Girls who broke your heart thread

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Alcestis_foh

shitlord
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Tarrant220 said:
I really hope when the meds kick in things straiten out.
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It can work really fast sometimes, but that stuff can also take up to eight weeks to "kick in". Assuming the worst case length-of-time scenario: if you hold out for this girl, I sure hope she"s as committed to wanting to be with you as you are now wanting to be with her after two months. That"s a chunk of time for her to ponder over her situation. She"s already uttered one of the phrases of death ("I"m pretty sure I"ve lost those storybook feelings I had for you") that chicks say when they can"t stick to their guns to your face... but have already made up their mind. Dunno, hope it works out for you since you genuinely care about her and her kid.



Vim said:
.. She didn"t respond, a bit later I sent her a message on FB chat, saying "hi", no response again... I went to the gym, after I was finished I called her once, no response once again... Get home, shower and tell her: "we will be smoking at my neighbors, come if you want"
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My God man, take the hint. She"s uncomfortable around you after you went all "Every Breath You Take" on her ass a few days ago. She"s not acting "weird". You aren"t "just friends" anymore, because what you aren"t understanding is you put her in (what she clearly thinks) is an awkward as hell spot. I don"t blame her for not knowing how to react to you. Don"t give her the hookah. Don"t go to the birthday party. Don"t respond to her anymore, and certainly don"t send her threeextracontacts after she throws you a two-word bone on Facebook.
 
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Vim_foh

shitlord
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It sounds awfully convenient for me to say that I believe you missed the point, but whatever. You seem to miss the point.

I"ll consider the not going to the party and not giving the gift part, but I doubt I"ll go through with that suggestion.
 
Soygen

Soygen

The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
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Alcestis said:
Don"t respond to her anymore, and certainly don"t send her threeextracontacts after she throws you a two-word bone on Facebook.
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What about a care package? Maybe a roast turkey?
 
A

Alcestis_foh

shitlord
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0
Vim said:
It sounds awfully convenient for me to say that I believe you missed the point, but whatever. You seem to miss the point.
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You asked,
Your rambling emo post said:
Why would she act weird if we"re just friends?
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Wherein I told you that she doesn"t consider your current relationship as "just friends" because of how you acted in the past, so that question is pretty fucking retarded for you to ask. Then you pondered on whether or not you should go to her party and give her a gift. I responded with my suggestion, which frankly, I don"t give two shits if you take or not. That would be this question of yours, in case you"ve forgotten.
I"m so sweet I"m giving chicks gifts said:
My question is, what would you do in this situation?
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That would be two inquiries there, champ. Don"t get a fuchsia hookah up your ass because I"m not telling you what you want to hear. If perchance by answering your questions I did somehow miss "the point" in all of that, it"s because you took too many words to say, "I"m a blubbering bitch".

{edit}:
Soygen said:
What about a care package? Maybe a roast turkey?
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Haha, nix the roasting. I hear guys here like to send their poultry stuffed with cotton and lying in a rose petal sauce.
 
D

Dabamf_sl

shitlord
1,472
0
Vim you lost the moment you told her you couldn"t stop thinking about her.

Certainties:
(1) Don"t give her the gift. Alcestis is right, you aren"t friends anymore, you are her supply of attention. When she isn"t getting enough or wants an ego boost, she contacts you for a guaranteed esteem boost.
(2)When you are ignored once, a 2nd contact *can* be warranted without reciprocation of the first (but honestly, you gotta hold a really fuckin strong manly frame), though rarely. But a 3rd and 4th contact, especially so quickly, never is. (I"m referencing the invite to smoke)

Guidelines:
If a girl expresses interest in seeing you, don"t invite her to hang out within the bounds of that conversation. It shows a lack of taking charge, that you only ask women out when they give you the OK beforehand. It"s reactionary, and that"s not attractive.

Vim, keep the hookah or sell it. Don"t give her a gift. If you really wanna get a reaction and see where you stand (even though I"d guess it"s hopeless, except she still does seem to like attention from you sometimes), make out with or clearly flirt with another girl in front of her and see what happens. Don"t let her catch you looking at her even once though or you will ruin it. Likely though the best thing that could come outa that would be she suddenly wants you, you bang for a couple weeks then she is bored of you again.

