Girls who broke your heart thread

Phoenix said:

Standby

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What I would do?

You could always just sit her down, tell her that you trust her, but you don"t trust him. Say something like, "GuyX is making me uncomfortable. I can"t tell you what to do, he"s your friend. I can tell you though I love/care about you and I"m worried he may do something that will hurt you or me."

Then she either takes care of it and you know she"s the one or she keeps seeing the dude and it"s time to move on.

Zehn - Vhex said:

What I would do?

You could always just sit her down, tell her that you trust her, but you don"t trust him. Say something like, "GuyX is making me uncomfortable. I can"t tell you what to do, he"s your friend. I can tell you though I love/care about you and I"m worried he may do something that will hurt you or me."

Then she either takes care of it and you know she"s the one or she keeps seeing the dude and it"s time to move on.

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Same. You can"t make the other person do something, all you can do is tell the person you"re with that something they"re doing bothers you. You then get to see if that person, knowing something they"re doing is bothering you, continues to do it. If yes, then you get to decide if you"re willing to be with someone willing to do that knowing what it does to you.

Phoenix: Dandai got it right. You mostly are having mindset issues here. The best bet is to say it"s not worth the headache and put the effort in to something more positive in your life. That would pretty much take care of everything naturally because if she becomes positive again (or more precisely your feelings towards her become positive again) she can be back in your life.

However, if you really want to make a stand for this, tactically, in terms of what you can do if you really want to try with this girl, is man up and risk losing her. If it"s that big of an issue for you make an ultimatum. This girl needs a firmer hand or calmer mind for a relationship of some sort to really work. You"re going to have to do it from a position of power though:

1) Start distancing yourself. You need to wait for her emotions to turn and the only way to do that is distance. You can even throw a cryptic "I"m having issues with us" out there to really make the point sink in, but then you stop talking about it and go for distance unless she immediately counters with offering to do something for you or saying a bunch of nice shit.

2) She"ll feel like she"s losing you and if she has grown attached enough start to miss you. Wait for her to be nice and then be nice back, hang out with her and enjoy but leave immediately if things turn South and add distance again. Rinse and repeat for a week or two until all she associates with you is happy, good feelings.

3) Recognize this is a pretty ideal situation because the nice guy has no sexual chance here. I"d suggest letting him take care of her and you fuck her. If he does a good enough job being nice she might not even try to trap you into a relationship, which makes this girl the ideal mistress or one of three girlfriends. See her like 2-3 times a week and let her do nice things for you, enjoy all the perks. The end.

Unfortunately, since it clearly bothers you and you want to make her into what you want, this is the time for your ultimatum. Most guys make the mistake of making demands when they have no leverage, but the right time to do it is when a girl loves you and will do anything to keep those feelings. Do it naturally though; wait for him to text or annoy her or whatever then just say you"re fed up, this isn"t a proper relationship. If she wants to keep seeing you she has to cut him out of her life period, no middle ground. That means delete him from Facebook, block his #, don"t do shit for him or let him do shit for her. Tell her not to even see his face if possible and if she does, not to stop and chat. Leave no room for interpretation here, be firm.

4) Having the safety of someone that loves you without needing anything in return is pretty powerful (this is why less relationship-y girls love tiny dogs!), so don"t expect an easy decision here. Being told she can"t see him will actually make her want to see him much more. If you"ve played your cards right though and leave immediately if she doesn"t look you in the eye and say OK, and then repeat everything she needs to do, she"ll probably come around in a day or two. Confirm everything you needed has actually happened and then be happy! Until you realize that now the burden from all the shit he did now falls on you and you"re morally obligated to be everything to this girl. Then weep.

As for your questions: normally she would never have sex with him, that"s why she"s looking for someone else and isn"t with his obsessive ass. The way he acts makes it clear he isn"t getting anything. If you worry about this and bring negativity into things though, you"ll start to seem more and more like him. He becomes an option when he"s making you feel threatened, especially if you both are obsessing but at least he"s consistently nice and makes her feel loved. Most girls would rebound with a better dude, but he"s ex material which makes it fair game. Regardless, this is a game that"s super easy for you to win if you stay calm.

Dandai said:

Well, let"s clear the air with the obvious stuff. She"s immature as fuck and has some major attention needs. This guy provides friend-zone services willingly and happily. Given the information you"ve presented, I"m not comfortable definitively saying whether or not I believe that she would ever give it up for him.

