Girls who broke your heart thread

Erronius is straight up dropping knowledge on you fools. Most of his advice comes from experience, not lecture though so I wouldn"t expect anyone to learn from it. But if you want to be an adult man, you should.

You have to remember the attraction pie chart when considering this. There are significant portions of this which have everything to do with personal perspective. Money/power is the biggest one on the author"s pie chart, and that is the most subject to perspective, believe it or not.

For example: to some females, a man who is competitive at M:tG tournaments or is an officer in a competitive raiding guild has power. Another woman might see that same man and either disregard his gaming prowess or actually associate that with inverse power. Take the same two and show them a competitive athlete, and they might have opposite reactions. These are perspectives that can change over time.

On physical attraction, the second-largest slice, this also can change. Some of this has to do with associations, and some just experience. Let"s say a female is into really skinny dudes for whatever reason but after a while and some varied experience finds that skinny dudes are just not as comfortable in bed. So that slides down her attractiveness chart and she starts being more into types who are more massive because they are comfortable to cuddle with or fuck. Or you can be really into tattoos, until you date some tattoo"d up guy who is a total douchebag, and now you associate tattoos with that guy (really broad example), and aren"t really attracted to tattoo"d men any more.

Perspectives on novelty and competition can also change over time. What may be novel at one point gets old and tired. What may look like a man you have to compete over at one point becomes a game you recognize.

Bottom line is, all of the metrics of attraction are changeable over time.

PS: this discussion of "alpha males" brings to mind a certain 4chan comic and a misperception of what an "alpha male" actually is. If you mean "asshole" when you say "alpha male," then you are correct: women don"t make assholes friends. Don"t let your life be defined by how women react to you, though. That"s not an "alpha male" by any reasonable metric.

kollos said:

thats just not true, a woman will only chase a man for so long until she eventually gives up and targets other alpha males.
from the male perspective: even if you"re the hot shit alpha male and every woman is naturally attracted to you, there is a window of opportunity where you have to make your move. and when it closes, you"re a friend - for now.

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He"s still on the fuck list, you are saying exactly nothing.

TheCutlery said:

I"m really glad we had this discussion guys, and I gotta thank Lithose for being as determined as he was about this subject. This conversation is gonna people, I"ve got a pretty good feeling about this.

Alpha males? My wife"s "gay" friend changes completely when he"s around me. Obviously, I don"t know any different, I just know how he is around me, but apparently when he"s not with me he"s loud and obnoxious and an overall center of attention kind of guy. My wife has noticed and called him on it not too long ago and he said something to the effect of "G just intimidates me, I dunno wtf it is about it. He shouldn"t..I dunno why he does, but he just does."

Starting referring to him as the beta male a few months ago and my wife gets a chuckle out of it every time.

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I think the concept of a gay alpha male would make my head explode.

Overall, the problem with many of these theories (ladders, friend zone, whatever) is that they oversimplify. Sometimes odd things just happen. Sometimes Molly Ringwald realizes she loves Ducky... there"s your Pretty In Pink reference.

Snugglebear said:

I think the concept of a gay alpha male would make my head explode.

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Thanks for letting us know you don"t know anything about gay people.

Phoenix said:

You mean douche bags right?

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If you are going after the same girl, and losing, then yea. The alpha male will appear as a douche to you.

Getting pwned is never enjoyable.


Re: gay alpha male. Go look up Omar from The Wire. Alpha-as-fuck.

Snugglebear said:

I think the concept of a gay alpha male would make my head explode.

Overall, the problem with many of these theories (ladders, friend zone, whatever) is that they oversimplify. Sometimes odd things just happen. Sometimes Molly Ringwald realizes she loves Ducky... there"s your Pretty In Pink reference.

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Why? Are you just being silly or do you not know many gay people? They"re not all feminine, and Alphas exist for women, too, btw. Actually, Alphas exist for all sexes and sexual preferences. One of my gays can turn into a bro with the flip of a switch when he feels threatened by a homophobe, so its not like they"re "stuck" flamboyant or something. I personally only know two twinks, and I don"t particularly care for either. The others are extremely attractive, well spoken, and the type of gays where it tricks female gaydar. They"re not running around tweaking their nipples and dry humping pink clothes.

