Ravvenn"s candor isn"t carte blanche to walk over women and blame hormones: I"m guessing those that can"t figure that out on their own won"t get it, though.
Girls who broke your heart thread
- Thread starter Aychamo BanBan
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True love in this context is a social construct. And this specific ideal is a relatively modern invention. The whole I MUST OWN YOU FOREVER is hardly healthy and going by divorce rates tends not to last.Ravvenn said:
If you are secure in the bond you have with someone else "taking a break" is a healthy and even mandatory event. Being around one person constantly hampers your ability to see things outside of the context of always being around them. Sometimes you need to learn and grow out from the umbrella of someone else. Regardless of how much you love them.
It definitely points to some deep insecurities in the relationship. For me the whole True Love thing goes hand in hand with complete trust. If you start thinking this way shows you are insecure and do not have a deep trust in your partner or the relationship.
Your trust is based on circumstance. This is generally the line of thought that eventually leads to someone fucking another. In addition people tend to judge others by the yard sticks of themselves.
Dishonest people cannot trust anyone. Because they assume everyone is like themselves. Generally speaking if someone does not trust you because of a certain set of circumstances means thats because in those circumstances they would also be shady.
Lenas
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Being in a loving, monogamous relationship does not automatically mean that you"re smothering/smothered by your loved one and you need a break. It also doesn"t mean that you"re going to have blinders on, act like a retard, or not notice when things are wrong. Nothing is mandatory, and "taking a break" is not always healthy. Just like Raaven"s women advice can"t broadly paint all women"s attitudes, "advice" like this should have a disclaimer.Gryeyes said:
If you are secure in the bond you have with someone else "taking a break" is a healthy andeven mandatory event.Gryeyes said:
That sounds a little stronger than "sometimes" happens.
Eomer
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Unsure if serious.projectoffset said:
Sometimes it can help get your mind off the ex, sometimes it just reinforces the feeling of loss. I don"t think there"s any surefire way or steps to get over a break up other than time and not wallowing in self pity by staying active, whether that"s with friends or chasing random tail. Even then sometimes that shit can linger a long time, at least for me anyway.
Of course. The more the merrier.projectoffset said:
Its actually the best and most efficient way to deal with it.
Thats so 100% my gf. One example I will always remember...Ravvenn said:
Before we got together we had a fight. I was really mad and did simply ignore her for some time. So the next days we have a group meeting at university and I couldnt make it, so I send a quick text to a group member.
Fast forward 2-3 weeks. We are walking home with a friend of mine, bought some beers on the way and joke around. I say something harmless, just some teasing...
...and she explodes right into my face "BUT YOU CALLED X WHEN YOU COULDNT MAKE IT TO THE MEETING!"
I was like.. wtf? We were not even a couple back then, just very good friends. There were no obligations, nothing. We even had a FIGHT and I was angry at her. Yet for some weeks she was suffering because of this and then it slipped...
Stuff like that happens alot, I think its cute :b
If I ever met a girl with this amount of self-awareness, I"d totally buy her a kimono on the first date.Ravvenn said:
Yesprojectoffset said:
Dianetics08 said:
That your perspective gets distorted by "love" and the context of a relationship is a bit more certain than SOMETIMES it being healthy and beneficial to have a step back.
Monogamous committed I love you forever and ever? 3-4 years.
I think accountability may be the word that describes the #1 trait I"m looking for in a mate after these many years of relationship experience. Exactly as Ravvenn said: hormones are real, and they have real effects, but using them as an excuse to fucking wild-out and not be accountable for it later?Dabamf said:
You know, men have hormones too. Testosterone, at times, gives us really negative impulses. We are expected to control them because people get hurt when we don"t. We should expect the same out of our mates.
I slept with that other woman because my testosterone was high that evening and I couldn"t control myself.
Can I ask a males POV regarding my friends marriage? She"s on another forum I use too and it"s ALL women who give her biased advice (lots of man-bashing when people ask for relationship advice). Her husband does weird stuff and in a way I kinda think it"s her fault. :O Anyway, wanted to ask before gettin" further up in your business.
Have you ever cheated on someone in a relationship? Feedback on a marriage involving weird behavior? For sure.Ravvenn said:
This. I will flat out admit that I"m paranoid and neurotic. Its weird for me though because it never manifests/ed in the relationship (marriage) that I have now - it manifests in EVERY other relationship (professional to friends) that I have.Ravvenn said:
How I deal with it? I remind myself that I"m neurotic and paranoid and over think things way too much and when other people tell me that I agree with them - its actually a joke. Had my best friend on one phone and a VP at my job on the other phone one day at work and he was like "Jesus christ stop being so paranoid" - she heard him through my phone and was like "hello have you met her?"
So I guess I deal with it with humor and support of people who accept my crazy
I"m paranoid yes but I put up with a LOT of sarcasm/jokes because I dish it out too. I dont know. Somehow it works.Rav"s right though - all women are nuts its finding one that deals with it and deals with it in a way that you"re ok with. And I rarely, VERY rarely, if ever, blame hormones and I"m at a place now where I can recognize (like today) whats going on and say "oh hey I"ll bet I"m going to be on the rag in 2 days" and will just say to my husband "look I"m in a bad mood, I dont know why you didn"t do anything wrong you"re just irritating the shit out of me for some reason so even though I"m pissed off at you to the point I can feel it in my chest my brain is telling me its irrational so I apologize in advance, I"m trying."
It sounds totally fucked up but that"s what happens (I actually say that/some variation of that) most of the time. And if it gets away from me/I don"t realize it until later I"ll apologize - and mean it. Hormones are an explanation to me, not an excuse for shitty behavior.
