Girls who broke your heart thread

Dianetics08 said:

So my girlfriend and I broke up a week ago. It was kinda weird, we didn"t break up for any specific reason, the relationship wasn"t even bad, it just wasn"t as good as it was. When we were talking about it, I got the feeling that she was breaking up with me so I pretty much gave in and agreed with her that we should break up then so we could still be friends. So, I don"t really want to be just friends with her cuz I still like her. We still text some, but at this point I don"t know what to do. Do I just break off contact with her, or keep talking with her with the hopes of getting back together? She said at one point that the break up might not be permanent, but I can"t tell if she was just being nice or w/e. I"m not too heart broken, I do miss her and she does pop into my mind at least a few times a day. I just don"t think I can deal with just being friends.

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Any time a girl wants a "break" it means she wants to fuck other people.

Most people can"t deal with being just friends, its normal. Out of sight, out of mind. It won"t happen like that, but you need to sever ties as much as you can because it"ll just eat you alive if you play into her hands.

You are the dude in college right? I reiterate...let it go. Trust me don"t be that guy who turns into the psycho ex bf. Everyone called that this would happen, and it is because that is how things go.

Nothing anyone says is going to make it any better, but I can assure you with 100% confidence you"ll get over it. As people stated before, you aren"t going to marry this girl.

You are young. Slay bitches at will.

By the way, the 2 or 3 dudes who were looking for some stuff to do next summer in the MPLS/St. Paul area (runs April-August): My wiffle ball league (best in the country) HRL Twin Cities is having a combine for incoming free agents into the league this Saturday, Nov. 7th at 11:00AM at Sky Hill Park in Eagan.

Send a message to[email protected]if you"re interested in joining as a new guy and just show up Saturday.

Send me a PM or visitHRL: Twin Cities > Homewith any questions.

/derail

Brad2770 said:

She is kind of a follower, sadly enough. The people she hung out with in the past (the last 2 years) have steered her in that direction, but since she has started hanging out with me, she has busted out a few pieces of her "preppy" clothes.

She may go with me to my company Christmas Party in Dec. I told her she might be required to dress up some because of the people higher up.... but then I felt bad because I shouldnt have to tell someone to be something they arent. So I told her she could wear whatever she wanted, that i would be rpoud to have her with me no matter what. She said she would still dress up for me.

Anyways, she does prefer a mild Goth look, but she is far from Goth. I have already stated this a year ago.


EDIT- I was mostly posting the pic as a jab at Dabamf.

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Welcome to the real world, want her to wear whatever she wants? If she wanted to wear anything other then something that would make her look nice and not like a raving vampire then she"s a retard.

So my girlfriend and I broke up a week ago. It was kinda weird, we didn"t break up for any specific reason, the relationship wasn"t even bad, it just wasn"t as good as it was. When we were talking about it, I got the feeling that she was breaking up with me so I pretty much gave in and agreed with her that we should break up then so we could still be friends. So, I don"t really want to be just friends with her cuz I still like her. We still text some, but at this point I don"t know what to do. Do I just break off contact with her, or keep talking with her with the hopes of getting back together? She said at one point that the break up might not be permanent, but I can"t tell if she was just being nice or w/e. I"m not too heart broken, I do miss her and she does pop into my mind at least a few times a day. I just don"t think I can deal with just being friends.

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Just stop responding to texts, ignore her, go meet another girl. Problem solved.

Yeah, I pretty much figured that breaking all contact with her is the right course of action. No worries about being the psycho-ex, it"s not like I"ve been sending her text after text, but from now on no more texts. Kinda feel like a dick, especially if she does really want to be friends, but w/e. Started the hunt for new pussy this past weekend, have one promising lead, a girl that I was friends with last year that I"m almost certain had a crush on me that I was too much of a pussy to make a move on.

She still wants to be friends, but broke up with you, that"s a load, it"s basically the cop-out excuse, The best thing to do is just take her shit out of your phone, remove from facebook etc. Just stop responding to her. Like you said, you still have feelings for her and still like her, continuing chat and talking will only make it harder to rid yourself of those, so basically just sever her from your life and meet a new chick and focus on new bitches, will help you forget about her.

Sutekh said:

Welcome to the real world, want her to wear whatever she wants? If she wanted to wear anything other then something that would make her look nice and not like a raving vampire then she"s a retard

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Wow I actually agree with Sutekh on this Dude, if your job means anything to you, you better tell her to dress up.

Brad2770 said:

pic

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Looks like Dabamf has an ass like a wall in my old apartment - very slightly bowed outward from termites. Her back might as well be on her thighs.

