Girls who broke your heart thread

Heylel

Heylel

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Brad2770 said:
The more I think about having to go to a fucking shrink, the angrier I get because I really do think its a fucking waste.
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It"s not. I saw one when I was in college. I was having an absolutely miserable time not connecting to anyone and blamed myself for where I was. I had a shitty dorm roommate who sat around jerking off and playing DDR with a gamepad on his PC who I swear to god might have had genuine ass burgers. I had no access to my car, my old friends were an hour drive away, and I just generally hated life. So, I finally did some research, found out I could get school to provide free counseling and went. It ended up helping a lot. I spent two more years finishing my first degree at the same school, went back later for a master"s and I work there now.

In the intervening years, I"ve come to realize my father"s side of the family has severe problems with depression no one ever told me about, and I thought they were the sane ones. My uncle had been on meds for years, and I"ve recently come to find out my dad"s pretty much a lunatic as he"s melted down during his divorce from my mom. Stalking, erratic behavior, sleeping around, a suicide attempt... the works. It wasn"t just me, even though I had a hand to play in how I acted towards others that tended to make them stay at arm"s length. Beyond not knowing how to handle my shit, I had a genetic deficit working against me too. It"s not anyone"s fault, shit just happens.

I haven"t seen a shrink in years, but I"ve seriously thought about going back to get some help dealing with all the family drama I"ve had to undergo during the last year. It"s been a very, very hard year. Were I the man I was in college, I"d have imploded long ago. The only thing really stopping me is a full schedule, bills to pay, and a puppy I adore who gets all my spare attention.

Go see someone, and have an open mind when you do. Your mom probably never actually wanted it to help. Chances are she"s just like my dad: she wanted someone to make her feel justified, and when they get to the hard stuff she switched off.
 
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Dabamf_sl

shitlord
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Brad2770 said:
Youre asking me to have faith in something I havent seen work. Its not an excuse. I dont want someone to give me meds. I dont think I am sick. I dont want to change based on meds. And I am afraid a shrink will want me to take them.
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The only "faith" in this thread is YOUR faith that it WON"T work. All anyone is saying is TRY IT. And you are putting up so much of a fight against trying something once. My mistake, you have a sample size of 1. Honestly, I don"t think counseling will help you, because I don"t think you are interested in taking any steps to improve your life, I think you just want to feel better about how it is. And psychologists can"t help you with that. You know the changing a lightbulb joke, well it"s true. I think the real reason you are posting in this thread is for sympathy, not advice. That way you have someone to blame when you fail.

And anyway, you can decline meds. See a clinical psychologist, NOT a psychiatrist. Clinical psychologists (a)generally are not authorized to prescribe meds and (b) are trained more in actual counseling techniques.

But, you are right. Your mom isn"t magically cured from a major life trauma, and because she wasn"t cured, one person, the entire field is useless. If that isn"t a rationalization I don"t know what is.
 
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Foggy_foh

shitlord
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Dabamf said:
And anyway, you can decline meds. See a clinical psychologist, NOT a psychiatrist. Clinical psychologists (a)generally are not authorized to prescribe meds and (b) are trained more in actual counseling techniques.

But, you are right. Your mom isn"t magically cured from a major life trauma, and because she wasn"t cured, one person, the entire field is useless. If that isn"t a rationalization I don"t know what is.
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^This. A psychologist is usually a better starting point anyways, especially with your reservations about psychiatrists. Psychologists are typically very relaxed and you just talk, they are mainly a form of support but they are a trained professional instead of some random joe. If they think you need more serious help they will recommend a psychiatrist to you. And if you do go to a psychiatrist and they are practically writing you meds the moment you sit down just walk out, they don"t know what they are doing. Meds should be a last resort, not a quick fix.

And ya, sometimes people just, for whatever reason, aren"t capable of recovering from a traumatic event. Dealing with a mind is an inexact science, to say the least.
 
Brad2770

Brad2770

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To Dabamf:

I am not looking for someone to blame. I am man enough to admit my mistakes and did so almost 2 years ago when I posted about my marriage failing.
 
Ronaan

Ronaan

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I have no valuable input for your situation Brad, so I"ll just blabber on how it"s going with Annie.

Been 3 weeks and things are still good. We hang out a lot, she seems to be very into me, likes to cuddle a lot (works for me, hey I"m a leo, basically just a big cat, right?).

I also get more sex in any single night we spend together than I did in the 3 weeks with Stephin total.
Go to bed at ~11pm, sex. Wake up in the middle of the night (around 3.30 or so), sex. On weekends, wake up at 8 or 9 am, sex again.
I wonder how long my little soldier can take this... not complaining though.

