Saidin said:
This is a rare suggestion I"ll make: Ask her to hang out as friends. She"s looking for a way out of the relationship, but if she"s a good girl she doesn"t want to go on actual dates while she"s dating someone else. So if you take the label of date out of the equation, she"ll be more willing to meet, while actually changing nothing about the fact that it, for all intents and purposes, IS a date.
From there just show her a good time, keeping the sexual tension high but not actually going for a kiss or anything sexual (you don"t want to be dishonest with a bait and switch, friends to sexual, plus it would lose her trust). Then see where she is at in the following days and decide what to do from there.
Eomer said:
I called her on Saturday when I hadn"t heard back becauseI regularly don"t get fucking texts. Or they show up 12 hours late.
You are "just-in-case"ing (a word I made up 12 seconds ago). "Hey I"m calling just in case you tried to contact me but it didn"t work." It is a desperate move that says, "I"m so eager to see you that I have covered all my bases to make sure accidents don"t happen to keep us apart." You can do it with your friends because they will take your words at face value. But you just don"t seem to understand that, in dating, you have to keep away from behavior that can even be
interpreted in any wayas desperate with a 10-foot pole. And so there"s no misunderstanding, in this case you were ACTUALLY being desperate in addition to appearing desperate.
When she didn"t answer and didn"t bother getting back to me for over an hour, I did exactly what you"ve suggested: I gave her a curt "have fun" with no intention of pursuing it further because she was being a flaky bitch. She immediately texted back offering to meet up the next day, and I figured hey, why not? She made the offer/effort.
This is just making excuses. She put in the effort? She said "call me" after being a "flaky bitch." That"s sounds like some pretty shitty effort. You always have a detailed explanation for everything that people object to. Ever notice, of all the posters and stories here, some people pick apart your posts much more than others? There"s a reason for that, and it"s not "oh it"s Eomer, let"s interpret everything like he"s acting desperate." It"s because your actions ARE desperate. Just-in-casing is desperate, always. Calling a girl from the smallest sliver of possible interest after she is a "flaky bitch" which also translates to "doesn"t respect me or my time whatsoever" is desperate, always.
You accidentally blew her off last weekend, but you sure as shit apologized and tried to rectify it and set up plans for another time. If you hadn"t, she"d be a fool to try to see you again. Yet here the tables are turned and she doesn"t do any of that, yet you still make excuses for her shitty behavior.
Excuses are rolling, dude, as they always are. As a general rule, the more text you spend explaining something, the more likely you are rationalizing. Just because you can write 400 words and make it sound reasonable doesn"t mean your reasoning isn"t specious. I can justify why I ate 3 donuts in a row this morning even though I knew it"d make me feel shitty all day in 3 simple words: they were good. I can also justify shitting on someone"s chest if I really want to shit on someone"s chest, but it"ll take me quite a few more words to accomplish that.
This neediness and desperation will continue to dominate your dating life as long as you fail to acknowledge them. You will continue to find rationalizations for girls" shitty behavior towards you, as long as they give you a sliver of hope, exactly because you are needy and desperate. I know this not only because it is just fucking obvious, but I also know it because I can look at my past when *I* was needy and desperate and find situations that were EXACTLY the same, where I also made mountains of excuses that were just as reasonable yet specious nonetheless.
