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And as for me, I officially have a girlfriend as of tonight. I almost never consider a girl a girlfriend, so it was a big deal to make that jump tonight. Really great girl.
Girls who broke your heart thread
- Thread starter Aychamo BanBan
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Eomer
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Livejournal alert.
I guess I"m just not used to the highs and lows of a relationship, especially at the start. In the past 10 years I"d say I"ve had a girlfriend or even been casually dating someone for no more than two, and probably less. I"ve always been emotionally distant I suppose as a self defense mechanism, and now that I"m getting involved it"s destroying my ability to think about anything else.
Also, as far as the girlfriend thing, how does that shit even work when you"re an adult. I mean in school you"d ask her to be your girlfriend, but with the 3 or 4 girls I"d have considered girlfriends in my adult life, it"s never been a conscious decision nor can I pick a day or moment when we became a couple. It just happened, and sometimes against my will. Do you actually have a conversation and agree to go exclusive? Or is it just kind of assumed after a period of time, like in my experience?
This shit is so complicated :/.
heh, I know, that"s what I keep telling myself. But all of today I"ve been constantly thinking about her and the situation last night with the condom coming off. She told me she"d call today, and hadn"t called by early this evening so I called her cell and left a message. No return call, so I sent her a text asking if everything was okay. She texted back that "Everything should be okay" (exact wording) and that she was just hanging with a girl friend (have I mentioned she not only messages on Facebook in complete sentences, but texts as well? She"s a keeper!). I texted back that I"d like her to call after she was done with her friend, if only for a minute, and that I was sorry for being high maintenance today. But given the situation, I"d at least like to hear her say "yeah I got the pill and yeah everything"s fine." It"s not that I"m that freaked out about having a kid, the chances of her having conceived last night are slim to none as I didn"t ejaculate inside her (kind of regretting pulling out when it seemed something was off ). I just want to hear that everything"s fine, or god forbid, that she decided at church this morning that god didn"t want her to take the pill. As of right now no return text or call.aychamo_aycono said:
I guess I"m just not used to the highs and lows of a relationship, especially at the start. In the past 10 years I"d say I"ve had a girlfriend or even been casually dating someone for no more than two, and probably less. I"ve always been emotionally distant I suppose as a self defense mechanism, and now that I"m getting involved it"s destroying my ability to think about anything else.
Also, as far as the girlfriend thing, how does that shit even work when you"re an adult. I mean in school you"d ask her to be your girlfriend, but with the 3 or 4 girls I"d have considered girlfriends in my adult life, it"s never been a conscious decision nor can I pick a day or moment when we became a couple. It just happened, and sometimes against my will. Do you actually have a conversation and agree to go exclusive? Or is it just kind of assumed after a period of time, like in my experience?
This shit is so complicated :/.
taebin
Same trailer, different park
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Eomer, from my experience at least, you have a "where are we" conversation typically started by the female in which you decide what phase of a relationship you"re in. Best piece of advice I can give you, go slow and keep your options open. Don"t lock yourself in to a serious relationship based off what you"re feeling right now since you"re only a few weeks in.
SOrry to rerail (sorry again, that is a bad joke) this post back to the PoF stuff, but allow me at least a post to make a comment about how many stupid fucking girls there are on this site who clearly have no conversational skills whatsoever. How many times have I gotten a reply "Haha that is the most unique first message ever. You"re so cool. I like your profile!" to which I respond with the Blah blah blah, blah blah blah, couple questions, blah blah response to which they respond with nothing but short, conventional, finishing answers, no comments and no questions, so much so that I"d rather punch myself FOR replying than reply again.
It *is* confusing as fuck, and girls more often than not expect you to figure it out on your own. Last time I ran in to the problem I took the meta approach and just blurted out "so, since we"ve fucked 7 times now, does that mean technically we"re a couple?" She thought that was funny, and we had a good talk afterwards.Eomer said:
Your mileage may vary but in general taking (or faking) a relaxed and humorous approach to the stupid little romantic conventions and powerplays seems a good idea. It"s of course harder if it"s someone you"re really in to, but nothing turns off a woman faster than appearing *too* interested.
Eomer
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Very, very true. Most people, and not girls in general, are functionally illiterate. Not only can they not keep up a conversation by asking questions or making comments on your profile or messages, there"s a very good chance that they barely understood whatever you sent them in the first place.CreatingStyle said:
Yeah, very much agreed about appearing too interested. She"s really easy to talk with so I"m sure it won"t be a big problem or anything like that, I guess it"s more a question of timing. We"ve already had the "kid discussion" because of what happened, so I at least know that she"s not looking to crank out babies for at least a few years yet, and she knows I"m not looking for it either but nor would I run for the hills should the unintended happen.Indiana said:
Bro enjoy the highs and lows. IMO thats the real definition your alive. I constantly tell myself I won"t get caught up in a relationship and get entangled in a short fast and exciting time, but inevitably do. Something about it is just fucking rad to me.
Eomer
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I dunno, I guess I"m a bit of a control freak and like having my shit sorted. I seriously do not like the initial part of starting a relationship, I like either being single or being in a nice, comfortable spot. Not this "oh shit why hasn"t she called, should I call? But what if I look needy if I call? But what if she was expecting me to call? Did we discuss who was going to call? Oh shit oh shit oh shit."
So yeah, she responded to my text later in the night, saying that friend she was hanging with was leaving for Australia the next day (she"d mentioned that previously), and that it wasn"t a good night to talk. I texted back that it was understandable and that I wasn"t worried about whether she got the pill or not, but that I just had wanted to talk regardless and to wish her friend well on her trip.
