Girls who broke your heart thread
- Thread starter Aychamo BanBan
- Start date
Used to live in Mt. Pleasant. Yea, the poon in that part of Texas ain"t exactly flowing.Jimmy Carter wuwu said:
Now that I"m single I sorta feel obligated to write a little since I"m so willing to tell others what they should do. I don"t have any questions (I think at this point we all know that I, rightly or wrongly, think I know what I"m doing), but constructive comments or suggestions are always welcomed.
The tone of my post will be a little different because I"m only interested in fun/sex/casual dates. So I"m approaching everything with the idea already in my head that anything I start up will be temporary. That"s a product of both my limited time here (9 months left) and the fact that I just got out of a semi-long relationship. So for those that hate those posts/stories (grob/thecutlery & company), let"s both save some time and just ignore each other.
New Korean girl at work - Fairly attractive, English is excellent, lived in the states for years, multi-cultural, blah blah, most importantly: seems quite intelligent. We bonded instantly, but she"s kinda too...how can I say...open. Sorta socially needy or something, I haven"t quite pinpointed it. Anyway, because she"s kinda transparent, I noticed her interest quite easily (she casually suggested things we could do together about 5 too many times; eagerly, rather than kindly, offered to drive me to the distant Costco with no benefit to her; etc). I"m actually quite interested in her personality, and she"s cute, but romantic spark is currently lacking. I plan to make something happen this week.
Another Korean girl at work is more of an interesting story to me rather than a prospect. This girl is SO fucking cute, real short and kinda...spunky? She has this voice that makes me want to do dirty things to her. Doesn"t speak a lick of English. Well we had a company dinner and everyone was drinking together. There were a couple signals that she may be attracted to me but never enough to make me consider it, until dinner. I was talking to new girl with this super cute girl sitting next to her, and I coulda sworn she had jealousy eyes the entire dinner towards the new girl. Still, I didn"t think much of it, then new girl said to her "you"re so cute!" in a sort of subtle condescending way but meant to appear friendly, and the cute girl got this angry/defeated look on her face from the comment. Afterward, I was replaying it in my head because I sensed that something was off, but couldn"t quite pinpoint it. After racking my brain about it (oddly I"m more interested in the process of figuring that sort of thing out that I am in its implications), I realized nothing else explained their odd interaction together but minor jealousy/rivalry. Then I laughed. I love jealousy. It does your work for you. It"s like free points.
ANYWAY, I"m not really sure what to do with my new-found info. We can practice language together at work and I"ll have a better insight into what she thinks. I"m not completely sure if my read on her is correct because it was all so subtle, so I gotta wait this one out.
And the funny thing is that both these girls are over 30. That drives my interest up both due to them being more interesting as a result of life experiences, and, being 25, I"m slightly intimidated because of it.
There"s another girl I went out with once months ago when I broke up with DG briefly. I cancelled our 2nd date bc I was talking to DG again, but she likes to drink and could be fun to go out with casually. She now works at the uni where I"m starting to take classes, so that"s a good catalyst to start something up.
So my plan now is try to talk more to super cute girl (in Korean of course) and get a better read, and make something happen this week with new girl. I"ll likely break out the "not looking for relationship" disclaimer before I get involved with anyone simply because Korean girls make assumptions very quick. Oh and DG is coming over now. We agreed to be friends and given the time of night I"m guessing we will enjoy certain other privileges as well. I have to see where her head"s at though if she can handle that. I hate doing that, playing "father," but it"s sorta necessary for complicated reasons.
The tone of my post will be a little different because I"m only interested in fun/sex/casual dates. So I"m approaching everything with the idea already in my head that anything I start up will be temporary. That"s a product of both my limited time here (9 months left) and the fact that I just got out of a semi-long relationship. So for those that hate those posts/stories (grob/thecutlery & company), let"s both save some time and just ignore each other.
New Korean girl at work - Fairly attractive, English is excellent, lived in the states for years, multi-cultural, blah blah, most importantly: seems quite intelligent. We bonded instantly, but she"s kinda too...how can I say...open. Sorta socially needy or something, I haven"t quite pinpointed it. Anyway, because she"s kinda transparent, I noticed her interest quite easily (she casually suggested things we could do together about 5 too many times; eagerly, rather than kindly, offered to drive me to the distant Costco with no benefit to her; etc). I"m actually quite interested in her personality, and she"s cute, but romantic spark is currently lacking. I plan to make something happen this week.
