Girls who broke your heart thread

Heylel

Heylel

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Ravvenn said:
It"s like secrets galore now. Given I"ve never been a 13 year old boy, I have no idea what changes he"s going through. I feel like a big failure when he lies to me.
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Not to be crass, but your kid is discovering his fiddly bits. Pretty soon a stiff breeze will give him a boner, and he"s going to be focused on alleviating said condition as frequently as possible. It tends to lead sons to avoid their mothers. You might also notice a pickup in his willingness to do his own laundry.
 
Hatorade

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Heylel Teomim said:
Not to be crass, but your kid is discovering his fiddly bits. Pretty soon a stiff breeze will give him a boner, and he"s going to be focused on alleviating said condition as frequently as possible. It tends to lead sons to avoid their mothers. You might also notice a pickup in his willingness to do his own laundry.
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Long showers here, tell him to avoid using soap or shaving cream haha.
 
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Schezanna_foh

shitlord
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Ravvenn said:
Mind if I ask how old she is? I"ve recently found myself struggling with my son. He turned 13 in November and he"s kind of a butthole. It"s like secrets galore now. Given I"ve never been a 13 year old boy, I have no idea what changes he"s going through. I feel like a big failure when he lies to me.
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I fought with my mom all the time at that age because we are very different people. She"s an obsessive compulsive neat freak and I was a lazy bum. I learned the true value of everything she did for me when I hit college and had to be responsible for cleaning my own clothes and making my own food. I apologized to her and thanked her for everything she did and we"ve been close ever since. I was always a bit closer to my dad, but we had arguments at that age too. 13 is when you think you know everything and others don"t know anything.
 
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Ravvenn_sl

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Heylel Teomim said:
Not to be crass, but your kid is discovering his fiddly bits. Pretty soon a stiff breeze will give him a boner, and he"s going to be focused on alleviating said condition as frequently as possible. It tends to lead sons to avoid their mothers. You might also notice a pickup in his willingness to do his own laundry.
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Sadly, this already happened. He previously had black sheets. I wish I could have seen my face when I ripped off his comforter and almost puked. I bought gray sheets and now he has to do his own laundry. It was gross.

Last week I found a condom wrapper. The man found it more amusing than I did. He was left alone for TWO HOURS and I come home to a condom wrapper in the middle of my bathroom floor (like he ripped it open and ran off with it, didn"t even hide the evidence). I was mortified. All the guys I ask seem to agree it"s normal, and most say when they first got their hands on one they played with them (wanking it and stuff). This kid is taking it to his grave, he will not admit to it being his.

Getting him to do his chores? Ugh, it"s like pulling teeth.

It"s rough being a mom sometimes.
 
Heylel

Heylel

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Boys will be boys and all that. I don"t know if it"s good or bad parenting, but I know I would *never* have wanted to own up to my mother about stealing a condom at that age. I"m a grown man, and I still wouldn"t leave condoms out where a visiting parent might see them.

It"s really normal for him to skulk about and hide shit from you out of simple embarrassment. Also, the sheets thing. He can"t help that. Nocturnal emissions happen with mortifying regularity.

Just keep him from wanking to german fisting porn and shitting dick nipples and consider yourself supermom.
 
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pablos_foh

shitlord
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Ravvenn said:
Sadly, this already happened. He previously had black sheets. I wish I could have seen my face when I ripped off his comforter and almost puked. I bought gray sheets and now he has to do his own laundry. It was gross.

Last week I found a condom wrapper. The man found it more amusing than I did. He was left alone for TWO HOURS and I come home to a condom wrapper in the middle of my bathroom floor (like he ripped it open and ran off with it, didn"t even hide the evidence). I was mortified. All the guys I ask seem to agree it"s normal, and most say when they first got their hands on one they played with them (wanking it and stuff). This kid is taking it to his grave, he will not admit to it being his.

Getting him to do his chores? Ugh, it"s like pulling teeth.

It"s rough being a mom sometimes.
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Not to be rude but are you a single mom? you said "the man" but I"m not sure what that means.

Also start doing something outside the house with him don"t ask him to do it just tell him "lets walk to the store and get an ice cream or something".

My mom used to do that with me and at first I only did it for the bribe but it ended up being a fountain of really found memories for us.
 
Hatorade

Hatorade

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Make a daily list of chores, when he does them reward as appropriate when he doesnt start taking shit away. Hated it when I go for something of mine and it now belongs to the didnotdochores monster.
 