She tells me she"s very happy, and so am I. Sticking to the advice of always staying 1 level below her with that sort of talk, works great so far.
 
Heylel

Heylel

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Good for you Ronaan. Another couple of weeks will probably push you into "talk" territory where she"s going to start asking questions about if this is really going to last, where it"s going, etc. 50/50 chance of a small fight.

I"m not being cynical, just be prepared. I"ve yet to meet a girl who was so laid back she didn"t try to press buttons now and again just to make sure that she can.
 
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Dabamf_sl

shitlord
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Heylel Teomim said:
Good for you Ronaan. Another couple of weeks will probably push you into "talk" territory where she"s going to start asking questions about if this is really going to last, where it"s going, etc. 50/50 chance of a small fight.

I"m not being cynical, just be prepared. I"ve yet to meet a girl who was so laid back she didn"t try to press buttons now and again just to make sure that she can.
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Maybe that"s why most of my short-term relationships have been short-term. Girl always seems to pull something stupid after a few weeks and I ignore her when she does it, then a few days later she pulls back big time.

Congrats ronaan, glad to see you got somethin good again. 1 step behind is a great guideline. I"m jealous of the sex. I haven"t slept with a girl I REALLY wanted to/liked a lot for years. I often think back to those nights going 3-4 rounds a night, and the legendary saturday that topped 7 and I thought my dick was gonna fall off. With every girl since it"s 1 round for weekly maintenance (so I don"t turn homicidal) then "how can I get her out of my apartment."
 
Ronaan

Ronaan

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Thanks guys

Yeah I"m still waiting for some bomb to drop, basically expecting anything, so I won"t be surprised... but maybe it"s because we both seem to take a "let"s just see where this goes" approach. Not sure. We"re both pretty relaxed about everything, both still doing our own stuff independent from each other, seems to work great so far.

On the other hand, her clock must be ticking quite audibly now at 33 years old. My mother had me at 37 though, and I like to think I turned out ok, so there"s still some time...

And I"m still wondering why she hasn"t been married + knocked up twice already... "never ran into the right man" just seems so... far-fetched... I don"t know.

Dabamf said:
I haven"t slept with a girl I REALLY wanted to/liked a lot for years.
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I have never slept with a woman that I didn"t likea lotexcept once, many years ago, and that once was total fail. Thought it might be nice to just bang the wrinkles out of my nutsack, but it was "meh". Never tried again. I have to like someone before I bang them.
If nobody like that comes along, I prefer my hand.
 
Tarrant

Tarrant

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Ex came over and stayed the night last night, we had dinner, took her son to the park and just relaxed. Had a nice time, nothing went beyond the friends barrier though so not much to report. I didn"t push anything and we just pretty much enjoyed the evening together.

Talked to our mutual friend just a little bit ago, my ex told her she loved doing everything with me, shes just scared of me reverting back to the way shit was and once that goes away she will explore the options open to her.

Well I"m not waiting around, I love her to death and if things work out with us, awesome.....but there"s not much I can do at this point other then continue along the path I"ve been on and still hope for the best. I"m seeing another girl who is pretty awesome and I"ll just be playing relationships in general by ear from now on....I still want to get my ex back....long term wise I still see myself with her but what are you gonna do you know?

I do have a new and pretty bad problem that has came out of no where.

I have this friend who was pissed as all hell when she found out about my break up and was pissed how my ex went about it. Apparently she swore a blood oath for revenge or some shit and this is what"s happened.

She tracked down the guy on myspace that my ex is "dating" (long distance). My ex tells me she really likes him, they are committed to each other in terms of not sleeping around (they haven"t slept together either) and my friend started talking to him and has been for about a week now so I found out late last night. Come to find out this guy denies he is with anyone else, has done so multiple times and has expressed interest in getting together with my friend. This guy even shares a WoW account with my ex and told my friend he plays wow on one of his buddies accounts and refereed to his buddy as a "him". He will not even come anywhere close in admitting he"s with anyone.....and I"ve heard them talk on the phone, it"s not just "hey we"re friends" convos.

So my friend is going to continue she said and once it gets to the point where she"s got enough out of him said she is sending all their convos to my ex, telling her to fuck off and she should have realized how good she had it with me and to get her head out of the fucking clouds as she put it.

