Grayson Carlyle
Golden Squire
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Girls who broke your heart thread
- Thread starter Aychamo BanBan
- Start date
It was bad advice even if he could accomplish it so why even say it? Besides which, even to imply it could be possible just fucks with his head.
General rule of thumb: if you feel the urge to type up a thesis about a chick, it"s probably not going to work out awesomely in the end.
What"s the point of giving advice you know the person can"t take... and yeah, terrible advice anyway, even if he could manage it. Using a woman as a fuck puppet as a means of getting back at her and hurting her back? Ummm, that"s only the sort of advice horny virgins give so they can then giggle and touch themselves over the prospect of someone that sounds a lot like them getting out there and slaying some pussy all I-don"t-need-a-rubber douche-bag style. I"m not even going with any sort of "real men" argument or "treat women better," just that it"s dumb advice all around, especially because getting back at someone and trying to hurt them just because they"ve hurt you (or more likely let you hurt yourself over and over) isn"t really something that ever works out well on any level. Chances are the best anyone could hope for in such a situation is to deepen their own issues with the chick in question and at worse they could create a nightmare where a fucked-up chick is then the clingy one pursing them when the situation is the opposite of healthy.Grayson Carlyle said:
I know, I know, everyone wants to be cool and throw in advice involving fucking chicks and coming home to a gauntlet of high-fives from your all your friends (lol you wish).... but seriously, there are healthier ways to carelessly fuck around than to weaponize sex in a situation that"s already on the verge of going nuclear.
Whatever you decide, whenever you decide, keep in mind that what you are actually doing is dealing with (to all intents) a married woman. That living with her boyfriend for 7- 8 years means she is married; with all the inter-relationship emotional and non-emotional dynamics and baggage that brings.
Haast
Lord Nagafen Raider
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Sola, I read your novel. Let"s play out a quick "what if": let"s say she IS genuinely into you and DOES really want to get with you long-term (note: this is not my actual opinion).
If that was true, let"s say she leaves her boyfriend and starts dating you. You know for a FACT she is willing to say what needs to be said to do whatever makes her happy. You KNOW she is willing to go behind her partner"s back. She"s gotten physical with you and possibly your cousin. That whole "he so into himself" thing sounds like sour grapes after a hook-up, no offense. The "porch conversation" was probably telling your cousin she couldno longerhook up with him because of her past with you or her current feelings for you.
Would you ever feel comfortable with her doing things on her own? Would you even trust her around the cousin that you live with? Seems like a big problem. So even IF she is telling you the truth and you started dating her, you"d always know in the back of your mind she is willing to do whatever makes her happy, regardless of her relationship status. That sounds like the basis for a terrible relationship. As others have pointed out, you are probably too into her to go the fuck-buddy route.
It"s a tough situation. If she breaks up with her boyfriend, I would understand (disapprovingly) if you gave it a go, but I feel 99.99% sure it will end very badly.
If that was true, let"s say she leaves her boyfriend and starts dating you. You know for a FACT she is willing to say what needs to be said to do whatever makes her happy. You KNOW she is willing to go behind her partner"s back. She"s gotten physical with you and possibly your cousin. That whole "he so into himself" thing sounds like sour grapes after a hook-up, no offense. The "porch conversation" was probably telling your cousin she couldno longerhook up with him because of her past with you or her current feelings for you.
Would you ever feel comfortable with her doing things on her own? Would you even trust her around the cousin that you live with? Seems like a big problem. So even IF she is telling you the truth and you started dating her, you"d always know in the back of your mind she is willing to do whatever makes her happy, regardless of her relationship status. That sounds like the basis for a terrible relationship. As others have pointed out, you are probably too into her to go the fuck-buddy route.
It"s a tough situation. If she breaks up with her boyfriend, I would understand (disapprovingly) if you gave it a go, but I feel 99.99% sure it will end very badly.
Don"t think other people mentioned it, but she basically is/was cheating on her boyfriend (at several different points?) with you.
Usual consensus is, once a cheater, always a cheater. Do you want that happening to you later?
Even if she DOES break it off (legitimately) with that guy, who"s to say she won"t do this to you later?