Another Korean girl at work is more of an interesting story to me rather than a prospect. This girl is SO fucking cute, real short and kinda...spunky? She has this voice that makes me want to do dirty things to her. Doesn"t speak a lick of English. Well we had a company dinner and everyone was drinking together. There were a couple signals that she may be attracted to me but never enough to make me consider it, until dinner. I was talking to new girl with this super cute girl sitting next to her, and I coulda sworn she had jealousy eyes the entire dinner towards the new girl. Still, I didn"t think much of it, then new girl said to her "you"re so cute!" in a sort of subtle condescending way but meant to appear friendly, and the cute girl got this angry/defeated look on her face from the comment. Afterward, I was replaying it in my head because I sensed that something was off, but couldn"t quite pinpoint it. After racking my brain about it (oddly I"m more interested in the process of figuring that sort of thing out that I am in its implications), I realized nothing else explained their odd interaction together but minor jealousy/rivalry. Then I laughed. I love jealousy. It does your work for you. It"s like free points.
ANYWAY, I"m not really sure what to do with my new-found info. We can practice language together at work and I"ll have a better insight into what she thinks. I"m not completely sure if my read on her is correct because it was all so subtle, so I gotta wait this one out.
And the funny thing is that both these girls are over 30. That drives my interest up both due to them being more interesting as a result of life experiences, and, being 25, I"m slightly intimidated because of it.
There"s another girl I went out with once months ago when I broke up with DG briefly. I cancelled our 2nd date bc I was talking to DG again, but she likes to drink and could be fun to go out with casually. She now works at the uni where I"m starting to take classes, so that"s a good catalyst to start something up.
So my plan now is try to talk more to super cute girl (in Korean of course) and get a better read, and make something happen this week with new girl. I"ll likely break out the "not looking for relationship" disclaimer before I get involved with anyone simply because Korean girls make assumptions very quick. Oh and DG is coming over now. We agreed to be friends and given the time of night I"m guessing we will enjoy certain other privileges as well. I have to see where her head"s at though if she can handle that. I hate doing that, playing "father," but it"s sorta necessary for complicated reasons.
Long time reader and never really posted but always tried to read this thread. Thought I"d ask you boys for some advice.
I"ve been seeing my gf for 8 months now, we"re both early 20"s and at university. We"ve had a very destructive relationship with me never really trusting her for the first few months due to her wild nature and her admitting that when we first got togeather she wasn"t over her ex. For the first 3-4 months we"d usually have an intense 2-3 weeks spending all day every day togeather (god bless the lack of lectures on my course) and then have an intense fight and split up for a few days then repeat the cycle. Then in january we split up for 3 weeks (longest time by far) and she visited her friend at uni and slept with a boy she saw on a night out that she used to hook up with she was younger. It really rocked her as she rung me at 4am crying and then at 9am when she woke up and eventually told me a few days later and spent days crying about how it made her realise she"s been crazy panicing about how serious our relationship is. After taking a week or so to work it over in my head I decided that as we had split up a few weeks prior to it I should stop justifying it as cheating and work on overcoming my jealousy. Ever since then we"ve been fine with her actually working at our problems instead of bailing every 2-3 weeks for a few days and then missing me.
We have a very strong connection and can spend days just lying in bed talking and laughing without getting bored. We said I love you really early on, with her saying it first but one thing that always stood out is how she would never back down, even when it"s her thats been drunk and nasty (not getting with anyone else but just demanding and spiteful) and it will always be me that looks for the solution as I think I"m very afraid of loosing her as she"s been my only serious relationship in the past few years, whereas she who gets lots of attention has had lots of relationships but none that have lasted as long as me and her.
But you guys get the picture about us - I"m very forgiving and let her get away with everything, while she has previously been very demanding and nonchalant about splitting up until she"s cooled off. I"ve been quite anxious about our relationship while she will usually be take it or leave it, except for when I get girls interested in me and she"s been really jealous. I shouldn"t do her down though as she is amazing and we have the most fun togeather, and our sex life is amazing with both of us reaching heights we"ve never experienced before with someone else.