I had a female friend a year or two ago that taught me a lot about that certain type of girl. She dated a guy who was 100% about her and did whatever she wanted. Big pussy. She dated him only because he showered her with affection and she loved it. Well they broke up obviously and she hadn"t heard from him in a while. Then she heard from her friends that he had been getting mad pussy because word got out that he had a legendary cock. Upon this knowledge, she called him back up and he was her bitch again. I asked her why she wanted to get back with him, and she said "he"s mine, I don"t want him going around having sex with other girls." But once she got him back she was tired of him again.

So random sorta irrelevant story. The jealousy plot in this case could get you laid but you"ll never really get the girl, because in her eyes you are below her thanks to the confession of love you gave. Try it though (and don"t give her a god damn gift or go to her party).
 
Kirun

Kirun

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Looking for some advice..

I"ve been kinda sorta courting a chick I work with(kind of a bad idea, I know, but she works in a different department, so it shouldn"t be that bad). I"m 24, she"s 19. Now, after about 2 months or so of obvious flirting, playful touching, etc. I ask her for her number and she gives it to me. I call her about 2 days later, get her voicemail, leave a short little message with my name and number. Meanwhile, she has no problem answering my texts. She"s never the one to start the convo, but she always responds. Soo...after about a week or so of texting, I try calling her again, voicemail, but this time I don"t leave a message. Texting goes on for another week or so, I playfully tease her about not answering and ask when she"s going to let me call her. She has some lame comeback akin to "LOL never!" I respond with a really gay.."Never, huh? Damn, that"s a long time to wait. Normally I wouldn"t, but for YOU I guess I can make an exception." She thinks it"s sweet and it"s one of the many sweet messages I"ve given her since we"ve been texting. So finally, last night, tired of beating around the bush, I straight up ask her if she"s interested and the conversation goes as follows..

Her: "...to be honest...Im not interested in a relationship let alone have time for friends or boyfriends...im sorry if I gave the wrong impression.."

Me: "If you don"t mind me asking, why is that?"

Her: "Why what?"

Me: "Why are you not interested? Are you afraid of getting hurt or something? As far as the time thing goes, I"m a pretty low-maintenance guy "

Her: "No it"s not about me getting hurt... I just enjoy being single..."

Me: "So is it a me thing? I understand the single life thing. It is great..for a time, but I was pretty sure you were interested..giving me your number and all?"

Her: "No, it"s a ME thing."

Her: "I"m just not ready to get involved with anyone. I don"t need a guy in my life"

Me: "Well, technically, I don"t NEED a girl in my life, but everybody wants to share life with somebody "

Her: "Relationships are too big of a gamble"

Then I go into some stuff about the gamble possibly paying off. Or if you look at every possible relationship as a big gamble, of course they all will be. Yadda yadda. She doesn"t really respond, except that she"s going to bed and wishes me "good night."

So today I text her thanking her for her honesty, asking her if we can at least still be friends. She doesn"t respond, but today at work she"s her normal flirty self. She isn"t doing the long stares and smiles at me like she used to, but she"s still joking around, light touching, etc.

So..I guess my question is, what"s the deal with this chick? Is she just young and inexperienced with relationships? She hasn"t dated in 2 years and I think she got royally hurt, so now she"s in the "ALL MEN ARE PIGS!" phase of her life. A guy I work with is convinced she"s a lesbian. Am I playing this right or am I being a complete moron and barking up the wrong tree? Appreciate any advice you guys/gals might have, especially if any women want to weigh in on what might be going through her head. She genuinely seems interested and I thought it was a sure thing when she gave me her number..
 
Kirun

Kirun

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Jabberwhacky said:
She"s an attention whore
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Simply an attention whore thing? She doesn"t do it with other guys, which most true "attention whores" will, no?

Jabberwhacky said:
you"re a pussy.
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Care to elaborate?
 
