Girls who broke your heart thread

While still on the "not being a dick" theme but also realizing that this can be taken the wrong way, I"d personally want to be providing some sort of financial support to my son. I"m not saying Brad isn"t because he"s not giving the mother cash, he may well buy him clothes and that kind of thing. I"m just making a general comment, not really directed at you big guy. Besides, the big expenses kick in when kids start playing sports, going on school trips, eating $200 in food a week and growing an inch a month. I"d want to ensure my kid is getting to do things that they want to.

On the other hand with divorces you can end up with wars over who"s throwing the most money most noticeably at the kid (Walker and Texas Ranger: YAY TWO CHRISTMASES). And again jumping back to my buddy, a couple months after he"d come to an agreement with his baby momma (and to be clear she didn"t approach him for anything, he suggested they meet someone neutral with knowledge of such arrangements to ensure everyone was getting a fair, appropriate arrangement), he visited them and saw there was a brand new LCD and Wii. Now, he doesn"t think that she took the money directly from him and bought that shit the next day, but regardless that would annoy the shit out of me.

Out of curiosity, asking anyone with actual experience or knowledge, is there any mechanism in support agreements that would ensure that support payments are going towards a child and/or an ability on the person paying to ask for some sort of accounting of it? Or is there really no obligation legally for the mother to spend X dollars on the kid and/or living expenses?

We already have a support system in place. We have not really had problems with money involving him. It was when i stopped paying her bills that we had issues. Anyways, I have a checking account that she has a debit card to. I deposit money into it, she buys him things. If there are charges that I disagree with, I discuss it with her, though we havent had any issues. Mostly its clothes and medical bills she buys with that. And food, like if she takes him out to eat, she will buy just his food with the card.

Our "child support system" seems to work.

Tarrant220 said:

None what so ever, that"s probably the single thing that burns me most is because my ex wife spends my child support on booze and going out to eat, meanwhile my son doesn"t own a single pair of jeans outside of the pairs he has at my house to wear when he comes to visit.

I"ve taken proof of this to the friend of the court, a judge told me since in all likelihood she would be going out anyways my child support helps support my kids on to of the lifestyle my exwife chooses to live.

Our system is pretty fucked up.

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that"s fucked up and would annoy the shit out of me. The argument of the judge seems quite stupid. On the other hand, Brads solution seems to be pretty damn good if you ask me.

Eomer said:

Out of curiosity, asking anyone with actual experience or knowledge, is there any mechanism in support agreements that would ensure that support payments are going towards a child and/or an ability on the person paying to ask for some sort of accounting of it? Or is there really no obligation legally for the mother to spend X dollars on the kid and/or living expenses?

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In California, a long time ago the courts backed out of micromanaging how child support is spent. Since a child here is entitled to live at a level commensurate with his parents, that means you can have absolutely enormous child support awards (think $30,000.00 + month for an idea of what I mean by enormous), even though everyone in the same hemisphere knows that no child costs that much to raise.

To Brad: It occurred to me that Mrs. Ex Brad may peruse this site. Might want to keep that in mind going forward. And I wish you lived in California so I could give you some specific advice to your situation. I am working on a project right now that is targeted specifically for people like you, but it is only good in California. I will say that your divorce attorney"s attitude toward custody litigation is the most telling of all: he"s burned out, plain and simple. This profession can do that in a quick way. Hell, I know a TON of attorneys who cringe at the mere thought of practicing family law. As a consequence, you often run into two types of family law attorneys: 1) those who love what they are doing, take care not to "win" a case at the cost of a child"s life, and stay on top of new cases and emerging trends, and 2) those who truly despise family law and only take on such cases because it provides a relatively steady stream of income between their big criminal and/or civil cases. You can imagine which of the two, on average, does better for their clients and the families involved.

