Girls who broke your heart thread

Eomer said:

Arguing with random, anonymous jackasses on the internet with no intentions of ever meeting in real life is "expanding our social spheres"? What point were you making, exactly? I"m talking real, live relationships and social interactions here, not chatting with people by text or voice.

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In a word, yes. It"s foolish to think this isn"t socializing, whether we ever meet or not(and a lot of us do as a note).

I mean...have you actually looked at younger generations recently? Internet socialization is the norm...people who think like you do are on the way out.

So yeah, saying gaming doesn"t expand your social sphere is incorrect at best. You can say that it has the *perception* of that, and that would be somewhat true(again, look at the next generations).

Example: I know a guy in Japan who works as an EE, if I sent him some parts I"m sure he"d be happy to put some electronics together for me despite having never met him, we"ve only talked for 15 years online from a game we used to play.

Awesome, I just expanded my social sphere.

LMAO you actually are saying interacting with faceless anonymous people on the internet is expanding your social sphere? I went to college with NOTHING but shut-in MMORPG playing computer nerds. I was one of them. They haveno fucking cluehow to interact with people in the real world. They are weird, nervous, never make eye contact, look at the ground -- basically all things that make someone think their confidence is zero. I"m sure they were fucking decked out in the most uber gear in EQ and talked up in gchat about how much dripping wet tang they got but their "real" socialization skills were nil.

Don"t you confuse being a shut in with confidence behind a keyboard with real life interpersonal abilities. Furthermore even though "internet socializing" is quickly becoming the norm I still get strange looks when I tell my friends/family I met a girl via an online site.

-edit-

Actually I forgot who I"m talking to. I know from your previous posts this is a fruitless argument since I"m fully convinced you"d be lost in the sea of terribles I went to college with. But it"s cool I"m sure there was a red hot party in Second Life last Friday night and SlaveLea042 wastotallygrinding your avatar junk.

Bah, just got off the phone with Charlene, looking like that"s done with for the time being unfortunately. I called her up and we chatted about our respective weekends for a few minutes, then I asked her what her schedule was like and if she"d like to do something. She hummed and hawed and said that probably this week she was busy, was about to say next week would do better, but then was like "well see, I"m not sure if we"re going to go out again." I wasn"t prepared for that conversation at all, so probably didn"t handle it well.

Paraphrasing, I asked her why that was, she responded that she was seeing someone already, I said that I knew that, she laughed and said she liked how I"m so direct and said how she"s not really sure about the other guy because of the age difference (he"s 27, whoops, I"m 28) but that otherwise they"re quite compatible and the relationship is physical and while she"s not exclusive with him (doesn"t use the boyfriend term) she feels guilty seeing someone else, I said (with a cheerful tone) no problem she could drop the other guy, she again laughed and said that no she wasn"t ready to do that, I asked why she agreed to go out last week if that was the case, she said that she quite likes me too but is further along with the other guy and while we might be even more compatible she obviously doesn"t know that yet and so will continue with the other guy, I said I was disappointed and would have liked to see her again, but that I understood and she knew where to find me should she change her mind. She said she did and would, and she again laughed and commented about my directness, saying "I feel like we just settled a business transaction."

She also mentioned at one point when talking about why she"s not giving up on the current guy that her friends have been asking her about it, so they"re either pressuring her to break up with him because he"s a loser or just not a great guy, or potentially because they see me as a better option. Not sure.

I"m sure I could have handled it better. I should have said "actually yes, we are seeing each other one more time" and just not taken no for an answer, me thinks. Maybe she doesn"t know it, but it sure sounds like she"s looking for a reason to move on from the current guy, and perhaps I just didn"t give her enough of one.

Eomer said:

Dianetics said, paraphrased, "oh we"ve had sex, so my feelings aren"t about the sex." Bull. Fucking. Shit. As of right now, they"re almost ENTIRELY about the sex, you"ve just got yourself convinced otherwise.

[/spoiler]

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While I agree with all of your post, I just want to clarify this point. I know a lot of my feelings are due to her being my first and that sex is still new to me. I was responding to the idea that I was merely looking forward to having sex, but I"m not. I do actually like her, it"s not just the sex. I"ll just leave it at that for now.

Oh I realize that. You realize that. We all realize that. The problem is, your subconscious doesn"t. You"re a huge ball of emotions and feelings that you"ve never felt before, or have never had reciprocated. And suddenly BAM you find this girl that makes you feel totally, completely different than anyone else, so that must be love right? Unfortunately, no, it probably isn"t. Not yet.

And I am halfways tempted to send Charlene a text, telling her I changed my mind and won"t accept no for an answer.