L

Lusiphur_foh

shitlord
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Kirun said:
Simply an attention whore thing? She doesn"t do it with other guys, which most true "attention whores" will, no?



Care to elaborate?
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He"s hit the nail on the head and it doesn"t really need elaboration.

You made your play, she shot you down and now you need to move on. If she keeps up with the flirting then just ignore it and be professional and courteous around her. No more txt"s etc :p

Think of it this way, even if she did suddenly show interest then you would always wonder why you weren"t good enough before. That"s no way to be feeling.

PS. My 2cp is that she has a partner and you are just her ego boost. Hence the "no talky on the phone" thing,
 
Sutekh

Sutekh

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Just ignore her. She"ll try harder if you ignore her. If she ignores you back, then a stupid bitch who plays mind games is gone.

win/win situation.
 
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Tenks

Bronze Knight of the Realm
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She"s 19. I don"t know if she"s going to college or what but it"s a perfectly acceptable reason for her to say "I don"t want to be in a relationship." I will, however, give you a protip. Girls never do not want to be in a relationship. She doesn"t want to be a a relationship withyou.
 
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chu_foh

shitlord
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I gotta say you seemed really really desperate in your texts after she initially shot you down. It"s not like you could have changed it at that point; prolly just creeped her out even more.
 
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Tenks

Bronze Knight of the Realm
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Yeah Chu is right. I reread them and you forced her to qualify why she isn"t interested in you. That is one creepy mothefuckin red flag.

"Do you want to go out?"
"No."
"WHY THE FUCK NOTTTT!!!! FUUUUCK IM HOTTT!!! IM GUNNA SHOOT A LATIN DANCE CLASS UP IN THIS BITCH!!!"
 
D

Dabamf_sl

shitlord
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Rarely does a situation present itself so clearly that inspires me to comment immediately and with 100% confidence that everything I say in this case is going to be correct. Forgive the arrogance.

Kirun said:
Looking for some advice..

I"ve been kinda sorta courting a chick I work with(kind of a bad idea, I know, but she works in a different department, so it shouldn"t be that bad). I"m 24, she"s 19. Now, after about 2 months or so of obvious flirting, playful touching, etc. I ask her for her number and she gives it to me. I call her about 2 days later, get her voicemail, leave a short little message with my name and number.
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Beautiful. The time-table is perfect, well done so far. She is giving some minor but expected resistance by not answering the phone. Don"t let this faze you. The short message is good as well. Always leave a message, but of course leave it on your terms (i.e. say you will call back, don"t ask her to contact you).

Meanwhile, she has no problem answering my texts. She"s never the one to start the convo, but she always responds. Soo...after about a week or so of texting, I try calling her again, voicemail, but this time I don"t leave a message.
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Started off well. Ignore her not answering your calls. She is probably only doing it because you haven"t interested her enough to commit to a phone call in this day and age when a phone call is seen as some sort of commitment or obligation. Calling again after a week seems like a good time, but you shoulda left a message, leaving an interesting reason why you called and saying that you"ll call another time.

Texting goes on for another week or so, I playfullytease her about not answeringandask when she"s going to let me call herr
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Big mistake, don"t call attention to the fact that she doesn"t like you enough yet to answer your calls. Followed by a absolutely catastrophic error that single-handedly took every ounce of interest she had in you and took a giant steaming shit on top of it. For the 30th time in this thread, by using words like "when will you let me" you tell her that she is doing you a favor by answering you, and her not answering the phone is bothering you and making you insecure.

You lost it completely here. The rest isn"t necessary to comment on. Sorry for the harshness. The not wanting to be in a relationship comment is 100% because she suddenly lost interest in you.

This shit sounds petty but it is the frame that you set. When you speak, how you stand, how you act towards someone, all set the tone of an interaction and an inherent hierarchy of value is established. When you even once use a phrase like "when will you let me take you out" you establish without even the slightest bit of doubt that you are below the girl in the social hierarchy, even if you have everything else going for you.

