Girls who broke your heart thread

take the plunge as in...tell her or keep my mouth shut? Yea she"s gonna be hard to replace, thats why it makes it even more difficult

Sweet now we"ve got some ammo in case we ever need to blackmail Moontayle.

As for the divorce line, can someone explain it? I guess I"m one of those not-cool chicks because I just don"t get it.

And as for Bofa, you seem to be contradicting yourself. If you"ve really made it so clear that you two are not bf/gf, why do you feel guilty? It"s also strange that a male and female (both straight, with a history of intimacy) can claim to NOT be bf/gf and still say "I love you" every night.

Zeste said:

Dear Eomer,

If she wasn"t a super hottie, would you put up with her being batshit insane?

Of course not.

So, maybe she"s *sorta* right in saying you date her for her looks.

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That"s the thing though, up until last night and for a couple minutes last week I hadn"t seen any indication that she was an emotional trainwreck. She was always happy and joking around and seemed to be just an overall really fun, easy going girl. But that"s what happens as you get to know someone, you see past their facade in to their true nature.

Maybe after continuing to get to know her, I"ll realize that you know what, it"s just not worth it.

As far as why I"m dating her, yes absolutely looks have a lot to do with it. I never denied that. If she was an uggo, no, I wouldn"t have pursued her on the trip because there was half a dozen other good looking girls. Breaking news: physical attraction is a large component of the human mating cycling. No shit, really?

Also - dude she sounds like a fucking trainwreck and horrible pain in the ass, I hope her looks are good enough reward to ignore the rest of it.

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Like I said, up until the past couple times we"ve hung out she"s been totally cool and didn"t seem overly high maintenance. If she does turn out to be a pain in the ass, I"m not the one to put up with that kind of shit for long.

Zeste said:

I"m not trying to criticize you, quite the opposite. Just be aware and vigilant.

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I realize, and appreciate the advice. I"ve actually been surprised how few internet tough guys have been showing up in this thread. Like I said, I"m not a hopeless romantic, I"m a cynic and a realist and a guy who"s remained single for most of my adult life largely by choice, because I typically get sick of a girl"s shit pretty quickly and am also incredibly picky. Maybe I"m slipping on this one, I don"t know.

The thing to keep in mind is that there IS a bit of a perception bias as well, here: I"m only posting the juicy, silly drama that"s happening, not the other 95% of the time I"ve spent with her where it"s easy going and fun and feels right.

Moontayle said:

PS> Was she on BC before? If not, she"s taking it because of you and that"s pretty significant if you ask me.

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She wasn"t, no, and yes she"s on it because I asked her to.

Grobbee said:

Yes they do. They may not for you, but they do. Why wouldn"t Eomer want to settle? It seems that he"s got every thing else he wants in life, why not go for the trifecta?

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meh, I"m certainly not looking to get married immediately or crank out kids. Maybe in a couple years. Right now that shit would totally crimp my style. The flip side is, yeah, my life"s pretty much sorted and more or less awesome, with the only missing piece being a significant other. I"d like to have someone that I can take off for a weekend or a week somewhere, or go to concerts with when friends bitch out, or stay in with when there"s nothing better to do. As I said I"ve lived my life largely single by choice, but that"s starting to get old as I get old, especially as more and more friends couple off and I see them less and less.

Is she The One? There"s a very good chance that no, she isn"t. But that"s no reason to just jump ship before finding out for sure. And while I"m finding out, it could be a really great time, even if I find out that she isn"t.

Aychamo said:

It sounds like she"s obsessed with herself. If a girl told me I only like her for her looks I"d say "Who said you were good looking? Probably just guys trying to get in your pants!"

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I don"t get that from her at all though. I just think that she"s confident in her looks, but not so much with the rest of herself and that she"s been used and abused a couple times by assholes. And again, she just started on BC in the past couple days, I"m sure that"s amplifying the drama.

I hope!

*edit* Also, for the most part every girl I"ve dated has been rock steady stable. Or at least I haven"t noticed any instability in them, perhaps they hid it well enough. Maybe it"s time I get experience dealing with a trainwreck, if that"s what she turns out to be!

bofa said:

long time reader..finally got access to post today!

First off...PoF divorce opener works, threw at least 10 out there...8 of them loved it...3 of them wanted to go out and meet, but I never sealed the deal...ah well.

My current dilemma (bear with me here)...3 years ago I meet this server at friendly"s in NJ. We hit it off, ask her out, she agrees, month later we"re dating. I happen to be her first everything, kiss, sex, bf, I mean everything. Two years we"re still dating, I move to South Carolina for work and try the whole long distance thing. Turns out it"s actually hard as shit without having the "physical" connection with the person being there... and I call it off.