Eomer said:

Bah, just got off the phone with Charlene, looking like that"s done with for the time being unfortunately. I called her up and we chatted about our respective weekends for a few minutes, then I asked her what her schedule was like and if she"d like to do something. She hummed and hawed and said that probably this week she was busy, was about to say next week would do better, but then was like "well see, I"m not sure if we"re going to go out again." I wasn"t prepared for that conversation at all, so probably didn"t handle it well.

Paraphrasing, I asked her why that was, she responded that she was seeing someone already, I said that I knew that, she laughed and said she liked how I"m so direct and said how she"s not really sure about the other guy because of the age difference (he"s 27, whoops, I"m 28) but that otherwise they"re quite compatible and the relationship is physical and while she"s not exclusive with him (doesn"t use the boyfriend term) she feels guilty seeing someone else, I said (with a cheerful tone) no problem she could drop the other guy, she again laughed and said that no she wasn"t ready to do that, I asked why she agreed to go out last week if that was the case, she said that she quite likes me too but is further along with the other guy and while we might be even more compatible she obviously doesn"t know that yet and so will continue with the other guy, I said I was disappointed and would have liked to see her again, but that I understood and she knew where to find me should she change her mind. She said she did and would, and she again laughed and commented about my directness, saying "I feel like we just settled a business transaction."

She also mentioned at one point when talking about why she"s not giving up on the current guy that her friends have been asking her about it, so they"re either pressuring her to break up with him because he"s a loser or just not a great guy, or potentially because they see me as a better option. Not sure.

I"m sure I could have handled it better. I should have said "actually yes, we are seeing each other one more time" and just not taken no for an answer, me thinks. Maybe she doesn"t know it, but it sure sounds like she"s looking for a reason to move on from the current guy, and perhaps I just didn"t give her enough of one.

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I told you that this wasn"t going anywhere, but at the same time, this is over probably because of chemistry or lack thereof. She didn"t go on a date with you while in a relationship only to give you a shitty excuse for ending it. She gave you a shot and didn"t see you as something that was worth "cheating" for.

This could be for a million different reasons so I wouldn"t worry about it, there"s just no reason to analyze it. But this is the reason why you shouldn"t date attached people, because you just get compared to their current offering and them ending it with you has no consequences, they still have their mate.

Was a bad idea from the start, just as the mmo nerd, jaded
troll, roid raging asshole, perpetual liar, fat
girl banging Arkk said.

@ eomer, pretty sure the phrase is "hemmed and hawed" not "hummed and hawed", though thats a pretty cute variation. Nothing is proper substitute for trial-and-error; meeting someone early on and not working out means dump out and move on to the next, don"t waste any time. Persistence only makes sense if the relationships lasted long enough to make it worth it. You may have a hard time letting go of chicks but the more you force yourself to, the easier it"ll become.

Eomer said:

And I am halfways tempted to send Charlene a text, telling her I changed my mind and won"t accept no for an answer.

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Too late. Though of course I was wrong with the "You wont get a date out of this" statement after your just-met post. Short guess is this: because she was dating someone, you had to impress her an extra amount. You didn"t so she stayed w/ him. No time for more now..

That can"t be it. Eomer is super awesome; go ahead buddy, send her that text and tell her no!


lol

edit: Jokes aside, as others have mentioned, she gave you a whirl and you came real short so she"s sticking with the other guy.

Tenks said:

LMAO you actually are saying interacting with faceless anonymous people on the internet is expanding your social sphere? I went to college with NOTHING but shut-in MMORPG playing computer nerds. I was one of them. They haveno fucking cluehow to interact with people in the real world.

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Well, we figured out what your problem is. Now for you to just stop projecting the fact that you"re a loser onto the rest of the world who is mostly socially adjusted and happens to play games.

Though seriously, I agree, let"s not start an argument and shit up the thread, since you seem to know me so well and I can"t even pretend to remember you. I cede defeat to my apparent fan, who has done his homework.

Arkk said:

This could be for a million different reasons so I wouldn"t worry about it, there"s just no reason to analyze it. But this is the reason why you shouldn"t date attached people, because you just get compared to their current offering and them ending it with you has no consequences, they still have their mate.

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Again though, what did I lose out of it? Woo, I paid for cheap concert tickets and a meal, total about 80 bucks. I spend that if I go out for steaks/drinks with my buds, and double or triple if we hit bars afterwards.

What did I gain? Perhaps not much, since it appears things are done with. But you never know what might happen in the future, either running in to her, or better yet she might have a friend who"s looking for a guy, and what do you know, she knows this great guy that the timing was off on, but would her friend like to meet him?

No question that going in, odds were against me due to her previous relationship. But hey, at least I tried right?

