Because some people misinterpret being an alpha male with being a complete dickkollos said:
Girls who broke your heart thread
- Thread starter Aychamo BanBan
- Start date
Seananigans
Honorary Shit-PhD
- 12,176
- 29,749
Or some people misunderstand a suggestion and automatically assume you"re supposed to be a dick about carrying out a plan of action. I never said you need to be a dick, I said you need to do what you say you"re going to do. But it seems like most of you are content to say you are going to leave at 7:00 to be on time, and then suck it up when girly insists on taking until 7:43 to get ready while you sit on the couch watching football or two and a half men or whatever the fuck you watch, and then ask her if you can leave yet. So, great!
You"re aware no one in their right mind would think this as alpha behavior. They would perceive this as being a complete and utter tool. Sorry you"re not being a man, you"re being a bitchy fuck. When the girl eventually tells her friends what you did do you honestly think they"ll go "Ohhhh girl you better keep that one you got a real man on your hands! Damn I wish my man would be so awesome as to leave me at my house while I was finishing my hair. Ooooohhhh girl he"s a winner." or "That dude"s a dick. Dump him."
Seananigans
Honorary Shit-PhD
- 12,176
- 29,749
I"ll go ahead and post this here in the off chance that any of you can get anything from it. In addition to a couple of great books, I"ve learned a lot from this blog:Married Man Sex Life
Just like this guy my natural tendencies used to be largely beta. For guys like that you have to train yourself to recognize when and how to turn on some alpha characteristics, to round out your profile. This bumping back on a shit test was taken directly from that blog, because I recognize 99% of what he says to basically be a majority truth. Most of what he talks about has to do with how women are hard-wired to react to men and men"s actions.
In the case of the "I"m going to dictate when we leave because I need to do my hair for 45 minutes" shit test, it is indeed a shit test, and continues to be such throughout the entire relationship until you bump back on it and remove it (or at least the majority of them). Women want to be led, they do not want to have to lead the relationship. When they do this sort of thing, they are showing that you are in fact not leading, you are following their lead by letting them dictate when you leave. Words alone, in a majority of the cases, will not work on this, because this whole thing is subconscious on the woman"s part. They are not actively seeking to fuck with you and make you late because they think its funny, they are subconsciously testing your ability to stand up to them and lead the relationship.
Anyhoo you can all call me a moron and say this is the worst advice ever, and maybe its because I didn"t type out enough of an explanation. But if any of you want to learn some cool shit, check out that blog. He seems to have a pretty damn good grasp on this sort of thing. I"ve learned a lot from it, and in fact I may have found the link to it in this thread awhile back, dunno.
Just like this guy my natural tendencies used to be largely beta. For guys like that you have to train yourself to recognize when and how to turn on some alpha characteristics, to round out your profile. This bumping back on a shit test was taken directly from that blog, because I recognize 99% of what he says to basically be a majority truth. Most of what he talks about has to do with how women are hard-wired to react to men and men"s actions.
In the case of the "I"m going to dictate when we leave because I need to do my hair for 45 minutes" shit test, it is indeed a shit test, and continues to be such throughout the entire relationship until you bump back on it and remove it (or at least the majority of them). Women want to be led, they do not want to have to lead the relationship. When they do this sort of thing, they are showing that you are in fact not leading, you are following their lead by letting them dictate when you leave. Words alone, in a majority of the cases, will not work on this, because this whole thing is subconscious on the woman"s part. They are not actively seeking to fuck with you and make you late because they think its funny, they are subconsciously testing your ability to stand up to them and lead the relationship.
Anyhoo you can all call me a moron and say this is the worst advice ever, and maybe its because I didn"t type out enough of an explanation. But if any of you want to learn some cool shit, check out that blog. He seems to have a pretty damn good grasp on this sort of thing. I"ve learned a lot from it, and in fact I may have found the link to it in this thread awhile back, dunno.