Dianetics: The one who does the breaking up doesn"t get to tell the other person how they should handle the aftermath. If she requests that you "stay friends" or even hints that it might work out again in the future just to keep you around, she"s being presumptuous. Especially when she knows you still have feelings for her. No need to think you"re a dick for cutting off text contact. Besides, I"m certain guys here will chime in that not speaking to her is probably the best way (last ditch effort) you have at getting her back. If all else fails, may I suggest sliding across the hood of her car?

Alcestis said:

Looks like Dabamf has an ass like a wall in my old apartment - very slightly bowed outward from termites. Her back might as well be on her thighs.

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I still think youre hot too, but because things wont work between us, you dont have to be so hard on Dabamf.

/wink

You have two choices after being dumped, and both should be considered like this. Imagine you are 20 years older and thinking back on your life and this tiny event all those years ago.

Do you wish you:
a) Bitched out and cried like a needy little girl over a little bit of sex OR
b) Forgot what she looked like because of the sea of vaginas you were swimming in the following week.

...

Yeah, that"s what I thought.

edit- the 20 year look back technique can be used to solve almost all of life"s little problems, unless you really are a total bitch.

Grooverider said:

You have two choices after being dumped, and both should be considered like this. Imagine you are 20 years older and thinking back on your life and this tiny event all those years ago.

Do you wish you:
a) Bitched out and cried like a needy little girl over a little bit of sex OR
b) Forgot what she looked like because of the sea of vaginas you were swimming in the following week.

...

Yeah, that"s what I thought.

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Haha Groove, you"re NOT a dumb fuck.

Seriously man, take it from someone that acted like a little bitch for 2 years. You DO NOT want to do like I did.

Dianetics08 said:

Yeah, I pretty much figured that breaking all contact with her is the right course of action. No worries about being the psycho-ex, it"s not like I"ve been sending her text after text, but from now on no more texts. Kinda feel like a dick, especially if she does really want to be friends, but w/e. Started the hunt for new pussy this past weekend, have one promising lead, a girl that I was friends with last year that I"m almost certain had a crush on me that I was too much of a pussy to make a move on.

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Don"t give much worth to my advice, but I would just be honest with her and say that you aren"t comfortable staying "friends", and would appreciate if she left you alone for the time being. Make it clear you aren"t angry or bitter (if you aren"t), but that it just doesn"t sit right with you.

Dabamf said:

Should have been the end of that texting convo. You"re just searching for any means necessary to continue any contact you get with her. It"s incredibly obvious, and if it"s obvious to me, a male, she senses it 10x as much.

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I think you"re overstating things. Yes in that exchange no question I was fishing for more, and admitted as much relaying the story here. Further, I"m the one in this case that more or less ended the convo, or indicated it was ending a couple times. Continued below:

You know she"s baiting you for attention. She wants you to grovel at her feet when she is lonely or not feeling good about herself so she can remind herself how much you like her, then reject you. It"s getting a little ridiculous tbh.

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Since we broke up, we"ve been had text exchanges three times. All three times initiated by her. I"ve avoided the temptation to get in touch with her by any means quite well, thank you very much. God forbid I try to draw a bit more out of her when she texts me out of the blue. You make it sound like I"m fucking calling her once a week asking if she wants to get back together, or texting her all the time. At no time have I told her I still like her, or want to get back with her, or anything of the sort.

Sure I"m playing in to her hands a bit in terms of giving her attention or affirmation by responding, but otherwise I"m not being drawn out at all. Like I said, I think you"re really over stating things here.

From where I stand, I"m just going to continue doing my thing and making no attempt to get in touch with her. She"s the one that ended things, if she wants to start things again or just talk about it, that"s going to be up to her.

brekk said:

You don"t have to sever everything entirely, just don"t continue on the conversations.

If she"s texts you sometime saying she"s sick just say "damn that sucks" and leave it at that. I"ve done this with a few ex"s, keep it civil but don"t feed into their needs at all. It doesn"t require outright ignoring them. Just short simple answers

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This is a good call. And I am also a fan of simply saying something along the lines of "it is impossible to have a real friendship when there are romantic feelings, so at least for right now I don"t think we should try to be friends." Honesty is so underrated and in cases like these just makes everything simple. It"s the truth, and she can"t disagree with you.

You said there was no big cause to the breakup, it just happened? And you weren"t crushed by it, just disappointed? Sounds like you guys just weren"t that good a fit and it happened from innertia. If you aren"t crushed from a breakup, that should tell you something. I don"t know why you would want to get back together. It"s not like you cheated on her and she broke up with you and you have to win back your perfect relationship. It just died. If you get back together, what"s different besides you both haven"t fucked in a couple weeks? You"ll just break up again. If you break up without some huge catalyst, there"s no saving the relationship. Seems like a no brainer, and exactly the situation one would say "go find one of the other 4 billion vaginas in the world."

