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Considering she did her best hoover impression on me after I"d repeatedly called her the (slightly) wrong name, I"m thinking that I"m not in the friend zone to start with. Safe bet, anyways.

Erronius said:
And if you spend time waiting for her and nothing happens, that isn"t her fault, that"s YOUR FAULT. Chick isn"t making herself available? Find one that does.
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Like I said, it"s not that she"s not making herself available or that I"m continually available, it"s that our availability doesn"t sync up much. She works five nights a week, and I generally have hockey 2-3 nights a week and other misc. stuff like concerts and other events. Plus ski season just started, so I"m generally not going to be around on weekends. She"s out of town this weekend, I"m out of town for sure the weekend after next and possibly part of next. I know this sounds like deja vu, but in this case, she IS making herself available, it just isn"t working out since between the two of us we might have 1-2 spare nights a week each, and they don"t sync up well.

She has next Thursday and Friday off, but I"m going to Metric on Thursday. On Friday she"s going out with her friends for someone else"s birthday party, and told me I"m more than welcome to come with (her suggestion, not mine). So I said maybe to that, as I may be heading to the mountains again next weekend, and suggested that she could head over to my place after work on Tuesday to just hang out and watch a movie. She gets off at 10pm-ish, which means Wednesday morning will suck for me (she doesn"t have class till 1pm), but hey. She said that should work for her, and we left it as somewhat of a gametime decision on Tuesday depending on how the day/week goes. I have a large tender deadline on Wednesday that I"ve asked to be extended, if it"s not I may have to cancel on my end as I"d possibly have to work late Tuesday and stupid early on Wednesday to get it done.
 
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Gauss_foh

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Eomer, do you ever worry you are missing the opportunity to take it further with girls because you are too busy? I creep on this thread from time to time, and your posts seem to always read to me as "I met this cool girl, I want to meet up again but she"s busy and I"m busy so oh well". Are you just not interested in a relationship?

I feel like you have to make some big moves sometimes to give these girls a chance. For example, to meet the girl that became my current gf, I had to rebook a flight, get a hotel, and miss a good friend"s birthday (he gave me permission :p), but I made the decision that I needed to see how it was going to play out so I made myself available for the possibility.
 
Kirun

Kirun

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Eomer said:
Considering she did her best hoover impression on me after I"d repeatedly called her the (slightly) wrong name, I"m thinking that I"m not in the friend zone to start with. Safe bet, anyways.
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Agreed. But wasn"t she trashed or was that just you?

Now, if you keep not being available, you"re going to end right back up in the friend zone or just not in any zone. Being busy and having things going on is great and makes you attractive to a chick. However, letting that continue for weeks at a time makes her think you have no interest and she moves on. If she hasn"t already. This additionally makes her feel the "Pssh! All guys are the same!" or "I"m such a whore!", since you suddenly became super unavailable right after she gave you a suckjob.
 
brekk

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There"s a fine line between being busy showing that you have a life (good) and being so busy that she"ll start questioning whether you have room in your life for her. (bad)
 
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Lusiphur_foh

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Gauss said:
Eomer, do you ever worry you are missing the opportunity to take it further with girls because you are too busy? I creep on this thread from time to time, and your posts seem to always read to me as "I met this cool girl, I want to meet up again but she"s busy and I"m busy so oh well". Are you just not interested in a relationship?

I feel like you have to make some big moves sometimes to give these girls a chance. For example, to meet the girl that became my current gf, I had to rebook a flight, get a hotel, and miss a good friend"s birthday (he gave me permission :p), but I made the decision that I needed to see how it was going to play out so I made myself available for the possibility.
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Bromer, this. So much this.
 
Eomer

Eomer

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Again, in this specific circumstance it"s not the fault of either of us, whether me being too busy or her not making time. We"ve got two tentative plans set up next week, one her coming by after work to watch a movie on Tuesday, the other going out with her friends on Friday.