So yeah, she responded to my text later in the night, saying that friend she was hanging with was leaving for Australia the next day (she"d mentioned that previously), and that it wasn"t a good night to talk. I texted back that it was understandable and that I wasn"t worried about whether she got the pill or not, but that I just had wanted to talk regardless and to wish her friend well on her trip.
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I"m sure you"re freaking out. Just try not to harass her too much right now! Remember, right now you"re just a guy she met a couple of times and slept with. She may even think you"re the kind of guy that fucks a lot of girls so quickly, etc. It may take her time to develop the feelings to talk with you about something that"s scaring her so much, and causing a ton of weird feelings inside of her. It"s nothing at all personal to you, she probably just has a lot going on. Like you said, you were being high maintenance that one day, so don"t let her think you always are!Eomer said:
Some good advice has already been posted. My approach was different. I had seen my girlfriend at the hospital before, but I was always on rounds and couldn"t talk to her. I ended up meeting her friend and then found out they knew each other. I pulled off a "swap" and ended up with the one I really wanted. So when we hung out the first time she said "Ok, we can go out to eat as buddies." So we had a running joke that we were just buddies, and I"d joke like "Oh, so do you spend the night cuddling in bed with all your buddies?"Eomer said:
So we ended up talking about all the labels and shit that go along with relationships, ie, "dating", "boyfriend, girlfriend", etc. In NYC it was vastly different. In NYC boyfriend/girlfriend seems to mean just barely one step down from being engaged. Down south it"s way different. Down south you hang out and kiss a few times and it"s kinda assumed you"re boyfriend/girlfriend. So I don"t know how that shit works in Canada. Anyway, with the labels discussion I told her I didn"t care about the labels, it just matter how we felt about each other. She told me how she felt, etc.
So last night we were laying in my bed just talking and I just straight up asked "hey, how do you feel about considering us boyfriend/girlfriend?" and she liked that idea very much. Yes, it felt fucking gay as hell to ask, like I"m in 5th grade, but we"re both adults, and she"s a great woman and I want her I think the advantage of this approach is that it"s straightforward and it doesn"t leave room for any ambiguity. I think it"s good to make sure everyone is on the same page sometimes.
With your girl, that"s a really tough situation you guys had to experience so early on. If you call her and she doesn"t answer or return the call, I"d just wait a day or so to try to call or text. I hope she"s dealing with it ok, and I also hope she"s "dealing" with it! It sounds like she"s a good girl. How do you feel about the long term possibility of being with her? In your situation it seems like it may be a bit too soon to have that talk. It"s always difficult to know what to expect when you have sex so early.
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On a side note, I"m curious what you all think about the correlation of having sex early and having the relationship fail? I"ve fucked a lot of girls, but I"ve only had less than a handful of actual girlfriends. And of those, the only decent long term ones were ones that we waiting to have sex for a long time. With me it"s weird because it"s almost impossible for me to find a girl that doesn"t annoy the piss out of me and that I can deal with. I guess when I find one I actually want to get to know her, and honestly the sex is just a bonus when it comes later.
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GET THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR HEAD MAN! You think too much!!!Eomer said:
I agree that the beginnings are always hard in relationships. I"m the same way, if the girl takes more than 10 seconds to reply to a text I worry that she hates me now Just don"t worry about it and be cool.
The thing I always hate is the little bit of games, where no one wants to appear too anxious. I hate the fact that I literally have to manipulate a girls feelings (make her think I don"t like her) in order to get her to be way more interested in me. The girl I"m seeing now is pretty absent on games so that"s good, but I"m sure other weird things will pop-up.
Just get out of your head man! Quit worrying about her! And with texts and shit, sometimes it"s good to leave her hanging. Like when she said "It"s nota good night to talk" I would have just not responded and got back with her the next day or something. Don"t harass her!!
PS We demand you post her pics again!
Eomer
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Sounds like we"re more like NYC, but not quite as serious. If someone is a "couple" that means they"ve been going out for at least a month or two, they"re exclusive, and may well be living together. But obviously it varies from person to person and couple to couple.
Oh yeah it"s way too early I"d think, but at the same time it seems like shit"s moved pretty quickly considering we"ve actually only been on a single real "date", which was actually the third time we"d hung out (first being over a weekend of skiing, second being my party). Long term wise, as I said aside from the religion thing I can see nothing wrong with her and a whole lot right. But who knows right? We still barely know each other. But I also think you can judge a person pretty early on, even if you don"t know every detail about them.
I dunno, maybe it"s just that there"s a correlation between the girls that make you wait and the kind of person they are that attracts you to them, and not necessarily the delay of sex. Or conversely, the girls that fuck on the first date have personalities that don"t particularly appeal to you.
I do agree though, that there"s probably an aspect of your own (I don"t mean you specifically, but guys in general) psychology that may well mean that you"re more likely to be attracted long term to women who make you wait as opposed to ones who spread within 3 hours of meeting them. You want what you can"t have, and all that. Most of the girls I"ve dated in the last 5 years have fucked on the second or third date, sometimes first (pretty much whichever date they first come back to my place, heh), and for the most part I"ve lost interest soon after. But maybe it wasn"t the early sex, it was just them that was the problem. Because I"m certainly feeling different about the this latest lady. I think anyway. Then again, the last "serious" relationship from my perspective was with a girl who made me wait a month or so. Ask me in 3 months, which seems to be about my limit for interest in a woman up to this point in my life. Including the girl that made me wait.
I was awake till like 3am last night rolling that shit around in my head. I"ve never wanted a joint so bad in my life.
Fine, but only because I love you guys. Face is obscured unfortunately. I"d love to share, but too many people read this site for my liking.