It was our end of year summer ball on saturday night and I brought her dress and ticket (I know, I"m a mug. But she didn"t have any money and I did). We got really drunk before hand and had a bit of an argument as I told a bad joke and she felt belittled infront of her friends. We then argued a lot inside the ball. After that some guy got mouthy with her and ended up pushing her a good half metre so I got involved and did the angry man thing (pushing him, telling him to apologise and never touch my girlfriend again). After that she got pissed as she felt she could"ve handled it. The night ended with us having a HUGE argument on her doorstep with me shouting so loud the whole street probably woke up about how she treated me like shit all night after I paid for everything and treated her amazing etc.
Since that night she"s said I scared her, she felt threatened and doesn"t want to be with someone like that. She"s admitted she was badly behaved and didn"t treat me right on the night but that she can"t stand for that as it"s happened before (when she told me about the other guy she slept with we went on a night out and I ended up punching my bed at 4am when she was trying to explain to me why it made her realise things). She"s said she wants to take a break over the summer and start back up in September when I will have had time to prove to her I won"t get that angry again. We"re seeing each other on weds night - friday night as we have to go back and clean our respective student houses and we"ll be the only 2 people in town.
I"ve explained to her how I see this as her just trying to use the summer as time to get over her feelings for me and go wild getting with other guys (as she has done to all her other bfs straight after they break up). I"ve tried to explain to her that I feel she"s just found a problem in me for once and now gives up even though despite all her problems in the past that I stood by her for.
Basically I"m wondering what you guys see as the best course of action for me - do I spend the 2 days we"re togeather trying to reconcile and show her how much fun we have togeather and that while she is right to be angry at me for getting so mad and raging that we need to move past it with me making it up to her. Or do I say yea, lets have this break if u want it and try to stick to it (something I"ll find very hard due to lack of anything to do until July 1st when I start work full time until the end of August). I"m afraid of losing what I see as the biggest connection I"ve ever had with someone both sexually and personality wise. I"ve loved our relationship and it"s been the envy of people who don"t know our problems, but I"m scared if I say yea fine that"s it she won"t react in a regretful coming back way and will embrace the freedom and that will be that.
I"m not saying I"m looking for my future wife, but I could honestly see us staying togeather long term. But I could also be deluding myself and we"ve just been 2 people addicted to the drama and great sex. Any advice on what I should do would be great thanks
I"ve been seeing my gf for 8 months now, we"re both early 20"s and at university. We"ve had a very destructive relationship with me never really trusting her for the first few months due to her wild nature and her admitting that when we first got togeather she wasn"t over her ex. For the first 3-4 months we"d usually have an intense 2-3 weeks spending all day every day togeather (god bless the lack of lectures on my course) and then have an intense fight and split up for a few days then repeat the cycle. Then in january we split up for 3 weeks (longest time by far) and she visited her friend at uni and slept with a boy she saw on a night out that she used to hook up with she was younger. It really rocked her as she rung me at 4am crying and then at 9am when she woke up and eventually told me a few days later and spent days crying about how it made her realise she"s been crazy panicing about how serious our relationship is. After taking a week or so to work it over in my head I decided that as we had split up a few weeks prior to it I should stop justifying it as cheating and work on overcoming my jealousy. Ever since then we"ve been fine with her actually working at our problems instead of bailing every 2-3 weeks for a few days and then missing me.
We have a very strong connection and can spend days just lying in bed talking and laughing without getting bored. We said I love you really early on, with her saying it first but one thing that always stood out is how she would never back down, even when it"s her thats been drunk and nasty (not getting with anyone else but just demanding and spiteful) and it will always be me that looks for the solution as I think I"m very afraid of loosing her as she"s been my only serious relationship in the past few years, whereas she who gets lots of attention has had lots of relationships but none that have lasted as long as me and her.
But you guys get the picture about us - I"m very forgiving and let her get away with everything, while she has previously been very demanding and nonchalant about splitting up until she"s cooled off. I"ve been quite anxious about our relationship while she will usually be take it or leave it, except for when I get girls interested in me and she"s been really jealous. I shouldn"t do her down though as she is amazing and we have the most fun togeather, and our sex life is amazing with both of us reaching heights we"ve never experienced before with someone else.
It was our end of year summer ball on saturday night and I brought her dress and ticket (I know, I"m a mug. But she didn"t have any money and I did). We got really drunk before hand and had a bit of an argument as I told a bad joke and she felt belittled infront of her friends. We then argued a lot inside the ball. After that some guy got mouthy with her and ended up pushing her a good half metre so I got involved and did the angry man thing (pushing him, telling him to apologise and never touch my girlfriend again). After that she got pissed as she felt she could"ve handled it. The night ended with us having a HUGE argument on her doorstep with me shouting so loud the whole street probably woke up about how she treated me like shit all night after I paid for everything and treated her amazing etc.
