Girls who broke your heart thread

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Dabamf_sl

shitlord
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Don"t wait for an opportunity, when you first meet her again, go for a hug. The hug is fucking amazing for Asian women because they only hug the opposite sex when they are dating...but most people know that western people hug the opposite sex more liberally. So the beauty is that you get to do a normal friendly thing you may do with any female friend, but for her it is a test of whether or not she is interested romantically. It"s like a kiss that you can"t get rejected from. It"s really a test of whether or not she"s NOT interested, since such a thing generally requires an explanation "oh, sorry, we only hug boyfriend or girlfriend" and you can play the "oh, really? huh..." ignorant card. Anything else, from an awkward rejection "I"m too shy" to obviously eager acceptance, generally means interest. I would make a point from here on out to hug any Asian girl when you say goodbye after the first date/meetup. It sets the tone of the relationship in her mind, without actually committing you to being interested yet. It"s beautiful.

But anyway, it sounds like she"s into you regardless. You don"t need a giant sign over her head to notice interest. One of those moments where you meet eyes just go for it and kiss her. Fuck it, kiss her at any random moment throughout the day, it doesn"t matter. Have your friend set a random alarm time on your phone and kiss her when it goes off. It doesn"t matter, if you wait for the perfect time you are fucking up, because it almost never comes. If you are worried about being in public, organize plans to be alone without making it obvious that that was the intent. But most of all, just kiss her. Timing is a luxury, just man up and do it. When I was too shy to kiss girls I would psyche myself up in my head so much that I would literally black out and my next conscious thought is "whoa, I"m kissing her." It was awkward and forced but it didn"t matter. Just do it. If she denies you (she won"t judging from the info), it"s on her anyway. "Really? huh, you were pretty flirty, so I thought...ah, well no harm done" and pretend it never happened.
 
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Haka Shakamalakabalsaka_foh

shitlord
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Dabamf is pretty much spot on. Take control, be the man. Asian girls (in Asia at least) expect to be treated like princesses in some ways, but don"t go overboard. Koreans and Chinese are extremely similar, so much that often they can"t tell themselves apart, from talking to my Korean friends, so I think you can trust what Dabamf is saying.

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I guess I"ll finally throw my lot in here and live journal it up since I"ve been creeping on this thread since it was made.

Couple weeks back at a pub I met a Cute Blond through my buddy"s gf (who is awesome and has set me up with a few of her friends already). Chatted her up and she was totally into me, ended up making out a lot that night in various places downtown, but my buddy"s gf told me that while she really likes me so far she wouldn"t be going home with me. That was fine, if I did take her home right there while that would have been fun, I likely wouldn"t have wanted to see her again. I should mention that I"m nearly 25 and she"s a bit younger at 22. I should also mention that about 10 months ago I got out of a nearly 5 year relationship, so I"m not especially looking to get into anything serious just yet, or at least not desperate to. Finally, she is going back for her last year of uni in a month, so this is definitely not long term. Initially, what I was hoping was for a good end of summer fling thing where it wouldn"t be too painful when she left, and down the road once she"s done school if things worked out we could have another go at it.

Anyways, we"ve been on a few dates since then and hooking up a bit. After the first date we went back to my place and hooked up a bit but no sex, which was fine since it was first date, totally reasonable. The next couple dates she was on the rag, but to me it really seemed like she wanted to bang. As a side note, she has an amazing body and it was really fucking frustrating getting so close and not screwing her.

So finally I met up with her for what I guess was the 5th time since I met her, and she got all distant and stuff. I picked up on it and asked her what was wrong and she essentially explained that since we"re not really going to end up being bf/gf etc she"s not really willing to have sex. I didn"t really handle my response very well, I don"t remember exactly what I said, but it was something along the lines of that I respect her decision but she should know I"m not looking to bang and run, or treat her like shit, and that I"m trustworthy. Afterwards thinking back I felt like I was trying to sell her/convince her on going through with it and I felt like a bit of a jerk. Sure, I would love to have sex with her, especially because at this point that"s what I figured our relationship would be.... lots of fun end of summer hooking up without letting it get too serious so we don"t get hurt when she leaves.