When she had got her schedule from the restaurant, she asked if Thursday would work for grabbing dinner and drinks as I"d previously said that night was open, but by then I"d already agreed to go to the Metric concert with a lawyer friend of mine and his girlfriend, who will supposedly be bringing a colleague of his who recently moved from down East and is also single and attractive. Mainly I want to see Metric, but single, attractive, red-headed lawyer sounded good too.

As far as my life goes, I like things how they are, and I"m not looking to make any major changes in how I live it. The kind of girl I"m looking for is going to have a similar one as me, it"s just incredibly hit and miss to first come across one like that and second to make things work. In the meantime, it"s fun looking!

There"s nothing to worry about with this current girl. Just a matter of getting together for a first "real" date and seeing if there"s something there or not. There"s interest on both sides, and it"s obvious to both as well.
 
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Churchill_foh

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Eomer said:
As far as my life goes, I like things how they are, and I"m not looking to make any major changes in how I live it. The kind of girl I"m looking for is going to have a similar one as me, it"s just incredibly hit and miss to first come across one like that and second to make things work. In the meantime, it"s fun looking!

There"s nothing to worry about with this current girl. Just a matter of getting together for a first "real" date and seeing if there"s something there or not. There"s interest on both sides, and it"s obvious to both as well.
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If there"s interest on both sides and it"s tough to come across the kind of girl you like...why aren"t you making time for this girl you like? Don"t waste time on concerts with friends and "potential" red heads. You have something now and you should pursue it actively, not try to fit it around your schedule.
 
iannis

iannis

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Chris said:
Thanks for replies. Yeah the thing starts next week, it"s a german christmas market we have every year and runs for quite a few weeks.

I just moved back to home town/city after 3 years away so could do with more friends, I just need a reality check from normal people to back up the logical bit of my brain stop me obsessing about it and thinking there is more going on than actually is. I managed to do this for myself for 6 weeks but looks like I need to work more on this.
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The best advise, and i"m not trying to be a smartass at all, but it"s that old saw "If you have to ask then the answer is no".

Every now and then you have to ask and the answer turns out to be yes, but it"s chilling how often that little bit of folk wisdom is correct.

Sounds like a good time anway though. And you never know... sometimes chick friends get into this thing where they try to hook you up with their ugly friends. And that, my friend, is adventure.
 
Tarrant

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Eomer said:
I like things how they are, and I"m not looking to make any major changes in how I live it. The kind of girl I"m looking for is going to have a similar one as me.
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So you"re looking for someone who has no time for you and wants to spend as little time with you as you are willing to spend with them? (almost none)

No wonder you"re in the friends zone before you even speak 3 sentences with these women.
 
Big Phoenix

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I am with you on this one!! I LOVE going for a physical and I"ve had more than one doctor who has been very hands on and I"ve boned up for them. My current doctor has made me hard at almost every visit and I"ve blown a load maybe 3-4 times!! The best was a visit late in the day and his staff was gone. I got hard and remained that way for a while and he keeps telling me that I should not leave in that condition and to go ahead and take care of myself. When he walked out of the room, I decided to go for it. The door was not shut and maybe he saw (or heard), and the next thing you know he walks back in and places a box of tissues on the exam table while I was stroking myself!! I came pretty quickly after that, cleaned up and left.
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Eomer

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Tarrant said:
So you"re looking for someone who has no time for you and wants to spend as little time with you as you are willing to spend with them? (almost none)

No wonder you"re in the friends zone before you even speak 3 sentences with these women.
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No, I"m looking for someone happy in their own life with plenty of their own interests that isn"t just sitting around waiting to latch on to the next halfway decent thing that comes along.

And jesus, if anything getting friend zoned is the result of the exact opposite: being too available and coming across desperate or dependent.

The Ancient said:
I really enjoyed Metric in concert, no-brainer Eomer. Shoot for the moon with the red-head!
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Shit resolved itself. Redhead apparently likes country, and isn"t likely to go, so I"m bringing the one I met last week as her Thursday was still open and my bud was going to just sell the pair of extra tix if I didn"t go.
 
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