Lots of us have been in a situation like this. If something was going to happen, it would have by now. Time to let her go.
Edit: Ah, Haast beat me to it.
Usual consensus is, once a cheater, always a cheater. Do you want that happening to you later?
Even if she DOES break it off (legitimately) with that guy, who"s to say she won"t do this to you later?
Lots of us have been in a situation like this. If something was going to happen, it would have by now. Time to let her go.
Edit: Ah, Haast beat me to it.
Firewalker
Silver Knight of the Realm
- 86
- 40
This. Do some activities on your own then when you are talking to her tell er about them. Might increase her interest in you if she starts to wonder why you didn"t think to invite her.Firewalker said:
Afraid of confrontation maybe? My brother has the same issue with his wife that he is currently separated with (after a whole 4 months of marriage, long story). She basically refuses to talk face-to-face and acts like everything is fine when face-to-face, then will completely blow a gasket over text-messages. My brother really wants to fix their relationship but tough to do with someone who can"t talk face-to-face with you about it.Aamina said:
You know, you hear all the jokes about how the sex life dies once you get married or have been together with a person for a long time and what not. But my experience hasn"t been that. I"ve been living with my wife for 7+ years now and the frequency of our sex hasn"t really changed (and we beat the avg American couple). Now, the jury is still out, haven"t had a kid yet, but I tend to think when the sex drops off there is something more going on.Aamina said:
Glad you enjoy her company, but really it sounds like at the very least you have some communication issues to work out. How long you been with this one now?Aamina said:
Have you tried not posting silhouette pictures (face blotted out) of your ex wife in a public place on this forum? You know, because you"re afraid we"ll find out she"s fat. Seems to be working for you so far.Aamina said:
TrollfaceDeux
Pronouns: zie/zhem/zer
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Pretty much what has everyone been saying...no.Solariss said:
a needy relationship (friendship or love) is a fucking trainwreck...done it ,been it...it occupies your mind and you can"t get the fuck out.
Quick update before work
Recap: Into a girl at work, not sure if friends or more
Advice from board:
1: Figure out what I actually want
2: Be a dick to her for a week
What I did:
1: Thought about the situation and what I wanted.
We hang out after work frequently, we go on dates together but as colleagues or something else was never defined. We flirt with each other. I like it. She likes it. We have a talk about that we do like each other more than just friends, but the situation is a little awkward (arent they all?)
Why I did not just be a dick to her (as the board suggested): I already tease her enough to not be the overly sappy boy that gets caught in the friend zone. If I felt I were getting too close to the friend zone (and did not want to be just friends ) this would be exactly what I should have done.
Current Status: Things are good, but a bit complicated
Recap: Into a girl at work, not sure if friends or more
Advice from board:
1: Figure out what I actually want
2: Be a dick to her for a week
What I did:
1: Thought about the situation and what I wanted.
We hang out after work frequently, we go on dates together but as colleagues or something else was never defined. We flirt with each other. I like it. She likes it. We have a talk about that we do like each other more than just friends, but the situation is a little awkward (arent they all?)
Why I did not just be a dick to her (as the board suggested): I already tease her enough to not be the overly sappy boy that gets caught in the friend zone. If I felt I were getting too close to the friend zone (and did not want to be just friends ) this would be exactly what I should have done.
Current Status: Things are good, but a bit complicated
I left out a really important fact in the story! Just to stay relevant and true to this forum. When I initially broke up with her around November 2002, a month later I started playing EQ again HARDCORE. Her efforts to get me to hang out and get back together with her were abated by the Planes of Power expansion. Man, those were great times. Fucking bitch didn"t realize I was raiding Fennin Ro, Rallos Zek, and Terris Thule.. I couldn"t be bothered to come to some lame party
Thanks to everybody for taking the time to read my shit, and replying with advice... It"s actually cleared my mind a lot getting everything out there. Not even my closest friends know every little detail about everything that"s went down. But they basically tell me the same thing that"s been said here. And I knew going in what I"d be facing. But, hearing the same thing from everyone here makes it easier to know it"s the right thing to do and I need to be doing something differently now. What I was hoping for, is for people to see my actions in the past as being something that would completely turn her off and the reason why she"d never consider dating me. But if I didn"t act in that way, maybe it"d have a different effect on her, and I was going to try that this time around... but just knowing the way she makes me feel and that it drives me insane is a good enough reason to drop her anyways.