Brad2770 said:

We already have a support system in place. We have not really had problems with money involving him. It was when i stopped paying her bills that we had issues. Anyways, I have a checking account that she has a debit card to. I deposit money into it, she buys him things. If there are charges that I disagree with, I discuss it with her, though we havent had any issues. Mostly its clothes and medical bills she buys with that. And food, like if she takes him out to eat, she will buy just his food with the card.

Our "child support system" seems to work.

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I don"t know if you"re doing this already, but if not it might not be a bad idea to keep a record of the charges just in case they"re needed down the line.

brekk said:

Keep VERY GOOD documentation of that whole system. Just in case she ever goes the "he doesn"t pay child support" route.

Just to cover your own ass. But I"ll definitely give you kudos for coming up with that system, quite superior to the standard child support system.

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Again, not being a dick, but I don"t know how it"s "quite superior" to just having a written agreement with regular payments and a visitation schedule/terms. Unless money is the deciding factor and the only goal is to pay as little as possible for as much access as possible. At least with an agreement both sides have some consistency, and there"s accountability in terms of one side or the other reneging on the agreement. And considering the emotions involved when things do go sideways, at least there"s the agreement to fall back on. Without it, shit can get ugly fast.

Like for example, using visits with the son as leverage to have bills paid.

Cad said:

FYI in most jurisdictions in TX, if you"re not paying child support through the Child Disbursement Unit in San Antonio, it doesn"t count for anything. Informal arrangements (especially semi-controlling ones such as the arrangement you have with your ex) wouldn"t be persuasive.

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This.

Cad said:

FYI in most jurisdictions in TX, if you"re not paying child support through the Child Disbursement Unit in San Antonio, it doesn"t count for anything. Informal arrangements (especially semi-controlling ones such as the arrangement you have with your ex) wouldn"t be persuasive.

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GODDAMMIT CAD.

Did you really have to point that out? We were all waiting for his "no guys, I got this" shit to trainwreck like it always does.

Oh and Brad - I"m not going to repeat myself. Half the people on here that were either neutral or calling me a bitch a year or w/e ago are the same people here telling you to pull your head out of your ass.

So....does that make them sheep or is it *slightly* possible that you just maybe might be doing it wrong?

Oh right. Neither. Because you"re the victim in your own specially tragic fucked up situation.

and ps - my very first sig! thanks

Etoille said:

GODDAMMIT CAD.

Did you really have to point that out? We were all waiting for his "no guys, I got this" shit to trainwreck like it always does.

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The only thing that "trainwrecks" are the cars behind you when you take your "I Brake for Buffets" bumper sticker literally.

I am actually starting to enjoy you. I like the fact that i can ruffle your feathers so much with my everyday life, that you rage on it and hope bad things for me.

I <3 You

Tarrant220 said:

Brad...get a F"ing lawyer, or talk to one for Gods sake, you"re only setting yourself up for disaster...all of which I"ve been through personally, save yourself while you can.

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I did talk to one. Look a page back (maybe two). He basically said I had a good thing. But i can surely call another one tomorrow for a second opinion.

Tarrant220 said:

I"d like to point out I was the first to point out the child support having to go through the payment centers for it to matter. I never get any credit, F you all.

Brad...get a F"ing lawyer, or talk to one for Gods sake, you"re only setting yourself up for disaster...all of which I"ve been through personally, save yourself while you can.

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my browsing time went down by like 99% and my new employer has FOH blocked entirely (old employer just had screenshots blocked).

so i didn"t read all just skimmed . i apologize and will endeavor to acheive correct attribution in the future.

Tarrant220 said:

Your lawyer was retarded then, she CAN go back and nail you for back child support should she ever file and choose to peruse it, which she undoubtedly will I"m sure.

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She already knows she can. My divorce attorney never said she couldn"t. He basically said o have a good thing now and I should be happy. He finished it up by asking if I wanted to pursue what I wanted and I told him I didn"t know.

Wow! Thanks for starting this thread aychamo_aycono A++ would read again!