Fast forward to today, we still talk every night, drop the "I love you"s", she has a year left of school in NJ before she want"s to head to grad school in Charleston. I"ve made it pretty damn clear that we"re not boyfriend and girlfriend, shes fine with that just as long as we"re "sort of" together. I"m 23, shes 20 and by no means am I looking for a wife this young, so I go out and have a good time. We"ll this past Saturday I go out with a bunch of friends and end up hooking up with a 37 year old, no sex, she just came back to my house and we fooled around.

Today... I feel like a piece of shit, shes under the impression we"re still sort of together, I still love this girl, know I will never find anyone like her again, yet I go and do something stupid like I did Sat. Now my question is...should I tell her? I could continue this route till she moves down next year and feel like shit if I ever hook up with another chick again or tell her, get it off my chest and probably lose her. Sorry for the long post, most my friends here think it"s no big deal and wouldn"t tell..but coming from a family where my dad left my mom, I don"t want this to be a habitual thing. Sorry for the long post, thanks for the read, and any advice.
No tits here, but here"s what I"m dealing with.

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She sounds very forgiving and crazy about you. You could probably fuck a few bitches on the side and tell her, break her heart a little but she"d be back. I say next time you find a cougar, tag and release don"t just "fool around". You"ll be fine. You have the "you"re my first" thing going for you so she"s already attached. Obviously you really don"t give a shit about her so why even bother not getting laid just to spare her feelings?

I"d give you the whole "be a sensible gentleman, don"t tell her, commit completely to a relationship with her, and never let it come up again since it doesn"t really matter" but the truth is you don"t care about this girl and throw around the L word to spare her feelings. You can try and make her the casual fuck buddy when she moves down but that is not going to fly. Not with the girl you described. You can either be;

A. The guy who ruins her dignity and plunges her into a few years of scrambling for the sack of every other guy she thinks likes her.

B. The guy who commits to a relationship he wants no part of and ends up miserable and resenting her very existence thus ending up addicted to porn and/or hookers.

C. The guy who breaks shit off, doesn"t lead her on with the L word (because for her it means WAY more than it does for you), and keeps clear of a relationship he obviously doesn"t want.

Disagree. Eomer"s hung out with this girl less than 5 times and she"s given him shit and said weird things and all kinds of weird shit every single time. Almost everything she"s said makes it sound like she"s batshit crazy. There doesn"t seem to be anything redeeming about her other than her good looks.

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But he"s managed to counter all of hers, with some of his own, so maybe they"re made for each other if he can stand the work. The rest of your post isn"t very insightful at all, because everyone has anecdotes of the perfect girl. I"m sure you described all 4 of your previous wonder-women in much the same light.

Eomer"s hung out with this girl less than 5 times and she"s given him shit and said weird things and all kinds of weird shit every single time. Almost everything she"s said makes it sound like she"s batshit crazy. There doesn"t seem to be anything redeeming about her other than her good looks.

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Umm, no. As I said I met her on a ski trip and while I didn"t hang out that much over the weekend with her, we did ride back together for 8 hours on a bus and it was great. Then she came to my Christmas party and stayed until 2pm the next day, and everything was great again. Then the following weekend we hit up an Oilers game and had the condom slip after,but other than being a bit upset about the situation, everything was cool then as well. Then she dropped by for a few hours to play some PS3, and that"s when she mentioned how dudes have dropped her for friends and I was a sarcastic jackass. And then last night was when things went off the rails badly.

So she"s not been fucking wacky every time I"ve hung out with her. Just on 40% of the dates .

As far as redeeming qualities, she honestly is one of the most fun girls I"ve hung out with, both in social/party settings, as well as just hanging out. She"s quite intelligent, and I think just overall a very "good" person (works with special needs kids once a week, that kind of thing). She just seems to have trust issues, and quite honestly, I"ve probably not helped shit along. Let"s face it, this is 100% my perspective you"ve read on these boards, I"m sure intentionally or not I"ve left shit out that would tips things back the other way. Again, there"s a bias of what"s been said here.

Aychamo said:

Eomer"s girl is giving wayyy too much shit early on. This is still in the "good behavior" period too. There"s probably a reason why she was single bro!

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Her story was that she had a couple BF"s in a row that fucked her over, so she took awhile off dating to get her shit sorted. Trust me, a girl that looks like her no matter the personality is not going to stay single for long if she doesn"t want to.

Why wasn"t she on birth control?

She wasn"t in any relationships as I said, and said that it really fucks with her moods (no shit!) and her weight.

And no, she isn"t going to try to get preggers to lock me up or something, she wants to travel and that would pretty much destroy her chance to do so. But then again, more fucked up things have happened before.

*edit*

So after reading through all the replies and responding etc, I started getting a whole flood of other ideas I wanted to talk with her about. Instead of another essay, and one clocking in at 5000 words instead of 500, I kind of collected my thoughts on a notepad. Next time we talk, and I"m going to let her make the call, I"m going to use that to kind of see what"s up I guess. I"m not going to mention I"ve got a fucking crib sheet, but as I said previously I find I can better organize my thoughts if I write it out.