I don"t know what the fuck to do, obviously this dude is an idiot who is only thinking with his cock, my ex doesn"t deserve that...but part of me wants her to see this shit....the other part doesn"t in fear it will kill any chances we have later. I"m trying to convince her to back the fuck off but she"s lost it and flat out stopped talking to me last night when I told her to back the hell off and leave the situation alone.

The situation went from calm, cool, collected and in control to an episode of fucking Jerry Springer...or at least has the potential to. Fuck.
 
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Foggy_foh

shitlord
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Since your friend won"t stop your best move is probably to go to your ex and tell her what is going on. Personally, I would go about it in more of a "my friend is doing some ridiculous things behind your back that I cannot stop" way than a "your new guy is a dick" way. The point of the new guy being in it for his dick and not love will still get across. If you wait for your friend to send all this to your ex and she gets pissed there is no way you can plead ignorance, she will probably not buy it. Or, you can try your luck!
 
Tarrant

Tarrant

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Yeah I dunno, I"m just kinda freaking out about it all in general because depending on which way it goes....it could wipe out a lot of hard work on my part. My friend has just lost it though, she wont answer my calls even at the moment, could be because I called her a psycho..(for me any name calling is pretty uncommon so when i do do it friends know I"m pretty upset).

Either way I approach it I feel like I"m screwed...I tell her, I don"t tell her...the only way I think I can avoid it is to get my friend to back the hell off.

Still....ex deserves to know the truth....so as I said before.....fuck.
 
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Dabamf_sl

shitlord
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Really, tarrant, I"m starting to think if you don"t do something soon you are fucked. The "feeling" of fear that you will revert is not "going away." What event will make it go away? Because the same shit you are doing isn"t eliminating it. You are gonna come to resent her, and she is gonna get bored, I guaranfuckingtee it. You"ve demonstrated for a long enough time that at least you are not completely full of shit, so at some point she"s gonna have to suck it up and take the chance. It"s not like once she drops the guard you guys are getting married or something.

She"s committed to this other guy? She"s cheating on him every time she"s with you given the context of your relationship. Sleeping with you or not.
 
Tarrant

Tarrant

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There"s not a lot I can do, if and when she is ready she will make it apparent I know that. I"m not going to lie, she"s a bit messed up in the head with her meds she is on for her depression and I think she"s at a point where she"s not sure about ANYTHING in her life much less "us".

Do I mind? no, we all go through that point at some stage, this is hers. Do I love her? Fuck yes. Will I wait around? No....I can"t, nor will I ever come crawling back, we get back together on even ground or we don"t at all....and I mean that 100%.

It"s been 5 weeks since our breakup, I"m not worried about "making the move soon" because it"s still kinda fresh and she"s had a lot of past relationships where guys turned into retarded like me, it"s natural for her to be uneasy about things, more so now that she has a son to worry about too. If we do get back together, there"s no trick or quick fix to getting there quicker then before it will happen naturally. I"ll just keep doing what i"m doing and move on with my life until that day comes, assuming if it does at all.

I sound like I"m kinda blowing it all off and I"m not, I love her like nothing else....but....I can"t do much other then what I"m doing now, I"m confident it"s working slowly but surly so I"ll stay the course for now.
 
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Tenks

Bronze Knight of the Realm
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Tarrant I just had to call it off with with only girl I feel I experienced true love with because our at-the-core chemistry is just off. Get the fuck over it. It"s one god damned girl in a sea of them. She is toying with you because you give her attention but once a girl makes up their mind not to like youthey stick with it. It"s becoming painful how much you are giving and giving and giving and you are getting ZERO from this chick. There are others and there are great girls out there who you will be far more compatible with. Stop being addicted to being in a relationship and learn to love yourself instead of leaning on her so much.


Update from Tenksland I guess. Redid my POF yesterday. This one girl messaged me who is actually very good looking and our emails are fun and seamless. This other girl is really, very, very nice but I"m not 100% sure if she"d be my type physically. I don"t think she"s fat from looking at her face (there is a to-the-front picture) but it"s hard to tell. There is this other girl like 40 minutes away who is just kind of annoying to talk to also. Then some "girl" who looked like a fucking lumberjack messaged me.
 
Tarrant

Tarrant

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You must have missed my last post about my getting past things and moving on and seeing someone else? yea.....that said I do still love her, that isn"t going away anytime soon, and I don"t give her anything, when we hang out, we just hang out, that"s it. I"m getting zero from her and she"s getting the same from me, if something happens it does, if it doesn"t it doesn"t. -shrugs-

I do like myself, very much fyi, not where where I ever came off as I didn"t.
 
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