Girls who broke your heart thread

I came here to post about the drug-riddled PoF 4 day orgy I just got back from, but I think I"m going to let the pubic hair conversation die down first.

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How did this get missed? Let"s hear the story!

Shaving your shaft and balls is fine, and it"s pretty easy I"ve found regardless of whether they"re taut or hanging low. Your balls will contort into a multitude of positions and shapes, then you just pull the skin tight and go at it.

Even shaving the taint is fine... Schick quattro or Mach 3 works well for the aforementioned.

However, I"d never shave my ass crack, and here"s why... from the best of craigslist...

best of craigslist : WARNING!!!

WARNING!!!

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Date: 2004-07-01, 2:15PM PDT



Don"t Shave That Hair!!!
I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting.

No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can"t-Be-Flushed threshold.

I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don"t I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

Little did I know.

I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic shit- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."

Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

As if that wasn"t enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn"t just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

Friends, DON"T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR!

That guy has problems heh, its gonna itch the first time you do it, just like if you were to shave your pubes and shit ... but the second third and so on times arnt bad at all. And the sweat thing ? If your not obese I dont see all of a sudden you producing an abnormal amount of sweat back there... wear boxers ffs.

Lowk said:

So, from bad break ups to new relationships to shaving your sack.
<3 FoHSS

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haha, it"ll turn back to the relationships for at least awhile, I will see to that! Haven"t spoken with Chuck since she lost her mind on Sunday, but chatted briefly on Facebook with her yesterday. She started the chat session, asked if my car had come in (I had mentioned I was waiting for some stuff to be done on my car). I said yes, I was pumped etc, asked if she wanted to do lunch (our offices are pretty close), she said no maybe "later in the week", I said no worries, and to give me a call that night after she was done with family stuff (her large family comes over every Wednesday for dinner) or alternatively to text me at 3am like last week when our texts got fucked up. She was conspicuously non-commital about calling, and I signed off. She didn"t call last night, but then texted me today just before lunch joking that she was going to text me at 3am but fell asleep. I joked I was thoroughly disappointed, and asked if she was up for doing something tonight. Her response was "maybe... what were you thinking?" I responded that I didn"t have much in mind, that it was her turn to think of something, but that if she didn"t have anything we could just make dinner and hang out. No response after that.

I"m not going to give up on this just yet, but if something else comes along I will most likely be jumping ship, the more I think about it. The rational side of me is like "this bullshit is getting annoying" and the irrational side is saying "but she"s so awesome!"

KilyinRZ said:

Shaving your shaft and balls is fine, and it"s pretty easy I"ve found regardless of whether they"re taut or hanging low. Your balls will contort into a multitude of positions and shapes, then you just pull the skin tight and go at it.

Even shaving the taint is fine... Schick quattro or Mach 3 works well for the aforementioned.

However, I"d never shave my ass crack, and here"s why... from the best of craigslist...

best of craigslist : WARNING!!!

Click to expand...

I thought this was going to be the story about the guy whose wife asked him to shave his butthole (or something to that effect). He does, but gets a massive ingrown hair which causes him to have to get surgery or some shit. I don"t believe it was true, but it was a better story than this.

Sounds like the guy in the above story is just fat (and doesn"t wipe very well, or clean his ass with soap in the shower).

I"m not sure I like where this thread is going

EDIT: In other news I have a date this Saturday with a girl I met off PoF so that"s around 13 days from signing up, not too bad I guess.

I knew a girl who had laser-hair-removal done on her legs some 1.5 to 2 years ago. Her hair was a little extra dense in the shin/calf area, so A) it looked bad and B) it caused pain when she shaved. Long story short, it went really well and while it didn"t remove all the hair (there are some bald spots though) the remaining hair is now at a "normal" manageable level. Hasn"t had any complications or problems, but I"ll come back in 5 or 10 years and let you guys know if her legs fell off due to cancer.

I once tried to trim my ball hair down with scissors, and on one part I came too close to the skin, cutting it. Was only like a milimeter cut but it hurt like hell and bled like hell. I could see a part of the skin hanging loose where I cut it -_- Had to sit down with a bunch of napkins down my pants. Lesson learned!

Everyone loves to link that story, claiming it is hilarious, but I always found it retarded and unfunny. This guy is just a moron. His overuse of hyperbole isn"t impressing anyone.