I don"t want to push her into something she regrets later, however I"m also worried that if I stop trying, she may lose interest, as in my experience being the nice understanding type of guy loses girl"s interest pretty fucking fast.

Finally I should mention that we"ve both acknowledged had the situation been different, as in if she wasn"t leaving, our relationship would be taking a different path and there likely wouldn"t be much of a problem. At least that"s what I told her, since I"m not in that situation, I can"t actually tell if I"d be down to get into another relationship. But she"s pretty cool, and gorgeous, so it"s not crazy to think I could be happy getting into one.

What I"m trying to figure out is how to handle this situation without coming off too much as a jerk. Don"t get me wrong, I"m not in love with the girl, it"s only been a few dates, if it were to blow up right now I"d be bummed a bit but fine. But there"s been talk of meeting up when she visits for thanksgiving, Christmas, and it"s her last year so she"ll be back living in my city in 8 months or so, at a time where I could be ready to get into something more serious. I like her enough so far that I don"t want to just cast her off and go find some other chick to lay.

Another talk about this is inevitable so I"m essentially trying to figure out what to say to her, and really I need to figure out what I want, as in if I"m happy hanging out with her (which I do enjoy) and hooking up grade 10 style. I might be happy doing that for another few weeks, but I"m worried if I come off as complacent or happy with just that, I"ll look A) Too into her so that I just accept whatever I can get B) Like a pushover/chump C) Possibly wasting the last month of what has been an exceptional summer, especially it being the first one I"ve had single in the longest time.

I"m a bit worried I"m starting to like her too much, possibly why I"m over analyzing this shit.

That was long and whiny and I"m not normally like that, but hopefully typing all this shit out will give me some perspective.
 
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Jayblah_sl

shitlord
14
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I"ve finally decided to supplement real-life social interaction with the online dating scene. Frankly, I"m getting pretty tired of clubs and bars. Based on some early posts in this thread and some of my own research into how "PUA"s" (I filched a few tidbits from Cajun"s posts) recommend you set up an online profile, and thus far, this is what I"ve come up with:

The nitty:

* I"m passionate about living life to the fullest; I will try almostanythingonce. There is one exception, but you can ask me about it.
* I"m the guy who has no reservations, and is very comfortable in his own skin.
* The arts (e.g. music, film, design, fashion) play a vital role in my life in that they keep me sane. It"s very important that anyone I"m with shares a passion for the arts, and respects one"s right to enjoy the arts, even if they don"t share the same proclivities.
* I"m a ginormous, unrepentant nerd. I love tinkering with computers, learning even the most mundane and obscure of information, and reading pretty much anything I can get my hands on.
* I"m pretty mature for my age and am often thought of as "wise beyond my years"
* I"m more interested in personality than whether or not your milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. You don"t have to be a knockout for me to respond, but if you happen to be a looker, please prove to me that you all aren"t batshit insane.
* Totally random tidbit: No one has ever guessed my age correctly based on physical appearance alone. Most never get within 5 years.

The gritty:

I"ve lived in NJ most of my adult life, am University-educated, and determined to balance business with pleasure. I"m not a fan of the club/bar scene anymore, so I"m taking the laid-back, non-serious online approach. I operate strictly drama-free, have no interest in playing mind-games, and don"t tolerate either from women. Don"t let that intimidate you; it simply means I"m looking for a confident, like-minded woman, and not a low self-esteem girl. I"m really down to earth, I promise!
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The goal is for it to not be too lengthy, and also be superior to the average male profile (i.e. my competition). Girls (Alcestic, Ravenn), what would you add? What strikes you as creepy or cringe-worthy and in need of immediate baleetion? Dabamf and other "subscribers" to the PUA-method, any suggestions from you guys?

I"m not going to go the "divorce line" route when it comes to actual messaging, but I figure I"d enlist some help with the profile. Thannks!
 