Everything that"s said has been true. I realize she"s cheating by even having the idea to hang out with me, let alone being naked in my bed. One other funny thing I"ve realized, she doesn"t like people to know she has a boyfriend.. She had a Facebook with at least 100-200 pics of her, ZERO with her boyfriend and no indication she actually has one. I recently deleted my Facebook account, maybe a month or 2 ago... the other funny thing is, she deleted hers like a week after me. I don"t get that, but whatever!
Now I"m sure she"s going to wonder fairly soon why I"m not texting her, and she"ll send me something. I"ll probably reply with something... with what, I don"t know yet. She may even ask why we haven"t hung out, who knows. I may even fucking cave and have her over one night. I will, however, keep you guys updated if you wish. I owe you that much for taking an interest. And let the flames roll on.... when it"s time
Now, moving forward. My friend recently had a horrible break-up with his girlfriend of 4 years. We"d been talking about Match.com and he joined up... I plan on firing up an account there tonight or tomorrow. He"s gonna come over and help me get set up... Any suggestions? Is Match good? I have a profile on plentyoffish but fuck that, I"ve never had success or saw anybody even worth talking to. Tried posting ads on Craigslist.. I talked to this girl from there for like 2 weeks before I realized she found another dude, yet still stayed happy talking to me. No idea how that happened, I guess I need more practice with online dating.
Thanks to everybody for taking the time to read my shit, and replying with advice... It"s actually cleared my mind a lot getting everything out there. Not even my closest friends know every little detail about everything that"s went down. But they basically tell me the same thing that"s been said here. And I knew going in what I"d be facing. But, hearing the same thing from everyone here makes it easier to know it"s the right thing to do and I need to be doing something differently now. What I was hoping for, is for people to see my actions in the past as being something that would completely turn her off and the reason why she"d never consider dating me. But if I didn"t act in that way, maybe it"d have a different effect on her, and I was going to try that this time around... but just knowing the way she makes me feel and that it drives me insane is a good enough reason to drop her anyways.
Everything that"s said has been true. I realize she"s cheating by even having the idea to hang out with me, let alone being naked in my bed. One other funny thing I"ve realized, she doesn"t like people to know she has a boyfriend.. She had a Facebook with at least 100-200 pics of her, ZERO with her boyfriend and no indication she actually has one. I recently deleted my Facebook account, maybe a month or 2 ago... the other funny thing is, she deleted hers like a week after me. I don"t get that, but whatever!
Now I"m sure she"s going to wonder fairly soon why I"m not texting her, and she"ll send me something. I"ll probably reply with something... with what, I don"t know yet. She may even ask why we haven"t hung out, who knows. I may even fucking cave and have her over one night. I will, however, keep you guys updated if you wish. I owe you that much for taking an interest. And let the flames roll on.... when it"s time
Now, moving forward. My friend recently had a horrible break-up with his girlfriend of 4 years. We"d been talking about Match.com and he joined up... I plan on firing up an account there tonight or tomorrow. He"s gonna come over and help me get set up... Any suggestions? Is Match good? I have a profile on plentyoffish but fuck that, I"ve never had success or saw anybody even worth talking to. Tried posting ads on Craigslist.. I talked to this girl from there for like 2 weeks before I realized she found another dude, yet still stayed happy talking to me. No idea how that happened, I guess I need more practice with online dating.
TrollfaceDeux
Pronouns: zie/zhem/zer
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that"s fucked up..Solariss said:
if she can"t commit to one man (and be happy about it), she is not good for you bro.
Camerous
Molten Core Raider
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I have tried eharmony and that was it... way too skewed there.. lots more guys than girls so it"s like you are competing against thousands now instead of a few hundred... only went on one date with a girl from there and she was a gold digging little bitch.. hell I can get those on my own!