Since that night she"s said I scared her, she felt threatened and doesn"t want to be with someone like that. She"s admitted she was badly behaved and didn"t treat me right on the night but that she can"t stand for that as it"s happened before (when she told me about the other guy she slept with we went on a night out and I ended up punching my bed at 4am when she was trying to explain to me why it made her realise things). She"s said she wants to take a break over the summer and start back up in September when I will have had time to prove to her I won"t get that angry again. We"re seeing each other on weds night - friday night as we have to go back and clean our respective student houses and we"ll be the only 2 people in town.
I"ve explained to her how I see this as her just trying to use the summer as time to get over her feelings for me and go wild getting with other guys (as she has done to all her other bfs straight after they break up). I"ve tried to explain to her that I feel she"s just found a problem in me for once and now gives up even though despite all her problems in the past that I stood by her for.
Basically I"m wondering what you guys see as the best course of action for me - do I spend the 2 days we"re togeather trying to reconcile and show her how much fun we have togeather and that while she is right to be angry at me for getting so mad and raging that we need to move past it with me making it up to her. Or do I say yea, lets have this break if u want it and try to stick to it (something I"ll find very hard due to lack of anything to do until July 1st when I start work full time until the end of August). I"m afraid of losing what I see as the biggest connection I"ve ever had with someone both sexually and personality wise. I"ve loved our relationship and it"s been the envy of people who don"t know our problems, but I"m scared if I say yea fine that"s it she won"t react in a regretful coming back way and will embrace the freedom and that will be that.
I"m not saying I"m looking for my future wife, but I could honestly see us staying togeather long term. But I could also be deluding myself and we"ve just been 2 people addicted to the drama and great sex. Any advice on what I should do would be great thanks
You need to leave. You probably are sticking around for the sex. No guy in their right mind would put up with that shit. I went through some of that bull shit cycle in high school and it"s totally not worth it. I only realized it when my dad called me on it and said, "You only go back to get your dick wet", that pretty much opened my eyes to the bull shit craziness I was dealing with.
It"s not just the sex I think. It used to be what held us togeather for a while and now it"s the great times we have that"s kept me putting up with it. I get what your saying Eomer.
No, it"s the sex. You think it"s the great times, but it"s the great poon man. Trust me, I"ve been there.Vin Diesel"s Dance Teacher said:
I don"t get her problem with your reaction. He fucking pushed your girl, he"s lucky that you just pushed back. I admire how calm you handled the situation.Vin Diesel"s Dance Teacher said:
Beside that, as the other guys said: Dont put up with her shit. Tell her that there is no summer break, it is now or never again. If she doesnt get it, get a girl that doesnt pull such stunts on you and come back to this one once she is grown up if you think that you two make a good couple.
You"re playing catchup from behind.
If at any point you think your girlfriend doesn"t treat you good enough, you are doing something wrong (you either don"t command respect or you shoulda broken up with her long ago).
Her attitude won"t change unless yours does. You put up with her shit, and she knows she can get away with it. Lay down the law and say what is and isn"t okay with you and stick with it.
If at any point you think your girlfriend doesn"t treat you good enough, you are doing something wrong (you either don"t command respect or you shoulda broken up with her long ago).
Her attitude won"t change unless yours does. You put up with her shit, and she knows she can get away with it. Lay down the law and say what is and isn"t okay with you and stick with it.
What the fuck do you say to girls on the internet ? It"s easy in real life when you don"t really need to say much. They either like being around you or you hop to the next chick. I"ve had some crazy hot women talking to me on this Plentyoffish site but all of the conversations seem to end with me not continuing it. Lots of questions like "hey how are you?", "what do you do?" that girls will ask just to hold a conversation, but nothing substantial.
I don"t have much time to go fishing at the local barnes and nobles/mall/stores or wherever most people meet women... nor do I work with a single one (infantry). So it"s either this or my hand for now.
I don"t have much time to go fishing at the local barnes and nobles/mall/stores or wherever most people meet women... nor do I work with a single one (infantry). So it"s either this or my hand for now.