Grumpus

Grumpus

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Ravvenn said:
Getting him to do his chores? Ugh, it"s like pulling teeth.

It"s rough being a mom sometimes.
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My mom never made me do chores. Which I loved at the time. It was easier for her to do them because she didn"t have to argue with her children and the chores wouldn"t be done poorly due to our lack of interest.

Unfortunately now as an adult I find it hard to get up and do things around the house myself. Not having the pattern forced on me as a child on a regular basis (although saving many arguments) has made house work a chore now instead of a routine.

Yes i"m sure being a mom can be rough but it can also be rewarding if you stick to your guns. "Ugh, its like pulling teeth" could not be more appropriate in this context. It"s going to hurt to get a tooth pulled, but if you are to that point you will benefit more from pulling it out and bearing the pain then leaving it in and regretting not having done something about it later.
 
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Stratos_foh

shitlord
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Ravvenn said:
Sadly, this already happened. He previously had black sheets. I wish I could have seen my face when I ripped off his comforter and almost puked. I bought gray sheets and now he has to do his own laundry. It was gross.
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people (read:women) who throw around the "gross" word often dont realize how mean it is. I hope you didnt tell your son you felt what he was doing/did was "gross."

being a slob about it is reprehensible (dirty tissues/etc on the floor or anything else in plain sight), but if you gave him any shit about starting to masturbate, shame on you. if you gave him shit about the results of a wet dream, shame on you. Now if he stood over his bed and blew his load all over the comforter, then your son is fucked up. Hopefully you didnt behave ignorantly and manage to make him feel bad about himself and thereby push him away.

even at 11 when I started masturbating I was very discrete, and I still felt embarrassed and guilty about it. Thank god I never had to discuss it with my mom. I guess they realized at some point I was masturbating because one day my dad bought me a book on puberty, sex, masturbating, anatomy, orgasms, everything. It was a good book and I stopped feeling guilty about being so horny so often. so, my advice? get him one of those books, but have the male figure be the one who gives it to him, and never bring it up. the male figure should emphasize discretion as well.
 
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Ravvenn_sl

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I actually do make him go places with me. 6 months ago he"d offer, after my surgery he"d try his best to be helpful. Now it"s like I have to attach a bribe to any request I make. I"m trying to be tougher but I"m pretty sure I"m a pushover. Working on it, though.

Sparing the story, he"s never met his biological father. However, I"ve been with the same person for a very long time (living together 6.5 years approximately). He"s in a stable environment and doesn"t seem to be jealous unless babies are around and he will show off to redirect my attention to him.

He"s very sweet, he used to cry if he caught me crying and still can pick up on it if I"m upset and offer a pity hug or ask if I need something.

He has chores but has been half-assing them. I have to go over everything and that results in me finding the clothes I washed and folded wadded up on the closet floor instead of in his dresser. I feel like a broken record repeating myself non-stop. It"s like all I do anymore is talk to myself, lol. Heck, my main reason for wanting to work again is because I need some human interaction. I"ve lost my identity somewhere between the washing machine and the dryer. Neatly folding something and always finding it wadded up in the drawer or on the floor kind of hurts my feelings and makes me feel like my "job" is devalued, taken for granted - I guess.

Not like I"d expect someone working a "real" job all day or a 13 year old to understand or anything, but it"s draining on my motivation sometimes.

One thing that may have changed is recently I mentioned going back to work. He"s older now and doesn"t seem to be very dependent on me anymore so I thought it would be a great time for me to regain some independence. He actually seemed kind of angry about it asking why, and totally not understanding my reasoning. I didn"t think he"d give a shit, I was kind of surprised by his reaction. Is that even normal?

I"m hoping I can find a way to have him be more open and honest, but I"m not getting my hopes too high.
 