Dabamf said:

Too late. Though of course I was wrong with the "You wont get a date out of this" statement after your just-met post. Short guess is this: because she was dating someone, you had to impress her an extra amount. You didn"t so she stayed w/ him. No time for more now..

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That"s pretty much exactly it, unfortunately.

Chu said:

That can"t be it. Eomer is super awesome; go ahead buddy, send her that text and tell her no!


lol

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Well I did right after making that post. No idea if it did any good OR bad for my prospects with her, but what the hell I figured:

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:Me: I changed my mind, I won"t take no for an answer. You obviously haven"t basked in my presence enough to make the right decision. Easy fix!

Her: Lol...oh myname. Ur so dam persistent, but unfortunately u"ll have 2 accept no b/c I dont want 2 b a shady double dater.Makes me feel creepy.

Me: Haha, I"d have taken adorable over persistent, but it"s a start anyway! Like I said, there"s an easy solution. I am considering this "no" as *snip* a "yes, just give me a week or two to come around" for the time being.

Her: MYNAME!!! Silly guy u r but yes u r adorable. Off 2 the gym now, have a good night. Xoxo

I dunno, I have a feeling I may hear from her again, but who knows. At this point I"ll leave it lie, because any more contact will only make it worse. (edit: make ME look worse) I really should give the ski trip girl a call, or the old neighborhood flame.

I"m creeped out and I"m

a) Not a female
b) Not receiving these texts
c) Live in a separate country

Damnit, Eomer, I couldn"t reply to your recent posts until now, and I see I was too late since you already sent The Texts.

First things first: you need to decide what you want: relationship or meaningless sex. If the former, and you find out someone you are interested in is already in a relationship, get the chick out of your mind, no matter how "bad" her current relationship may be. Why? If you think for a second that you"ll be able to replace her current boyfriend and keep the girl interested exclusively in you, you"re in for a very rude awakening. It may not come quickly, but it will come, and you"ve already told the girl that it"s a-okay for her to "keep her options open" in case someone better comes along and sweeps her off her feet, because, after all, you did just that. Now, if you just want a fuck buddy, proceed full speed ahead, just remember to dump her as soon as either one of you tries to make it anything but physical.

In your situation, since you ignored the above advice (and I think you were interested in this girl for more than just a fuck buddy), and she expressed no further interest in going out with you, the very best thing you could have done then would have been to tell her, "Good luck." That"s it. But by sending her The Texts, you"ve clearly established that you"re desperate for a chance at her. Remember the part about not putting a pussy on a pedestal? Well, now you"ve just sent hers up a fucking space elevator. Instead, if you had simply told her, by your words and actions, "have a good life", she might have had a second thought. She might have thought, for example, that there must be more to you than perhaps she was able to pick up after your first date (it"s seriously a stretch, but I"m trying to be positive here). Now, unfortunately like Tenks said, I am willing to bet she"s creeped the fuck out by you.

Delete her number from your phone, delete her e-mails and texts, and look for the next Big Thing.

Eomer said:

Again though, what did I lose out of it? Woo, I paid for cheap concert tickets and a meal, total about 80 bucks. I spend that if I go out for steaks/drinks with my buds, and double or triple if we hit bars afterwards.

What did I gain? Perhaps not much, since it appears things are done with. But you never know what might happen in the future, either running in to her, or better yet she might have a friend who"s looking for a guy, and what do you know, she knows this great guy that the timing was off on, but would her friend like to meet him?

No question that going in, odds were against me due to her previous relationship. But hey, at least I tried right?

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That is the problem, you do lose. You lose dignity and you lose confidence. You approached the situation with this girl from the beginning with a near sense of entitlement. You came off overbearing and needy. The biggest problem is while you are massively insecure, and you acknowledge this at least in theory, you almost try to hide it through your actions. You don"t come off that way from the correspondence you have shown us, but if you think she can"t pick up on it in person you are dead wrong.

You went on one date with the girl. You aren"t going to "win her back". This isn"t Entourage and you aren"t E. Going into a situation with the delusional notion that you are somehow going to wrestle a woman you know absolutely nothing about away from her man is psychotic. Even if in the future you make another TERRIBLE decision and do anything other than face fuck a woman that is in a relationship, and then she breaks it off....WHO THE FUCK CARES.

You just couldn"t resist texting her, and I honestly think it goes back to the point with you I made the first time I ever commented on this thread...you aren"t realistic. You were probably expecting some whirlwind romance from a girl you met at a wedding(I think at least it was a wedding). That shit ain"t realistic.

You aren"t a weirdo or a socially inept dude. You are completely normal, at least from what I can tell, so don"t act like a creepster.

On to the next one.