And in the process of writing those notes out and stuff I want to talk with her about (as well as rereading most of the responses), I am kind of seeing the light or at least looking at things a bit more objectively. I"m now more than a little concerned that maybe she"s a bit (or a lot) too immature and/or self focused for things to be viable. But I"m not gonna jump ship any time soon, unless this shit continues on a consistent basis. It"s exhausting. I barely slept last night because shit wouldn"t stop rolling around in my head.

Man I"m not a fan of A or B or C...sucks because it"s pretty awesome when we"re together visiting, shes got a lot of growing up to do which I have no problem, but I don"t know if this is a precursor for anything in the future.

bofa said:

Man I"m not a fan of A or B or C...sucks because it"s pretty awesome when we"re together visiting, shes got a lot of growing up to do which I have no problem, but I don"t know if this is a precursor for anything in the future.

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There are worse things in life than actually caring about a person, which you obviously do or else this wouldn"t be eating on your conscious. The other thing is, don"t sell the relationship down the river just because you feel you"re too young (or she is). Go read the Epic Fail thread and look at the number of guys who wish they hadn"t gotten out of a relationship because they didn"t want to get tied down. Not telling you to get married, just saying that your own head might be fucking with you a little too much.

Moontayle said:

There are worse things in life than actually caring about a person, which you obviously do or else this wouldn"t be eating on your conscious. The other thing is, don"t sell the relationship down the river just because you feel you"re too young (or she is). Go read the Epic Fail thread and look at the number of guys who wish they hadn"t gotten out of a relationship because they didn"t want to get tied down. Not telling you to get married, just saying that your own head might be fucking with you a little too much.

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Honestly, why not get tied down? If you like spending time with this girl why fight it? I feel like people are too easily influenced by what movies/books/magazines/etc tell them to do. Why don"t you want to be in a relationship? Is it just distance? Okay that I can understand.... but if she does move closer to you, whats stopping you then? Do you feel like at 23 you must go out and fuck 10000 soul-less girls before you get married? Why do you feel that way? Don"t get me wrong, there are a lot of people that are fine with being single their whole life and just banging hot, slutty college chicks.... Theres nothing wrong with that.. but those people don"t usually feel guilty when they "cheat" on their "not-girlfriend" who is thousands of miles away..... If you are having the emotions you say, then you arn"t Stiffler - stop trying to be.

I can agree with the "epic fail" thread in that most my friends who were that way in college seem to regret it... Most of them had a girl that they were completely in love with, but broke it off because they felt they were suppose to... These guys still complain to me to this day about how they shouldnt have fucked that 1-legged Asian-midget and instead stayed with their girlfriend... or perhaps they should have passed up the opportunity to fuck their girlfriend"s best friend after smoking a ton of pot... instead of plowing her vagina so hard both girls could feel it..


Don"t get me wrong.. I dont think there is any problem with having meaningless sex ... but only to the point when you find a girl you really enjoy... I guess my point is, if you found someone you like... why can"t you commit? People who don"t want to commit generally don"t feel any remorse about cheating on their gf/bf ... or having multiple gfs/bfs at the same time...

1/ To me either you"re going to have to finish it off yourself, or deal with it. I find that once you hit 25, sex pretty much becomes the expected "norm" pretty early in a relationship. There"s not the highschool era progression of hand->blow->sex (after 6 months of telling her you love her). It"s just kind of makeout->decide you like each other->sex when she"s comfortable enough. Maybe she"s got some great self control and you do too, but to me if the wang comes out for a handy laying in bed and she"s staying the night, you know it"s going in the squish mitten.

2/ Masturbate and/or self control. I was gonna ask if you were still fucking girls on the sly, because in a past thread you were talking about how you were dating this super amazing megaawesome girl and taking it slow and then mentioned offhand you were fucking some slut on the side. Struck me as kind of fucked up, to be honest. I think that was around the time Grobbee started calling you a sociopath.

3/ Only girl I"ve been with since high school that "took it slow" made me wait about a month. I don"t know that it made much difference on the trajectory of the relationship one way or the other. Most other girls I"ve had sex with by the 3rd-5th date on average.

4/ I think it might help establish a healthier "base" to the relationship in some cases, but I"m not 100% on that. To me, at my age (27, almost 28) I"m probably not going to hold out for more than a month or half a dozen dates, because anything more than that and it starts to make me wonder what"s up with the girl, if there"s some serious deep seated issues or what. If by then she still doesn"t trust me or hasn"t developed a strong enough attraction to WANT to jump my bones, then shit probably isn"t going to work out anyway.

But I"m not known for patience.