A

Alcestis_foh

shitlord
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Haha, nice. A couple things in there made me smile.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:- Good on the "ask me about my one exception" line. You"d be attracting the right kind of girl who"d be curious to see what you wouldn"t do. Though, I can"t believe you have onlyonehard limit. Most (normal) people auto-refuse things like sex with animals, corpses, babies, etc. Which one of those, exactly, would you try once? *raises eyebrow* Unless, of course, that"s the intended response you"re wanting girls to ask just to get over the hurdle of them messaging you. In which case, you"re a clever (and tricky) son-of-a-bitch.

- Second sentence about reservations seems a bit superfluous, especially after your first statement. I"d relocate it to the "gritty" part.

- The "wise beyond my years" quip sits strangely with me for some reason, but I don"t know why. And it"s not because it"s missing a period, either. Hmm. I"ll think on it.

- I"d expand more on your nerd-qualities, but at the same time reassure whoever is reading that you aren"t one ofthosenerds. You know the type. The image that popped into my mind after reading "ginormous/unrepentant nerd" is a poop-socking, my-monitor-needs-to-be-cleaned-every-month-from-the-hentai-ejaculate-buildup kind of nerd. Even if youarelike that, don"t give all your secrets away at once! Perhaps interject some relatively normal nerdly things you do: your favorite show, your favorite band that you follow religiously, etc. The trick is to saywhythey"re you"re a nerd for them instead of just listing them off. "I have cable, but I only really watch like 4 stations on it: Food Network for ________ because [reason here], Discovery Channel for JESUS CHRIST SHARK WEEK", etc.

- Nice random tidbit. Even I want to play the "guess your age" game. Too bad most of these places make it clear how old you are at a glance. That could be a fun game for the right type.

- Ha, ugly girls can be just as batshit insane as pretty ones. I"d reword that to make it sound a little less misogynistic, heh. Maybe something like, "If you message me and I take a look at your profile, don"t be alarmed if I ask [insert your batshit insane test litmus here, without revealing that it"s a batshit insane test litmus]." Bonus points if you can make it intriguing enough that any girl who visits will want to answer that question just to see if she "won".

- Not sure what you mean by "balancing business with pleasure". Clarification needed there.

- Your ending lines need a lot of work, but reeling girls in with a catchy closing is out of my realm. I"ll leave that for someone else. ^^;
All in all, I think it"s interesting. It strikes the suggested balance between "says very little" and "says nothing".
 
brekk

brekk

Dancing Dino Superstar
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The whole line about the arts comes off as majorly gay.

sorry, it does.
 
K

Kevincheese_foh

shitlord
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Haka Shakamalakabalsaka said:
Dabamf is pretty much spot on. Take control, be the man. Asian girls (in Asia at least) expect to be treated like princesses in some ways, but don"t go overboard. Koreans and Chinese are extremely similar, so much that often they can"t tell themselves apart, from talking to my Korean friends, so I think you can trust what Dabamf is saying.

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I guess I"ll finally throw my lot in here and live journal it up since I"ve been creeping on this thread since it was made.

Couple weeks back at a pub I met a Cute Blond through my buddy"s gf (who is awesome and has set me up with a few of her friends already). Chatted her up and she was totally into me, ended up making out a lot that night in various places downtown, but my buddy"s gf told me that while she really likes me so far she wouldn"t be going home with me. That was fine, if I did take her home right there while that would have been fun, I likely wouldn"t have wanted to see her again. I should mention that I"m nearly 25 and she"s a bit younger at 22. I should also mention that about 10 months ago I got out of a nearly 5 year relationship, so I"m not especially looking to get into anything serious just yet, or at least not desperate to. Finally, she is going back for her last year of uni in a month, so this is definitely not long term. Initially, what I was hoping was for a good end of summer fling thing where it wouldn"t be too painful when she left, and down the road once she"s done school if things worked out we could have another go at it.

Anyways, we"ve been on a few dates since then and hooking up a bit. After the first date we went back to my place and hooked up a bit but no sex, which was fine since it was first date, totally reasonable. The next couple dates she was on the rag, but to me it really seemed like she wanted to bang. As a side note, she has an amazing body and it was really fucking frustrating getting so close and not screwing her.