In many situations, women flock to those gay men over the confident / arrogant straight men. Like it or not, they"re Alpha males. The saying, "Why are all the best guys gay" isn"t a myth. ;p If you guys could make yourselves desirable and stop thinking it involves being a dickhead, you"d likely a our the scary friend zone.

If I were gay, I"d rock Kuriin"s world.

Well this has been pretty dead the last few days.

I need a female to comment on this:



And the following post, containing:

Women will show each other their vaginas and their tits every time they see each other.

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Thanks.

This is long.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:Been contemplating posting here for a while now because I feel like I"d have to constantly explain myself, but here goes.

Christmas day, my girl tells me she spent the past couple of days with her ex who lives 2 hours away. I didn"t have to ask her what went down, I"m not stupid. We"ve been on again off again for about 4 years now and a kid is involved. Her daughter is going to be 3 in March.

The first time we dated, it lasted 6 months and we broke up because I wasn"t in love and feeling the same as her. Three weeks later she gets prego on the rebound with a low-life. He is in prison now, but she didn"t kick his ass to the curb until about 7 months into her pregnancy. Needless to say, I remained close friends with her. We ended up sleeping together about 3 months after the baby was born. For the next couple of years I kind of strung her along and told her to date other people. Eventually she did. However, before getting into the relationship I"m about to speak on she was still coming over to my house and bringing her daughter with her. I admit I was distant to her, but I always gave her daughter a lot of attention.

Back then and even when we dated, I thought she was the perfect girl for me but just at the wrong time. I was in school. Like a dumbass I picked a private college and was oblivious to the fact my student loans would stack up like a motherfucker. When I realized how much money this was going to be and I was planning to be a teacher I kind of freaked. I also started drinking very heavily during this time and hooking up with chicks I can"t remember hooking up with to this day.

Around the same time this was going on she was getting involved with a new guy (the one mentioned above). Well they dated for a year, but she kept coming over to see me and my family. Her and my mom formed a very strong friendship over this time. My mom loves babies and she"s always loved this girl even if she was my ex. It was tough for me to deal with, but I did.

Well, everything seemed to lead me suspect that she and this guy were only temporary. Hell, she"s fucking me every other weekend and bringing her daughter over here and allowing me to be like a father figure. For me to just call it fucking doesn"t really do it any justice. The two of us used to have a connection with each other whenever we did have sex thats just hard to explain.

Well this goes on for a year, her and her boyfriend end up break up and I start to spend more and more time with her and her daughter, as does my parents. Ever since her daughter has been able to speak, she has known my parents as Me-Ma and Pa-Pa. So for the past 7 or 8 months she has been much more involved in my life and families life than ever before.

Her ex ended up getting suspicious of her talking to me again seriously and hacked her facebook and went through her phone whenever they did see each other continuously. He even posed as her and tried to have a conversation with me once...having known her for almost 4 years now I know when I"m talking to her and when I"m talking to someone else.

Long story short, she stopped talking to him completely over this in the summer of this year (2010). After my brief stint at grad school, in September her and I ended up seeing each other 4-5 times a week and eventually dating. My mom and I started to babysit her daughter 3-4 times a week up until now. Somewhere along the lines she changed though. After talking to her so heavily the past couple of months she started to become more and more distant and she seemed more and more disengaged from our relationship.

I kind of saw it coming really. We went from having sex on the regular to once a week, to once every two weeks, to once a month. When she was down in Wilmington and cheating on me over Christmas, I sent her a text. Now I didn"t know exactly what she was doing those couple of days she was down there I didn"t talk to her because she said she forgot to take her phone charger to her parents and could only charge her phone in her car if she held the charger and phone in a certain way, but I told her, "you know i"m not stupid right". I knew she wasn"t at her parents. To which she replied, "why would you said that, i never said you were stupid" the next morning.

Anyways, she came over to my house on Christmas and acted like everything was cool...and it seemed to be that way until I heard her daughter say that she missed her ex. I tried to ignore it, but she repeated it like 6 times in a row. I didn"t call her out on it, just sat there and watched the Celtics vs. Magic game. I was obviously pissed off though. So she starts getting all of her daughters stuff together and her stuff and prepares to leave. Now we were supposed to spend most of the week together and she was supposed to stay the night but her leaving the way she did made me text her and ask her about what was going on. She denied anything was going on initially but ended up calling me back later crying saying, "i"m so sorry, i never meant to hurt you. you deserve so much better than me", yadda yadda yadda.