General observation: if a girl is ignoring you or in some other way showing an apparent lack of interest, the quickest way to make your fears come true is to consciously acknowledge it to her. Ignore it and press on like it never happened, or stop trying.
 
Zindan

Zindan

Ahn'Qiraj Raider
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Eomer said:
Well, let"s look at the facts. She"s 20 and probably has dated the same guy since highschool. She probably knows deep down that marrying him is a mistake and she"s giving up her shot at a "normal" life in her 20"s as a single or semi-attached girl. I really honestly can"t understand nearly anyone getting married before 25 these days. So right there, not a good start.

However more importantly, she struck up what appears to be a fairly serious friendship with a coworker significantly older than her, who confessed his attraction to her at some point, and despite knowing how completely inappropriate that friendship would be in the context of her engagement, maintained it. In fact, she went so far as to repeatedly lie to her fiance about it to conceal it.

Indeed, when the fiance was out of town and she was lonely, she spent a significant amount of time with this "friend". She was only one or two very teeny, tiny steps away from cheating on her fiance. Whether because she was genuinely attracted to you, or because she was looking for a way to sabotage her way out of her trap of a relationship is hard to say, and pretty much irrelevant anyway.

Yeah, I agree, it"s only a matter of time until she jumps ship on her fiance. Too bad you weren"t friends with him instead, so you could warn the poor bastard. He sounds like a nice enough guy. Which might be half the problem in their relationship.

Again, the best and really only option is just to write off the friendship as dead and gone. Unless you want to jump head first in to another couple"s (doomed) relationship.
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I feel I have to defend her a bit here. I do not think that she will ever actively go out and look for someone to jump into bed with, she really isn"t like that. Rather, I think at some point in the next few years she is going to meet some guy who she is attracted too, and he won"t care that she is married, and eventually he will tempt her..and she will cave in. There are at least two guys at work who she is attracted too right now, but both of them wouldn"t do anything about that, but if they tried, I am sure they would succeed.

This is such a sucky situation. I am sitting here resisting the urge to drive over to where one of her best friends works as a bartender and seeing what is up (her and I don"t know each other well). I even have a reason to go and talk to her, but I look at things with all the comments here going through my mind and going over there would be a bad idea.
 
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niteflyx_foh

shitlord
0
0
GrobbeeTrull2.0 said:
It must be so boring and tiring to have to pretend like there"s always some colossal power struggle going on.
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It must be so boring and tiring to think how you present yourself to others through mannerisms, gesticulation, speech and other forms of communication is irrelevant to another"s interest in you.

You can "be yourself", which would mean a lot of insecurities popping up way too early in most of these potential relationships, or you can fake the confidence in the forms of communication mentioned above until it"s developed for reals, which would make one an overall better partner and a more stable person overall.

One could argue that an alternative method to self-improvement is swallowing your own semen.
 
Tarrant

Tarrant

<Prior Amod>
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Trying to give the girl I was with space to see if things settle on their own, but it"s so hard. We talked all the time, before bed, and she was living with me more then not.....I talked to her this morning to let her know she forgot some things and we talked a bit about things, shes still not 100% sure she made the right choice but feels it"s the right choice for now and is more confident of that then not.

I know I need to give her space, I know I need to give her time without me, without hearing from me to see what her true feelings are but it"s just so fucking hard to not hear her voice.

Trying to keep myself busy, tomorrow she"s coming over to get the few things left at my place. She knows I"m a wreck so acting like I"m not wont work, what should I do?
 
Sutekh

Sutekh

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niteflyx said:
It must be so boring and tiring to think how you present yourself to others through mannerisms, gesticulation, speech and other forms of communication is irrelevant to another"s interest in you.

You can "be yourself", which would mean a lot of insecurities popping up way too early in most of these potential relationships, or you can fake the confidence in the forms of communication mentioned above until it"s developed for reals, which would make one an overall better partner and a more stable person overall.

One could argue that an alternative method to self-improvement is swallowing your own semen.
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No point in acting like you"re something you"re not, unless you"re just trying to sleep with some chick and then never talk to her again.
 
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