Seananigans
Honorary Shit-PhD
- 12,176
- 29,749
It"s actually the definition of alpha behavior. You are doing what you said you were going to do. The definition of beta behavior is folding and letting her fuck around for 40 minutes while you sit impotently waiting around for her. This bump-back is not the proper response for the first time offense, though. It"s a good response for a history of this behavior, which I took to be true for several of the posters above, given what they said regarding the subject.
Yeah you"re a dumb fuck plain and simple. You read something in a book and took it as gospel. If I read everything in books I"d think some dude was born from a virgin and went around healing people despite only being a level3 Wizard. I told my girlfriend I don"t appreciate showing up and her not being ready and now we leave on time. I didn"t go out of my way to be a chodelick. Sounds like the type of woman you"re trying to attract is a vapid mouthbreather. You can type out 25 pages of shit about how being a dick gains you "man points" but that only works for women who are looking for an emotionally abusive relationship. Sure, there are plenty who are. If you want a quality, rational and sane woman emotional abuse will only drive her away.
You"re trying way too hard to be an alpha male. Which any women will see through your bullshit and know it"s simply a facade for being a true beta. If you have to read manual about being an alpha chances are you aren"t one.
You"re trying way too hard to be an alpha male. Which any women will see through your bullshit and know it"s simply a facade for being a true beta. If you have to read manual about being an alpha chances are you aren"t one.
you are not completely wrong - i just think your suggestion isn"t the best response in this case, at all.
when a women shit tests you, you don"t have to man up and "be a dick" to show her you"re the boss. you need to be calm and in control of every situation she puts you in.
if you"re being an ass about it, start whining, are upset about it or whatever, you have failed the shit test.
when a women shit tests you, you don"t have to man up and "be a dick" to show her you"re the boss. you need to be calm and in control of every situation she puts you in.
if you"re being an ass about it, start whining, are upset about it or whatever, you have failed the shit test.
Shouldnt it be gamma via definitions?Mmmkeshek said:
Beside that: I think you are somewhat right. Just overdoing it.
Someone hit the key word: control. Almost every woman, at least the ones you non-submissive types want, wants a man who is at least in control of himself. If you appear to be acting on emotion you"re going to fail "tests" all day. As far as how to deal with specific incidents like a female who doesn"t get ready on time despite complete control of the circumstances? There"s no one right answer. Bottom line, though: if you want to effectively deal with it, your independence is going to have to manifest itself. You just need to find a mature way to have that happen.
Soygen
The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
- 28,326
- 43,170
When my women would take too long getting ready, I would wait until they are ready to walk out the door, then I say, "Hold on, I gotta" poop!". Then I go in the bathroom and play Tetris on my phone for twenty minutes. Maybe not Alpha Male. Lambda Lambda Lambda male.
Kuriin
Just a Nurse
- 4,046
- 1,020
Silence said:
Coming from a fag who knows interior design who"s partnered to an interior designer and all that shit, I gotta say, you are shit wrong bro.
1) I rarely see painted ceilings. You will paint walls, not ceilings. You can paint a wall cool or warm and still paint the ceiling white. IT WILL NOT AFFECT THE ROOM.
2) Wooden blinds were *NEVER* in, sweet cheeks. This is the masculine way of saying, "I don"t know shit. I think I"m going to put this in because I JUST DON"T KNOW.". Drapery has, and will ALWAYS be in style. Now, the *TYPE* of drapery is key. I personally haven"t seen her inside house.
3) Are you trying to keep a monochromatic theme going on here? Ivory, ivory, and more ivory? Did you know, most stylish houses often have the most different color? It"s the way you *use* it that makes it work.
4) I beg to differ on the woodhead board. This just matters to what the theme of the bedroom is.
5) Oak or lemon? Man, you *really* want it warm. I gotta say, I think darker bedrooms is more classier. BTW, I don"t think I"ve ever seen a footlocker at foot of the bed. Maybe it"s just me, but, EH...who knows?
6) I gotta agree with the socks. :b lmao.
On the topic of getting ready. He normally tells me to start getting ready and I get ready while he showers and finish up about 10 minutes after he gets out. Maybe try that? If she gets pissed that"s kind of weird (assuming you"re not being a raging prick about it). Just tell her the time to be somewhere is 45mins before you actually need to arrive if there"s a recurring problem with being anywhere on time. I like leaving early to allow time to get lost, get Starbucks, or whatever.