With a "normal" bitch I would say she would never put out for a groveling, pitiful loser like him, but for someone that refuses to let go of a dude like that... well, let"s just say her subconscious knows that he"s been paying it forward for quite a while now, and with her super-human need for attention it"s hard to say what she"s capable of. The fact that she readily admits that he has split up her past relationships is all the proof you should need that she places that relationship as a higher priority over her romantic relationships.

At the end of the day, you"re not going to get this dude out of her life because she"s not interested in getting this dude out of her life. You"re going to have to accept that fact and go from there. Personally, I wouldn"t be cool with a bitch who had a stage five clinger like him. I would tax that ass and move on. If you"re really convinced that this is THE ONE and a keeper, you"re going to have to get creative with your cockblocking of his communication with her (I"m sure FoH can help with this).

Not pertinent to the short term:
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
Edit: The Not-So-Obvious-Stuff: I"m gonna go out on a limb and say that you haven"t dated/been with too many women. That"s fine; we all start somewhere. Take it from someone who felt like romantic relationships was the end-all-be-all to life... do not convince yourself that this is the perfect bitch until you"ve been with her for at least a year. If you"re as inexperienced as you present yourself, I"m sure that sounds very daunting, but trust me, you do not want to commit to someone that willeventuallymature and the dynamic of your relationshipWILLchange. To you this change will seem unexpected and over-night, but I promise you it will be a slow gradual thing and your friends will be trying to signal you that something is amiss. Your heart will be broken, and you"ll come here to tell us about it.

Ideally, rent a place and live with this chick (not now, obviously, but when it"s appropriate for the relationship) before you commit to anything serious. I haven"t run into too many old fashioned dudes these days who want to get married, then move in with their lady, but I would strongly advise against this. Count me as someone who would not be married today if I had the sense to live with my fiancee before I married her.

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Dude. This.

She is "head of heels" for you but she won"t tell this putz to take a hike? The same putz that has ruined her relationships before and is the motivating factor behind her saying to you she has to do some thinking about whether to continue with you given that the guy "will just come between" you two in the future? (newsflash - this is a fairly obvious signal that she"s really not "head of heels" for you) And tries to make you feel like YOU"RE the problem/headache/wtfever in this situation?

Bang her, post tits, and move the fuck on.

Count yourself lucky that you found out about this shit now instead of later and thank the gods for the very valuable lesson you learned - that you can"t determine whether someone "possesses every single quality a man could want in a woman" in the span of two fucking months. Is one of those amazing qualities lying to you?

Its two months you"ve invested with this chick, max. Its nothing. And half of that time has had this bullshit dramafest. Don"t call, don"t write. Don"t even bother TRYING to make it work. Because stage 5 clinger guy isn"t the fucking problem. She is. Any amazing woman who "possesses every single quality a man could want in a woman" would have told this kid to fuck off. Hell any DECENT woman would have done this.

I"ve never had anything good come from the "I"m jealous" talk.

She"s using that kid as a safety blanket. It"s weird and creepy, and you should run the other way if she"s not willing to drop him and move on. It sounds to me like you know all of this already, but (like all guys) you feel invested and don"t want to lose her.

Or rather, you don"t want to "lose". I"ve often found myself feeling a twinge of competitiveness for an ex-girlfriend I knew logically that I didn"t want back. There"s probably a little part of you that is worried that if you leave her, she"ll go back to this guy, and that implicitly means she"s choosing him over you when you"re clearly the better option. It"s not something we can help, but man does it get annoying.

all this drama and you"ve known her for 2 months?

wake up phoenix.

it"s time to wake up.

Punch that cunt in the head until your hand breaks....him or her...doesn"t matter.

Dandai said:

Count me as someone who would not be married today if I had the sense to live with my fiancee before I married her.

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Oh yeah, have you talked about your situation here or the married guy thread? Give us a short recap.

I would just kill him. Use your brain.

qLir said:

Dandai got it right.

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this

Evernothing said:

Punch that cunt in the head until your hand breaks....him or her...doesn"t matter.

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Preferably her.

Tell us about your love life, Skeletor.

Phoenix that bitch is treating you like a fool, terminate the relationship immediately and don"t let her get you back into it with any bullshit talk. Keep an ear out for how her life goes in the future if possible and you"ll see what kind of drama and lies you saved yourself.