Steer the conversation to something interesting. Girls suck at holding conversation because they"re not required to. If they"re hot, guys will want to talk to them anyway so it"s sorta on the guy to keep the convo interesting.
The whole "what do you do, what are you hobbies, etc" convos are tired and boring. Ask her what"s the most interesting place she"s ever visited, the craziest thing she"s ever done, etc.
The whole "what do you do, what are you hobbies, etc" convos are tired and boring. Ask her what"s the most interesting place she"s ever visited, the craziest thing she"s ever done, etc.
Sutekh
Blackwing Lair Raider
- 7,489
- 106
Take it from someone who understands your situation.Vin Diesel"s Dance Teacher said:
While this seems like the end all be all, it really isn"t. What you actually have is a truly unhealthy relationship, which might seem to you like it"s as good as it gets. But I can promise you it"s not. The girl you"re seeing has her priorities messed up, she obviously isn"t ready for a relationship. I"d even go as far to say that you"re not either. Whenever you get in to a serious relationship with another person there"s always going to be problems, because it"s two different people with two different personalities no matter how similar coming together and there will always be differences, so working together is imperative. It seems like this girl is just hanging on to her old ties and wants to still live the life of a single girl, in turn not caring about the actual problems. My advice I"d say would be to just agree to the break that she wants to take, and if she realizes that she wants to get back with you after it. Turn her down and go on your way, it will make her realize how she fucked up and needs to improve in order to not let something like this happen to her again. It will also help you in realizing that there"s WAYYY more girls out there willing to have a healthy and happy relationship with you.
P.S. I"m usually the advocate of stay and work it out. But this seems far to unhealthy.
Basically if you just ask her questions about herself something"s bound to give. Obviously nothing to personal if you just know her, it"s a proven fact that people love to talk about themselves.Saidin said:
That"s what every hopeless guy does when he meets a hot girl and his personality disappears behind his nerves; he asks questions. Therefore, hot girls are conditioned to find guys like that boring.Sutekh said:
However, girls who don"t get as much attention as they want (i.e. mediocre looking ones) love to talk about themselvesto a person who himself is interesting.
Regardless, being interesting yourself is priority #1. That involves talking about yourself and your experiences, usually the more unique or unusual the better. I usually ask questions as a leeway into my own stories. I"ll ask a question then guide her response by sort of answering it for myself, then guide her answer. For example, if I ask "what"s the most interesting place you"ve seen?" a girl who has traveled a lot can talk about many things and I can then relate my experiences. I always talk more about my observations than the details of the place because people are more interested in feelings/perceptions than they are fact. Then I can encourage her to talk about her perceptions of what she had previously mentioned and she instantly gets more involved in the conversation because I gave her an interesting topic and areasonfor talking about it (one that doesn"t exist if you just ask her a list of questions).
In short, you have to show your personality before rolling into questions because without context or purpose, no one wants to answer any questions about themselves. The exception to this is that 1% of the population that we all know that have some magic skill will people that makes others instantly comfortable with them. They don"t ask questions in The Girls Who Broke Your Heart Thread though so we can safely assume this guy is not one of those people.
ham
Lord Nagafen Raider
- 1,461
- 78
Damabf is spot on here. I may ask a girl several questions throughout a conversations but I"ve got my own stories to tell and jokes to make before I go to her for hers a lot. I"m just kind of a sarcastic ass by nature though too and ever since I started being myself instead of a guy just asking questions, hidden behind nerves, I"ve had a lot more success. I"m not using any real "method" here anymore except for doing what I want to do. Obviously that"s more of a short term "game plan" even though it"s not a real plan, because eventually that shit does wear thin with people (the "do whatever I want" thing not the "be yourself" thing) too if they plan on eventually getting serious, I"ve discovered. Lucky for me that"s not in my plans though.
Eomer
Trakanon Raider
- 5,472
- 272
I just found that in general virtually all convos I had with chicks on PoF went nowhere. Maybe they can hold conversations face to face, but online it"s terrible. I would typically try to move it to a phone call or meeting ASAP for that reason, otherwise it just piddles out. You can ask them extremely direct and obvious questions and they"ll give you a two word response or not even that. And that"s even when using the same methods you spoke of, asking a question and somewhat answering it yourself etc.Dabamf said:
I think it"s because 95% of people are functionally illiterate. And/or 95% of people on PoF are just fucking around with not much intention of actually meeting anyone.