As far as this "shit test", what the fuck are you even talking about? Most of us put so much effort into getting ready in order to look good for our man. You"re absolutely insane if you think there"s some type of a game or test being carried out. Girls spend a lot of time getting ready to look good, not to see what kind of a tantrum you"re capable of throwing.
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
On the (late) topic of your girlfriend being bored of you, or bored of sex with you:
Based off of a little personal experience as well as a TON of stories shared by friends (and random strangers at the salon), this is my take on it.
Men seem to be relatively oblivious to their significant others" emotional needs, they have several different false ideas of what they THINK she needs which almost always involves them trying to psychoanalyze us (women) with the final verdict being we like assholes, so you (men) should be assholes.
The truth is, women need to be reassured that they are loved and needed. They need to be complimented once in a while and know you think they"re the most beautiful woman in the world (even though that"s a lie). Men don"t really need those things, more of a dumbed down version, so it doesn"t occur to them that we just might. Maybe they do need the same but have grown so used actually getting that type of attention, they"re unaware. I doubt men purposely withhold the things we crave, I think they"re completely blind about them, is all.
Women are usually the nurturers in the relationship. We think long and hard about what our men might need in order to feel loved, wanted, needed, secure... and we come up with all kinds of little ways to show them. That"s who we are. That"s what we do.
Men don"t do that. That"s unfortunately something that mindscrews us and makes us wonder why we aren"t thought of as much by them as they are by us. We start doing the math, calculating slip-ups. The times they forgot to compliment us, the times we say "I love you" compared to the times they do, the times THEY were "too tired" but were passive aggressive buttholes when we really were tired, the hair changes they didn"t notice, the love note stuck in their wallet never thanked for or even mentioned, a random call, email or text just to say hello, etc.
It"s very difficult to NOT take the little things that WE would do, see that men don"t do them, and assume there"s something wrong when there isn"t. We"re controlled primarily by emotions, where a lot of men are controlled by logic (sometimes skewed). Men are men, and therefore by nature, are sometimes inconsiderate, naive, and blind buttfaces.
Maybe the little card (or whatever small gesture) she got you just to say she loves you was gay, maybe you saw no point in a card when it"s nowhere near a holiday, etc.. However, try thinking about why you got it. Think about the fact she thought about you, missed you, loved you, so on, and wanted you to know.
When women feel overcome with emotions of the gushy variety, you know. That"s when a random hug finds you, a little note/card, whatever. When we love you, we want you to know. We find ways to make sure you know that you"re thought of and important. Now most of us aren"t so retarded that we"d think any man would do this (plus, it"s our thing) - but giving her a random hug, a small compliment, anything to SHOW her you love her too will go a long way.
If you forget to say "Thanks", she will start to think she"s taken for granted. If you always assume her changing clothes is an invitation for perverted remarks, you"ll make her feel like an object.
If you always want your way in bed, always expecting "porn sex" and never compromising or giving her "sweet sex", she will feel like it"s just fucking without emotion. If you used to do things and stopped once out of the honeymoon phase, she WILL get "bored", she will probably have a decline in trust. She will think about how you used to compliment her, take her out, cuddle, give her random hugs/kisses, etc. Then question if you"re looking at someone else the way you used to look at her.
Right about the time everything seems to be like you"re going though the motions, probably when you"re bitching to your buddies (or here) that she"s being distant, not putting out as much, letting herself go, etc.. is likely the time she feels unappreciated and unattractive to you. It is probably just you being forgetful or oblivious to her moods changing, but it"s the main reason my girlfriends complain. It"s when women start to question if you"re feeling trapped, want out, lost the love, are interested in someone else, etc.
It sounds silly, for sure. But if you"re in this position and you think about how you were and compare it to how you are now. If you add up the nice gestures she"s made compared to your own, her detachment might begin to make sense.