So finally I met up with her for what I guess was the 5th time since I met her, and she got all distant and stuff. I picked up on it and asked her what was wrong and she essentially explained that since we"re not really going to end up being bf/gf etc she"s not really willing to have sex. I didn"t really handle my response very well, I don"t remember exactly what I said, but it was something along the lines of that I respect her decision but she should know I"m not looking to bang and run, or treat her like shit, and that I"m trustworthy. Afterwards thinking back I felt like I was trying to sell her/convince her on going through with it and I felt like a bit of a jerk. Sure, I would love to have sex with her, especially because at this point that"s what I figured our relationship would be.... lots of fun end of summer hooking up without letting it get too serious so we don"t get hurt when she leaves.

I don"t want to push her into something she regrets later, however I"m also worried that if I stop trying, she may lose interest, as in my experience being the nice understanding type of guy loses girl"s interest pretty fucking fast.

Finally I should mention that we"ve both acknowledged had the situation been different, as in if she wasn"t leaving, our relationship would be taking a different path and there likely wouldn"t be much of a problem. At least that"s what I told her, since I"m not in that situation, I can"t actually tell if I"d be down to get into another relationship. But she"s pretty cool, and gorgeous, so it"s not crazy to think I could be happy getting into one.

What I"m trying to figure out is how to handle this situation without coming off too much as a jerk. Don"t get me wrong, I"m not in love with the girl, it"s only been a few dates, if it were to blow up right now I"d be bummed a bit but fine. But there"s been talk of meeting up when she visits for thanksgiving, Christmas, and it"s her last year so she"ll be back living in my city in 8 months or so, at a time where I could be ready to get into something more serious. I like her enough so far that I don"t want to just cast her off and go find some other chick to lay.

Another talk about this is inevitable so I"m essentially trying to figure out what to say to her, and really I need to figure out what I want, as in if I"m happy hanging out with her (which I do enjoy) and hooking up grade 10 style. I might be happy doing that for another few weeks, but I"m worried if I come off as complacent or happy with just that, I"ll look A) Too into her so that I just accept whatever I can get B) Like a pushover/chump C) Possibly wasting the last month of what has been an exceptional summer, especially it being the first one I"ve had single in the longest time.

I"m a bit worried I"m starting to like her too much, possibly why I"m over analyzing this shit.

That was long and whiny and I"m not normally like that, but hopefully typing all this shit out will give me some perspective.
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Do the Naked Man.
 
ToeMissile

ToeMissile

Pronouns: zie/zhem/zer
<Gold Donor>
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Kevincheese said:
Do the Naked Man.
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+nets for you, though I wouldn"t recommend it. I say just be straight with her, lay down the facts.

-you think she swell
-not sure you"re in a place to have a more-than-casual relationship(include info about previous long term at your own discretion)
-she"s going back to school, long distance FTL, etc
-other points?

If you have enjoy her company enough to forgo getting laid, then I guess that"s saying something right there. But regardless, she"s still in the "learning who you are stage", so just let her go and when she"s done w/ school and if you"re both available then go for it. Maybe hang out when she comes back into town during holidays. *shrug*
 
C

Chaotic_foh

shitlord
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Let me ask you guys that are dating these asians an honest question, as american men: why?

Seriously, is it because you have an asian fetish or it"s something you want to try? Is it because that"s your only option living overseas?

Really, dealing with all that cultural bullshit is just lame. Close lipped kiss for two seconds with the girl acting like she"s 12? No conversation? No sex? Once, after 5 years you have sex you KNOW it"s going to be horrible. Where"s the fun in that?

This is why I love spanish girls. I"ve always said this,

If a white girl likes you, she pretends she doesn"t.

If a spanish girl likes you, she stares at you until you approach, and if you don"t approach her, approaches you and asks you what the problem is.

I love that shit. I"m a white guy that dates spanish girls. If you read my previous post in this thread you"ll see what happened with that. They are culturally very aggressive and passionate, which is just so goddamn sexy (but eventually becomes very, very tiresome as their anger and jealousy takes over) I don"t know, i"m just polar opposite from the whole asian thing. I would find that so incredibly annoying and not worth it.
 