Eomer, it doesn"t matter if you have texted each other 3 times in the past 30 years. Every time she texts you you fish for affirmation like you forgot your balls dropped 20 years ago. It"s also irrelevant that she is initiating the textsin this circumstance.You responding as you are to her texts is WORSE than you initiating the texts and acting like that. At least when you initiate it, its on your own terms. Not texting her says "I"m moving on with my life, and I"m being normal." Not texting her andresponding to her texts in the way that you have been doingsays, "I WANT to text you but don"t have the balls to...but when you text me, that is affirmation enough for me to get the courage to bombard you with neediness like I"ve been wanting to do every minute for the last 3 months."

Don"t get me wrong, I"m not comparing you to the guy who"s gf fucked his best friend in his own house, I"m trying to base this on your own personal standards, and to show that there is a gaping hole in the "I"m cocky, I can be an asshole, I don"t care what people think of me" belief that you have about yourself. If it was one of the other posters in this thread, I"d probably pass over all this that you see as nitpicking. For all the shit we give Brad, he knows he acts like a bitch sometimes--and that it is a problem to be fixed--and is seeking to stop that behavior. You other the other hand have a lot of pride that is preventing you from seeing what is actually going on. Hell you are even trying to pretend like you are in control when you are responding to her texts like that "Oh I know I"m fishing for info, I"m aware!" Brad"s response would be more like "I couldn"t help it, she just has power over me." Brad is easier to convince because he doesn"t have this delusion of full control. When we tell him he fucked up he says "yea, I guess you"re right." When we tell you, you say "don"t worry I have control over it." Problem is, you have no control over yourself when it comes to this girl. None.

I sorta give up. I"m trying too hard to convince you. If I"m wrong then it"s a lot of effort for an incorrect idea. If I"m right, well it"s just wasted anyway because I"m up against a brick wall. I like Grooverider"s post, 2 lines and probably more convincing than the entirety of my posts on the topic.

Ok, I"m gonna try to elaborate on the break up some. Apparently, the conversation was supposed to just be about how our relationship wasn"t what it used to be, and she had wanted to talk about it and what we should do. Me, being insecure, thought she wanted to break up with me. So, I tried to not look like a little bitch and said something along the lines of "I want to keep trying with this relationship, but not if you don"t want to be in it too". And as we kept talking, the conversation led to the idea of breaking up. According to her, it looked like I didn"t really even care (because I was trying to not get upset). She did cry when we broke up. I did care, a lot, didn"t sleep that night really. I was definitely crushed (I guess I worded it poorly earlier, I meant that I"m not crying about it now, it"s been a week and I"ve been trying to move on as best as I can).

Next day was a shitty day, worked over at the children"s hospital in the morning which was pretty emotional for a lot of reasons, and then we talked. The talk went poorly b/c I was tired and rather upset, pissed her off a good amount. So we had another talk a couple days later, where she explained what I just tried to explain to you guys. She said the night after we broke up she didn"t get much sleep either b/c she was questioning whether the break up was the right thing to do, but after our "fight" she was mad and didn"t want to get back together, at least not for now.

Oh, and the reasons for breaking up (at least the reasons she gave) were that she even though she still liked me, she didn"t like me as much as she did a few weeks ago. Also, just seeing each other a couple of times a week wasn"t good enough or something. It was about mid-terms time when the relationship started going down. Sorry, but I can"t help the fact that I am a physics major and pre-med, work a part-time job, and volunteer. I"m a busy guy, compared to her who finishes her days at like 2:00PM.

Anyways, I"m gonna take the advice of telling her I can"t be friends while I still have feelings for her. I"ll probably slide across the hood of her car if I get the chance too, cuz I"m a total badass.

brekk said:

You don"t have to sever everything entirely, just don"t continue on the conversations.

If she"s texts you sometime saying she"s sick just say "damn that sucks" and leave it at that. I"ve done this with a few ex"s, keep it civil but don"t feed into their needs at all. It doesn"t require outright ignoring them. Just short simple answers

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I"ve always had this philosophy. Maybe it"s because I"m gay and the community isn"t as big and everyone has pretty much shared germs with everyone at some point but I always found that being a jerk and and an asshole accomplished absolutely nothing.

And 100% agree with Daba about Eomer. Stubbornness and pride is Eomer"s biggest problem.

Eomer said:

I think you"re overstating things.

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he isn"t necessarily interpreting what you are thinking. He"s definitely interpreting what others think you are thinking.

and he is right. spot on. 100%.
when I read your texts, I gag a little.
every. single. time.

this is me, a complete stranger, telling you you sound needy within the minimal context you provide in this thread. every. single. time. And even though she initiated, you shattered any "aloofness" you had built up quickly and efficiently with your txts.