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Ravvenn_sl

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Stratos said:
people (read:women) who throw around the "gross" word often dont realize how mean it is. I hope you didnt tell your son you felt what he was doing/did was "gross."

being a slob about it is reprehensible (dirty tissues/etc on the floor or anything else in plain sight), but if you gave him any shit about starting to masturbate, shame on you. if you gave him shit about the results of a wet dream, shame on you. Now if he stood over his bed and blew his load all over the comforter, then your son is fucked up. Hopefully you didnt behave ignorantly and manage to make him feel bad about himself and thereby push him away.

even at 11 when I started masturbating I was very discrete, and I still felt embarrassed and guilty about it. Thank god I never had to discuss it with my mom. I guess they realized at some point I was masturbating because one day my dad bought me a book on puberty, sex, masturbating, anatomy, orgasms, everything. It was a good book and I stopped feeling guilty about being so horny so often. so, my advice? get him one of those books, but have the male figure be the one who gives it to him, and never bring it up. the male figure should emphasize discretion as well.
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Dude, I"m not retarded. I said, "you"re old enough to wash your own sheets now." He also has to clean his own toilet since he seems to have problems keeping piss off of the seat. It"s just as awkward for me.

I even told him when I asked about the condom, "I realize this is awkward for you and it"s awkward for me. So I"m going to keep it simple, don"t let me find the other half."

More was involved, but I never insinuated it was wrong. I did make it clear being a slob about it is wrong and rude. I also never called him out on the porn he googled and instead I taught him about how to not get a virus on his computer. He was such a newb about it, too. His google went like this:

x porn
xx porn
xxx porn
xxxx porn

Like he was working his way up or something.

He"d probably die if he knew how much I really knew about him and his dirty male habits. I go through all of his shit; his internet logs, his text messages, etc. I have absolutely no shame, but if he"s friends with some shithead tweaker, I"ll find out as soon as it happens because he has no idea how up in his business I really am. His friends were dummies to add me on Facebook (I still have no idea why they"d do that) where I can see all of the pictures they upload and how raunchy they talk. Those girls are hussies (that will end up on this website in 5 years I"m sure).
 
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Vatoreus Malfost_sl

shitlord
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Ravvenn said:
I actually do make him go places with me. 6 months ago he"d offer, after my surgery he"d try his best to be helpful. Now it"s like I have to attach a bribe to any request I make. I"m trying to be tougher but I"m pretty sure I"m a pushover. Working on it, though.

Sparing the story, he"s never met his biological father. However, I"ve been with the same person for a very long time (living together 6.5 years approximately). He"s in a stable environment and doesn"t seem to be jealous unless babies are around and he will show off to redirect my attention to him.

He"s very sweet, he used to cry if he caught me crying and still can pick up on it if I"m upset and offer a pity hug or ask if I need something.

He has chores but has been half-assing them. I have to go over everything and that results in me finding the clothes I washed and folded wadded up on the closet floor instead of in his dresser. I feel like a broken record repeating myself non-stop. It"s like all I do anymore is talk to myself, lol. Heck, my main reason for wanting to work again is because I need some human interaction. I"ve lost my identity somewhere between the washing machine and the dryer. Neatly folding something and always finding it wadded up in the drawer or on the floor kind of hurts my feelings and makes me feel like my "job" is devalued, taken for granted - I guess.

Not like I"d expect someone working a "real" job all day or a 13 year old to understand or anything, but it"s draining on my motivation sometimes.

One thing that may have changed is recently I mentioned going back to work. He"s older now and doesn"t seem to be very dependent on me anymore so I thought it would be a great time for me to regain some independence. He actually seemed kind of angry about it asking why, and totally not understanding my reasoning. I didn"t think he"d give a shit, I was kind of surprised by his reaction. Is that even normal?

I"m hoping I can find a way to have him be more open and honest, but I"m not getting my hopes too high.
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I didn"t re-meet my real dad until I was about 17, so I understand that and appreciate my mom for holding herself together through all the bs I put her through very much. While I was living with them though, it was fucking hell. I lied a lot, I avoided her as much as I could. Part of it is probably those emotions about not knowing his real dad lurking in there somewhere, but mine was a complete pos who never made an effort to be in my life.

Otherwise, he"s a teenage boy. We do stupid ass shit, we think we know everything and "fuck you if you tell me I don"t" is pretty much the general consensus. All you can do is push through it and do the best you can. Never make him feel like he can"t talk to you about stuff.

My mom was always honest about how she was as a teenager. Never denied smoking weed or drinking. Always told me that if I ever did do those things, to call her if I needed a ride or anything. Let me know that I could have parties at the house so she knew if I was doing anything crazy, at least it was somewhere safe and she knew it.

It"s mostly about keeping that delicate balance of "friendly" and parent. It"s really hard, but my mom did the best she could. I look back now and appreciate her for all the good she did, and have pointed out to her some of the mistakes she took out on me. Just try to do your best, and someday he"ll turn out great and appreciate you.