D

Dabamf_sl

shitlord
1,472
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Haka Shakamalakabalsaka said:
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I"ve run into that once, though a little more extreme. Girl from Cali visiting her family for a week when I was in NC. Had an amazing night and the next day just hung out and talked all day. When it came time to fooling around I got the no-go since she was leaving the next day, while no doubt it would have happened if there was not a certain end. It"s a little frustrating but there"s not much you can do about it.

In your case, I would ignore what she said and do what you normally do. If things naturally get heated, she can put a stop to it if she desires. Most likely, she consciously doesn"t want to sleep with a guy when she"ll be leaving soon inevitably, but in the passion of the moment she may decide she really wants to.

You are right, that sacrificing your desires is probably not a good call, for you and also for her interest in you. That doesn"t mean try to reach down her pants every 2 minutes while fooliing around; just let things happen naturally and don"t change your normal behavior. She made the decision, if she wants to tease herself by fooling around but not having sex with you, its on her.

Jayblah said:
The nitty:

* I"m passionate about living life to the fullest; I will try almost anything once. There is one exception, but you can ask me about it.
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As a disclaimer, I"ve never claim to be an expert in online profiles as I"ve never done that thing, so if you see Cajun or someone else advocating the opposite of what I say, they"re probably right.

I"m more interested if you cut out "but you can ask me about it." It just seems like a probe when you say that. I"d end it on "I will try almost anything once. There is one exception to this." It"s more intriguing to me.
* The arts (e.g. music, film, design, fashion) play a vital role in my life in that they keep me sane. It"s very important that anyone I"m with shares a passion for the arts, and respects one"s right to enjoy the arts, even if they don"t share the same proclivities.
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You say its very important that a girl likes the arts, and also to respect someone"s right to enjoy the arts. It doesn"t make sense. Like saying "you must play computer games, and you must respect others" desire to play computer games." If someone likes something, obviously they are gonna be ok with others liking it. I would keep the first sentence and axe the rest. It sounds weird even w/o that confusing part.

* I"m pretty mature for my age and am often thought of as "wise beyond my years"
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wise beyond my years is a huge cliche. Drop it in favor of something else, or just axe that whole point. Everyone thinks they are mature, it"s just a way of saying "I"m better than most people my age." Don"t tell people you"re better; show them.
* I"m more interested in personality than whether or not your milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. You don"t have to be a knockout for me to respond, but if you happen to be a looker, please prove to me that you all aren"t batshit insane.
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I know you modified this from cajun"s profile. But his line was really perfect. Use his line, or axe it imo. The implication that all models are insane is reasonable and a very nice neg for those 10s that do look at his profile, while also implying that he"s used to (and deserving of) dating models. Yours implies that all attractive women are insane. The "batshit insane" is funny to FoHers, but I highly doubt most women would like it. It"s a pretty strong statement and makes you sounds cynical. The milkshake line was funny to me.

I like most of the rest of it. But being that I don"t know the first thing about constructing an online profile, I stuck to just picking apart what I didn"t like. Good luck.
 
D

Dabamf_sl

shitlord
1,472
0
Chaotic said:
Let me ask you guys that are dating these asians an honest question, as american men: why?
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I"m in Korea. And when in Rome..........

I"m not some Asian fetish weirdo, but I do like the Asian look quite a bit, better than any other ethnicity.

And the remainder of my interest is mostly a combo of curiosity, and just for the experience of dating an Asian woman. I get to learn a lot about different cultures, different people, compatability between cultures, etc. I like to figure out what makes people tick, it"s why I was a psych major, and this is sort of an avenue to that. And its sort of a challenge to master. I had just gotten American girls *somewhat* figured out, and here I had to start at square one. Now I want to figure it out.

And of course the other reason that is sufficient on its own: there are no other options. The western girls in Korea are slim pickings, and the average attractiveness is significantly less than in the states (that"s why they come here? I don"t know). And the weirdo factor is significantly higher as well. Fuck it took me 3 months to find just a couple normal westerners here to hang out with amidst a sea of weirdos. The chances of finding an actual partner are astronomically low.
 
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Haka Shakamalakabalsaka_foh

shitlord
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haha man your response is so totally dead on, that"s exactly like my time in Korea. Honestly that place attracts some fucked in the head individuals (foreigners I mean) and in a few instances I know for a fact that there are people running from the law or serious, serious debt.