Women don"t exactly have too much control over hormones and emotions. We don"t want jerks, though. Don"t confuse confidence with being a dick. We like confidence, a little cockiness, and yes, a little bit of a soft side. There needs to be a balance. Don"t shower her with compliments or smother her in romance, that"s too much. Once every week or three make a nice gesture. And for fucks sake, if she calls you out on this do NOT overload her with stuff. For example, she says you never tell her she looks nice. Don"t wait until the next time she gets ready and unleash a flurry of compliments, it will seem fake - like you"re mocking her, or forced, like you"re not saying it because you mean it, you"re saying it to stay out of trouble.
This goes for women, too. We"re not without faults (we have lots!). There"s a chick on a board my friend and I frequent who said her boyfriend just informed her they have no sexual chemistry. Otherwise, they"re perfect. She could go without it, which is weird, but whatever. She takes the advice of a rookie to light candles and put on a silk nightie and call it done. Nope. She later posts he lost his erection 3 times during sex. Most of us told her, don"t do it just because he asked. Do it because you want to. Don"t think initiating sex is all you have to do, you have to enjoy it, otherwise he will know you"re treating it like a chore.
Another scenario; this girl gets much less attention, rare compliments, he seems detached during sex, etc. She thinks he"s cheating. She asks, he says sex is basically boring and he wants to try new things. She"s beyond eager to "fix" things but can"t help but feel sad that a lack of more risky bedroom behavior will result in feeling nearly un-loved. She"s enthusiastic to keep trying although there"s still some awkward distant feeling lingering about.
Those are two similar stores but with each girl taking a different approach, however, the results aren"t too far off. Men almost always seem to be emotionally detached and not willing to share their emotions, but have no problem voicing concerns regarding sex. This is how/why women end up feeling like fixtures in the relationship rather than actual partners.
Maybe knowing some of these stories and how women approach these situations, how they think and feel when you act certain ways, etc. might help some of you. Maybe not! We think differently from you guys, but we"re not too different. We SHOW emotions, emotions you clearly have, too. You just don"t have the hormones we do that prevent us from keeping those emotions in check.
As far as this "shit test", what the fuck are you even talking about? Most of us put so much effort into getting ready in order to look good for our man. You"re absolutely insane if you think there"s some type of a game or test being carried out. Girls spend a lot of time getting ready to look good, not to see what kind of a tantrum you"re capable of throwing.
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
On the (late) topic of your girlfriend being bored of you, or bored of sex with you:
Based off of a little personal experience as well as a TON of stories shared by friends (and random strangers at the salon), this is my take on it.
Men seem to be relatively oblivious to their significant others" emotional needs, they have several different false ideas of what they THINK she needs which almost always involves them trying to psychoanalyze us (women) with the final verdict being we like assholes, so you (men) should be assholes.
The truth is, women need to be reassured that they are loved and needed. They need to be complimented once in a while and know you think they"re the most beautiful woman in the world (even though that"s a lie). Men don"t really need those things, more of a dumbed down version, so it doesn"t occur to them that we just might. Maybe they do need the same but have grown so used actually getting that type of attention, they"re unaware. I doubt men purposely withhold the things we crave, I think they"re completely blind about them, is all.
Women are usually the nurturers in the relationship. We think long and hard about what our men might need in order to feel loved, wanted, needed, secure... and we come up with all kinds of little ways to show them. That"s who we are. That"s what we do.
Men don"t do that. That"s unfortunately something that mindscrews us and makes us wonder why we aren"t thought of as much by them as they are by us. We start doing the math, calculating slip-ups. The times they forgot to compliment us, the times we say "I love you" compared to the times they do, the times THEY were "too tired" but were passive aggressive buttholes when we really were tired, the hair changes they didn"t notice, the love note stuck in their wallet never thanked for or even mentioned, a random call, email or text just to say hello, etc.
It"s very difficult to NOT take the little things that WE would do, see that men don"t do them, and assume there"s something wrong when there isn"t. We"re controlled primarily by emotions, where a lot of men are controlled by logic (sometimes skewed). Men are men, and therefore by nature, are sometimes inconsiderate, naive, and blind buttfaces.