Also, I saw the new post about his friends and what not. Look out for him, but never tell him he can"t hang out with people. If you keep it simple with him, he"ll choose the right people. Telling him "this girl is a whore, don"t hang out/date her" like my mom did, it"ll push him even harder to do it and he"ll start lying hardcore and you won"t know what"s up.
 
Heylel

Heylel

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Ravvenn said:
Those girls are hussies (that will end up on this website in 5 years I"m sure).
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Sounds like he"s in good hands with you until he"s in good hands with them

Couple years from now you"re gonna have to loosen the leash a bit with regards to the spying though. He"s 13, he"s not really entitled to a great deal of privacy yet. By 16 though, that shit ain"t cool and he"s likely to take steps to prevent it.
 
Big Phoenix

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Ravvenn said:
I actually do make him go places with me. 6 months ago he"d offer, after my surgery he"d try his best to be helpful. Now it"s like I have to attach a bribe to any request I make. I"m trying to be tougher but I"m pretty sure I"m a pushover. Working on it, though.

Sparing the story, he"s never met his biological father. However, I"ve been with the same person for a very long time (living together 6.5 years approximately). He"s in a stable environment and doesn"t seem to be jealous unless babies are around and he will show off to redirect my attention to him.

He"s very sweet, he used to cry if he caught me crying and still can pick up on it if I"m upset and offer a pity hug or ask if I need something.

He has chores but has been half-assing them. I have to go over everything and that results in me finding the clothes I washed and folded wadded up on the closet floor instead of in his dresser. I feel like a broken record repeating myself non-stop. It"s like all I do anymore is talk to myself, lol. Heck, my main reason for wanting to work again is because I need some human interaction. I"ve lost my identity somewhere between the washing machine and the dryer. Neatly folding something and always finding it wadded up in the drawer or on the floor kind of hurts my feelings and makes me feel like my "job" is devalued, taken for granted - I guess.

Not like I"d expect someone working a "real" job all day or a 13 year old to understand or anything, but it"s draining on my motivation sometimes.

One thing that may have changed is recently I mentioned going back to work. He"s older now and doesn"t seem to be very dependent on me anymore so I thought it would be a great time for me to regain some independence. He actually seemed kind of angry about it asking why, and totally not understanding my reasoning. I didn"t think he"d give a shit, I was kind of surprised by his reaction. Is that even normal?

I"m hoping I can find a way to have him be more open and honest, but I"m not getting my hopes too high.
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I take the door to his room off the hinges and see what happens.
 
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Ravvenn_sl

shitlord
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Hah, yeah. I"m not getting used to it. He"s just no sneaky enough yet but he will be soon enough.

Vatoreus, I"ve done the same. I won"t lie and say I was a saint. I know he curses so I set rules; don"t let me hear it, don"t do it in public, etc. - save it for when you"re in the woods air-softing and cut loose. I let him know if he or anyone he"s with drinks (we were discussing the drunken high schoolers) - when that time comes, and I know it"s coming, CALL ME - let me pick up your drunk ass(es) and scold you when you"re hungover (left out the last part, I like surprises).

Can I ask you something?

Be honest. Did it work? Did you avoid drinking and driving or riding with drunks, did you call your mom?
 
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Vatoreus Malfost_sl

shitlord
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Ravvenn said:
Hah, yeah. I"m not getting used to it. He"s just no sneaky enough yet but he will be soon enough.

Vatoreus, I"ve done the same. I won"t lie and say I was a saint. I know he curses so I set rules; don"t let me hear it, don"t do it in public, etc. - save it for when you"re in the woods air-softing and cut loose. I let him know if he or anyone he"s with drinks (we were discussing the drunken high schoolers) - when that time comes, and I know it"s coming, CALL ME - let me pick up your drunk ass(es) and scold you when you"re hungover (left out the last part, I like surprises).

Can I ask you something?

Be honest. Did it work? Did you avoid drinking and driving or riding with drunks, did you call your mom?
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I did. Everytime. Truth be told, the fact that I knew I could and the decision was mine to do it or not, I actually only drank 3 times during High School. I know others would do it more. I also never smoked pot, until I turned 20 and was out of the Air Force. I trusted her and talked to her about everything and didn"t make any dumb decisions, until I was out on my own learning how to live life.
 
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