Eomer said:

Again though, what did I lose out of it? Woo, I paid for cheap concert tickets and a meal, total about 80 bucks. I spend that if I go out for steaks/drinks with my buds, and double or triple if we hit bars afterwards.

What did I gain? Perhaps not much, since it appears things are done with. But you never know what might happen in the future, either running in to her, or better yet she might have a friend who"s looking for a guy, and what do you know, she knows this great guy that the timing was off on, but would her friend like to meet him?

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Never going to happen after you sent those last texts. You are now known as the creepy, desperate guy to her and all her girl friends.

You lost quite a lot more than 80$.

Ok more time to respond now...

For video games, I love video games, and played them obsessively in high school and off and on in college. That being said, even I would be cautious about dating any girl who plays MMOs. The chance of them neglecting their life in some manner is significantly higher than if they had a different hobby. There is no denying it. Car-hobbyists or model-plane builders aren"t likely to spend 20+ hours a week on their hobby. Shit, I won"t even tell a girl I play video games until we have dated for a few weeks. It is just too likely to get me lumped in the loser category before I have a chance to show I"m not.

Playing video games has a stigma associated with it, from a vast majority of the population. Whether that stigma is legit or not is irrelevant.It exists, therefore it matters.If you play video games all the time and your gf doesn"t, you are most likely gonna bore her. If you tell a first date you love video games, she is more likely to add that to the "negatives" column in her mental "what do I think of this guy" chart. You can choose to ignore it, but you can"t escape it. Whether it"s a legit stigma or not is totally irrelevant.

For Eomer, I can"t tell for sure but since you"ve posted stories I have consistently gotten the impression that you are not doing near enough qualification with girls. You can play cocky social guy, but if you aren"t qualifying girls significantly, you aren"t gonna keep their interest. I see it like once you decide you"re potentially interested in a girl, you are fully accepting of them until you or she decides they"re not interested. You post a lot of transcripts and I"ve never seen it, do you ask any questions of which the answer could be essentially "wrong"? Like, you ask something and if she answers in a certain way ("Oh you like working in homeless shelters? That"s really cool, I do too, because I love helping people...but why do you do it?" There is an implied wrong answer here: "my school made me do community service.") then you will lose interest in her andshe will know it.

I"m being vague but it"s hard to describe well. The girl should be well aware that you are not sure of them, that you see some things you like, or MAY like, but you are still very unsure of them. And the way they respond to questions essentially adds or subtracts points. It"s the natural process of dating, just made explicit and made slightly known to the girl. This can be all done positively and in a friendly manner. Mystery uses generic questions like "are you adventurous? yea? well whats the most adventurous thing you"ve done?" My style is more specific, asking a lot of "why" questions in response to what they say. That"s a qualification. To DG at first, "Oh you own the store? That"s really cool...why did you decide to start your own store?" If the answer is something like independence and money, then I am impressed and it shows. If it"s something like "I had no job and my brother needed a partner, so I reluctantly agreed" I am unimpressed.

That"s not a game. It"s just a matter of making your desires or opinions explicit. I AM impressed that DG started the store even though it"s just a franchise, and that specific fact is one of the many reasons I like her, and she knows it because of the way I asked the question and responded to the answer. That in turn shows I have standards and she should live up to them.

May not apply at all to this girl. It"s more of a general observation. My previous post mostly covers my guess at this situation.

P.S. The follow up text was a bad call. You could maybe be bold when she first told you that on the phone (though that"s definitely notmystyle), but the text after you thought about it certainly came off as needy.
P.P.S. The humorous "I"m not gonna take no! Lolz" does not come off as confident and funny as you likely intend it to come off. I would go as far as to say that, if you are serious at all about a request or statement, don"t use humor to make it. It makes the statement weak and full of insecurity. I can"t say if this applies universally...probably doesn"t.

Tarrant220 said:

Alright so did an early dinner this afternoon/evening with Nodrama ex. It went well, she got out of her study early so I picked her up and we went out for some food, talked some things over, it was pretty productive.I told her I had things to do

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Spent a good amount of time together, had fun, and was the first to call it a night...Good call for date #1.

Things are going okay, I still feel lonely at times I guess...sex just isn"t doing it for me, not sure any of the girls other then Nodrama ex could possibly hold a future relationship with. We"ll see though, I"m still getting to know the other two. I do miss the connection with Recentex...but as I said, it"s not worth the shit storm I went through, there may be times you guys will have to verbally slap me around in case I have second thoughts about it.

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Most people are lonely. You just gotta tough it out and make sure you keep your dignity intact until something good comes around again. And it will. It is highly unlikely your ex is irreplaceable, and given how she handled the recent situation, the wanting-to-cheat boyfriend, etc, I"m pretty certain she"s not irreplaceable.