And here"s another thing.
Even if you insist that you don"t sound needy IN CONTEXT, how you sound out of context still has some meaning. you should still see that there"s a problem in need of fixing.


Dabamf, don"t give up! even if Eomer doesn"t benefit... I read this thread like the bible when it comes to criticizing my own game (though I hesitate to say game. I"m no "player.") / learning from others" mistakes. I just don"t have the attention span for reading/watching Mystery etc.
I can definitely see myself in Eomer in how I acted with my first real crush (high school). over analytical. way too available. tried way to hard to be witty. made her my priority over all things. etc etc. so when you criticize him, it"s like you"re criticizing a former me and hell, I don"t like even thinking about how I was back then, so I haven"t learned all I can from it. I"ve slowly been able to really face my idiocy bit by bit through this thread. I have my pride you know (/eomer).

god damn tarrant. just when I think I know where the plot is going, there"s a twist, new characters, and now suspense. (take my comments positively I guess. I do find some inspiration in this thread.)
carry on carry on.

oh and, Dianetics, fuck that shortsighted bitch. I"m sure you"ll find a more appreciative person, someone more suited to your inevitably busy lifestyle, in the future. maybe not in college, but definitely med school. Until then, find a good fuck buddy! yeaaauuhh, casual seeex. Your full schedule will always be an issue, expect it to be so.

Dianetics08 said:

Oh, and the reasons for breaking up (at least the reasons she gave) were that she even though she still liked me, she didn"t like me as much as she did a few weeks ago. Also, just seeing each other a couple of times a week wasn"t good enough or something. It was about mid-terms time when the relationship started going down. Sorry, but I can"t help the fact that I am a physics major and pre-med, work a part-time job, and volunteer. I"m a busy guy, compared to her who finishes her days at like 2:00PM.

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First, the clarification makes more sense of the situation. This is a case where just being completely honest is the best call imo. Do you wanna get back together with her? If so, tell her, address the problem, and find out if you can come up with a solution. We/I always talk about not being needy, but being too prideful "I"m gonna reject her before she rejects me" fucks you just as much. I learned that lesson a million god damn times in my past. Be rational about it. You are busy, that"s your life, and if you don"t want to change it, anyone who dates you must accept that. If a couple days a week isn"t enough for her, well that"s too bad. For me the conversation would go something, summarized, like, "I don"t want to break up, blah blah blah reason blah blah blah. But *insert issue she has with you* (e.g. busy) I only really have time to spend 2-3 days a week together. That can"t change, so if we are gonna do this you have to accept it. If not,that"s ok, but it won"t work out then." Rinse and repeat with other issues. Put it all on the table and life becomes much simpler. "Can we fix these problems? If so, how? If not, are they dealbreakers?" 3 questions, done.

She"s not a bitch for wanting to see him more often. Nor is he a bad guy for refusing. Someone"s not always a bad person. Even if she wants a boyfriend to spend 7 days a week with, if she is clear about that desire, what"s wrong with that? He can"t fit that need, so they shouldn"t date. Simple. She should find a guy like that, he should find a girl who fits his style. The "fuck her she"s a bitch she can"t see your side" posts are irritating to me. Until and unless she agrees that a couple days a week is fine, then complains about it later (ie she wasn"t being upfront), there"s really nothing wrong with wanting more of someone"s time.

edit: Se could be that way, saying one thing is ok then complaining because she doesn"t get what shereallywants. So many girls are. I"m not saying she"s not, just let"s not make assumptions about it.

Stratos said:

I hate to break immersion again but...
eomer, my man.
eomer. my. man. it is not cute or wise to ever affirm your overly analytical nature. "over analyzing is my specialty!" = "I am emotional / needy!"
You need to deny it. You need to want to deny it. Repress it. Convince yourself it isn"t there. until eventually. it isn"t there. don"t just give up and accept it. recognize those overly analytical thoughts for what they are and laugh at them. at the very least, STOP ACTING ON THEM!

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this could have been written for me, i care about the most stupid little unimportant things and a hour later its painfully obvious to me. Just recently after 15 years i somehow managed to stop being over analytical and get decently flowing little conversations intead of anxiety, stress, being uncomfortable and sweaty hands ect.

To translate it into Eomers world i would say: Imagine a big blinking sign in your head. It must be a ridiculous, funny, retarded sign held by something absurd, like hulk in a gay suite(NLP technique i believe). The sign reads "I DON"T GIVE A SHIT". And everytime you leave "the zone" (that means you become self-conscious and don"t just follow the flow and enjoy) you imagine yourself hammering your head against the sign till your anxiety leaves.