I gave her the opportunity the past couple of days to make amends and to not quit on everyone involved in the situation. After talking to her on the phone tonight though, it seems like she doesn"t want to be with me anymore and wants to be with her ex. There is still a lot of stuff I could add into this situation but this post is getting really long. I"ll just say that I don"t think very much of her ex, neither does her family or friends and I would be much happier for her if she chose to be with someone else that could make her and her daughter happy.

I"ve tried to be that guy and I told her tonight I can still be that guy. Obviously a lot of things would have to change for that to happen though.

It took me a long time to realize that love this girl as much as I do and its hard to face this kind of situation. It feels like I"m not good enough for her, even though I feel like I"m much better for her than what she is chosing. Its like she goes from a guy that never has betrayed her trust and gave her freedom to reverting back to an ex-boyfriend who doesn"t have a problem invading her privacy. That is hard for me. And for a kid to be involved that I love like my own makes it even more of a mess. I should have had a paternity test done from the get go I guess, but I thought I was always going to be with her and we"d be able to raise a family together. And this kind of spawned the idea of her daughter possibly having a different father never bothering before until now.

Just don"t really know what to do at this point.

You need to brush this whore ASAP. She is trash.

what are you afraid of? don"t you think you will be able to find a smarter, healthier, more loveable, more responsible, more beautiful girl than her?
based on what you said that shouldn"t be that hard. you won"t regret it.
remove her from her life, start over new with someone else and try to not make the same mistakes again. and she should probably do the same.

Sounds to me like you have an opportunity to dodge a massive bullet here. Cut all ties and move on.

This may just be the universe looking out for you. It has a way of doing that on occasion.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:A little over 2 months ago it did for me. I was devastated at losing a girl I thought was perfect. I was angry at a close friend for having encouraged her to date some other guy even though she knew I was in love with this woman. I was regretting opening myself up and falling in love.

Then I get a call one day and it turns out this girl was pretty much the clinical definition of a psychopath, moreso then woman usually are. Rather then wallowing in doubt, sadness and feeling betrayed I end up going to Blizzcon and having the time of my fucking life.

If there"s a divine mover, normally the bastard is out to get me. It was nice to feel like someone was watching out for me for a change. Granted my friends were a much bigger help as they had been saying all along I was too good for her anyways.

<3 Sutekh and your girlfriend. <3 so much.

Alright, slightly different question from most other ones. Been seeing a girl for a year now who is 8 years younger than me (30 and 22). We even had previous drama we toughed it out (that even made it into the thread). We moved into our own place in September, and I picked up an engagement ring last month (early, but financially it kind of fell in my lap) Things started going bad for us around Thanksgiving, and by December 6th she decided it was over and walked out on me. Then came back physically because she has no place to go.

Only problem is that she has no money, and I have always paid all our bills and I can"t quite figure out how to get her to leave (I was out of town the previous 2 weeks so it wasn"t a major issue). She makes $9 an hour in a job that she is tied to for school benefits and doesn"t have a second job (which she will need). She also carries a negative balance on her bank account usually.

Now I still love the girl, but it is obvious that right now in her life she doesn"t have room for me. Who knows what happens down the road. I"m not enough of an asshole to just put her shit on the curb, but anytime I try and bring up anything with her relationship/living arrangement wise she shuts down and refuses to talk. The living situation has come to a head because she has started casually seeing someone, and while she knows that they can"t walk into my place, it still bothers me to see her. I don"t hold it against her, I went out with a fantastic girl just last night. So how do I get her out? I"m not paying all the bills to sleep on the couch for the rest of our lease. Someone else on this board must have a similar experience.