Eomer said:

haha, it"ll turn back to the relationships for at least awhile, I will see to that! Haven"t spoken with Chuck since she lost her mind on Sunday, but chatted briefly on Facebook with her yesterday. She started the chat session, asked if my car had come in (I had mentioned I was waiting for some stuff to be done on my car). I said yes, I was pumped etc, asked if she wanted to do lunch (our offices are pretty close), she said no maybe "later in the week", I said no worries, and to give me a call that night after she was done with family stuff (her large family comes over every Wednesday for dinner) or alternatively to text me at 3am like last week when our texts got fucked up. She was conspicuously non-commital about calling, and I signed off. She didn"t call last night, but then texted me today just before lunch joking that she was going to text me at 3am but fell asleep. I joked I was thoroughly disappointed, and asked if she was up for doing something tonight. Her response was "maybe... what were you thinking?" I responded that I didn"t have much in mind, that it was her turn to think of something, but that if she didn"t have anything we could just make dinner and hang out. No response after that.

I"m not going to give up on this just yet, but if something else comes along I will most likely be jumping ship, the more I think about it. The rational side of me is like "this bullshit is getting annoying" and the irrational side is saying "but she"s so awesome!"

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Walk away, dude. Walk away now, walk away fast. Fuck the bullshit. You don"t need to wait for another chick to come along to walk away from this shit. This is a red flag.

Eomer said:

haha, it"ll turn back to the relationships for at least awhile, I will see to that! Haven"t spoken with Chuck since she lost her mind on Sunday, but chatted briefly on Facebook with her yesterday. She started the chat session, asked if my car had come in (I had mentioned I was waiting for some stuff to be done on my car). I said yes, I was pumped etc, asked if she wanted to do lunch (our offices are pretty close), she said no maybe "later in the week", I said no worries, and to give me a call that night after she was done with family stuff (her large family comes over every Wednesday for dinner) or alternatively to text me at 3am like last week when our texts got fucked up. She was conspicuously non-commital about calling, and I signed off. She didn"t call last night, but then texted me today just before lunch joking that she was going to text me at 3am but fell asleep. I joked I was thoroughly disappointed, and asked if she was up for doing something tonight. Her response was "maybe... what were you thinking?" I responded that I didn"t have much in mind, that it was her turn to think of something, but that if she didn"t have anything we could just make dinner and hang out. No response after that.

I"m not going to give up on this just yet, but if something else comes along I will most likely be jumping ship, the more I think about it. The rational side of me is like "this bullshit is getting annoying" and the irrational side is saying "but she"s so awesome!"

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I"m telling you this cause I just went through a break up, and our relationship took almost the same exact path as yours is going. She"s going to break up with you, she"s trying to detach herself now to "make it easier on you" I"ll guarantee it. Just be done with her, get out of your own head, and whatever you do don"t try to make her like you more cause it will backfire!

Oh yeah and in like 3 months give her a booty call!

Fuck her one last time. Try some surprise buttsex.

Then never call her again. Ginn is right. She is distancing herself from you and treating you like garbage so that she can break up with you and probably say something like "I don"t have enough time to devote to you and you deserve better." I was in your corner the whole time while reading your posts, but now it"s time to walk away.

C"mon guys, she goes to church, volunteers with disabled children, has a large extended family she attends to every week, and is a full time whore or whatever you call that "party girl" job. She may just be busy and couldn"t get back to Eomer.

I, for one, am glad we are back to arm-chair relationship counselors and are moving away from professional pube groomers.

The ball-trimming posts were more entertaining.

Eyashusa said:

Fuck her one last time. Try some surprise buttsex.

Then never call her again. Ginn is right. She is distancing herself from you and treating you like garbage so that she can break up with you and probably say something like "I don"t have enough time to devote to you and you deserve better." I was in your corner the whole time while reading your posts, but now it"s time to walk away.

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The only caveat here is that it could be playing into her expectations. It very well may be that she really likes you, but she"s been conditioned to act this way when things start to look like they might get serious. It"s a defense mechanism. You walk away and she tells herself "see, he was just like all the others, I knew it". You stay, and it"s hell for a while, but you come out the other side knowing the level of her commitment, and having proven yours.

I"m not saying it"s worth the hassle, but some people just function this way. Especially when people have been hurt in the past, it makes trusting someone new very difficult, and the old habits are hard to break.

Worst case scenario, you"ve had a good time with her and some fond memories to look back on.

Tyen said:

Nothing gets me more inflamed than a woman blowing me off after 1 week. It happens, and it"s irritating.

The best advice I would have is to NOT say anything to her about your feelings, or what you think of the situation.

Get the upper hand on her and act like it doesn"t bother you in the least, hardly talk to her, and let her crawl back to you for sex sessions. Only speak to her when it is replying to a message or a call. Let her be the first to initiate it.

These types of women crave control, take it from her, and don"t be a pansy; you will feel so dumb for breaking down about your feelings to her after the fact. I"ve been there with many different ladies and had some experiences that I would not want anyone else to go through on that end.

Don"t be de-masculated; we are men.

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This. Don"t overreact and call it off, or approach her and try raise the subject. Just ignore her unless she initiates contact for a while.

She"s trying to control you and make you chase after her, don"t play into it. Remember, "she" should be glad that "you" are giving her your time of day.