While I had a gf while I was there (terrible decision) I still had a fascination with wondering what"d it be like dating a true blooded Korean. They do things so differently and I just think it"d be extremely interesting to experience new ways to do things. But really, that kind of thinking is why I love other cultures, history and traveling so much.

Back to my boring shit:

Thx for the responses and I think you guys are pretty on the ball. I was thinking about it a bit today and I figure that"s what I"ll do. I"ll just put her mind at ease, while enjoying what I get, I"ll probably still try next time we get drunk together. Luckily she gives exceptional blowjobs. I guess I just kind of realized I"m starting to fall for her a bit, which I too easily do, and I need to take a step back and just have fun with it while it lasts.

It would be so, so fucking nice to seal the deal before she leaves though, as essentially I"d have scheduled and definite lays periodically every time she comes back for holidays etc. She even invited me to come visit once.

I guess there"s kind of an inner turmoil I have going on between my strong urge to screw her and my actual feelings towards her. I wasn"t intending to like her as much as I do, but I guess that can be a good thing. Now I"m pretty sure I won"t be an ass and trick her into doing something she regrets later.
 
D

Dabamf_sl

shitlord
1,472
0
Haka Shakamalakabalsaka said:
I guess there"s kind of an inner turmoil I have going on between my strong urge to screw her and my actual feelings towards her. I wasn"t intending to like her as much as I do, but I guess that can be a good thing. Now I"m pretty sure I won"t be an ass and trick her into doing something she regrets later.
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As a guy, you will never know the source of your desire until you bang and experience the 30 minutes after it happens. I remember I had a booty call agreement with an ex and around 3 weeks of not getting any I started to develop emotions for her again, and questioned whether breaking up was the right call. When we"d sleep together again, I just wanted her to leave afterwards and those feelings were gone. It was then I realize that that 30 minutes of being unable and not wanting to have sex, after you just came, is the only time you can trust your emotions for a girl, because your dick is one deceptive motherfucker and will fill your head with all kinds of bullshit in order to take another dip.
 
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Sweet Prince EmpireF4i_foh

shitlord
0
0
I havent dated anyone seriously for years now. Ive hooked up with exes and the random girls here and there but nothing that I would consider serious.

Anyway, theres this girl that Ive known for about 8 years now that Ive never met before in person. I think I first met her on AOL in a chatroom or something. She will be 22 next month and Ill be 29 in November. Ive never really asked her out because shes a lot younger than me, but tonight, I got a message on Facebook saying that she broke up with her boyfriend and she wants to hang out now.
She dated this guy for like 4-5 years but within the last few months shes been trying to get me to go out with her and I never could meet her. She had a boyfriend the last few times shes asked me out so I was never really that into meeting her, but now I think I might.

Heres a couple pics of said girl so you know what im dealing with here.
Shes on the right in the first pic, and the left on the second.
 
S

Sweet Prince EmpireF4i_foh

shitlord
0
0
niteflyx said:
hot, but now i just see a 21 year old dude eGaming a 14 year old chick.
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Sorry, I didnt mean to turn you on at all.

But it never really was about hooking up with her before. I never tried to make it happen, she was more of a friend that I talked to a lot.
 
K

Kenadul

Golden Knight of the Realm
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Dabamf said:
As a guy, you will never know the source of your desire until you bang and experience the 30 minutes after it happens. I remember I had a booty call agreement with an ex and around 3 weeks of not getting any I started to develop emotions for her again, and questioned whether breaking up was the right call. When we"d sleep together again, I just wanted her to leave afterwards and those feelings were gone. It was then I realize that that 30 minutes of being unable and not wanting to have sex, after you just came, is the only time you can trust your emotions for a girl, because your dick is one deceptive motherfucker and will fill your head with all kinds of bullshit in order to take another dip.
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Man that statement is so true. There are so many times where I would sleep with someone and think I was so attracted to them and wanted them so bad just based on not having any ass in a while and right after you bust you are like wtf you can leave now.
 
tyen

tyen

EQ in a browser wait time: ____
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That chick is going to hate life when she takes you in, lolz.
 
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