I can"t continue to live with someone who emotionally shut down and walked out of our relationship without fighting for it. I am an emotional person and every time she walks through the door it fucks me up a bit. Not to mention the new girl I am seeing is everything she is not. Financially responsible, still young but has been a single mom for a couple years so that matured her up, has emotions she is willing to talk about, and it kind of royally pisses me off that I can"t bring my NY Eve date home with me because the old one is sleeping in our (technically her) bed. Can"t keep my life on hold because my ex doesn"t know how to save a dime.

larseny316 said:

Alright, slightly different question from most other ones. Been seeing a girl for a year now who is 8 years younger than me (30 and 22). We even had previous drama we toughed it out (that even made it into the thread). We moved into our own place in September, and I picked up an engagement ring last month (early, but financially it kind of fell in my lap) Things started going bad for us around Thanksgiving, and by December 6th she decided it was over and walked out on me. Then came back physically because she has no place to go.

Only problem is that she has no money, and I have always paid all our bills and I can"t quite figure out how to get her to leave (I was out of town the previous 2 weeks so it wasn"t a major issue). She makes $9 an hour in a job that she is tied to for school benefits and doesn"t have a second job (which she will need). She also carries a negative balance on her bank account usually.

Now I still love the girl, but it is obvious that right now in her life she doesn"t have room for me. Who knows what happens down the road. I"m not enough of an asshole to just put her shit on the curb, but anytime I try and bring up anything with her relationship/living arrangement wise she shuts down and refuses to talk. The living situation has come to a head because she has started casually seeing someone, and while she knows that they can"t walk into my place, it still bothers me to see her. I don"t hold it against her, I went out with a fantastic girl just last night. So how do I get her out? I"m not paying all the bills to sleep on the couch for the rest of our lease. Someone else on this board must have a similar experience.

I can"t continue to live with someone who emotionally shut down and walked out of our relationship without fighting for it. I am an emotional person and every time she walks through the door it fucks me up a bit.

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You pay all the bills right ? The lease is in your name ? You have 3 options ..

1) Take control of your own life and ask her to leave. Give her a week then change the locks. Put her stuff in a storage space you rented for a week and give her the key.
2) Move. Stop paying the lease.
3) Continue to let this woman control your life and living space.

If your purpose here is to make her re-consider you then I guarantee taking a harder line is the only thing that can possibly do that. Obviously I recommend option 1 because 2 and 3 are somewhat snivelling and cowardly but its your call.

STFU said:

Sorry, I was driving back home for the holidays, then busy with all the family stuff.

I had a moment of weakness when I got back, called her and set up a time when I could pick up the stuff that I had at her place. In all honesty though I just wanted to hear everything that she was telling me on the phone, face to face, because I was still having trouble believing it.

So I went over there and sure enough, she was able to recite everything that she"d been saying on the phone... and do so with a straight face. You"d think it would be really difficult hearing that someone no longer wants to be with you, doesn"t feel the same, etc... after so long and having put up with so much. And it was, but it has also helped me tostartto get over her.

I"m coming to the realization that she probably did me a big favor, because without something drastic happening, I don"t know if I would have ever been able to end it with her.

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It"s tough, man. Just realize if you start to miss her; you"re missing who you thought she was, not who she turned out to be. It happens a lot and the distinction between the two can save you a lot of grief down the road. I had a relapse 2 years after my first long-term broke up with me and it was because of this. You two had some good times, I"m sure, but what she did was vile. She pulled "the orangutan" (not letting go of one branch before having a firm grasp on another). It"s not an uncommon move among women and men alike.

Being away from her is a great advantage in moving on. Use it.

Zehn - Vhex said:

Sounds to me like you have an opportunity to dodge a massive bullet here. Cut all ties and move on.

This may just be the universe looking out for you. It has a way of doing that on occasion.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:A little over 2 months ago it did for me. I was devastated at losing a girl I thought was perfect. I was angry at a close friend for having encouraged her to date some other guy even though she knew I was in love with this woman. I was regretting opening myself up and falling in love.

Then I get a call one day and it turns out this girl was pretty much the clinical definition of a psychopath, moreso then woman usually are. Rather then wallowing in doubt, sadness and feeling betrayed I end up going to Blizzcon and having the time of my fucking life.




If there"s a divine mover, normally the bastard is out to get me. It was nice to feel like someone was watching out for me for a change. Granted my friends were a much bigger help as they had been saying all along I was too good for her anyways.

<3 Sutekh and your girlfriend. <3 so much.

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