Maybe the little card (or whatever small gesture) she got you just to say she loves you was gay, maybe you saw no point in a card when it"s nowhere near a holiday, etc.. However, try thinking about why you got it. Think about the fact she thought about you, missed you, loved you, so on, and wanted you to know.
When women feel overcome with emotions of the gushy variety, you know. That"s when a random hug finds you, a little note/card, whatever. When we love you, we want you to know. We find ways to make sure you know that you"re thought of and important. Now most of us aren"t so retarded that we"d think any man would do this (plus, it"s our thing) - but giving her a random hug, a small compliment, anything to SHOW her you love her too will go a long way.
If you forget to say "Thanks", she will start to think she"s taken for granted. If you always assume her changing clothes is an invitation for perverted remarks, you"ll make her feel like an object.
If you always want your way in bed, always expecting "porn sex" and never compromising or giving her "sweet sex", she will feel like it"s just fucking without emotion. If you used to do things and stopped once out of the honeymoon phase, she WILL get "bored", she will probably have a decline in trust. She will think about how you used to compliment her, take her out, cuddle, give her random hugs/kisses, etc. Then question if you"re looking at someone else the way you used to look at her.
Right about the time everything seems to be like you"re going though the motions, probably when you"re bitching to your buddies (or here) that she"s being distant, not putting out as much, letting herself go, etc.. is likely the time she feels unappreciated and unattractive to you. It is probably just you being forgetful or oblivious to her moods changing, but it"s the main reason my girlfriends complain. It"s when women start to question if you"re feeling trapped, want out, lost the love, are interested in someone else, etc.
It sounds silly, for sure. But if you"re in this position and you think about how you were and compare it to how you are now. If you add up the nice gestures she"s made compared to your own, her detachment might begin to make sense.
Women don"t exactly have too much control over hormones and emotions. We don"t want jerks, though. Don"t confuse confidence with being a dick. We like confidence, a little cockiness, and yes, a little bit of a soft side. There needs to be a balance. Don"t shower her with compliments or smother her in romance, that"s too much. Once every week or three make a nice gesture. And for fucks sake, if she calls you out on this do NOT overload her with stuff. For example, she says you never tell her she looks nice. Don"t wait until the next time she gets ready and unleash a flurry of compliments, it will seem fake - like you"re mocking her, or forced, like you"re not saying it because you mean it, you"re saying it to stay out of trouble.
This goes for women, too. We"re not without faults (we have lots!). There"s a chick on a board my friend and I frequent who said her boyfriend just informed her they have no sexual chemistry. Otherwise, they"re perfect. She could go without it, which is weird, but whatever. She takes the advice of a rookie to light candles and put on a silk nightie and call it done. Nope. She later posts he lost his erection 3 times during sex. Most of us told her, don"t do it just because he asked. Do it because you want to. Don"t think initiating sex is all you have to do, you have to enjoy it, otherwise he will know you"re treating it like a chore.
Another scenario; this girl gets much less attention, rare compliments, he seems detached during sex, etc. She thinks he"s cheating. She asks, he says sex is basically boring and he wants to try new things. She"s beyond eager to "fix" things but can"t help but feel sad that a lack of more risky bedroom behavior will result in feeling nearly un-loved. She"s enthusiastic to keep trying although there"s still some awkward distant feeling lingering about.
Those are two similar stores but with each girl taking a different approach, however, the results aren"t too far off. Men almost always seem to be emotionally detached and not willing to share their emotions, but have no problem voicing concerns regarding sex. This is how/why women end up feeling like fixtures in the relationship rather than actual partners.
Maybe knowing some of these stories and how women approach these situations, how they think and feel when you act certain ways, etc. might help some of you. Maybe not! We think differently from you guys, but we"re not too different. We SHOW emotions, emotions you clearly have, too. You just don"t have the hormones we do that prevent us from keeping those emotions in check.
Ravvenn, I would + you more if I could. Thanks for the insight. I think I"m going to go out today and do something special for the lady.